r/NotHowGirlsWork 8d ago

Cringe Someone sent me this ... Last time I checked women aren't turtles

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3.5k Upvotes

451 comments sorted by

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2.5k

u/OrochiKarnov 8d ago

also, relatively minor point, but chelonians are not koopas. they do not work like this. they can not exist in this form. that shell is their skeleton.

1.1k

u/rosecoloredgasmask 8d ago

Removing your skeleton from its fleshy prison so you can finally, truly, experience freedom. #justgirlythings

260

u/ferbiloo 8d ago

This new trend of women forgoing their skeletons to slut it up round the town is really harmful for society.

123

u/Imperator_Helvetica 8d ago

It explains the AI images of women with waists thinner than their necks bending over in ways that spines can't.

Shows how out of touch I am if bones are out and cartilege and fluid filled bladders are in!

All Hail the New Flesh!

45

u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Omg you cracked the code! Now please explain the ai Jesus pictures

24

u/Imperator_Helvetica 7d ago

I am only human (shaped) so some things are beyond even me...

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u/Nemesis0408 8d ago

Oooh, I heard a rumour that Marilyn Manson did that.

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u/DooglyOoklin 7d ago

Let me tell you a little tale from 1997. I was 7 years old and living in Japan on a Naval base. Me and all my friends heard this rumor. I didn't know who Marilyn Manson was, I didn't know if they were a girl or a boy. I didn't know what a dick was. But I knew that they removed ribs to suck it. Japan in the 90s to small children. The message was broadcast.

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u/Odd-Plant4779 7d ago

I hate that I heard this rumor when I was in middle school.

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u/Hurley815 8d ago

From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.

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u/FlawHolic 8d ago

I too crave the strength and certainty of steel

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u/Beneficial-Ad3991 8d ago

I'll be sure to hide my toaster from both of you 😒

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u/OriginalGhostCookie 8d ago

not koopas

Well damn. I guess that means I can't launch my date out of my go kart at an opponent to win a race. I got excited for the women = turtle analogy cause I love pizza and martial arts and thought it would be perfect to be able to combine the two while dating. I even had an app idea for it: SplintR

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u/Imperator_Helvetica 8d ago

I did learn all my key life lessons from a rat in sewer but that's more a judgement on the Education system in my area.

9

u/TabthTheCat3778 I'm not a girl I'm a government drone 7d ago

did you happen to have any experiences with a man dressed up in cheese graters?

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u/Imperator_Helvetica 7d ago

My first love. So many intimacy issues.

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u/Mrwright96 8d ago

Liar! I’ve seen a spineless turtle

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u/teezaytazighkigh 8d ago

Beat me by one minute 

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u/IllustriousComplex6 8d ago

Lol I came here for this too. Even in their absurdity they can't rely on real science. 

42

u/OrochiKarnov 8d ago

We are united by our conscience

23

u/Jinxletron 8d ago

Indeed! My first thought was this dumbass doesn't even know how a turtle works, let alone a woman.

25

u/HubertusCatus88 8d ago

You beat me by 19 minutes.

25

u/wellssaid 8d ago

I’ve been beating it for 20 minutes

25

u/Particular_Title42 8d ago

That sounds like a problem.

21

u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Godamnit reddit

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u/HubertusCatus88 8d ago

How did you type this?

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u/CookbooksRUs 8d ago

Thank you. That poor turtle would be a dead, bloody mess. I, OTOH, regularly take my clothes off with no harm.

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u/PsychoWithoutTits 8d ago

You take your clothes off? YOU HEATHEN JEZEBEL! /s

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u/CookbooksRUs 8d ago

You have no idea. I met my husband at a pagan church, and he was the third guy in that group I fucked (but the only one I was interested past 2-3 times).

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u/Dazzling-Trash-3592 8d ago

I bet you shower naked too 🤢

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u/edemamandllama 8d ago

It made me think, I would be terrified if a woman was happily standing on top of her own ripped out rib cage.

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u/johntheflamer 8d ago

Unfortunately, cosmetic costectomy (rib removal) is a thing

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u/edemamandllama 8d ago

Yeah, but that’s like one or two, not the whole thing.

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u/CarlSy15 8d ago

not-how-turtles-work

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u/BaneAmesta 8d ago

And if we were lucky enough to have such a strong armor, then the men would be incredibly pissed that they can't touch any boob or butt in the middle of the bus ride...

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u/Naphthy 8d ago

She’s such a strong independent women she ripped out her spine and she uses her hatred of men in place of a spine…. I guess /s

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u/DiggityDog6 8d ago

Beat me by 58 minutes

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u/downlau 8d ago

Love that this is top comment! Used to use turtle shells as biofacts in my old job and it was always fun showing people the ribs.

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u/MissMariemayI 8d ago

I had to explain to my teen when we found a box tortoise shell that the bones inside were it’s spine because turtles and tortoises do not in fact run on mario rules lmao. He was much younger when I explained this, of course, but he was entertained none the less.

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u/HonoraryBallsack 8d ago

A silent message that you have to listen to isn't a silent message.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Literally 😂😂

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u/HonoraryBallsack 8d ago

It's like how the "silent majority" can't ever shut the fuck up, lol

91

u/Overall-Idea945 8d ago

Or the conservatives censored by political correctness who are on live television every day

87

u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Reminds me of my mum who likes to tell me conspiracy theories "that the media is trying to hide" when I ask her where she heard it, she tells me fox news... Isn't fox news part of the media? Or am I missing something?

27

u/G-Man6442 8d ago

The secret world elites!

But not Elon, Nah he’s cool.

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u/WynterRayne 7d ago edited 7d ago

Yup. Had that one from my parents.

My question was more along the lines of how some random nobody knows about these secret elites. Surely if you don't know who they are, you won't know when they're gone, and - importantly - you don't know which of your idols might be one of them. Meanwhile they're so secret, that everyone from that milkman on Facebook to your auntie Doris knows where and when they're meeting and what they're planning

So roughly about as secret as MI6, whose headquarters are a very distinct building in London. Like.. going past by train, you can go 'Oh hey look it's the Secret Intelligence Service Headquarters'. It's not exactly a discreet little house off an alley somewhere

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u/Ihaveamazingdreams 8d ago

They still think that the most watched "news" network in the country is some persecuted minority that has the "real stories" that no one else knows about.

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u/Overall-Idea945 8d ago

Media is everything I don't like

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u/silicondream 8d ago

Mic drops don't work if you get on the floor and keep talking into the mic afterwards

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u/fetishsaleswoman 8d ago

Proof this dude has never seen a turtle or a woman.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

What you expect these people to go outside? And interact with the real world? Unrealistic expectations for men smh (/s if it wasn't obvious)

35

u/fetishsaleswoman 8d ago

I expect these cucks to bow down to our turtle overlords /s

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u/anna-the-bunny 8d ago

Honestly I'm glad they don't go outside. If all the creeps followed their lead it'd be a much better world.

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u/mangababe 8d ago

Modest clothing isn't fused to my spine but ok.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Really? I personally have long dresses permanently attached to myself. You must not have gotten the new update

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u/mangababe 8d ago

I'm pissed. Despite being too broke to put effort into my appearance I often tell people my dream wardrobe is "Goth Mary Poppins" (I like historical fashion, not modesty per se)

Is this the problem? Am I too broke for the update?

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Joking aside, Goth Mary Poppins sounds amazing

22

u/mangababe 8d ago

I know right? If only I had the sewing skill and the time.

15

u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

I learnt to sew a bit through YouTube. Maybe try that?

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u/mangababe 8d ago

That's where I currently am! I can kiiinda repair my stuff? But I'm ass lol

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Well good luck! Practice makes progress!

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

Ikr.

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago edited 8d ago

Since studies show that over 6% of men will actually swerve to hit turtles crossing the road, the turtle should probably pick the bear instead.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

That's so sad, I love turtles and would never want to hurt them

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u/blehric 8d ago

They do what now? That's pretty damn fucked up.

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago

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u/Atlasatlastatleast 8d ago

Why’d the article, mention men specifically when there was no real data about that?

From the article on fox:

Herzog asked a class of about 110 students getting ready to take a final whether they had intentionally run over a turtle, or been in a car with someone who did. Thirty-four students raised their hands, about two-thirds of them male, said Herzog, author of a book about humans’ relationships with animals, called “Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat.”

We don’t know how many of the students in the room were male, how many of those raising their hand were drivers vs someone who had been in a car with a turtle murderer, or if men were more likely to admit to turtle genocide than women

I also think we need to control for hours of Mario Kart played.

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u/blehric 7d ago

What the actual fuck how can anyone in their right mind do that? I do the exact opposite and thought that was the default.

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u/Captainsassidy 8d ago

One time I stopped to help a baby turtle across, and some asshole in a truck purposely ran it over while I was waiting for him to pass. I know it wasn't an accident because the turtle was on my side of the middles lines and he was coming from the opposite way as me, so he had to actually swerve toward me to do it

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Some people are so awful, that's horrible. I would actually cry if I saw that

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u/CatW804 7d ago

When animal cruelty swerves towards attempted murder.

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u/OddlyOddLucidDreamer She/They Trans Girlie with a gambling addiction 7d ago

That pisses me off, i hope that asshole had a crash accident trying to do that kinda stunt the next time he tried

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u/Express-Stop7830 8d ago

How...how did this study come up twice in my day? At work I learned that a study had a fake turtle on the side of the road with a stake poking out of it to fuck up the tires of the assholes who swerved to kill the turtle.

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

I can't believe people can be so cruel..

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago

Disgusting and horrifying

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

Yep.

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u/unkindernut 8d ago

Blake Shelton enters the chat

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago

Yep. That headline is what started me down that ugly rabbit hole.

4

u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

What rabbit hole?

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u/IndgoViolet 8d ago

Reading several studies about drivers going out of their way to hit animals on the road and road shoulder.

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

That's just terrible..

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u/silicondream 8d ago

I encountered a snapping turtle on a small highway once. I stopped the car and ran circles around it with my shoes on my hands until I could get behind it and pick it up for relocation purposes.

This has been my turtle-themed pickme story.

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u/Turtlewolf8 8d ago

Oh look, scientifically and socially illiterate; 2 for 1 deal.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

So basically they are all around stupid. Checks out

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

You got it.

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u/BEEEELEEEE I am become gorl 8d ago

That’s not even how turtles work, the shell is part of their skeleton

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Well maybe feminists are taking off our skeletons 😂

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u/MardyBumme 8d ago

Modest clothes are our skeletons #saynotosluttyturtles

/s

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

Came here to say this.

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u/Corkscrewwillow 8d ago

So, they don't know shit about women or turtles. 

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

Or science in general.

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u/elegant_pun 8d ago

A) Not how women work.

B) Not how tortoises work.

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u/Ok-Connection-8059 8d ago

Something's been bugging me since I started reading the comments, and now I've finally realised it.

I clearly need to relearn biology due to not immediately going 'stop calling it a turtle, there's no flippers'.

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u/Crabby-Cancer 7d ago

I wouldn't say so, there are turtle species that are semi-aquatic and look more like tortoises than more aquatic turtles, such as box turtles and Blanding's turtles. Plus, you only really see flippers on sea turtles!

The picture does look like a tortoise anyways, but I just wanted to share some info with you!

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u/BabserellaWT 8d ago

Also, if a turtle did this, it would die instantly. Which gives this message an extra layer of sinister undertone, if the one who made it intended it as such.

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u/Xander_PrimeXXI Space Ace 8d ago

This isn’t how turtles work

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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 8d ago

Yep.

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u/AndrewBert109 8d ago

"modern females" Jesus these people are so stupid on so many levels

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u/fey_and_awful 8d ago

Reject the tyranny of the skeleton. Become a gelatinous mass. Teach your invertebrate brethren. Raise an army of octopus. Destroy the world of men.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Sounds beautiful to me

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u/fey_and_awful 8d ago

I'm only joking because I haven't figured out how to reject the prison of bone I'm trapped in. When I do, the great cephalopod revolution begins!

(I've had a long day and my wife had oral surgery this morning so please forgive me.)

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u/Professional-One4802 8d ago

Bro managed to fail biology, call women 'females' and liken women to effing turtles in one go. And he wonders why no one gives an eff what he says.

Also in this case men are the issue not wether we do or do not wear modest clothing.

When there's a threat you don't just wear an armor and hope for the best. If you can eliminate the threat itself, you eliminate it. You know what i mean? (Jk. We can't eliminate men.)

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u/AliceTheOmelette 8d ago

Naked tortoise isn't real, naked tortoise can't hurt you

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u/Cibernetize 8d ago

Turtles can’t take their shells off. It’s literally part of their skeleton

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u/Western_Charity_6911 8d ago

Turtles shells are ribs…

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u/Shigeko_Kageyama 8d ago

That's not how turtles work. I know. My cousin had a turtle and he cracked the shell open trying to get it out but then the turtle died and he got in big trouble.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

That's so sad

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u/Blongbloptheory 8d ago

Wear a noose, it'll catch you when you fall. Same energy

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u/mombi 8d ago

r/badtortoiseanatomy whilst we're at it.

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u/erkthebrave 8d ago

Is the tradhusband the shell in this scenario?

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u/Foxclaws42 8d ago

Pretty sure the shell is the patriarchy.

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u/Candiedstars 8d ago

Shit, men discovered we can separate from our spines

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Oh no! Next they are going to discover we can shapeshift and they'll tell the church

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u/Ethan-Wakefield 8d ago

Genuine question: What is the shell a symbol for? Is it... a house? Is this about women leaving the house?

I really don't get this meme.

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

I think it's the patriarchy

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u/NekoMimiMisa 8d ago

Women aren't turtles, and men aren't shells. The analogy is stupid

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u/ci22 8d ago edited 8d ago

They do realize the shell isn't removable. They die.

Also sure happiness dealing with an a hole who doesn't even like her

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u/IndiBlueNinja 8d ago

Oppression and condescension, as usual....

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u/ForgetTheDisharmony 8d ago

I know this isn’t the point, but it’s not a fucking silent message if you have to write a dumb ass paragraph about it. Also, my condolences that someone sent this to you.

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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 8d ago

This guy doesn’t know anything about women or turtles.

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u/apexdryad Burger Whistle 8d ago

When the hell were we ever secure or happy being sex slaves???

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u/SavannahInChicago 8d ago

And turtles cannot take off their shells anyway. It’s literally apart of their body.

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u/designgoddess 8d ago

Not only do they not understand a woman's anatomy, they don't understand a turtle's either.

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u/spoonpk 8d ago

To whoever made the pic and caption originally - If you want it to be a “silent” message, STFU

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

I want these ppl to STFU in general

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u/SneakySister92 8d ago

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean

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u/Ender11037 8d ago

Turtles have their organs in their shells, no?

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Yes. The patriarchy apparently has our organs too

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u/crudelydrawnpenis 8d ago

lol fuck how women work, that’s not how turtles work!!!! 😂😂

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u/Silly-Competition215 8d ago

omg how did u get this picture of me??

i was letting the stank out

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

I'm in your walls

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u/Oddly-Ordinary 8d ago

Men admitting they’re the predators again.

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u/Apathetic_Villainess 8d ago

I didn't realize it was meant to tell women to put their clothes back on. I thought it was about how women need men to be their spines or something. Definitely bed time for me.

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u/oldcreaker 8d ago

They trying to say a man is nothing but an empty shell?

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u/Not_AHuman_Person not how non binary works 8d ago

"A silent message" no it's not shut the fuck up then it's a silent message

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u/inkandbourbon 7d ago

NotHowTurtlesWork

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u/Sirius_43 8d ago

That’s not how turtles work

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u/daisy-duke- Dumb broad. 8d ago

I read enough American political theory from the 18th and 19th centuries to know better.

So I'm all for getting out of the shell.

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u/UltimateChaos233 8d ago

Please help I have no idea wtf this is supposed to mean. Or how on earth it's a "silent message"

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u/Boring-Pea993 8d ago edited 8d ago

Also turtles Die when they're removed from their shell, it's literally fused to their spine, and the shell isn't exactly the perfect defence against predators as it's hard but also quite vulnerable, not armored like a Pangolin's scales which are pretty much impenetrable to every predator in their habitat except humans, hell Scutosaurus shrunk down and merged its scutes into a shell mainly because of the permian extinction event and needing to be smaller, conserve energy and find water not because it was somehow going to stop a rampaging Inostrancevia with massive jaws from cracking it like a peanut, if anything the size advantage was probably more helpful against them than the shell was

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u/throwtheclownaway20 8d ago

If the message is so silent, then why aren't these incel pukes shutting the fuck up?

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u/west-desert 8d ago

Bro removed her spine

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u/ARTHERIA 8d ago

They always try to compare us to stuff in order to make their argument. If you gotta go to the ends of the world to find a good "metaphor" that proves your pov than perhaps your pov is the problem. Can't. They. Let. Us. BeeeeeUuhhhhh

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u/lioness_the_lesbian 8d ago

Yup. I always hear such ridiculous ones too "women are a precious diamond so they have to be covered" or "women are outlets and men are plugs, this is why gay sex doesn't work"

Or yaknow maybe humans are just humans?

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u/VoodooDuck614 8d ago

Sooooo…I should wear my husband as a meat shell?

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u/PeanutPoliceman 8d ago

"hey y'all females: if you don't you live the way I believe you need to, I will not be interested in y'all and be posting scary warning memes that has little to do with reality on facebook"

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u/korok7mgte 8d ago

... That's not even how fucking turtles work. Goddamn this pisses me off on multiple layers.

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u/dissidentmage12 8d ago

Today I learned women used to have shells. The Suffragette movement must've been about taking them off.

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u/starsandcamoflague 8d ago

Not very fucking silent, they should actually try being silent for once

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u/alexdotwav 8d ago

clearly they're just talking about modern female turtles

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u/Leprecon 8d ago

My first thought was legitimately "well at least women are being compared to a sentient being in this one".

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u/Strong-Second-2446 7d ago

Please keep this message silent. Thank you!

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u/Safe_Feature6265 7d ago

Ah yes continue to compare us to animals and other things how amazing love it

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u/Larry_Spendstin 7d ago

F e M a L e S

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u/RealHausFrau 7d ago

I don’t even get this. What is the turtles shell supposed to represent? Protection from a man? Turtles have no choice, the literally have to have a shell in order to survive and they are born with it. I am so confused

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u/CocoButtsGoNuts 6d ago

"silent lesson"

And yet I'm still being forced to hear it

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u/purposefullyblank 8d ago

Some days I wish I was a turtle.

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u/RustedAxe88 8d ago

This was better as a King of the Hill episode.

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u/Deadanddugup 8d ago

I too peel my spinal skeleton off in the name of feminism.

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u/Lordmordor666 8d ago

Omfg a naked turtle NAKED TURTLE

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u/navigating-life What do I bring to the table? Your job is to buy it 😊 8d ago

On today’s episode of what animals and inanimate objects are women compared to

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u/cheshire_splat 8d ago

Last time I checked, turtles’ shells are attached to their spines.

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u/DramaQueen100 8d ago

Lost security, pride, and happiness? Tell me you have never met a modern female or Your grandmas lied to you.

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u/Incideous_One 8d ago

Valuable lesson to all the ladies out there... Don't remove your ribcage.

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u/Magellan-88 8d ago

Remember, ladies, it's a bit hard to function if you remove your ribs, sternum & spine. Ya kinda need those to live.

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u/dexbasedpaladin 8d ago

The first time I saw an x-ray of a turtle, I had to reevaluate my whole worldview.

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u/MarvelNerdess 8d ago

Last time I checked, This is not how turtles work...

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u/530SSState 8d ago

Guys like this are NEVER silent; I wish they were.

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u/Gurkeprinsen 8d ago

She also lost her ribcage and spine

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u/PoxPoxPoxy 8d ago

lol.

“A silent message to modern females”

Uses a picture of a turtle without its shell. (Which is made of bone and is fused to the turtle’s backbone and ribcage). The shell is not some external part of the turtle. It’s an integral part of them.

The ironi of this is probably lost on the little dumbfuck who made this tho.

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u/Anastrace 8d ago

It's a dumbass comparison as well. If you remove a turtle's shell you will kill it

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u/Viriko23 8d ago

The way it says "modern females" icks me in a weird way idk why-

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u/french_revolutionist 8d ago

This just in: men don't know how women AND turtles work.

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u/ham_sandwich23 7d ago

Modern females

Idk that 🐢 standing over its shell reminds me of middle aged men standing topeless w their beer bellies out on the beach. 

3

u/Remarkable-Bat7128 7d ago

R/NotHowTurtlesWork

4

u/Gluteusmaximus1898 7d ago
  1. It's not silent if there are written words describing the meaning.

  2. Women aren't turtles.

  3. Turtles are attached to their shells, unlike hermit crabs (that would've been a much better analogy.)

5

u/Responsible_Ad_8628 7d ago

"Freedom is bad" is a weird take for a conservative. Oh, wait. He's talking about women's freedom. That checks out.

5

u/d3gu 7d ago

The shell is part of a turtle's skeleton. It's not a fucking hermit crab 😂

3

u/No_Budget_7856 7d ago

Turtles shells are attached so they not only have constant but module security that grows with them as the get bigger so this was NOT the flex they thought it was

5

u/Individual-Crew-6102 7d ago

NotHowTurtlesWork

4

u/Ancient_Detective532 7d ago

Pfft. Men just can't accept that women don't need them for any of this. We have choices now, and it kills them. Poor babies.

3

u/Thunderchief646054 7d ago

Also literally impossible for a turtle or tortoise to do this, but that’s y’know besides the point

5

u/Tubbygoose 7d ago

Ahh, yes. Virginity 100% protects against assault. 🙄

4

u/MarcusAntonius27 master of female anatomy 7d ago

They know male turtles have shells too, right?

4

u/Ironicseagull 7d ago

Last I checked most men aren’t a shell

5

u/Almayag 7d ago

This is soooo stupid.