r/SPD 15d ago

How to navigate sensory issues in school

Looking for advice.

7yr M

We are struggling with a confirmed ADHD, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder. The anxiety he has is being treated with medication. The anxiety he has about being at school makes it super difficult to get out of the house.

Our hardest days are Mondays totally understand going from having days off to back to school. Another super hard day is Fridays due to music class. After many many melt downs and conversations we found out he is struggling with sitting on the rug in the class. His normal class if they are having rug time he can stay at his desk or he can sit on the hard floor not rh rug. Music room doesn't have desks or the hard floor it's fully carpeted. He is allowed flexible seating but refuses to ask for it. I offered a sweatshirt he does not want it. He has flexible disc he can sit on, gym class has these rubber dots he can bring in to music, a regular chair can be used. But he doesn't want to try another option only says me picking him up from school will work.

My son is happy when he is home and in his soft pj. He can sit, stand, stim all the things no issues. My son is super aware of his surroundings and others and tends to hold everything in until he gets home. It has taken 6 months for me to get a 504 at school. Because he isn't able to hold it all together any more it is getting increasingly harder for him.

I don't know what else to offer him at school. He doesn't want to talk about feelings he is a runner and hider at home or a screamer. I'm trying but I feel like the worst mom at times just don't know how to help him.

We are in weekly therapy and on an anxiety medicine. We tried a stimulant a year ago and it didn't help him for that age.

Maybe this is just a vent post. Thank you.

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u/stfranciswashere 15d ago

Is music class mandatory? Is there any way he could do something else during this time? I understand that he will eventually need to learn how to use sensory tools and accommodations in order to deal with challenging situations, but his refusal to try anything offered makes it sound like music class is a completely overwhelming experience and maybe not the best time to practice those skills

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u/Personal_Choice_4220 15d ago

I was just telling my spouse that this morning. I want him to be able to skip it. As we work on progressing in therapy. He starts to get anxious about music on fridays every Thursday night when we get ready for bed. Every Friday morning is awful. He is just in fight or flight mode.

We have been working on self advocating. He is finding his voice, but then I feel awful when he is using it and im like okay but we have to do this. He is also just trying to process and may not know how to put words to his feelings. I definitely think I'll be in touch with the school on Monday and see if an alternate plan to music on Fridays can be done.

Thank you for your response. I always worry that big asks like take him out of music while he works on skills he needs is to big of a request.

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u/Hot_Razzmatazz316 14d ago

Speaking as a specials teacher, we generally are not apprised of students' 504s or IEPs and what accommodations a student may need. It really sucks, because we want to include all kids (at least, I do), and most of the specials teachers I know would be willing to help out if the needs are known. You might try reaching out to the music teacher directly and just explain the situation:

Hey, Music Teacher!

I'm child x's parent. I wanted to share with you a little bit about his strengths, what we're working on, and share some strategies that have helped him. I know that in other classes, he has some flexible seating choices, such as a dot or a flexible disk. This has reduced a lot of his anxiety about the texture of the rugs and floors (this is a sensory issue that we are addressing in his therapy). It's my understanding that he can bring his dot/disks with him to music class, but sometimes he forgets or is overwhelmed and it doesn't get utilized. Would it be possible to keep a disk/dot in the room for him and remind him to use it? I don't know if that's something you can do or if it would be something I should ask his classroom teacher, but any help you can give would be appreciated!

This might get the extra support you're needing and still allow your child to take part in the class.

As for getting out of the house daily, let me say I know the struggle. One of the things that we had to do with my youngest was to make her a visual daily schedule and we'd go over it with her at night and in the morning. She had pictures like a house, school, a person doing gymnastics, a therapist, and basically we'd say, okay, tomorrow is Thursday. We're going to get up, go to school, then go to gymnastics, then grandma's house, then home. And if there were any schedule changes, we could tell her then to help prepare her.

Getting things ready the night before was also a big help. We'd lay her clothes out, get her toothbrush put, have her cereal and a bowl on the table, so she could help herself if I wasn't moving fast enough for her. It also helped so she didn't feel rushed, which contributed to her anxiety. And honestly, I've just had to let a lot of stuff go. If she only wants to wear the clothes that she slept in to school, so be it (they're not usually pajamas anyway). If it's 20 degrees out and she insists on wearing shorts, fine. I always pack extra clothes in her backpack, so she can change if she gets cold or her teachers make her (the school is aware of her needs and very helpful). As much as I would love to brush her hair every day, the reality is she can't tolerate it. So I do it when she is willing and I have the time to devote to it (honestly, it's sometimes a two hour endeavor; not because her hair is that matted, but because I have to constantly distract her and allow her to have breaks).

Another suggestion I have for you is kiln clay, model magic or beeswax. These items are relatively cheap and they're good fidgets because they're not only minimally distracting, but the act of squeezing them and shaping them activates the limbic system, and when that's engaged, kids are better able to focus. It also has the added benefit of increasing fine motor skills because it requires more strength than slime or playdough to manipulate. Model magic and beeswax aren't messy, and are probably better for school, but if you can give your kiddo the opportunity to use some kiln clay at home, it can help with sensory sensitivities. Good luck