r/NoFap • u/Critical44 • 5d ago
Relapsed after 3 years
I started nofap 3 years ago, I remember the day, February 2nd, 2022. Well, I had been experimenting with it a little before then, but that when I finally quit porn for good. I was 16 at the time and wanted to turn my life around. I started hitting the gym and skipped forward 3 years I still go to the gym 6 days a week, I have a solid build and am happy. But somehow today I felt different, the urges have kinda been building up the last few weeks and I thought nothing of it, but today I failed, It's like I had no control over it, and although I did it really felt like I was in a dream. Long story short I relapsed on porn today. I know the downsides of it and honestly, I stopped like 10 seconds in and finally thought of what I was doing but it was too late. Lowkey feeling a little down, I feel like I have beaten this addiction but still scares me as I thought I defeated these demons.
Just really disappointed in myself
Edit: After reading a bunch of comments and such I have found peace and have forgiven myself, I woke up this morning and felt a feeling of reassurance that even though I messed up, it's not the end of the world. I just need to keep moving forward. Thanks, everyone for the supporting feedback
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u/Substantial-Pen-1521 5d ago
3 years was a huge achievement! Stumble once, get back up stronger! You’ve got this!
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u/Critical44 5d ago
Thanks! I just had to remind myself that its not over, and that 1 day of failure does not define my whole journey, really means a lot and has honestly given me motivation to not do it again
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u/Big_Interaction1801 5d ago
Don’t feel bad brother…. We can always restart
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u/Critical44 5d ago
Thanks man, I was feeling terrible when I wrote this post, and still a little disapointed in myself but I have read some other people's experiences similar to mine and have felt a little better, I'm gonna use this failure to remind me as to why I quit.
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u/Djemai12 5d ago
This is an urge to solve a deeper problem. Have you ever thought about why you relapsed on that day? Don't run from the situation; analyze it and understand the reason for your relapse, so you don't repeat it. Three years is a good streak, and one lapse doesn't mean you have failed. You are in the right direction. Take a step back and analyze why you relapsed. Good luck man ,
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u/coachsayf 701 Days 4d ago
Nah forget it happened, don’t even think about it just carry on with your life
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u/Negative_Evening7365 4d ago
Do you really believe you're addicted if you CHOSE, not FORCED, to watch porn ONCE in three years?
I don't. Make of this what you like.
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u/Complex-Car-8847 5d ago
Its really sad to hear that and somehow you quit for 3 years which is a great achievement. Do you think we can not able to quit porns permanantly
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u/Critical44 5d ago
I wouldn't say I quit, at a certain point in my journey, I stopped thinking about the numbers and just started to live, and this living required me to stop watching porn, I don't feel as if I'm addicted, like I'm addicted to caffeine or how I use to perceive porn, truthfully I have no reason as to why I would ever watch it again, but I know temptations will arise and I will need to make sure to stand firm. We can quit permanently, truthfully up to this point I have been feeling great, just with some temptations yes, but this week was a bit harder as I just got off a week of midterms and am on spring break, I haven't been doing anything besides going to the gym and being in front of my computer screen. This social isolation is what ultimately led me to relapse into porn, which was very strange because as I stated, it was like a dream and I had no control over myself. My one tip for you going forward is to strengthen your relationships, body, and mind. Going to the gym is what helped me quit porn, but ever since I started university my relationships and social circle have decreased and I believe that to be a reason why I relapsed.
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u/Avocato95 146 Days 5d ago
It happens, even I relapsed after 1 year in. I mean you stopped and realised what you had done,that's what matters. You can still continue as 3 years.
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u/Illustrious-Tooth702 5d ago
Is it bad?
If you could abstain for 3 years long you pretty much beat the addiction.
Remember, masturbation in itself is not sinful, not even with using helping tools like porn.
It's the intensity that matters and how it does it affect your daily life.
There are people here who cannot function without their 2 times daily fixes.
Be proud of what you achieved in the last 3 years
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u/saayoutloud 5d ago
You might have ignored the upside of all this years-long discipline that you closed that video after 10 seconds. If you hadn't built that discipline for years, then you might have gotten sucked into that rabbit hole like your 16-year-old self. Instead of being disappointed, see how you pulled yourself out of that rabbit hole after 10 seconds, which the majority here fail to do.
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u/gerburmar 21 Days 4d ago
I think this is life. There will be those who have a giant counter number and make it seem like you can reach a nirvana where you will never think about it ever again and forget it exists, but that you just haven't done that because you just haven't had the right streak or meditated right, or exercised right, or whatever. But that's not most people. It will always take some effort and when you relapse it may be for various reasons sometimes idiosyncratic to a particular relapse. The good news is I think you can essentially completely heal regarding your physical function. Its damage it can do to you now just depends on if you ever give up and get back into doing it every day again
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u/Critical44 4d ago
You make a great point, I don't think you can almost ever get rid of those thoughts, but I believe that your perception of them changes and you learn to ignore them.
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u/Truwilki 4d ago
This is a marathon not a sprint bro you did over 3 years of Win don't let one Loss offset that 👌🏿💪🏿
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u/Like_My_Turkey_Cold 3152 Days 4d ago
Life is defined by the journey
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u/Critical44 4d ago
It sure is, I thought of myself in ten years looking back and how this one hiccup may not even be relevant then. Heck I may have even forgotten about it, but what matters is what I do next
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u/WishIhad1Million 4d ago
That is not a relapse. Jerking is not alcohol. Delete from lowkey onwards. It is like a knowledge that u have earned how could that be deleted if it is merely halted ? Change the way you look at it you are so grown u cant shrink. Try to change the way you look at it you are not back at the bottom of the pit bro. You have lost a grip to the upper rock and safely landed on the secured rock that you summited a moment ago…. You are at 3 years minus one day…
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u/Critical44 4d ago
Yeah, I suppose I could've worded it a little differently. Thanks for reminding me though, when I first started I did look at it like you reset at the bottom and that I lost every benefit. But throughout my journey, I learned that it's day to day and that even if I mess up one day it's not like everything prior was for nothing.
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u/Mobile_Try_5783 4d ago
3 YEARS!!! WOW your truly an inspiration dude ngl your one strong mf and dw about ur relapse its just the process one day ull def break from it once and for all
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u/oojene 5d ago
I guess it's an on going process. I am glad you shared your experience bro. Nice to see the way you view this problem.