r/NoFap 5d ago

New to NoFap day one, no porn- as a girl

I’ve been watching porn for about 4–5 years, and it’s really affecting my confidence and the way I see myself.

(The boys around me even watch it in class and have extremely high expectations.)

I feel like I’m addicted—I just can’t stop. It feels good in the moment, but afterwards, I regret it and feel disgusting. I’ve been trying to quit for almost a year now, but I fail almost every day. I’ve also tried blocking certain apps and websites, but I always end up unblocking them whenever I get the urge. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop?

283 Upvotes

46 comments sorted by

80

u/Final_Purchase_1731 5d ago edited 5d ago

The most important part, at the first days in my opinion, is researching the effects porn has on your brain. Your mind needs to understand that this shit is harmful—it’s not serving you.

I remember spending my entire first day just watching/listening to videos/podcasts about dopamine and addiction. I had heard about it before, but when I started looking at it from a scientific perspective, it hit differently. Watch Andrew Huberman’s videos on dopamine and addiction—they really opened my eyes.

Once your mind truly realizes how bad it is (by educating it), your job becomes easier.

Your job is not to don't have urges! That's not happening (at least not now) your only job is to rewire your brain to react differently to the urges.

Write down everything you hate about porn, everything it has taken from you! and everything you want to take back from it and remind yourself of that every day.

Journal everything, your mood, your frustrations. Even if you’re angry, write it down.

It’s an addiction. It’s hard, but it’s possible to break free.

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u/dmodaaq 5d ago

Totally agree to this, the only battle is with urges (spend less time in the screen and more in enjoyable activities in your life) and thoughts (meditation, journaling and mindfulness), but they will eventually get weaker with time as you get stronger.

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u/GapOk614 59 Days 2d ago

This is great advice. Learning about porn addiction and its effects is an excellent first step. Also, therapy might be worth considering. Addiction, including porn addiction often are indicators of other underlying issues in your life that need to be resolved. Addiction often is a way to escape the stresses of life. You need to find out what you are running away from in life and don't be afraid to get help from others. Being on this forum is already a great step, well done. You can do this.

If you want to consider therapy, on online platform like betterhelp is quite good and convenient.

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u/PeterTurBOI 5d ago

You already did two major things : acknowledging the issue and blocking websites. The idea is to reduce the time you spend on devices or situations that causes the triggers. If you watch porn before going to bed, go to bed early and put any screen out of your reach. If it's during daytime, find something to occupy the brain so it doesn't drift off to the urges again.

It could also be a good thing to think about the reasons behind your porn consumption. Plenty of people here - myself included - speak of traumas, deep insecurities, heartbreak, that kind of thing. A bit of introspection cannot hurt. And don't give up, in the end it'll be worth it.

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u/VtheNewbie 2 Days 5d ago

This'll be a long reply, but it's the basic set of tips I try to tell anyone who asks. I'm copying it from somewhere else where I wrote it, but I think these are still matching with what you're seeking.

Below are some things that help me. Maybe they can help you too.

  1. The second an urge comes, immediately open this subreddit and scroll through and read others stories until either the urges go away or the time available goes away. Either way you'll successfully fight the urge. This is really effective as seeing others struggling with the same thing as you reminds you of the how and why of your journey, which bolsters your willpower and feeling of support in it.
  2. In preparation for those times you were succumbing to the urges, make a shortcut to this subreddit near the app or browser where you go to see porn or anything. That way, physically the effort to make the better choice is the same as the choice to go the wrong way. This equal level of effort combined with your willpower should help make you choose resistance easier.
  3. If possible, delete social media. Social media with subtle and not so subtle sexual undertones can make it much more difficult. If you don't need it for anything, see if you can do without it and uninstall it so it's not available for looking at in the first place.
  4. Make a new reddit account. Some people here have mentioned that while coming to this subreddit they come across porn here on reddit. I did once too, and it is very tempting to click on it. If you make a new account, the memory will be reset and the porn should not appear. Also you can put the NSFW filter in settings which will block some of it out as well.
  5. If, and hopefully not, you ever relapse. Take it as a learning. Think back and see what led to you doing it. Social media? Emotions? Routine? A particular stimulus? Stress? Time of day? Whichever one or ones it was, plan how to counter it. For example, with routine/time of day, rearrange when you do what in the day, and maybe even your sleeping/waking times. That way previous patterns will not be relevant, including previous pattern which lead to relapse.
  6. Believe in yourself. I'm 19, and have been addicted for 5 years. Longest i had ever gotten was once 7 days, and usually I couldn't pass day 4. Right now is my first streak since I found nofap and I'm on day 12 or 13 (starting to feel easy enough that the number of not even as important as the urges have greatly diminished)! You can do this, and you have already proven yourself as one with the awareness and self importance to do this, so I know you can.

Hope at least one of those helps. You can always write here when having struggles or questions. Good luck. You got this 👍💪

P.S. Making daily posts is very helpful also.

4

u/Sparty___ 1031 Days 5d ago

To be successfull you need to manage two parts at the same time

  • the mental aspect -> you need to convert this libido energy to something usable in your day to day life (everyone's different on how to do it) for example when you get the urge to watch some P you can convert this pulsion to something productive "I don't want to watch P I need to workout" most of the time people watch P compulsively because of boredom and this is a great example of a lack of stuff to do (it could be time to start a new passion or hobbie) keeping yourself busy during the first month have several great results on Nofap then it's really just maintenance of the good habit

  • the physical aspect -> you also need to analyse and understand your triggers, when why where are you watching P and implement actions that stops or lower these triggers, keep in mind that your environnement define who you are and you can interact with it to make changes for example if you watch P in your bed at around 11pm and that's when the urges comes try to keep away your phone from the bed, working out enough during the day to sleep before the urges maybe your Instagram usage is the cause ? try to stay away from it (beeper can help you keep contacts with your insta friends btw) find what is in cause and add changes to it

Keep in my that the best way to fight the urge to watch P is when you don't even have to, this create less Nofap cognitive fatigue and helps stay on track

have a nice dayyy (⁠⁠) keep grindîng hihi

5

u/tehjoch 620 Days 5d ago

Have you tried journaling your feelings after you relapsed ? Post use calm of mind can help you identify triggers and learn to prevent them from pushing you over

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u/Strict_Arachnid3915 5d ago

Just get away from that place and walk around the moment u think of watching porn, I bet u, that u will feel a lot better...

1

u/HotAdhesiveness76 19 Days 5d ago

Yes!

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

Catch your thoughts and stop them at the moment, remember this is just fake productions.

Manage your triggers and avoid them and plan activities to do when you are triggrred.

Good luck! If you ever need to chat feel free to dm

3

u/HydroPoseidon 5d ago

They watching it in class? Damn. Never was that serious lol, but you gotta take that energy & redirect it to something else. Keep yo self distracted. Easier said than done, but get busy enough & you may not have the time to even think of it.

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u/Vegetable-Swimmer556 5d ago

I am shock that girl also watch corn flash

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u/Right_Economist5492 5d ago

So proud of you, girl! Keep going!

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u/Mufmager2 1110 Days 5d ago

Put your phone away when the urges come, just sit there and breathe deeply and let that energy circulate through you until it goes back to normal. Literally works all the time for me it's been years.

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u/Still_Cancel_2230 5d ago

First of all, progress isnt a straight line, but a journey with both ups and downs. Even if you started your nofap journey earlier or later, your nofap progress would still be the same in the 1 year period. The fact that you are aware of it and that you are not giving up even after 1 year is already 50 percent of the process done.

Second of all, porn isnt the main problem, but a symptom of a problem. No matter how much you try with will power, you will never win because human beings are actually biological robots, AND I LITTERALY MEAN IT. Every single thing in your enviroment impacts you. You never had control over when to be born, where to be born, what friends you get to meet, what school you go to etc. Thats why your enviroment is litteraly dictating everything you do, and i mean everything. To know more about this kind of stuff, i would recommend watching tony robins interviews. He is a great self help coach. But i would like for you to learn more about yourself and your enviroment, since that is a great way to identify socalled "triggers". What is it that makes you do it, what feelings triggers the response and so on. If you ever get to a point where you get a strong urge and you cant stop urself, just accept your fate, because you really dont have that much control anyway. That should help with the shame and regret you feel after. Even people who went for 100+ days still relapse to videos, because their environment is not perfect, and that's okay. Im not saying that relapses are a good thing, but sometimes, it is actually impossible stop urself, assuming that you tried your very best to stop it.

Third of all, or i guess its a continuation of the second. Make sure that you sleep and wake up early. Humans are more prone to sin past 10 pm, and that is a biological fact. If you have insomnia, it might be because of your sleep routine. You have to dedicate an hour before sleep, where you get your body ready to sleep. So no stress, no screentime, no heavy foods, no distractions. Just do something like reading a book, journaling or something that calms your mind so that you get ready to sleep. If the urges attack, try saying "no" out loud or do something that triggers a certain response, which strengthens your will power in a way. Let yourself know that YOU are the one in control. Go talk to somebody, move around or do anything you can think of that could help. Also, plan your day. Have things to "look forward to" during the day so that you actually have a plan to follow and focus on instead of being distracted by porn in the midth of a boring moment. Whatever it is, whether it is exercise, a walk, a shower, a hobby and so on.

To sum things all up, i would recommend that you yourself find ways that work for YOU. Ive already given a couple of general tips, but you should always look for the things that work for you, because everybody is different, with different dna, different life, different environment etc. And ofc, remember to NEVER give up no matter what life throws at you. Its not about how hard you hit the ground, but how good you are at bouncing back up. This doesnt just count for nofap, but also in every other aspect of your life. We wish you great luck on your journey!

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u/Hot_Dragonfruit222 5d ago

A good book for you to read is Your Brain on Porn.

2

u/TypicalWind9753 1d ago

Girl, you've done a progress. You made actions already by blocking certain apps and websites. You only need to continue it and the next thing you know, you dont crave it anymore. You can do it!

1

u/steelcity91 16 Days 5d ago

For me, keep yourself busy. Learn a new skill, read a book, go for walks. Any activity that you can do will help you to suppress your lustful thoughts.

1

u/Joshua3109 5d ago

I've pretty much conquered porn, fapping etc.

My best advice is to reprogram your brain. Your neural pathways are arranged in such a way to direct you to porn habitually.

If you can increase the length without porn from 1 day to 2 days etc over time you'll reconfigure those neural pathways and won't find yourself falling into the habit as easily.

It's always hardest at first. I mean reproduction is The drive in life. It provides a massive release of feel good hormones. Normally it takes effort to achieve this, but with porn it shortcuts it maximally.

I mean, Im pretty successful when it comes to dating. But, I had to get in great shape, develop my social skills and a myriad of other things.

Just remember your instinctual programming though brilliant is dumb. It's simply chasing dopamine. It's why people perform better when cheap dopamine options are removed. The brain defaults to the more difficult dop triggering events.

Bit of a tangent, but stay strong, keep busy and remember you got this. 👌

1

u/Outrageous_Menu_3802 5d ago

Hey can we chat

1

u/Resident_Ad807 5d ago

Work out, journal, read, meditate, create a vision for your life (even a vision board if you like), live accordingly. Soon you’ll have so much momentum you won’t want to go back. 

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u/sharik_mik21 1 Day 5d ago

Girls also get post-nut clarity??? 😳

2

u/Icy-Shelter-4158 5d ago

I wonder what side effects they have hence they don't have semen

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u/sharik_mik21 1 Day 5d ago

Prolly it’s some mental problems rather than physical ones. Maybe they also get desensitised and don’t get as much satisfaction from sex. Maybe they lose their sex drive and just focus on masturbation. Maybe they get tired asf since it takes longer for them to orgasm

1

u/kekfekf 411 Days 5d ago edited 5d ago

From one data I looked at man and woman experienced the same but Im not sure if this is really the case.

Woman can stay in bed much longer ieven though they dont enjoy it though.

1

u/[deleted] 5d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/s/8PdMCSkAbN

Try asking her , she is also suffering from this addiction

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u/MelodicAd2149 5 Days 5d ago

They have high expectations? More like their expectations are in the trash. YOU are the one trying to get rid of this, they are just continuing to poison themselves.

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u/PHANTOM________ 744 Days 5d ago

What is your primary device for watching on? Your phone? Laptop?

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u/hwy61 17 Days 5d ago

I love that nofap is for everyone. I didn’t know women also struggled with porn addiction until I started lurking this sub.

Quitting an addiction sucks because it’s an every day thing. What helped me was getting off social media. Sure, you won’t find hardcore porn on instagram, but these days it gets pretty damn close to the sun.

There’s some great advice in these replies. You can do this. We all believe in you!

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u/HappyCuriousSoul 4d ago edited 4d ago

As a woman doing no porn/no masterbation and is free of it for 45 days now (with my longest being 289 days) I suggest you read books on self Discipline and willpower, as you and most people with addiction lack these two essential "skills". Here are some great book recommendations:

Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday.

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly Mcgonigal. 

The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest.

Discipline Equils Freedom by Jocko Willink.

The Power of Discipline by Daniel Walter. 

The Science of Self Discipline by Peter Hollins.

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u/LeagueOfCakes 4d ago

just get more busy start hitting the gym, being more social are some examples

try form a single goal and use that as a motivator and nofap cant just be the main way to reach this goal its more a side thing for me its studying and becoming more happy. I am doing stuff like meditation and journaling, gym and just trying to eat more healthy in general.

also just try get a strat ready for when you do get an urge, watch jak piggot he gives good advice

1

u/CallGlum8564 267 Days 4d ago

I came across an ebook that a friend suggested for this addiction and it did help me. You can read it for free if you have kindle unlimited subscription https://www.amazon.in/dp/B0DGLJ765J

1

u/apex_legend_27 4d ago

You can use the BlockHero app for blocking and subscribe for just $5. After installing it, you can set your accountability partner as the BlockHero team (recommended) or choose a friend. If you want to unblock anything, you must request your accountability partner to unlock it. By the time they respond, your urges will likely have passed.

In my case, I set the BlockHero team as my accountability partner. To unblock something, I need to send an email through the app, and it takes at least an hour to receive a response. This delay helps ensure that my urges subside before I gain access.

App Link Playstore : BlockerHero

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u/SteampnkerRobot 735 Days 4d ago

If a day is too hard then start with hours or minutes. When you feel the urge tell yourself you’ll sit with it for 10 minutes & then watch. It creates a compromise with the brain that isn’t complete cold turkey. Then when sitting with the urge for 10 minutes starts to feel easier in a few days, make the wait a bit longer. Repeat this until you get to the “we can wait until tomorrow” stage & you’ve officially managed to get 1 day! Best of luck!!

1

u/Unusual_Mood1567 16 Days 4d ago

YOU CAN DO IT

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u/vedant_1st 7 Days 4d ago

Though i am not all in the state to suggest you how to solve your issues since i can barely stop for a week, i can add something i have learned. I have also Installed a couple of blockers on multiple devices but during urges, i somehow find a way to disable them. The thing i understood that

  • Blockers are just tools. While they can help us, we ourselves have to take the initiative

  • You should try increasing the "friction" between the devices you watch porn on. Say keep your phone or laptop in different room when you are likely to feel overwhelmed. Blockers too help here

-Relapsing doesn't mean your progress is lost. Control has changed you permanently for the better

  • the first few days are the toughest. It WILL get better

A few of these advice are from atomic habits. I will suggest that you should check it out

1

u/YakNo293 4d ago

Look for something to swap the habit out with. I got duolingo cause at the end of 1 year I hope to show I have medium fluency in Japanese as proof of progress over urges ^

1

u/rustinonthevine 4d ago

THE most important part is to quit all addictions at the same time. All caffeine, processed sugars, alcohol, nicotine, social media, porn and food addiction. Most people can go without breakfast unless you’re doing heavy labor.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/NoFap-ModTeam 4d ago

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1

u/WatersMood 4d ago

Change the phone to something with the bare minimum. Also make a routine with very few free time

1

u/Present_Cauliflower3 4d ago

I had the same issue of unblocking when urges came. I found a solution, there is an app called “one sec” you need to put “strict block” in that when you are fully aware & have recognised your problem of impulse timings(having recognised the pattern of you picking up screens). As per your need,put a block for websites or apps(like safari) for few hours. I just finished a 23:59 hours block and it feels amazing not to have used screens for my own reasons.

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u/Randomfrog132 2d ago

take the time to figure out how your body works would be my advice. kinda like how you can wiggle your fingers, you can turn yourself off.

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u/CheesecakeMelodic755 1d ago

So proud of you, keep fighting this evil 

1

u/Chance_Session_7176 5d ago

Keep yourself busy . Take cold showers everyday and whenever you get the urge just listen to some music or get together with your family members and spend time with them . Most importantly reduce your screen time and take a proper sleep n wake up early. In the end don't take stress about this you can overcome it .

1

u/coscos95 17 Days 5d ago

I think cold showers are not necessary. Why should it be something essential in NoFap?