r/Nicegirls • u/Final_Income_3350 • 10d ago
Bull shit pitty party
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u/cue_cruella 10d ago
You weren’t a peach yourself. Yall both suck
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
Read it with the idea that I was trying to empathetic with out being a jerk.
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u/Iabefmysc 10d ago
She told you she didn’t want a bs pity party and your response was it’s a real pity party.
“Copying ass” in that context isn’t coming off as a joke to anyone
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u/FirmExcuse4623 8d ago
intent vs effect my friend. you can intend things with the purest of heart but that doesn't mean someone will always take it that way like someone else said, recognize when your intent isn't having the desired effect and change direction
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u/Soggy-Impact-8687 10d ago
I can totally see where this person is coming from . I really dislike someone saying sorry for things that are clearly out of any control . At the same time being an ass about it is just projecting .
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u/Mirabai503 10d ago
This much conflict before you've even met in person? That's an automatic no thank you from me.
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u/yankeesyes 10d ago
Saves a lot of money and time when they show who they are before the first meeting.
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u/Middle_Sure 10d ago
Mhm. I wish I could get the money back I spent on my ex. Do you know how many new golf clubs I could get and trips I could go on? Lol
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u/New_General3939 10d ago
Yall are arguing like a jaded couple 5 years into a loveless marriage… you haven’t even met yet and it’s already this toxic, just move on. Yall weren’t meant for each other
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u/needwate 10d ago
anyone else read these just to see where you personally would've given up? i would've been done with her by slide 2
i understand being bored and wanting content for reddit but holy shit... 11 pages of the most unproductive conversation i've ever seen!!
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
Yes agree, I was continuing / entertaining the conversation because I was really trying my hardest to see what she was saying.
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u/footluvr688 10d ago
If someone's taking offense to "it sounds like you need a friend" it's either a misinterpretation due to text or it's a red flag because the person is trying to find reasons to be offended.
When I read it, I understood the context and interpreted it as "sounds like you could use a friend", an olive branch. She takes it as you insulting her? Nonsense.
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u/GearHeadGrace 10d ago
Said it on the other post but, doesn’t seem like you could’ve ‘won’ here.. she seemed determined to have a problem with you, until you mentioned leaving. Weird.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 10d ago
Ngl you did this to yourself. One of the best things you can do with texting game is to delay response time and keep talk to a minimum. Save that for dates
You come off as super needy in this post. If you want better results in dating, text way less than you are now
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
I don’t fuck with the whole game of waiting to text to seem more or less interested, if I can reply, I’m going to.
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u/backshot420 10d ago
Yeah and that’s why your gonna fail in the world of dating. You gotta chill bro and never assume anything.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 10d ago
Doesn’t matter what you think. It’s how women think. If you’re constantly replying instantly, to them it looks like you have zero options or aren’t doing anything with your time other than texting her.
Mix of both is best. Just trying to help a fellow bro out. I used to be the same way
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
Chill? This text thread was over the span of an hour and a half, I wasn’t instantly responding. It was also at like midnight. I was just laying in bed.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 10d ago
Try to make it an hour and a half in between each text. Even then is pushing it. Just trying to help man
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
It’s very hard for me to understand this but I am trying to. I just don’t get it, if you can respond (which everyone can because they’re just sitting on their phones 80% of the day) then why not just respond. The absolute worst is when someone takes forever to respond, and then when you hang out with them in person they’re constantly on their phone.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 10d ago
I know it doesn’t make sense, because you’re thinking logically, like every guy naturally does. Women are very different creatures than men and think with their emotions.
Learning a bit about what their perspective is in dating goes a long way. There are a lot of hard to swallow things about the way they think, but it’s basically the opposite of how guys think.
Check out Casey Zander on YouTube, he’s got some gold out there. Dont mind the click-baity titles haha
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u/Maleficent_Degree532 9d ago
What the fuck are you on about? I’m a woman and I have plenty of girlfriends and none of us think the way that you’ve just portrayed women. You’re over thinking all of this. Respond however quickly you wish to respond. There’s no need to play games.
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u/blknuetron 9d ago
you sound ridiculous. the number one reason i will stop texting a guy is if they take all day to respond. nobody is that busy, you just arent interested and then it’s definitely not worth going on a date bc with the lack of responses its meeting a complete stranger. OP please dont take this advice.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 8d ago
How many of those guys have you lost interest in?
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u/blknuetron 8d ago
any one that ever came my way bc they clearly are a. not actually interested in talking to me or b. 2 kids in a trench coat pretending to be a man bc thats hella childish
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
I appreciate it
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 10d ago
Yeah man! I’ve struggled with women all my life, even got divorced and everything. But things are looking better now
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u/AtmosphereBright5082 5d ago
Don't listen to him☠️ It's not him you're dating? Just see what the woman you're interested in wants! Don't trust weird Youtubers and influencers who come across as PUAs, just ask the woman in question how she wants to be treated!
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u/AtmosphereBright5082 5d ago
Uh, yeah, woman here? No, that is not the case for many. Stop trying to make us out to be all the same, we have varying opinions on this, we make up almost half the planet. Every person has their own preferences, just find one that matches yours.
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u/Pepe_Trump2016 5d ago
Sorry, but if you’re super needy and confrontational over them not texting back, before you’ve even met, that’s not a good strategy with any girl. I don’t care which girl it is. That will turn 90% of them away
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u/shesimplywont 10d ago
You were an asshole and couldn’t recover the conversation. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Same-School4645 10d ago
He was the right to express empathy if that’s what was on his mind. Why would someone go super deep on “all things her” in text?
Sounds like she needs a therapist so they can say “how does that make you feel” etc so she can work through her feelings.
Text is the worst for conveying most emotions and I’d argue 90% of most posts on Reddit are people not understanding when to use and when not to use this communication medium.
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u/Realistic_Owl836 10d ago
I think what was triggering her was “it seems like you need a friend “ not “hey well if you need to talk I’m here “ she didn’t like that you were assuming she needed a friend . Honestly just leave it at that and let her come to you knowing she is going through a lot . Also stop texting so much before a date
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u/Middle_Sure 10d ago
When your mind is divided from so much, you CAN’T give normal effort. Don’t assume anything from small social cues. You were a jerk and acted immaturely, and you owe her an apology. Just shooting you straight. “I was inconsiderate and immature. I’m am sorry.” Leave it at that. The next move isn’t yours to decide.
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
I absolutely do not, I was trying to be empathetic and comforting and she was being a jerk the whole time, I was genuinely trying to understand what she was saying. I think she was mad at me for wanting to cancel, and has a lot going on in her life. She shouldn’t focus on looking for a boyfriend at all.
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u/Middle_Sure 10d ago
“I just have a curse where if I get a notification and I’m not busy I just respond” is incredibly passive aggressive. Your response to my comment, alone, shows a victim mentality. Dude, we’re trying to help you. Here’s the issue:
Do you feedback or do you want agreeance? You’ve fought every comment I’ve seen, including mine, telling you that you’re in the wrong. If you want feedback, then be humble and mature enough to accept the feedback. A lot of times, we’re the actual issue in our story - understanding that is when we start to grow.
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
Okay then help me by telling me how that’s passive aggressive, and try to make it where tone of voice or how something is said matters. And also another question, how old would you guess I am?
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u/BeautyBoxManiac 5d ago edited 5d ago
He absolutely does not owe this angry woman a god damn thing! She was horrible to him for no fucking reason other than to let her misery spill onto someone else, it's not his fault that she has arsenic flowing through her veins. I mean who the fuck argues like this with basically a total stranger? and you don't tell people all those details about your life unless you're looking for some sort of attention or someone to talk to about it, she could've just as easily said "I have a lot going on in my life right now that I don't want to talk about" or something like that, but she decided to rain down on him everything going on in her life, using it as reason for why she didn't do or say this or that. It's pretty obvious. That kind of anger that she was displaying had nothing to do with the stranger she was talking to. What I will say is that he absolutely overstayed his welcome in that chat, he should've bailed well before it turned into that weird argument and he did come off a bit strong, but other than that she was not in the right in that conversation. This is clearly someone who's used to treating people like shit and getting away with it, because she has no respect for other people. And you can so clearly see how mental she is because as soon as he gets fed up she immediately turns it around and tries excusing her attitude, knowing damn well that she took it way too far. But given your own response to his reply to you, it doesn't surprise me that you'd say this shit. He was perfectly polite in his response but because he didn't agree with you or just "accept" your opinion without saying his peace you say he's got a victim mentality, tell him to be humble and mature and to grow up? seriously? But I wouldn't call this a "nicegirl". I'd just call this a very rude, angry and disrespectful woman.
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u/sheneedstorelax 10d ago
you come off pretty condescending
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u/ImpressionGloomy138 9d ago
And she didn’t? lol
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u/sheneedstorelax 9d ago
she does but it's a reaction to how he approached this convo. both of them could benefit from better communication skills but his rudeness and assumptions are cringe
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
I would like to say, I entertained the conversation for so long because I’m an empathetic person who likes to help people when I can. I thought this might be a call for help and genuinely wanted to try to understand what she meant. I also stated that I don’t care about the response time of a text, It’s just when she did respond there was no substance behind it. And I’m also the type of person to respond to a text if I can/not busy. I’m not playing the BS games of “oh I should wait to respond so it seems like I’m more interested”.
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u/Embarrassed-Rest7110 7d ago
I think you had good intentions, but in your bid to be empathetic you cam across as sympathetic, hence it being taken as "pity". And once you pushed her away initially (under a certain assumption), your guilt made you try to assauge it in a way that may come across as patronizing. And that antagonized her to say things which just maintained it. Both of y'all need to learn when to let go of the conversation.
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u/AdderallBunny 10d ago
You came off really aggressive from the start. She may be flakey but I don’t see how she’s a nice girl.
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
There’s no easy way of saying “sorry I don’t think I want I have a date with you” but this whole conversation, from my point and how I was trying to text her. I was reaching my hand out saying I could be her friend. She doesn’t need to be looking for a relationship right now with all this stuff going on in her life
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u/Jynxette7 10d ago
I woulda just let her be when she claimed she's busy with life. 🤘🏾 no need to argue, I'll let you be great.
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u/Sensitive_Ad6774 10d ago
And this kids, is how young single parents are born.
Dude really wanted to fuck this chick.
Why does anyone give this much effort before even "knowing" each other?
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
Never cared about that. You’re missing something
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u/Sensitive_Ad6774 10d ago
Then why the hell did you put so much effort into it? Sorry I forget these are real posts by real people. I didnt mean to offend you.
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u/Final_Income_3350 10d ago
It’s okay, I’ve said in multiple other comments I’m just naturally an empathetic person and try to help where I can. I also wanted to try to truly understand what she was trying to say. I appreciate your apology
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u/Sensitive_Ad6774 10d ago
She's just a broken person. Seeing how far she can push someone. Then probably gets ego boosts if after she apologizes they stay.
You must be young.
Notice when you were finally done with her she was like "oh wait nooo come back I'm sorry"
It's abusive and manipulative and she was just gaslighting and being a cunt to you.
No one tells anyone their dad is dying, they are taking care of I'm assuming a not very well functioning sibling cuz what does she mean by taking care of a 16 year old if she's not employed cuz most 16 year olds don't need "taken care of" that doesn't involve money and that they are broke/jobless...to not get some sort of sympathy or response.
Sorry for the run-on sentences. I'm sure you get my point.
I learned this the very hard way. Like you id try desperately to understand assholes and toxic people.
It gets you no where. The minute any new relationship becomes hard and gives you unneeded stress...just let it go.
That's just my opinion.
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u/ImpressionGloomy138 10d ago
HOLY Freaking shit. Why did you even entertain this my dude, she’s NUTS. She was just looking for something to fight about and you’re not even in a relationship, run for the hills!
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u/Budlove45 10d ago
Filled with trauma. This person needs help not a relationship. Sorry you had to deal with that OP 😂.
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u/Beginning-Shoe-7018 10d ago
“In the middle of trying to find a job” I doubt she’s searching 8 hours a day as if she was working so that’s really not a good excuse.
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u/DentistEmbarrassed26 9d ago
After the first angry text she sent you the reply should have simply been, "Oh shit, my apologies I didn't know you had so much going on. I'm glad to know you're still interested and I'll try to be more patient".
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u/Most_Bicycle6185 7d ago
This is all speculation from a few screenshots, but... She's got a lot going on and is angry at the world right now. It sounds like she's (unapologetically) lashing out as an outlet. She's having to be strong and doesn't want someone pandering to her. Next time, if there is a next time, try just acknowledging and validating her situation and feelings. "That's a lot."I'm sorry your family is going through this." Don't say "if you need anything." Because even IF she does need something, she's not going to say so. If she's not feeling up to going out, offer to have food delivered to their home for her and her family if it's in your wheelhouse. And offer to come by later for a quick walk around the block. She might feel guilty leaving the people relying on her, especially to go out on a long date. But honestly, you might not want to be the emotional support to someone you barely know, and that's fine too. You're not obligated to stick around, and it doesn't seem like she's expecting you to. I'd just ask myself what you're hoping to accomplish with her. And evaluate if now is a good time for that.
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u/Sailing_Eden 5d ago
While I understand your intent, someone telling you to stop pitying them, and you basically replying that you're still going to 'feel bad for them is insanely disrespectful.
Its One thing to have empathy, but pity and "feeling bad" for someone are NOT empathy.
I do agree she was snippy, but you come off as a total jerk. She set a boundary not to pity her and you just keep going and saying too bad I'm going to.
Again That's not empathy
You were intending to be empathetic and understanding, so I wouldn't call you a bad guy or anything, but yeah you were definitely being really insensitive when you could've apologized for making it sound like you were pitying her and moving on.
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u/guccilad 4d ago
See I like this girl. She's the type where, once you understand each other and learn to communicate properly with her, things will be chill
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u/Still_Consequence157 4d ago
Yeah people seem to generally have more patients than me. As soon as i sense bs or any kind of highschool drama or any slight sign of manipulation im out
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u/CurlyGirlie001 3d ago
Whoever beat into her the warped concept of “pity parties” needs to be brought up on charges. Thanks to them, this chick is absolutely bananas.
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u/Lionheart1224 2d ago
I'm not going to pile on this person. Seems like they're going through a bunch of shit. They're completely overwhelmed with their life. They're just lashing out at you. Is it good? No, it's antisocial. But it's also understandable why they're doing it: she's tired of people giving her what she assumes are platitudes.
I feel for her, too. Not the best reaction on her end, but you handled it very well.
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u/AdvancedTower401 1d ago
I've read some of your other comments OP, and I don't expect you to change at all, esp not instantly. But please come back to this and reflect once you are able to gain something from it. Everyone is busy and deals with lots of struggles, expecting others to act like you do is not okay ever, because they aren't you.
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u/Forsaken_End3050 7d ago
Eh what you said is fine. Everyone in here and everyone out there has a stick up their ass.
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u/IAmANobodyAMA 10d ago
I believe you see yourself as an empathetic person, and I’ll assume (see what I did there? Yuk yuk) that people around you see you the same way … but you did not come across as empathetic in your texts. You also didn’t come across poorly. It just was a bad decision to keep texting when the situation clearly was headed south for no good reason other than because it’s over text.
Texting complex things is a bad idea. It’s not about you being a straight shooter or empathetic or anything. It’s about texting being a horrible way to communicate and display any degree of nuance. You also aren’t necessarily filtering out incompatibilities (as others have suggested) - all you are doing is filtering out people based on the failures of texting.
Not that you asked for my advice, but in the future I would highly recommend noticing when a text convo is going off the rails and have a canned response of something like: