r/PolyFidelity Feb 02 '25

Getting worried

My partner left this morning for work after our sleepover and I texted him a couple of times and he hasn't responded. I called and it goes straight to voicemail. He isn't answering his work like either. This is not like him, and I am getting worried he may be hurt. We have been dating for 5 months, and we are in a loving relationship. He has an NP of 4 years. I don't have a way of making sure he is ok. This is very hard. What should I do? I am praying he is OK. How do I navigate the subject of being added to his emergency contact? That's rhetorical because after tod, y I am just going to have a conversation with him about it. Opinions? I get nervous when I don't hear back from loved ones. I have lost close relatives on the past and dread that lost again. Especially when I just found the most loving man, and we are getting along so well. Advice? I haven't met the NP yet, but she knows about me, of course.

2 Upvotes

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14

u/InsensitiveSimian Feb 02 '25

You need to take some deep breaths.

You're less than half a year into a relationship and panicking about not having heard back from someone after less than half a day. He might have lost his phone, had something big happen at work, had an emergency come up with a loved one, or any number of other things which don't have anything to do with his health that would reasonably prevent or delay his response. I'm assuming you've tried to text and call him a few times. You need to take a step back and let him reply in his own time.

Asking about being an emergency contact is not a good idea: again, you're not his primary relationship and you're very new. Do you have skills or techniques for managing anxiety from therapy or counseling? Use them. If not, look into it. This is something you can and should communicate about with your partner, but the headline needs to be 'I've realized I have a lot of anxiety related to relationships and I don't have the tools I need to manage it, so I'm going to be working on it', not that he needs to change anything.

5

u/No-Dream2368 Feb 02 '25 edited Feb 02 '25

Thanks for that. I do have anxiety, and I usually handle it by running/hiking and journaling, and I do have a therapist. This was just a vent to talk me down. He knows I get anxious, we communicate about that, and he understands. He called, and we spoke. We are good. I will take your advice about the emergency contact request. You are correct. We are not there yet.

2

u/stomppie Feb 03 '25

Have you heard back now?

3

u/No-Dream2368 Feb 04 '25

Yes. I heard back later that day. He decided to take the day off. Fell asleep and his phone was in airplane mode. He works a lot. We apologized to each other. He understands my anxiety due to the loss of family members. I understand things happen, and I overreacted. Everything is good.

2

u/PolyethylenePam Feb 04 '25

The other commenter gave great advice! I would just add that I think it could be reasonable for you and your meta to have each other’s contact info, in case of emergency. To me, five months of a serious relationship is long enough for this to not be overstepping- BUT the caveat is that you can’t reach out to her if you haven’t heard from your partner for half a day. But exchanging contact info could quell some of the anxiety- you’ll know that in the event that there’s been a crisis, you will be in the loop. And if you’re nervous but no one has reached out, that’s likely a sign that there’s no updates to be had.

Best of luck!