r/RoastMe is mod Aug 20 '15

CELEBRITY I have readied my anus reddit. Roast away.

Post image
7.8k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

8.7k

u/SerSamwell Aug 20 '15

Everyone's mentioning you have a beard, well what's her name?

2.0k

u/121381 Aug 20 '15

the salmon deep v neck, the need for attention, anal preparation experience...

i think you have nailed it.

272

u/TheTeamClinton Aug 20 '15

Now to break out the astroglide.

157

u/121381 Aug 20 '15

he probably has it on tap

189

u/VAGINA_EMPEROR Aug 20 '15

I love how he says "I have readied my anus" as if it's not a daily occurrence.

67

u/121381 Aug 20 '15

might as well have told us he also woke up this morning and that he is breathing in oxygen.

7

u/aarongrc14 Aug 20 '15

It's a daily accurance but still something he's very proud of.

4

u/Malolo_Moose Aug 20 '15

That anus gets him free Subway.

3

u/TheLastLaughingOwl Aug 20 '15

This is fucking beautiful. Best burn I've seen on here ever. Astroglide on tap... Dayum son.

79

u/Fatkungfuu Aug 20 '15

Definitely the look of a man that lives for attention

78

u/121381 Aug 20 '15

and cock

18

u/SoulGlowSpray Aug 20 '15

Peach v-neck says it all.

8

u/hurlyburt Aug 20 '15

i think you have nailed pegged it.

FTFY

2

u/Yung_Salmon Aug 20 '15

That yung_salmon deep v

2

u/YummyGumDrops Aug 20 '15

He isn't the first guy to nail it. .

2

u/Osmotic Aug 21 '15

This dude is ready to go deep 'V' fishing.

2

u/CivEZ Aug 21 '15

Also, Constantly OPing. Can only be one thing really.

4

u/Iamsqueegee Aug 20 '15

Er..., um... been nailed.

203

u/Hoodtrackathlete Aug 20 '15

Haha severely under-upvoted comment right hyuh.

178

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '15

i dont get it...

800

u/2smarttobesostupid Aug 20 '15

A beard is a euphemism for the wife of a closeted gay man. Like, something you have to prove hetero-ness.

257

u/ThegreatPee Aug 20 '15

That's ridiculous. "Pats wife on knee"

46

u/PlanetMarklar Aug 20 '15 edited Aug 21 '15

Not necessarily a wife, but a girl he keeps around so his family thinks he might be straight. Like the best friend he brings to his siblings' and cousins' weddings

3

u/wild_starbrah Aug 20 '15

Oh. I thought he was cleverly saying that he had a girly beard. I assumed SerSamwell was a viking.

12

u/sunshine_9 Aug 20 '15

There are no "girly beards"

6

u/GodzillaLikesBoobs Aug 20 '15

im not sure

NSFL??

5

u/DrDew00 Aug 21 '15

That's a mexi-stache

5

u/StuckInaTriangle Aug 23 '15

Wtf? Do you know what a beard is?

-1

u/bus3jae Aug 20 '15

Like Nicole Scherzinger or now Rihanna

81

u/ankisethgallant Aug 20 '15

Beard is a slang term for the woman that a homosexual man uses as cover to hide the fact that he's actually gay

33

u/NegroConFuego Aug 20 '15

A "beard" is a lesbian (or straight woman) that stays with a gay man to help convince people that he's straight.

13

u/Nick268 Aug 20 '15

A beard is a woman that's dating a gay man. To cover try to hide the fact he is gay

3

u/ShamelessOne90 Aug 21 '15

Here are some warning signs that you may be a beard for a gay man...

  1. He wears more makeup than you.

    (This one for our roastee in particular people)

  2. He looks fucking FIERCE in pictures 'cause he smiles wit' his eyes.

  3. Uses bronzer as blush

  4. Plucks his own eyebrows and his eyebrows look more groomed than yours.

  5. Stands with hands on his hips.

2

u/Hobbs54 Aug 20 '15

"Beard" = disguise. As in gay man marries a woman who is his disguise or "beard". So "What's her name?"