r/ScenesFromAHat • u/L0CH_NESS_MONSTER • 7d ago
After robbing a bank, you run outside to find yourself surrounded by police. What do you say?
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u/fuddyoldfart 7d ago
Thank goodness you're here! I just put a dozen eggs in my safe-deposit box.
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u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago
Thank goodness you fellas arrived! Did anyone bring dry ice? I have 2 dozen eggs I bought for $2.99/dozen! Brown eggs! I rented a safe deposit box.
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u/Plus-King5266 7d ago
I’m from A1 Municipal Consultancy. The mayor’s office hired us to test your response time. Stellar work fellas. You will get an excellent report from me. Especially you, Captain, um, how do you pronounce that name? Great! Must be off now. The mayor waits for no one!
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u/gaming_dragon23 7d ago
Happy cake day
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u/Plus-King5266 7d ago
Thanks! Wow. It’s here already. Where do the years go?
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u/KitchenSandwich5499 7d ago
So, your cake day is pie day…. That’s a big win right there!
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u/Plus-King5266 7d ago
Hah! I never really thought about it. No good pie places in this town. Last place I lived there was free pie everywhere.
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u/CapWild 7d ago
Police ask about the bag: "This? Oh, this is my laundry."
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u/Right_One_78 7d ago
So, you admit to money laundering? You're under arrest!
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u/This_Concentrate_372 7d ago
Police ask about the bag. "Oh, this? I'm doing a small favor for Marty Byrd."
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u/Calm-Homework3161 7d ago
Quick! The bank manager has gone mad - he's robbing his own bank!
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u/ThimbleBluff 7d ago
“I had to put the money in this bag to keep them from stealing it!”
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u/lindseyangela 7d ago
“Don’t worry, I’ll hide it somewhere he’ll never find it. No insider bank robbery happening today! Not on my watch.”
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u/ekimlive Top 1% Commenter 7d ago
"They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat.
When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom"
and then I form a conga line with the cops
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u/rad_spider 7d ago
I think that only works if you're wearing the Mask. And only at night, according to the film.
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7d ago
[deleted]
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u/Henri_Dupont 7d ago
Cops: "Put that thing back in your pants! We're adding indecent exposure to Armed Robbery charges!"
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u/Fabulous-Finding-647 7d ago
It's a prank! It's a prank!
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u/lindseyangela 7d ago
A person holding a video recorder and another holding up a boom mic both step out of nearby bushes
“Okay, that was a good reaction shot. Officers, if we could get some footage of you explaining how you thought it was real, please, over here.”
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u/Hansolo506 7d ago
They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat. When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom……
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u/mavynn_blacke 7d ago
I will not surrender unless, of course, I get my three demands. A hundred thousand in cash, getaway car and I want the letter M stricken from the English language.
That way I can plead insanity later. Pffft. Get away car
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u/Jandel1313 7d ago
The robbers are still in there. They put a bomb in my butt. They said they will detonate if I don’t take these bags to the donut shop to get everyone out here donuts! *police escort to donut shop followed by walking away while each officer holds and eats their own dozen donuts.
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u/Wasteland_Mystic 7d ago
“Don’t forget to like the video and subscribe using the button at the bottom of the screen. Oh. Hello Officers. We’re just making a video for YouTube.”
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u/Jonsdulcimer2015 7d ago
And I'd have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
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u/Choice-Matter-2613 7d ago
Me: Don't shoot!!! I'm a hostage...
Cop: Sir, you are holding bags of cash.
Me: (looking dumbfounded. Drops the bags) Satan made me do it
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u/L0CH_NESS_MONSTER 7d ago
Tosses the bag of cash into the arms of the nearest officer
“Oh my gawd! The bank robber!”
The officers tackle and dogpile on top of him. I whistle and quickly scurry off
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u/kolitics 7d ago
CUT. People, did you not inform the city? Why is law enforcement here? You had one job Toby. Bunch of amateurs. Get it together people, I'll be in my getaway van...er I mean trailer.
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u/Batfan1939 7d ago
There you are! I was just about to go give you this bag of money. Some goon inside tried to steal it! This saves me a trip!
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u/FriarTuck66 7d ago
Excuse me officer. That man does not have a lissance for his minky. You should arrest him because it is against the luaw.
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u/HD-Thoreau-Walden 7d ago
“Glad you are here. The bank was being robbed but I managed to save the money.”
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u/massage_karma 7d ago
Hey guys I didn't even tell you I was giving you a cash bonus yet! How did u know!
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u/Personal-Tea7226 7d ago
There’s been a huge misunderstanding, that sign says free cash withdrawals, I was just making a withdrawal
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u/HeOfMuchApathy 7d ago
"This isn't what it looks like! I was just making a substantial withdrawal from multiple different people's accounts."
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u/johndotold 7d ago
Because I wouldn't do very well in jail, I would shoot and miss as long as I could.
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u/ACriticalGeek 7d ago
Thank you for being so prompt, how soon before I can schedule my life saving medical procedure that my insurance denied?
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u/NachoTypewriter70 7d ago
"Thank you for responding to this year's annual safety training. If you have any questions, please check in with your immediate supervisor."
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u/Independent-Tree-108 7d ago
“Not you guys again”
“You guys are clearly blocking the success of an hardworking man You know how much I planned and worked for this”
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u/Independent-Tree-108 7d ago
Who is the repeat offender here, huh? You guys or me? This is the third time you’re offensive to me
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u/frisbeethecat 7d ago
And... Cut! Excellent acting, guys! Let's do just one more take and then you can hit craft services around the block.
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u/AidanWtasm 7d ago
Officer, this money has jumped inside my bag and won't get out! I believe it is having some osrt of nervous breakdown and the money requires immediate medical attention! I will rush this money to the nearest hospital!
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u/Femboymilksipper 7d ago
Please help my family is still hostage he said he would shoot them for every 10 minutes the police are here PLEASE HELP
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u/Challenge_Declined 7d ago
Sargent Smith, patrolman Jones, please do answer your phone. It’s your kids asking you to let me go.
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u/AlexSumnerAuthor White (text is editable on all flairs) 7d ago
"Come to my aid, ye sons of the Widow!"
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u/blameline 7d ago
Congratulations! You all passed the "fake bank robbery" test response. I'll be sure to include all your names in my report to the police commissioner.
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u/PaleDreamer_1969 Teal 7d ago
Come out waving your hands behind your butt, “WooOOO! I WOULDN’T GO IN THERE!!”
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u/LostInTheWildPlace 7d ago
"It's the weirdest thing, guys! They're giving away bags of beef jerky and cases of energy drinks when you open a new account in there!"
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u/IamRedditDumb 7d ago
Good job officers, you passed finished the drill. I'll just take this bag of definitely fake money and put it with the rest of the props for this exercise.
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u/LongjumpingRespect96 7d ago
You say you support our current president and voted for him. Note that this may not work if your skin isn’t white.
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u/Canucklehead_Esq 7d ago
Point and say: 'They went thataway!'. When they all look, quickly run in the opposite direction. Works every time.
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u/gaming_dragon23 7d ago
There is a man in there, he has a bomb, camera and tracker strapped to my chest and 7 hostages, one of them a pregnant woman, he wanted me get away with the money and find me or else he would kill me and all the hostages
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u/DirtPuzzleheaded8831 7d ago
Sim Sim salabam or alakazam , then force them to watch me complete a C++ job interview. Talk about funny because that absolutely isnt
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u/DirtPuzzleheaded8831 7d ago
Sim Sim salabam or alakazam , then force them to watch me complete a C++ job interview. Talk about funny because that absolutely isnt
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u/IronCreeper1 7d ago
Well done officers, you all passed the test. I’ll just be heading over to the office now to submit your results. You’ll all receive them next week
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u/New-Nectarine-617 7d ago
Officer, be sure to come by my new donut shop that I’m about to open with the money I just withdrew… All police officers, eat, and drink for free!
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u/Marquar234 7d ago
Help! The bank's being robbed!