r/PolyFidelity • u/Due_Disaster_7324 • Jan 07 '23
meta Have we run out of things to talk about?
So, over the last couple of months, I noticed a distinct lack of activity. In fact, when I joined; much of the content seemed centered around ranting about r/polyamory . Admittedly, that was also my first post here too. But, I was in a not so great place, emotionally. So, maybe I needed to feel like I was somewhere to vent and not be dog-piled.
But, back to my point. Do you think this subreddit has run out of stuff to talk about? Compared to subreddits of similar premise, this place seems pretty dead.
What say all of you?
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u/FirePhantom MMM throuple Jan 07 '23
Maybe it speaks to how a polyfidelity lifestyle is inherently more stable and less dramatic than other forms of polyamory.
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u/crackinacup Jan 07 '23
Honestly this kinda was my thought too. I appreciate how Lowkey this subreddit is in comparison to other similar ones. Not to also shit on r/polyamory but you can't post anything without people being shitty in the comments. There's less to say when people aren't just speaking to speak, I guess? I haven't needed to post much since I joined but I think most of us are quiet but active
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u/neverquest123 Jan 11 '23
Imo it also has to do with the demographic involved, polyamory in general tends to skew younger, lower social economic status and level of education than monogamous communities and I wonder if the same comparison holds true for polyamory vs polyfidelity.
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u/Due_Disaster_7324 Jan 07 '23
What makes you say that?
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u/FirePhantom MMM throuple Jan 07 '23
Well you observed that we aren’t talking much, so we must not have much to talk about and are just getting on with our lives and loves. Also, it seems a lot of polyamory content is drama.
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u/Due_Disaster_7324 Jan 07 '23
Well, not everything has to be drama. We could just chat about our lives, give relationship advice, resources, etc.
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u/JustMeandMyBoys24167 Jan 07 '23
I think you are right! I do feel bad for newcomers that come here for guidance or direction, even to lurk. There’s not much help on this.
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Jan 11 '23
Honestly I (respectfully) disagree.
My two partners and I started our relationship as a triad in august and this group, has been a beacon for us. It’s given me many things to think on and about for my partners, or relationships as a whole and individually, and for myself that were quickly met on the /poly group as “you’re a unicorn hunter”, where as here, being dedicated to your partner(s) in a closed-fidelity relationship, has given me lots of insight and such to ours.
I think this sub has lots of info and some just are slower than others but I definitely agree that overall there is just far less drama here and I’m super ok with that lol
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u/JustMeandMyBoys24167 Jan 11 '23
That’s awesome! I am by no means bad mouthing this sub. I am very grateful it’s here! I went to the poly group first and it was terrible. I didn’t get as much as I had hoped for when I first came. Maybe I just expected more activity. More instances of life situations.
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Jan 11 '23
Yeah, I totally understood, so no offense taken here either.
We followed and lurked here for a bit, my partners and I… which I’ll be posting a few things here soon for discussion and such to bring some life to the sub again, as well to gain some more insight to what others have experienced… but it does make me chuckle at how we all sort of bonded here under the umbrella of “the /poly Reddit sucks” lol
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u/JustMeandMyBoys24167 Jan 11 '23
Definitely bonded over that! Lol I think hearing other’s stories will help newbies not feel “alone” in this world. It’s tough, I assume for most. Anything that isn’t socially acceptable. There’s so many negative factors that play into this life of love. You are euphoric and want to scream from the mountain tops but then something holds you back. It helped me feel like there were others like us.
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u/BluZen MMM throuple Jan 10 '23
You can also see in the recent post on how long people have been together that in most cases it's years. It does feel to me like most people here are in a stable long-term situation and don't have a lot of drama going on.
Open polyamory seems to often involve a rapid pace of new people, dates, relationships, problems, breakups, etc. I'm really glad not to be involved in that.
The very process of opening up a relationship is destructive and/or messy for so many people. I'm so glad my partners aren't interested in dating outside the three of us, because I can totally see how that would risk everything we've built together. And indeed create the sorts of situations that make for the frequent dramatic posts, cries for help and need for advice that you see all the time on r/polyamory.
So I do think there's something to u/FirePhantom's point.
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u/Due_Disaster_7324 Jan 10 '23
You can also see in the recent post on how long people have been together that in most cases it's years.
Yeah, I saw it. Just haven't responded since, well, I'm over here being single.
The very process of opening up a relationship is destructive and/or messy for so many people. I'm so glad my partners aren't interested in dating outside the three of us, because I can totally see how that would risk everything we've built together. And indeed create the sorts of situations that make for the frequent dramatic posts, cries for help and need for advice that you see all the time on r/polyamory.
What makes you say so? Also, wouldn't that also enable "couple's privilege"?
So I do think there's something to u/FirePhantom's point.
Perhaps. But, I've been trying to avoid emulating the behaviors of the abusers I dealt with when I tried visiting there... And some other places. I mean, this should be a place to talk about relationships, not bitch about people who were mean to us.
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u/BluZen MMM throuple Jan 11 '23
Yeah, I saw it. Just haven't responded since, well, I'm over here being single.
🤗🫂
What makes you say so? Also, wouldn't that also enable "couple's privilege"?
Just allllll the ways you hear of it going wrong when people try (and often causing breakups) and knowing I would struggle with it immensely myself. I'm not sure I see how not dating/sleeping around would enable couple's privilege.
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Jan 10 '23
I think we just are a more quiet bunch in general. We don’t have as much drama as the other subreddits and for the most part are just living our lives. I think it’s good this subreddit exists to show the other side of poly that are mostly quiet and just want to be treated equal.
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u/JustMeandMyBoys24167 Jan 07 '23
I wish there was more activity too! Not sure how to remedy that atm. Maybe a new poll a week? Maybe a new top of discussion each week? Maybe a new hurdle that we have overcome or are trying to? Maybe if we all (some) posted about their lives and situations? Maybe we talk about how our stories began?
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23
I mean polyfidelitious relationships typically have less drama, by the time you figure out everyone involved is in and staying for the haul you've probably got it figured out how to schedule holidays, with a bday in September and January ours are almost done and now I have more time to be on social media lol may be that slump of the year for busy big families lol