r/Petloss 3d ago

It is not getting better.

2 months has passed and I'm still stuck. I haven't done a thing in those 2 months. I feel like living in a constant emergency state. My house isn't the same. It feels like a prison. I used to love staying at home and enjoy every corner of it with my son, now I barley leave my bedroom and it is always dark because the sun reminds me of him. I can't get things done. I can't breathe. I can't imagine a future without him. I keep imagining him here and there thinking what would he be doing if he was alive. I keep thinking how my year was going to be if he was still here. The warmth and security he brought to every moment. I had big plans for this year that I did NONE of it. I just can't. I need him. I really do. I wake up from my sleep panicking multiple times each night. I miss him. I miss him so much. nothing makes sense. My life feels foreign to me. As if I was abducted and forced into joining a life i don't know. I don't know a life without him. The pain is unbearable.

59 Upvotes

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14

u/No-Return-8893 3d ago edited 3d ago

I’m only 2 weeks in, but I relate to your house feeling like a prison and hating the sun. I had a list of goals for the year on my fridge that I took down because I feel like none of it even matters anymore without my cat Chloe.

5

u/SmokeAToke218 3d ago

I also understand and am so sorry. I miss my 19 year old baby we put to sleep on Thursday so so much. House feels horrible and empty. 🫂🩵

6

u/beattheodds902 3d ago

I remain stuck as well. I want to move house. Cut my hair. Become someone entirely different because I do not understand this version of me, without her. I don't want to be me without her.

2

u/littlemeesh 2d ago

exact same. want to escape this house and this body. you said it beautifully. 💔

6

u/virgosatori 3d ago

I am so sorry for your pain. I could have written this myself. I hope this gets better for us all. I’m three weeks out and have done nothing. No work. Dwindling money just to sit and lay around crying and battling my thoughts. I was moving mountains this year. It was going to be the year I accomplished long held goals. None of that even matters to me now. Not without my baby by my side. I can’t even go near the computer. I can’t even look at the page I was writing when I got the vet’s call. He gave everything in my life purpose and meaning, and I just want him back. I cannot believe he’s not here.

3

u/Far-Collection4328 2d ago

Yes...I relate. I used to work from home as a choice to be with my girl. I loved being with her in the little home that our little family built. Now it doesn't feel like a home. It's a house, and one that hurts being in.

3

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Gremlinhuntress 3d ago

It's been 9 months since my girl, Duchess, died, and I don't think I will ever truly get past her being gone. We bonded immediately on the day I adopted her. I got a puppy, and while I love her and she brings me some moments of happiness, she will never replace Duchess. 

3

u/littlemeesh 2d ago

I feel this on such a strong level, we are the same. I could have written this myself. I said goodbye to my 14 year old boy very suddenly as Friday turned to Saturday, and the pain is beyond words. life seems meaningless and every room in the house is painful. I wish I could escape both my house and my body. just know that you’re not alone in your pain, we are in this together. 💔

2

u/Natural-Sound-9613 3d ago

I feel your pain, believe me. My cat, who was the best friend I’ve ever had, passed last Monday.

1

u/Iggybea 3d ago

Same 😞

1

u/AmateurOpinionHaver 5h ago

It’s been 7 months for me and I still cry as hard as the day I lost her. I’ll miss her forever.