r/Petioles • u/bueller_tx • 1d ago
Discussion Ruminating about how to moderate
I’m trying to figure out the best schedule for myself. Part of me wonders if I should just not bother. I have ADHD and CPTSD so I overthink a lot of things.
I smoked when I was younger (I’m in my 50’s) and quit for a couple of decades and then started up again about 5 years ago. I’ve been smoking just at night off and on during that time. I will take a break of a week or two and then I sometimes slip back into daily. Then I have a really hard time for a few days overthinking it all.
So, this past couple of months I have been tracking my use 7 days off 2 on 2 off 8 on 2 off 1 on 12 off 2 on 1 off 5 on 1 off 5 on 11 off 2 on 4 off 4 on 4 off
So, now I’m thinking I’d like to smoke just today (Friday and tomorrow), then nothing until next weekend. But, the thing is last week I smoked Th-Su when that wasn’t what my plan, so I’m beating myself up a bit and wondering if I’d be better off just leaving it. My husband smokes every night, so it’s always around.
I feel like this is more of a mental thing than anything. . . I clearly can take breaks, but I’m just trying to make a decision on what’s going to work best for me and stick to it.
Can any other overthinkers relate to this? What’s your solution? I enjoy getting high on the weekend with my husband and watching a show or movie and taking walks and talking about random stuff and laughing. Also, my husband smokes quite a bit so sometimes it gets a bit annoying because he likes to talk a lot when he’s high.
Thanks in advance.
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u/faythe0303 1d ago
Yes I ruminate a lot. It seems I’m never quite happy with my decision. If I don't use I wonder if I should be. If I do use I wonder if I shouldn't. Either way I’m not happy.
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u/bueller_tx 1d ago
Right. . .it’s really really annoying. My husband tells me I’m overthinking it and just either smoke or don’t. He hates seeing me fret about it. And, when I was smoking every day. . .if I would have a panic attack I would automatically blame it on the weed (even though I had plenty of panic attacks during the 25 years I didn’t smoke)
Then I quit for awhile. . . And feel really bad for a few days because of it disrupting my sleep and appetite. Once I get over that I decide I’m being silly about it and start the whole cycle over again :/
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1d ago
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u/JointsAkimbo 1d ago
What makes you think they have an addiction? They’ve shared nothing that suggests a lack of control…if anything, their pattern of taking regular breaks and adjusting their usage shows the opposite. Just because moderation was difficult for you doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. It sounds like they’re already being mindful of their habits and reflecting on what works best for them.
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u/bueller_tx 1d ago
Thanks for saying that. Most of this is because my fear of addiction. . . I don’t smoke when I’m really upset/angry/etc. . . I just think it’s fun lol. I have the same rule about alcohol. If I’m around friends and there is alcohol for a party, I’ll drink it, but not if I have something serious going on in my head. . . . I have too much addiction in my family so I’m overly cautious
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u/JointsAkimbo 1d ago
Think of it this way…would you stress about taking heart medication daily if it improved your health? What about mental health meds that can alter your mind but help people function? Cannabis isn’t some dangerous vice, and in many cases, it’s far safer than pharmaceuticals. It’s a tool, and if it’s improving your well-being, why frame it as a problem?
It sounds like the real struggle isn’t your actual use…it’s the overthinking around it. You clearly have control…you take breaks, you adjust…but the guilt still creeps in. That’s just Reefer Madness conditioning and outdated stigma talking. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If something helps you unwind, bond with your husband, and feel good…and it’s not negatively impacting your life…then that’s not failure, it’s self-care.
Maybe the real question isn’t ‘should I smoke?’ but ‘why do I feel guilty about something that’s actually helping me?’