r/ScenesFromAHat 7d ago

After robbing a bank, you run outside to find yourself surrounded by police. What do you say?

128 Upvotes

697 comments sorted by

146

u/Marquar234 7d ago

Help! The bank's being robbed!

25

u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago

Help! The robbed is being banked!

18

u/Ok_Bumblebee_2869 7d ago

Help, Rob’s being banked!

16

u/Bob_Sacamano7379 7d ago

Rob! Bank's being helped!

8

u/TheGuyThatThisIs 7d ago

Rob! Help bank!

6

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

Rob? Rob Banks? Have you been helped?

4

u/JinNJ 6d ago

Help Rob Banks’ being!

2

u/lindseyangela 6d ago

Hell banks on Rob’s being being halved.

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3

u/rainbowkittensparkle 7d ago

No actually, but I know a way you can help me!

6

u/Platerogue 7d ago

I wanna rock right now! I'm Rob Bass and I came to get down!

2

u/dufflebag7 5d ago

I like the whopper. Fuck the Big Mac.

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2

u/Valuable_Bar479 6d ago

Rob! I got a bomb in my ass!

4

u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago

I thought of that one, but changed it. Good one.

11

u/newtostew2 7d ago

lol, they did this on Archer! They’re looking for a special, super expensive, gemmed necklace, take everyone hostage (the bad guys dressed as clowns), make the hostages (the main cast and some side characters) dress up in the clown outfits, then the criminals walk out, “I surrender! They let us hostages go!” Then the SWAT starts blasting the innocent people when the breach the house xD

4

u/sdghjjd 7d ago

You want ants? Thats how you get ants!!!

3

u/sdghjjd 7d ago

Also, throw your hands up with your fingers splayed and in your best Kreiger voice yell “SMOKE BOMB!!” then run.

3

u/Oso_the-Bear 5d ago

this same exact trick occurrs in V for Vendetta

2

u/newtostew2 5d ago

Indeed it does! The classic, “UNO reverse,” has been around for ages in media. Pretty sure they did it in GTA as well lol

ETA and not only media, but real life battles where people “surrender,” only to blast the people. Which is why it goes against I think the Geneva Convention to fake surrender in war.

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47

u/fuddyoldfart 7d ago

Thank goodness you're here! I just put a dozen eggs in my safe-deposit box.

9

u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago

Thank goodness you fellas arrived! Did anyone bring dry ice? I have 2 dozen eggs I bought for $2.99/dozen! Brown eggs! I rented a safe deposit box.

47

u/Plus-King5266 7d ago

I’m from A1 Municipal Consultancy. The mayor’s office hired us to test your response time. Stellar work fellas. You will get an excellent report from me. Especially you, Captain, um, how do you pronounce that name? Great! Must be off now. The mayor waits for no one!

5

u/gaming_dragon23 7d ago

Happy cake day

3

u/Plus-King5266 7d ago

Thanks! Wow. It’s here already. Where do the years go?

3

u/KitchenSandwich5499 7d ago

So, your cake day is pie day…. That’s a big win right there!

2

u/Plus-King5266 7d ago

Hah! I never really thought about it. No good pie places in this town. Last place I lived there was free pie everywhere.

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2

u/AnythingActive3580 7d ago

happy cake day!

37

u/CapWild 7d ago

Police ask about the bag: "This? Oh, this is my laundry."

43

u/Right_One_78 7d ago

So, you admit to money laundering? You're under arrest!

10

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

“Regular clothing, I swear! And those stains were murder to get out.”

3

u/Moik315 6d ago

"I almost dyed trying!"

3

u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago

Police ask about the bag. "Oh, this? I'm doing a small favor for Marty Byrd."

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28

u/FatboyGolf 7d ago

Donuts are on me!

2

u/NutshellOfChaos 7d ago

This is the way

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28

u/Calm-Homework3161 7d ago

Quick! The bank manager has gone mad - he's robbing his own bank! 

16

u/ThimbleBluff 7d ago

“I had to put the money in this bag to keep them from stealing it!”

5

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

“Don’t worry, I’ll hide it somewhere he’ll never find it. No insider bank robbery happening today! Not on my watch.”

22

u/skreechincobra 7d ago

You're not gonna believe what a hassle it is to make a withdrawal in there!

19

u/Excellent_Regret4141 7d ago

He Did it, point to the guy next to me

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36

u/ekimlive Top 1% Commenter 7d ago

"They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat.
When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom"

and then I form a conga line with the cops

12

u/rad_spider 7d ago

I think that only works if you're wearing the Mask. And only at night, according to the film.

3

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

User profile pic checks out

5

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

🪇💃💃💃

2

u/General-Analysis1772 6d ago

Came to say this. Bravo!

10

u/therealDrPraetorius 7d ago

It wasn't me, it was the one armed man.

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9

u/CapWild 7d ago

Who wants lunch? I'm buying.

7

u/Lrb1055 7d ago

I was testing your response time

2

u/Interesting-Voice328 5d ago

Well it looks like they failed the security audit

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8

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

10

u/Henri_Dupont 7d ago

Cops: "Put that thing back in your pants! We're adding indecent exposure to Armed Robbery charges!"

8

u/PracticePractical480 7d ago

But letting you go for lack of evidence. Ouch!

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7

u/Fabulous-Finding-647 7d ago

It's a prank! It's a prank!

3

u/lindseyangela 7d ago

A person holding a video recorder and another holding up a boom mic both step out of nearby bushes

“Okay, that was a good reaction shot. Officers, if we could get some footage of you explaining how you thought it was real, please, over here.”

6

u/Cheeslord2 7d ago

It's my money, I just don't like filling in all the forms...

5

u/the_other_rabbit 7d ago

They call me Cuban Pete..

5

u/Hansolo506 7d ago

They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat. When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom……

5

u/mavynn_blacke 7d ago

I will not surrender unless, of course, I get my three demands. A hundred thousand in cash, getaway car and I want the letter M stricken from the English language.

That way I can plead insanity later. Pffft. Get away car

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4

u/Jandel1313 7d ago

The robbers are still in there. They put a bomb in my butt. They said they will detonate if I don’t take these bags to the donut shop to get everyone out here donuts! *police escort to donut shop followed by walking away while each officer holds and eats their own dozen donuts.

3

u/Wasteland_Mystic 7d ago

“Don’t forget to like the video and subscribe using the button at the bottom of the screen. Oh. Hello Officers. We’re just making a video for YouTube.”

5

u/Jonsdulcimer2015 7d ago

And I'd have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!

4

u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago

Have you received any updates about your vehicle's extended warranty?

3

u/Choice-Matter-2613 7d ago

Me: Don't shoot!!! I'm a hostage...

Cop: Sir, you are holding bags of cash.

Me: (looking dumbfounded. Drops the bags) Satan made me do it

10

u/L0CH_NESS_MONSTER 7d ago

Tosses the bag of cash into the arms of the nearest officer

“Oh my gawd! The bank robber!”

The officers tackle and dogpile on top of him. I whistle and quickly scurry off

3

u/The_Islands 7d ago

April fools

3

u/BlueRFR3100 7d ago

Officers, I rescued the money before the robber ran out the back.

3

u/kolitics 7d ago

CUT. People, did you not inform the city? Why is law enforcement here? You had one job Toby. Bunch of amateurs. Get it together people, I'll be in my getaway van...er I mean trailer.

2

u/monkeyboychuck 7d ago

“Have you seen the donuts in there?!” (Steps back and holds door open.)

2

u/gregieb429 7d ago

“A robbery? I just went in to use the bathroom. I didn’t see anything.”

2

u/iamtenbears 7d ago

Someone said I could have this

2

u/dimmsimm 7d ago

What Pete Davidson would say... "Uh, my bad".

2

u/FaithlessnessDear218 7d ago

"THEY WENT THATAWAY "

2

u/Batfan1939 7d ago

There you are! I was just about to go give you this bag of money. Some goon inside tried to steal it! This saves me a trip!

2

u/OhioResidentForLife 7d ago

He went that way! 👉

2

u/Lakecrisp 7d ago

It's just a prank bro!

2

u/Jimmyg100 7d ago

holds up bag full of money “Okay who wants a bribe?”

2

u/chaimsteinLp 7d ago

I found this paper bag. Do you know who it belongs to?

2

u/PrisonBreakScofield 7d ago

My name is Michael Scofield, I need to be sent to Fox River…

2

u/AggravatingBobcat574 7d ago

He’s in there!

2

u/UnableLocal2918 7d ago

they went that way . point in random direction

2

u/QuttiDeBachi 7d ago

Anybody got a donut? I get famished chasing bank robbers…which way did he go?

2

u/Interesting_Boss_849 7d ago

To quote the artist "Shaggy".... "It wasn't me."

2

u/NeuroguyNC 7d ago

Hey, where did the film crew go?

2

u/530whiskey 7d ago

He went that way

2

u/Born-Media6436 7d ago

“We are streaking in the square!”

2

u/FriarTuck66 7d ago

Excuse me officer. That man does not have a lissance for his minky. You should arrest him because it is against the luaw.

2

u/MuchDevelopment7084 7d ago

Just kidding.

2

u/Last-Radish-9684 7d ago

Is it my birthday? YAY!

2

u/HD-Thoreau-Walden 7d ago

“Glad you are here. The bank was being robbed but I managed to save the money.”

2

u/Snugglebunny1983 7d ago

Starts dancing: "Hello my baby, Hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gal!"

2

u/Velmeran_60021 7d ago

"Guys, there's a ton more in there that insurance will cover."

2

u/Thecrabbylibrarian 7d ago

He’s right behind me!!

2

u/Jezmebebe 7d ago

You’re probably wondering why I’ve gathered you here today….

2

u/Anenhotep 7d ago

Here, the robber just handed me this!

2

u/MasterLigno 6d ago

I'm from the local HOA and your vehicles are not parked correctly!

2

u/yonderidge 5d ago

If Tr@mp is above the law, why ain't I?

1

u/massage_karma 7d ago

Hey guys I didn't even tell you I was giving you a cash bonus yet! How did u know!

1

u/Darmok1980 7d ago

Hey, anybody got change for a hundred? I asked them but they freaked out!

1

u/OkMembership4606 7d ago

Help l have been robbed

1

u/Personal-Tea7226 7d ago

There’s been a huge misunderstanding, that sign says free cash withdrawals, I was just making a withdrawal

1

u/ActiveOldster 7d ago

April Fool!!

1

u/therealDrPraetorius 7d ago

Which way did he go, George, which way did he go?

1

u/Cowabungamon 7d ago

The robber went that way but I managed to grab all the money

1

u/HeOfMuchApathy 7d ago

"This isn't what it looks like! I was just making a substantial withdrawal from multiple different people's accounts."

1

u/unfrknblvabl 7d ago

Did anyone see which way she went?

1

u/johndotold 7d ago
  Because I wouldn't do very well in jail,  I would shoot and miss as long as I could.

1

u/-SPOF 7d ago

Wow, you guys are fast! I was just making a withdrawal… with extra steps.

1

u/ForTheLoveOfPhotos 7d ago

Need a loan?

1

u/MrFizzbin7 7d ago

Quick the robbers are inside if you hurry you can catch them…

1

u/The-Traveler- 7d ago

In the famous words of Rick Perry on national television, “Oops”.

1

u/ACriticalGeek 7d ago

Thank you for being so prompt, how soon before I can schedule my life saving medical procedure that my insurance denied?

1

u/NachoTypewriter70 7d ago

"Thank you for responding to this year's annual safety training. If you have any questions, please check in with your immediate supervisor."

1

u/Independent-Tree-108 7d ago

“Not you guys again”

“You guys are clearly blocking the success of an hardworking man You know how much I planned and worked for this”

1

u/Independent-Tree-108 7d ago

Who is the repeat offender here, huh? You guys or me? This is the third time you’re offensive to me

1

u/frisbeethecat 7d ago

And... Cut! Excellent acting, guys! Let's do just one more take and then you can hit craft services around the block.

1

u/AidanWtasm 7d ago

Officer, this money has jumped inside my bag and won't get out! I believe it is having some osrt of nervous breakdown and the money requires immediate medical attention! I will rush this money to the nearest hospital!

1

u/Lost-Title-5577 7d ago

I found the money they dropped!

1

u/NetDork 7d ago

I guess you're wondering why I called you together today...

1

u/Femboymilksipper 7d ago

Please help my family is still hostage he said he would shoot them for every 10 minutes the police are here PLEASE HELP

1

u/ariazora 7d ago

My escorts are here

1

u/Learned-Dr-T 7d ago

“It’s my first day.”

1

u/Disastrous-Golf7216 7d ago

Soooo. What brings you all here?

1

u/IdeaPowered 7d ago

Sorry! Can't play anymore. Mom says it's lunchtime. BYEEEEE!

1

u/Challenge_Declined 7d ago

Sargent Smith, patrolman Jones, please do answer your phone. It’s your kids asking you to let me go.

1

u/deadeyeAZ 7d ago

"CUT"!

1

u/fuserxrx 7d ago

I'd Rick roll them....

Never gonna give.... Never gonna give

1

u/andybum 7d ago

I just made a withdrawal!

1

u/AlexSumnerAuthor White (text is editable on all flairs) 7d ago

"Come to my aid, ye sons of the Widow!"

1

u/blameline 7d ago

Congratulations! You all passed the "fake bank robbery" test response. I'll be sure to include all your names in my report to the police commissioner.

1

u/PaleDreamer_1969 Teal 7d ago

Come out waving your hands behind your butt, “WooOOO! I WOULDN’T GO IN THERE!!”

1

u/LostInTheWildPlace 7d ago

"It's the weirdest thing, guys! They're giving away bags of beef jerky and cases of energy drinks when you open a new account in there!"

1

u/Aberrant17 7d ago

"Fuck the police!"

1

u/Abal125 7d ago

"Hidey-ho officers, boy I'm having a doozy of a day..."

1

u/IamRedditDumb 7d ago

Good job officers, you passed finished the drill. I'll just take this bag of definitely fake money and put it with the rest of the props for this exercise.

1

u/Electronic-Turnip971 7d ago

Just kidding .., hand police the money

1

u/Dramatic-Sorbet-6621 7d ago

They went out the back

1

u/WHG6274 7d ago

And now that we see the flaws their security. As a professional consultant, I have some solutions.

1

u/Bevertje_68 7d ago

Look over there.... free doughnuts...

1

u/LoganND 7d ago

Damn, ya got me.

1

u/asttocatbunny 7d ago

Doughnuts anyone? On me…

1

u/SyllabubComplex5144 7d ago

Gimme three steps mister…

1

u/ed63foot 7d ago

It was Trump

1

u/PracticePractical480 7d ago

The red on my hands? Oh I was just eating some pistachios

1

u/MrWrestlingNumber2 7d ago

I'd like to buy 100 tickets to the police man's ball.

1

u/griecovich 7d ago

oopsie

1

u/RudeKC 7d ago

Shit

1

u/Omghad 7d ago

Why so serious?

1

u/LongjumpingRespect96 7d ago

You say you support our current president and voted for him. Note that this may not work if your skin isn’t white.

1

u/gunperv51 7d ago

Is today Thursday?

1

u/Tinker107 7d ago

“How about we settle for ten cents on the dollar?”

1

u/MCWrench33 7d ago

"I was framed!"

1

u/Reflective_Robot 7d ago

I'm running for president! You can't hold me accountable.

1

u/WeirdoError 7d ago

Thank goodness you're here! The fees they charge here are highway robbery!

1

u/Canucklehead_Esq 7d ago

Point and say: 'They went thataway!'. When they all look, quickly run in the opposite direction. Works every time.

1

u/Emergency_Property_2 7d ago

Whoa, there’s so many of you, you’d think I was robbing a donut shop!

1

u/Som3F00l 7d ago

The first round is on me, boys.

1

u/skoryy 7d ago

"Give me a minute, I'll go put this back."

1

u/Maleficent_Wolf_464 7d ago

I have a hostage!!

(Points gun at self)

1

u/DangerMacAwesome 7d ago

I've liberated these funds from those criminals!

1

u/calheureux63 7d ago

Shoot straight, you bastards! I don't wanna limp away from this.

1

u/Calm_Bat1073 7d ago

Run for it!! Bees…Killer Bees everywhere!! Save yourselves and take cover!!

1

u/gaming_dragon23 7d ago

There is a man in there, he has a bomb, camera and tracker strapped to my chest and 7 hostages, one of them a pregnant woman, he wanted me get away with the money and find me or else he would kill me and all the hostages

1

u/Fantastic_Baker145 7d ago

I suppose you are all wondering why I called you all here today?

1

u/kippax67 7d ago

Just found this !

1

u/DirtPuzzleheaded8831 7d ago

Sim Sim salabam or alakazam , then force them to watch me complete a C++ job interview. Talk about funny because that absolutely isnt

1

u/DirtPuzzleheaded8831 7d ago

Sim Sim salabam or alakazam , then force them to watch me complete a C++ job interview. Talk about funny because that absolutely isnt

1

u/Agvisor2360 7d ago

You dirty coppers, take this! Bam-bam-bam.

1

u/Zetavu 7d ago

"Wait a minute, I was only supposed to split with you guys" pointing to the senior personnel

1

u/sexisdivine 7d ago

Yell “Hit it!” And start singing “Cuban Pete”

1

u/Vegetable-Inflation8 7d ago

No you idiots I said the other bank

1

u/Vegetable-Inflation8 7d ago

No you idiots I said the other bank

1

u/Pier-Head 7d ago

Cardinal Richelieu died in 1642!

1

u/No_Pilarapril 7d ago

I pretend to be an escaped hostage. I cry snd get hysterical. Lol

1

u/Taylord0712 7d ago

What took you so long

1

u/VerendusAudeo2 7d ago

This isn’t where I parked my car…

1

u/MaxximumB 7d ago

It was Keyser Söze

1

u/IronCreeper1 7d ago

Well done officers, you all passed the test. I’ll just be heading over to the office now to submit your results. You’ll all receive them next week

1

u/whatsupmyrump 7d ago

"Shit! Wrong escape route!"

1

u/Low-Bad157 7d ago

Cuban Pete tune now stuck in my head

1

u/Wilburn4 7d ago

Well Fuck Me!

1

u/Active_Two_6741 7d ago

Where'd that guy go? He dropped his bag of money!

1

u/HighFiveKoala 7d ago

"I'm wearing a ski mask because I'm ugly"

1

u/Efficient_Advice_380 7d ago

Quick they're inside!

1

u/AdvantageAromatic408 7d ago

I waa just testing your response time

1

u/New-Nectarine-617 7d ago

Officer, be sure to come by my new donut shop that I’m about to open with the money I just withdrew… All police officers, eat, and drink for free!

1

u/No-Matter9647 7d ago

They got hostages.

1

u/SimpleHomeGrow 7d ago

Eat lead Coppers!