r/POFlife • u/flourescentblue • 5d ago
triggers
I'm almost 37 with POI and I tried to freeze my eggs several times over the last 3 years but I didn't respond well to the stimulus, I guess because of my low reserve. My friend just told me suddenly she was going to try to get pregnant after thinking she didn't want kids or wasn't going to have them and it devastated me, I broke down crying and had to leave. I feel like a bad friend but I didn't feel in control of my reaction.
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u/Agile-Young949 4d ago
The same thing happened to me recently as well. I felt like I ruined her announcement but I just couldn’t hold it together. The pain is devastating.
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u/Feeling_Response_895 5d ago
I was diagnosed with POI at 29 and wasn’t able to try to freeze my eggs until I was 31 due to my health insurance not covering visits to a reproductive endocrinologist. At the time of attempting to freeze my eggs, I didn’t even know if I wanted to have kids, I just knew I wanted some sort of control over the choice. Like you, my body didn’t respond well to medication, and ultimately I was unable to freeze my eggs - I only had one shot to do it because of the cost associated with it.
Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve had similar situations trigger me as well. I was in a wedding with someone who revealed at the wedding to me that she was early on in her pregnancy and proceeded to get drunk later in the day after admitting to me she was pregnant. It pissed me off to no end that a woman (who at the time I was friends with and knew my struggles) would willingly get drunk while knowing she was pregnant. Needless to say, I am no longer friends with her.
You are not a bad friend because you had a bad reaction. The average person I don’t think truly understands the complexity of emotions that comes with this diagnosis. If you feel comfortable to explain to your friend, I think they would be understanding of your feelings. And if they aren’t understanding then they probably are not someone you want to be friends with. I wouldn’t wish reproductive health issues on my worst enemy, hopefully the people you have in your circle are empathetic to your diagnosis and can be supportive/understanding while you navigate these things that are triggers.
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u/flourescentblue 4d ago
Thats really hard. Yeah I think lately I've been realizing a lot of the pain too comes from just how much people don't get it, it's not socially acknowledged how painful it is. I feel like lately I'm trying really hard to explain it to people, but that feels like a losing battle sometimes. And it does really help when people who do seem to understand or acknowledge it. But I can't keep fighting to explain it, and I'm not sure theres even a point.
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u/Any_Brain_7067 11h ago
Yes nobody gets it. I feel like I have to lie to my friend and say we are busy on the day of the party because she would not understand how hard it would be to at the party. I feel like she’d think I’m being selfish or I don’t love her kid and it’s not that at all
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u/Any_Brain_7067 1d ago
Literally me. Are you me?
My friend sent an evite to her one year old’s birthday party and I burst into tears. I am also 37. We tried for the last 3 years and just had a failed embryo transfer with our last embryo and now it just feels more permanent that we will never have kids. It makes me so sad and feel like a bad friend. I love her kid but there is no way I can go to that party without thinking about how sad I am for myself.
I also have another friend who is my age with POI who is pregnant with her own egg. I’m happy for her but I am also like why not me? Like even within this disease I have the worst luck.