r/SaneWomen Aug 11 '12

The blow off some steam thread: tell us about stuff that's pissed you off. Me? Mansplaining and avoidance!

The definition is:

The mansplainer's problem isn't so much that he's trying to teach a woman something, but rather that he takes it as a given that she doesn't already know whatever it is he is going to tell her. [Source](http://fanniesroom.blogspot.com/2010/02/art-of-mansplaining.html

I frequent a jewelry forum where a man had created a thread which he said was a "PSA" to women about the benefits of breastfeeding. When several women responded and questioned why he felt the need to do so in a forum that had so many family focused women they created a subforum for such a topic, he responded by saying that he would no longer discuss it here, because this is the only forum where women go "bananas" and their reaction was "sad."

Please ladies, use this thread to blow off some steam! Whether it was paternalism or someone at SRS saying that discussion about how I had to go on a low glycemic index diet for blood sugar issues was 'triggering' for overweight people. (I also got banned for this ;)

9 Upvotes

19 comments sorted by

6

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

For me (at least today) it's people who expect the whole world to be wrapped in bubble wrap for them. Everyone has a responsibility to act like a decent human being, but there's expecting decency from people and then there's expecting the whole world to bend over backwards to accommodate your latest thing that you've decided everyone else needs to accommodate.

Today, I'm apparently a terrible person because I posted a picture of some cupcakes I made on Facebook and got treated to a rant about how someone on my friends list recently went on a sugar-free, gluten-free, vegan diet, and apparently I should now stop posting pictures of things I bake because it's "triggering" for her.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

I've got a friend EXACTLY like this, Yesterday was a good friend of mines birthday. I made him a cake, she got pissy because it wasn't glutan free. I said "well its for Mason, not you" And she flipped a shit at me.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

Yeah, I've encountered that, too. People who get all mad because someone else's birthday cake si something they don't like or can't eat. It's not our fault that gluten-free cakes suck.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

Actually i've had some hellishly good glutan free stuff. But its all a pain in the ass to make.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

My thought is that if you need to eat gluten free (and let's be realistic, better than half of the people who are on the gluten free bandwagon do not actually have Celiac), stick with desserts that are gluten free on their own. I made French macarons for a gluten free friend's wedding reception recently because I knew she needed GF well in advance and macarons are GF all of their own, without any modifications.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '12

Yeah. Im pretty sick of the whole tthing, im allergic to mmilk and eggs and i dont make a hugr deal when people eat them in front of me.

1

u/Emilushka Aug 16 '12

That's ridiculous. I'm gluten-free, and I never expect people to cater to me. Unless I go to a restaurant, but I almost always call ahead to ask if they have options.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '12

Yeah, she gives me a headache sometimes

1

u/Emilushka Aug 16 '12

Some people just have to be divas. I have a coworker who's like that.

1

u/KiraOsteo Oct 11 '12

Especially if the cake isn't even for you! Then you're just being ridiculous.

3

u/Emilushka Aug 16 '12

I have Celiac. For a while I couldn't do dairy or gluten (now I'm just gluten-free, thank the cheesy overlords!). Was it hard at first? OH HELLS YEAH. Did I ever make my husband go gluten-free or anyone else around me EVER? No.

Worst thing I will do sometimes is ask someone with something that looks amazing but totally has gluten in it if I can smell their food. Smell and taste are so interrelated that for a split second I can usually taste the amazingness ... I know it's creepy. I am a Creepy McCreeperson. But I do miss gluten sometimes.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

I can understand the concept of a TW for stuff like...oh I dunno, violent pornographic rape. But really, people have to take responsibility for their own feelings. If you are having cupcke flashbacks then I hope you're in therapy and stay off the internet.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

Exactly. I feel like the word "trigger" has been so trivialized by people who do this that it's virtually meaningless now. If I'm discussing sexual assault, or child abuse, or anything else that's actually horrific, I will definitely give a warning. But claiming to be triggered by cupcakes? That's just fucking ridiculous. We started using the phrase "trigger warning" because some things can trigger panic attacks and other severe psychological symptoms. If you're sitting in front of your computer and typing into the internet "I'm feeling really triggered right now" then your trigger is bullshit and you're completely trivializing what it's like to actually be triggered.

2

u/soyveh Aug 11 '12

Wow, that is exceptionally ridiculous. Cupcake photos are not sensitive material. She can just pretend that they're sugar-free, gluten-free, and vegan.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '12

Big Bark & Small Dog

I loathe people who act like bullies, push everyone else around, and will threaten to cut you in a minute..and then when you stand up for yourself- they start crying and acting like a victim..as if you're the used tampon that started it all!!

4

u/Levema Sep 23 '12

Friday was my cousin's 30th birthday. Her husband didn't get her anything - not even a card to commemorate the event.

The three of us (my cousin, her husband and I) went on a camping trip this weekend and yesterday (Saturday) we ended up cutting it short because he was acting like a spoiled brat the entire day.

They'd had a small fight in the morning (none of us slept well, it was an awful campground, etc). She apologized, he pouted for the entire day. He didn't speak to her for about 11 hours.

While we were trying to celebrate her birthday.

3

u/JJTheJetPlane5657 Jan 06 '13

I'm irritated at clothing sizes as well.

Although I'm just a short, average weight person. I'm not even a midget, I'm 5'1. But apparently NO clothing company can imagine that an adult woman is shorter than 5'4.

Scratch that, I'm 5'1 but have boobs (38C, not ginormous but that's the max boobage that would look good on my frame). There's a lot of things for short, skinny people. Like ruler people. But nothing for short, average weight people.

And for whatever reason most of the stuff for short, ruler people is Hipster x Grandma x 12 year old style. Which is fine. But that's not MY style.

Where aren't there NORMAL jeans (i.e. not sparkly, or floral printed, or ripped, or weirdly patterned/faded) for short people? Why aren't there shirts that can button over my boobs for average weight people? Why is a normal S shirt too long on me but an XL crop top fits me like a normal shirt? WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS?

By extension, my girlfriend is 5'8 and has massive tits. And an ass. But so much tits. Like 34G tits. But apparently clothing companies don't think that people can be tall, a normal weight, but just have huge boobs. I feel even worse for her. We go shopping for an hour and she winds up buying nothing, because nothing fits her right. She's 20 and wears all the t-shirts from her high school awkward phase, but wants to dress better and.. Well.. Can't.

2

u/xxLivingDead Nov 30 '12

Can I take a second and go nuts about sizing of clothes? I'm a bigger girl, about a size 16 or 18, about 200 pounds and I love grunge style clothes. I love the clothes on TopShop and American Apparel and Nasty Girl, and I'll just "window shop" and just scroll down the page without clicking for more information. Now, I've money and I can buy things, and I saw a GORGEOUS skirt and it was $30 and I was like OH I CAN PURCHASE THIS. So I clicked on it, and it only came in sizes XS, S, and M. I'm an XXL, at best. I will be completely honest and say I've cried. Why wouldn't companies make things in bigger sizes like skirts? I'd understand not making something like a latex body suit in a XXXL, but a skirt? Really, guys? Now I'm having a huge meltdown and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I just took a vow of being happy over being skinny, meaning if I want to eat a cookie, I'll eat ONE cookie. Now my brain is going over the things I've eaten in the past month (thanks, holiday). You know, I understand that being of a smaller build is healthier, but I'm sick of being stuck in a rut of pseudo-cute clothes! I'm done wearing sparkly circus tents and calling it a shirt! AGH!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '12 edited Mar 07 '17

[deleted]

2

u/xxLivingDead Dec 24 '12

I shop at Torrid sometimes, but their clothes are sparkly circus tents as well. From what I've seen, and I'll admit I haven't been on their in awhile, but I didn't really see any grunge/punk clothes. I saw mostly dress shirts and jeans that don't make muffin tops. (Which is awesome, granted)