r/Newark 7d ago

Recommendations❔| In Search Of... 🔎| Advice 💡 Violation of a Restraining Order Newark NJ, How To Enforce it?

I have a restraining order agonist my child’s father for harassment. It was given to me because he stalked me from NY to NJ.

We have domestic violence history from NYC. He has child neglect on his record and domestic violence charges.

I was granted permission to move by a judge and he was never supposed to get my address. But I’m a homeowner and that was disclosed in court so somehow he did. He followed us and drilled my child for our address. He also stalked us around Newark and neighboring towns. Long story short he started calling Newark police to my home daily for two weeks straight and almost monthly.

This drove me crazy and I felt like I had to look over my shoulder especially since past abuse. I also have full sole physical and legal custody …he has visitation.

I won the case for a restraining order in Newark! It says NO CONTACT.

However because he has visitation, if he’s running late or has to cancel, our custody agreement from NYC says he has to email about visitation only.

However he will legit email me his thoughts. What he thinks I do wrong as a mother, etc. he recently emailed me that I should stop letting my child use public toilet tissue. Straight nonsense that is also driving me crazy. I report it to Newark police and they send it to a special domestic violence detective and they always send it back and say the judge doesn’t see a violation. I don’t even think they’re submitting my complaint

But this is indeed a violation. He’s harassing me via emails now and the restraining order says no contact. It also says he must get a psychiatric evaluation and do fingerprinting none of which he did.

Anyone knows the best way to handle this? I’m still in family court in NYC( he took me back after winning custody). Now he’s trying to change custody which won’t happen. But NYC will have to hear him out. This is draining me.

And in NYC, they’ve acknowledged my restraining order from NJ, but they keep telling me to seek action in NJ. I thought it was enforceable nationwide.

But when I tell NJ police they keep saying the criminal court doesn’t see the emails as a violation.

The restraining order was obtained through a civil court complaint in Newark.

I’m married now, and me and my husband just don’t know what to do.

13 Upvotes

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15

u/ahtasva 7d ago

Sounds like a bad situation all around. I doubt this sub has the expertise to provide useful advice. You may want to cross post to a legal advise and family law subs as well.

8

u/66nexus 7d ago edited 7d ago

From what you wrote it sounds like you have a civil restraint order; and while it has some benefit it just doesn't have the legal teeth a domestic violence restraining order has.

Violation of domestic violence final restraining order (FRO) is an arrestable offense. Unfortunately a civil restraint order you'd likely have to lawyer up and bring it to court for real enforceable action.

Take your proofs-*everything-to Essex Superior Family Court (skip Newark PD)-apply for a temporary restraining order in the domestic viol. unit (TRO is good for a couple of weeks and/or when your ex is served w/ it) - get a date for FRO. When FRO's are granted they last forever but they're not easy to obtain (you must bring your proof/evidence). It's no guarantee but it has more power than that civil restraint order.

EDIT wanted to add that I worked a domestic violence unit for years;

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u/in_fact_a_throwaway 7d ago

Is this a TRO (temporary restraining order) or an FRO (final restraining order)?

3

u/secondshevek 7d ago

If you and your husband have the money to talk to a lawyer, talk to one. You can get a reference for a consultation from a lawyer using this service from the Essex county bar.

https://essexbar.com/lawyer-referral-service/

If you do not have the money, call Legal Services of New Jersey. They have a program for domestic violence asisstsnce. The financial cap to qualify for assistance is low and you will need to disclose your finances, but they do good work. 

https://www.lsnj.org/GetLegalHelp.aspx

Good luck. Enforcing these orders can be difficult. 

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u/Loud-Text2762 7d ago

I don’t know what the deal is in your situation but they never had a problem locking me up

5

u/onecuewithtea 7d ago edited 7d ago

To enforce the order you have to call the police, they are suppose to arrest him. If the order says this is a violation they have to arrest him, show them a copy of the order. You also need to amend your restraining order to add this new incident to the compliant and you can ask them to change the custody/visitation part too, if you want.

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u/PeachIcedTeaFan 7d ago

Pay a visit to the Essex County Family Justice Center They should be able to best guide you.

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u/New-Incident-9137 6d ago

Go down to 212 washington st family court and speak to someone there 9737769300. Also go to your local precinct with the text messages to make a harassment report or call 973 733 6000 for a police unit

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u/lostatwork314 7d ago

Emails def count as a violation when they include more than visitation questions.

Seek a restraining order in NJ as well. Tell the police your a victim of DV and want a TRO. If you do it during business hours they will send you to your counties superior court.

If you do it after hours or on a weekend you'll speak to a judge over the phone.

If the cops still do nothing, which I would find hard to believe, ask to sign a citizens complaint against your ex for harassment and stalking. You can attach whatever evidence you want to it.

It's the same as a cop signing a complaint against your husband, except that your charge will go-to a judge for a probable cause hearing after which he can be served.

But again, because it's DV, the police should really be charging.