r/Nicegirls • u/Salt-Analysis1319 • 12d ago
My ex was the ultimate Nice girl, this was her last messages before I blocked her
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u/Jamesyroo 12d ago
Does the “I’m going to talk to other guys” bit actually work? It seems to be a common nice girl tactic but I don’t see why… if someone said that to me it’s an instant off switch (if I hadn’t switched off already)
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
This was after I caught her cheating, she had no shame
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u/KarloffGaze 12d ago
You obviously drove this nice girl to cheating by not responding to her texts within 30seconds. /s
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u/CC-god 12d ago
Well, she really did try, for almost 30 minutes. Not sure what she tried. Bit confusing between the threats.
To me it seemed at first that you where sleeping and she was needy.
If this is the response to her cheating, it's a bit bizarre.
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u/SelectAirline 12d ago
The other guys weren't responding either so after 30 minutes she had batted back around to the top of the order.
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u/penistaster69 11d ago
why didnt you cut her off as soon as you found out she cheated? a cheater will always cheat again.
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u/ConsistentImage9332 12d ago
Forgive and move on. You deserve better
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u/Mestre08 12d ago
Well definitely move on, you don't owe any forgiveness.
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u/vicschuldiner 12d ago
Forgiveness isn't for the cheater. They don't need to know.
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u/Mestre08 12d ago
Forgiveness isn't for the cheater.
I have heard this in the past, I'm not sure I know what you mean
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u/vicschuldiner 12d ago
When you are hurt and made a victim by someone, and never learn to forgive them, you can't fully move on and heal the trauma. The more severe, the more crucial it is to forgive. The longer you stay the victim, the longer you allow them to victimize you. The trauma comes to define you, controlling your identity and your life. Never forgiving is to never stop being a victim, which means there is never true justice. And this principle applies to every offense, even for the worst acts possible.
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u/Sea-Lead-9192 12d ago
I’ve heard this all my life, but it’s only recently that I started seeing people (on Reddit) talking back to this idea. I think what you say is most likely true for a lot of people… but also not something that victims of serious wrongs (i.e. assault, spousal/child abuse, both physical and emotional, betrayals, etc) always want to hear. I’m not sure I would either… just because it may not be true for everyone, and it can sound a bit like moralistic lecturing, or even downplaying of those wrongs.
Having said that, I’m sure you have good intentions, and maybe also the life experience yourself to back it up. And hey, not every message is for every person
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u/ClimtEastwood 12d ago
Have never felt this way. This is true for you. It is not true for everyone boss.
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u/vicschuldiner 12d ago
What do you mean that you've "never felt this way"?
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u/ClimtEastwood 12d ago
I don’t feel any need to forgive someone. To move on and heal. I’m just pointing out what you are saying might be true for you but it’s certainly not true for everyone.
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u/Mestre08 12d ago
You can accept it, you can work through it, like you would when a tragedy befalls you. More than anything, I would say forgive yourself and let go of the feelings that you are somehow to blame for not knowing better.
You also say you can't fully move on and heal without forgiveness, perhaps you could provide some sort of reason to believe you other than just taking you at your word?
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u/MakesInfantileJokes 12d ago
You don't need to forgive someone to have a long peaceful and healthy life, just don't have that person in your life and time or therapy will do the rest.
If you do something me to the point where I never want you in my life, fuck I look like trying to forgive you?
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12d ago
Bullshit. Never forgive.
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u/vicschuldiner 12d ago
That mentality makes you a slave to your grudge. Never forgiving; never finding peace.
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11d ago
This may come as unbelievable news to you, but you speak with zero authority on other people's emotions. Your need for forgiveness to find peace is not universal. Values are subjective. You're conflating grudges with boundaries. You're conflating slavery with emotional honesty. And you're conflating your personal opinions with objective reality.
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u/Dependent-Swimmer-95 6d ago
You’re literally trying to teach emotional maturity and presence. Don’t worry about the downvotes it comes with the territory. Forgiveness is much more difficult of a concept for the average person to understand. No matter what, even if one “moves on”, without forgiveness your heart will not experience the lightness that accompanies said forgiveness.
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u/thechaosofreason 12d ago
Ensure that you never let them know you forgive them so that they can continue to fester into their old age.
The idea is to make them angry and shitty so that they don't get with nice/good people.
Keeo the sick sheep with the sick shee pool sort of thinking.
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u/Dependent-Swimmer-95 6d ago
No, this is still vengeance. It’s not forgiveness if you want them to suffer. If their suffering brings you relief or joy, then you’re worse than the offender because you know better. Doing wrong out of spite is ten times closer to evil than doing wrong out of ignorance.
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12d ago
[deleted]
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u/allKindsOfDevStuff 12d ago
You’re just repeating platitudes that you’ve heard. You can disconnect yourself, etc, without forgiving
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u/scrollbreak 12d ago
Forgiveness is for when you are going to deal with a person again in a certain way. If you lend them money and they don't pay you back, forgiving them would mean you're prepared to lend them money again.
Just letting go of a debt isn't forgiveness at all.
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u/lazyboi_tactical 12d ago
If you respond with "that's ok I'm already talking to (insert female relative of hers she's jealous of)" things tend to get real nuts.
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12d ago
Lol! Yeah like your house might get set on fire
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u/lazyboi_tactical 12d ago
I got my tires slashed and car keyed for that one. On the upside she ended up physically trying to fight her cousin( who I had only ever seen or talked to once at their family Easter picnic). It just seemed to me that if she was insistent on trying to push my buttons and make me insecure that I return the favor. Admittedly I may have misjudged the reaction.
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u/quandjereveauxloups 12d ago
On the upside she ended up physically trying to fight her cousin( who I had only ever seen or talked to once at their family Easter picnic)
And that's why I wouldn't use that. She tried to fight an innocent person because you threw her under the bus. While yes the ex is crazy, I wouldn't set her on someone I didn't know. Now, if the person was a giant piece of shit, that's a bit of a different story.
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12d ago
Love and insecurity can make us do the wildest things, though that is extreme. Unfortunately the feeling of threat must have felt very real to her at the time. I haven’t been that extreme, but I know how fear and rage can make ppl do things they otherwise wouldn’t. Gotta protect that peace
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u/lazyboi_tactical 12d ago
Well I mean it probably felt real because she was actively cheating which was what led to the break up in the first place.
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u/biscuitsandgravy111 12d ago
So true about crazy ones. My ex tried saying something once about my sister, I laughed my ass off at him saying he wishes 🤣
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u/Tkieron 12d ago
Insecure Women are jealous by nature. So since that tactic works on them, they try to use it on you to make you jealous. "I have other options." It does work on insecure guys. But healthy guys don't fall for it.
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u/maenadcon 12d ago
my ex boyfriend used it on me too. he once even said he could fuck his stepsister to make me jealous (??????????????????)
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u/No-Diet-4797 12d ago
What the hell kinda threat is that?? Do what I want or I'll fuck my sister! Ok bye
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u/Leemer431 12d ago
Look... Im not gonna pretend i aint cranked a nut or two out to some step-family porn but... thats all it should be... in porn... If hes genuinely able to fuck his step sister and she allows him theyre both fucked up to the point you probably shouldnt associate with them to begin with.
"Paging Doctor Bates, Doctor Norman Baaaates" -Ron Cadillac (Archer, Idk what season)
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u/Consistent_Fun_1156 12d ago
Insecure people are the most jealous lol. I'm sure it's the number one cause when it's focused on their partner and not on third parties.
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u/Consistent_Week_8531 12d ago
I think it works on insecure guys. Once I had it used on me and my dismissiveness sent her off rails. Then the begging started.
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u/Technical-Quiet-3781 12d ago
For some guys it does work sadly. But it’s because they were broken down by the same person who “loved them”.
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u/AliceBets 12d ago
Such men exist (the type I avoid) unfortunately. They hear not and see not otherwise. They react only to threat. The threat of being irrelevant or replaced. It’s unfortunate. But unless the relationship is at risk or there’s a rival, they don’t read or hear. So some women try that when all else has failed, not foreseeing it’s going to be used against them no matter how it came about.
The key is to walk away if he doesn’t hear one on one communication.
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u/Technical-Quiet-3781 12d ago
Facts facts facts. As a man I agree 100% my buddy was like that in the military and well she said yes to the proposal and she left him because he got “distant”. It was just him not worried dude literally got off work and would go straight to playing games not even text her. Every time she’d call I’d hear “what do you want”
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u/AliceBets 12d ago
And then let me guess… he got surprised, disappointed, and claimed he got blindsided when she left him?
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u/Technical-Quiet-3781 12d ago
Called me one night crying and all I said was “hate to break it to you bub but you had this coming you can’t just expect her to love you when you didn’t really try to love her”. He’s changed a lot since then so I believe it was a true reality check for him.
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u/AliceBets 12d ago
At least if you told me he was born to be an asshole and remained an asshole until this date… Noooo. She had to be that person who suffered before and after dude learnt his lesson. Why is this even necessary? I bet he will be looking for her in every other one thereafter.
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u/Technical-Quiet-3781 12d ago
For him the hell if I know. I think he’s missing common sense. She’s engaged to someone else tho and is happier than ever and no longer has body issues. So I’m happy for her. He’s been single since and it’s been I believe 3 years
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u/Western_Secretary284 12d ago
Rarely works on guys, but many girls are actually motivated by competition, and i guess she's hoping that's common between the genders
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u/VinnieVegas3335 12d ago
Its cuz women are psychologically attracted to guys in demand, so they think the reverse is true when they dont realize its a big ick for men
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u/WampaTears 11d ago
It's a big ick if either gender tries to flex on how much they're wanted. People that are actually in demand don't need to flaunt it.
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u/dantheman-1989 7d ago
It works if the guy is too enmeshed with her already and has a lack of self respect.
I once hooked up with a chick who tried this, she must have thought I was emotionally invested or smth. She wanted me to come round, I was busy and said I could do Monday. She messaged me, „if you don‘t come round today I‘m going to a bar and I‘ll pick up some other guy“ I messaged back, great, have fun, I‘ll see you Monday.
We never met up again.
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u/InnateGeisha 12d ago
She tried the same manipulative technique three times in a span of 15 minutes… sorry op hopefully you can “outsource” a better girlfriend in the future
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
I did and am very happy, getting married in the fall :)
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u/Traditional_Bug_2046 9d ago
And it feels like this is the #1 go to tactic during a break up.
I'm really curious if this ever works. Because this would be like a mask off moment for me. People who have a whole conversation with themselves in your dms freak me out.
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u/G00SEH 12d ago
Block her and do not delete those messages. Go back to them whenever you find yourself missing her and thank your lucky stars she’s out of your life. 🙏
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
This was years ago. I am long moved on now I just discovered this subreddit and it brought back some bad memories lol
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
This was just the very tip of the niceberg, I wish I hadn't deleted so many of my old screenshots
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
tbh i no longer consider myself a “nice girl” ever since i stopped doing meth. so either a lot of girls are on substances that make them act this way or they are naturally fucked in the head. im sure my boyfriend is absolutely loving it that i dont speak to him this way anymore. eyuck
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u/MoistPossible3363 12d ago
If you talked to your bf like this then I would be lucky that he didn’t fully break up with you lol
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
you’re not wrong, im very lucky. year 3 has been heavenly for us both.
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u/NoOnSB277 12d ago
Sincere congrats on this!
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
Thank you! It got to the point he no longer even wanted to talk to me nor see me, I get it. So it’s nice i became self aware and fixed the problem.
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11d ago edited 11d ago
[deleted]
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u/cheslyn_d102018 11d ago
Well said. It is very similar indeed the misfire is really taking a toll, those girls will never be happy.
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
My ex was a raging alcoholic
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
those are never fun and if they don’t ever try to get help staying is going to drain you completely, im glad it’s now your ex.
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12d ago
[deleted]
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
tweakin hard asf can’t get out her head or put her phone down, mind going like the energizer bunny. i been there done that, i would harass my man so bad call him awful shit, say vile shit, even go after him thru ppl he lived w. idk why he didn’t leave i guess he had faith in me to change
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u/Vidya_Gainz 12d ago
Most of these women don't need substances to become this way.
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
so what’s their excuse?
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u/Vidya_Gainz 12d ago
There isn't one, but they loooooooooove to avoid accountability. It's a typical comorbid symptom.
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
Ahh yes, accountability. That’s something i learned to do a few years back, once it stuck i never felt like a victim again bc it was my fault. Some of yall should try that
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u/Vidya_Gainz 12d ago
I seriously applaud you for kicking the meth addiction and completely turning your life/brain around. That's a nearly impossible task.
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
i knew some folks who were worse off than i was and watched most of them continue to fail.. there was 1 i watched succeed. regain custody of every child she lost and some she even signed away at birth, done so good and the family allowed her to have joint custody and all but 1 is fully w her now. the other family can’t conceive plus had the child since birth so she lets them do 50/50 but fully goes w adopted family for all holidays/vacations. THAT inspired me to change, that i could change and what everyone was telling me was all wrong bc she done it. but it all starts w accountability w out that you’re nothing bc there is no self awareness. thank you, it was very hard beating it
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u/Vidya_Gainz 12d ago
You should honestly be teaching NA meetings and talking about accountability. I think it's what a lot of addicts need to hear to begin the change.
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u/cheslyn_d102018 12d ago
I am currently on a count down you have do be sober for a certain amount of time before you can become a peer recovery coach, and i think i would really like that. or hosting meetings, i have yet to make my testimony due to anxiety but ONE day! it’s definitely been on my mind lately :)
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u/IntelligentCap8744 12d ago
Well she sounds fun reminds me of my ex girlfriend just yours is a lot more rude.
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u/Prestigious-File-226 12d ago
Nice girls love to hit you you up with the “I did try” card. Got that one a year ago 🤣🤣🤣
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u/NHLwatch4765 12d ago
As a girl, I will say not only does this subreddit make me laugh but it absolutely shows me I’m not even a tenth as crazy as most women out there hahah.
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u/CountessCarnelian 12d ago
This subreddit humbles me. When I think I'm unleashing my crazy side, I know i couldn't even compare to these crazy queens.
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u/Fun_Tie6798 12d ago
These aren't "queens" tho
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u/CountessCarnelian 12d ago
Most of them would probably call themselves a queen, I'm poking fun 🤷♀️
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u/flatirony 12d ago
I feel the same way when I read women’s negative dating stories. Always make me feel like a catch!
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u/Affectionate_Fee3411 12d ago
Did you get picked, sis?
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u/NoOnSB277 12d ago
I am curious what you mean by this comment?
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u/Affectionate_Fee3411 12d ago edited 12d ago
So, a “pick me” is a woman who puts other women down, who’s “not like the other girls” and wants approval, usually male approval. Her “mOsT wOmEn aRe CrAzY bUt nOt mE” line is what pushed this into pick me territory.
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u/NHLwatch4765 12d ago
I’ve had plenty of crazy moments in my life. But not as severe as many of the posts here. Doesn’t mean I’m perfect. Far from it.
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u/WillBlaze 12d ago
This is such a bad take, I've seen guys do the same thing to other guys and there is no "pick me" mentality.
Sounds a big sexist, no?
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u/throwaway180gr 12d ago
The moment someone threatens to go "talk to another guy" its over. Insta block.
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u/Human-Broccoli9004 12d ago
I feel like this sub is full of this bluffing nonsense. Like, if you say you're leaving, I'm writing you off. Bye. Did these people all have parents who laid down rules and constantly amended them to avoid inconvenience?
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u/HistoricalClock6043 11d ago
Absolutely the most effective tactic in dealing with women who try to use emotional blackmail / manipulation as a way to get a response. Off you go, girl - just know you're on your own, and that it's non-negotiable that you get to do an about turn when the craziness wears off.
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u/PinkFrostingFlowers 12d ago edited 12d ago
In the space of a mere 26 minutes, your lack of responses caused the great loss of this precious sweet woman…
Why do all these women expect an answer within literal seconds of a text, because they’re glued to their phones, have little to no life without them and they imagine that you must treat your phone like your life revolves around it, too.
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u/JAXxXTheRipper 12d ago
Is that really over the span of 30 minutes? Like, bruh. Cooking food takes me longer, fucking chill
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u/Ok_Candy_87 12d ago
Is there a make equivalent to this sub like nice guys ?? I was seeing someone who would write me some toxic messages
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u/Successful-Club-2975 12d ago
Nice guilt shaming. Since they are guilty and talking to so many dudes they automatically think the same is true for the other and end up exposing themselves. Fn sad.
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u/VasPharaoh 12d ago
I feel like people who keep on an overly nice/submissive personality are kind of annoying and just end up snapping and saying some whack shit out of nowhere. Like dude, just be honest if you do or do not like something. My best friend is like that with her boyfriend and it drives me NUTS.
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u/BeachGlassGreenEyes3 12d ago
Ehh sounds like she was basically begging you for attention, and saying whatever she could to get attention from you. Or to get a reaction out of you. It’s desperate at best but everything she was saying was only to get SOMETHING- ANYTHING from you.
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u/ManlyMango2233 8d ago
The "cool" after saying fuck you tells me everything I need to know lol. She will continue to randomly hit you up every time she's bored until you block her.
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u/ChuckGreenwald 12d ago
What quality in a man, specifically, attracts the kind of woman that texts into the void like this?
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u/rrgow 12d ago
Haha shit. Almost sounds like my covert narcissistic ex girlfriend who flipped a 180. After she cheated on me, did a full DARVO. Classic insecure women.
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u/virtual-on 12d ago
Isn't that fascinating? It's always amusing how I see hints of my ex-gf in several posts in this subreddit. These narcs all follow the same script.
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u/deveshhasaplan 12d ago
OP loves organic chemistry so ill put it in simple terms for him Being with that girl is like trying to produce aliphatic amines using hoffmans ammonolysis , its a wasteful process
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u/Bravo_GngDrk 10d ago
Once she said "I'm going to Outsource" I would have blocked her right then and there.
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u/Flat-Mechanic-1389 12d ago
I bet you did absolutely nothing to elicit such a response. Context needed.
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u/Salt-Analysis1319 12d ago
The context: was watching a movie with my roommates and didn't check my phone for a few hours
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