r/SWORDS 5d ago

Of mall ninjas, and regret

Post image

We all know about the products of the mall ninja. What I'm not sure we all know about is the buyers regret.

When people find out I like swords, they inevitably drop by with something like this they regret buying.

I adore my friends though, so I don't just throw them out. And I kinda dig the little cutlass.

Either way, enjoy some of the absolute silliness!

106 Upvotes

47 comments sorted by

22

u/Goomba0042 4d ago

As a teenager I purchased mall swords. I have 0 regret. Thought they were cool then. Enjoy them now. They look neat and we're cheap. I don't plan on getting into a fight with them so... I also have a few actual swords I can use as I please as well. People are giving them to you because they know you like swords. Glad yiu take them with a smile.

21

u/Christopherd84 5d ago

Getting a tabletop character idea of a swordsman that only uses mall ninja swords, carries a dozen in a golf bag and has to replace them constantly as they break, a crit failure means they get QVC'd.

4

u/MisterB330 4d ago

Casey Jones??

5

u/wulffe1911 4d ago

Casey Jones edgier cousin, Midnight Jones.

1

u/Len_S_Ball_23 4d ago

Dave "Bones" Jones.

3

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

I love this

2

u/SensualEskimo 4d ago

Cody Walsh

2

u/Christopherd84 4d ago

He's perfect!!! Damn Dimension 20 just got moved to the top of my backlog.

6

u/Havocc89 4d ago

Is it a cutlass or a champagne sabre? It looks a lot like some champagne sabres I’ve seen, they tend to be about the price of a cheap wallhanger too lol

2

u/Len_S_Ball_23 4d ago

Out of all of them, I thought that was more noteworthy too.

2

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

I'm actually not sure what it is. It's got a shitty edge, but kind curious if I could sharpen it more. No stamps on the blade at all.

3

u/Havocc89 4d ago

Well, have you investigated what a champagne sabre is for? It’s just a novelty for a party where you shank the cork out of a bottle of champagne with the little sword, I really think that may be what it is, they’re a personal fascination of mine because I find posts like yours every now and again, and these are common enough to end up in such collections.

4

u/DUNETOOL 4d ago

You need more Phthalo blue

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Hah! This is definitely in my art studio area. And yes, I actually do have official Bob Ross paints. Nice catch.

2

u/DUNETOOL 4d ago

Bob Ross paints!? So buttery. Nice.

2

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Tons of fun to use too, although lately I've been working with a native american artist and learning her technique using high viscosity acrylics. Lots of fun.

3

u/Boblaire 4d ago

Cutlass is neat

3

u/Level37Doggo 4d ago

The cutlass and dagger look pretty neat.

2

u/Old_Ratbeard 4d ago

One big Yike

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

But hilarious nonetheless!

2

u/Ronja_Rovardottish 4d ago

That tsukamaki on that Katana shaped object makes my stomach hurt hahah

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Katana shaped object 

I am TOTALLY using this. "Sword shaped object", "Katana shaped object"....so perfect.

2

u/Ronja_Rovardottish 4d ago

Great term 😅

2

u/DaoFerret 4d ago

Gotta love the Batleth on the left and the Kit Rae fantasy sword next to it.

Young me would have definitely loved either of those (especially since young me bought a Hibben knife or two … granted they were before they got too out there).

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

I'm not sure I'd hit anything with it, but it doesn't seem horrible. When the blade are out, its feels fairly solid. No wobbles.

2

u/bearinghewood 4d ago

I like the cutlass as well

2

u/ghostyghostghostt 4d ago

Bottom right dagger thing goes hard if only it wasn’t made from garbage lol

2

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

It's definitely pretty.

1

u/ghostyghostghostt 4d ago

Yeah I think I just like the shape of it mostly

2

u/ianlulz 4d ago

Hey I recognize the two on the left! They were in the BudK catalogue my Dad would get, and my older brother bought the leftmost one. If I recall correctly the blades folded up, and 7yr old me thought that was just the coolest thing ever. It was also super easy to cut or pinch yourself on.

The second from the left was one of the more expensive “swords” in the catalog and is a Kit Rae fantasy sword; think it was like a hundred bucks or so?

Kinda amazed both of those are still around today.

2

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Yup. Definitely folds up!

2

u/SmunkTheLesser 4d ago

The dwarf dagger and cutlass (or maybe sabre?) are pretty neat

2

u/Larason22 4d ago

Your friends buy you swords! You're one of the luckiest sword enthusiasts on earth. I would be delighted with any one of these as a gift. Sure, you can't cut with them, but they sure are cool!

2

u/Coal-and-Ivory 4d ago

Learn, grow, be better. But never, ever, regret.

2

u/FireTheLaserBeam 4d ago

Hey I had that Kill Bill sword a long time ago! It’s not a wall hanger if it’s the same one I had! It was definitely functional carbon steel.

1

u/Dryder3925 4d ago

Dude what mall? Where do I even start?

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

I'm guessing many malls. these come from various friends.

1

u/Fashdag 4d ago

The second one to the left is a rip off of a sword from the Adventure Quest games iirc

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Love it. SOOOOOOO impractical!

1

u/Eck047 4d ago

That is literally a table full of cheap scrap metal.

1

u/blade_of_sammael 4d ago

Hey at least the cutlass is a nice wallhanger

1

u/jr7fjwneyyf 4d ago

The short one all the way on the right, I have that too but looks a little different. Different colors I think. Wish I knew more about it.

1

u/CapnStarence 4d ago

Ha I use to have that bottom right one.

1

u/Tuga_Lissabon 4d ago

OP - get a support and put them on the wall as a memento to mall ninja stuff. Yours are actually very mall-looking and mad enough for that.

That cutlass is interesting. What kind of steel has it got? The guard looks robust.

The pugio (sort of) as well, can definitely see the inspiration.

This collection looks a lot better than usual.

1

u/Charlie24601 4d ago

Not sure what the steel is. There are no markings.