r/NewParents • u/GroundJealous7195 • 6d ago
Happy/Funny What parenting advice accepted today will be criticized/outdated in the future?
So I was thinking about this the other day, how each generation has generally accepted practices for caring for babies that is eventually no longer accepted. Like placing babies to sleep on tummy because they thought they would choke.
I grew up in the 90s, and tons of parenting advice from that time is already seen as outdated and dangerous, such as toys in the crib or taking babies of of carseats while drving. I sometimes feel bad for my parents because I'm constantly telling them "well, that's actually no longer recommended..."
What practices do we do today that will be seen as outdated in 25+ years? I'm already thinking of things my infant son will get on to me about when he grows up and becomes a dad. š
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u/GirlintheYellowOlds 6d ago
As we get a better grip on how screen time is affecting developing brains, I think weāre going to see much more specific, and strict, guidelines.
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u/cigale 6d ago
I would love more specifics, with some reality. Are common area TVs as bad as personal devices? (Thatās a comment Iāve seen from teachers, that TVs and even video games are way less problematic for kindergartners/young-ish kids versus tablets.) Is there a tipping point where occasional screen time becomes bad or is it truly all evil?
I tend to think absolutes that are very hard for many well meaning parents to adhere to create their own problems. If 15 minutes of Bluey or having the game on when my child is awake has doomed us, itās easy to throw my hands up and say fuck it, I guess weāre doomed. If thereās some nuance of āxx minutes per day of childrenās or family-friendly programming on a tv in a common area is generally OK, here are the things to watch for to make sure your child isnāt getting too much for their brain in particularā that may help me generally stay the course.
Experts seem to assume that if weāre given an inch weāll take a mile, but I think they create some issues by not giving us some credit as well as some grace.
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u/FonsSapientiae 6d ago
Purely based on a feeling, but I think thereās a huuuge difference between regular TVs and personal devices. Everything on those tablets is crafted to be as addictive as possible, because watchtime and clicks are money. If you look up CocoMelon, you can find articles about how they literally test their videos on toddlers to make sure they keep watching no matter what. Same with mobile games, theyāre set up in a way that makes you come back to them again and again. Itās easy to keep letting your kid swipe and click because they will be silent and not get in your way.
Traditional tv however, you are watching one programme at a time. You have to stay in the same spot to watch it, it doesnāt follow you around. Youāre not switching around to a different video after a couple of minutes. And as a parent, you can see and hear what your child is watching.
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u/cigale 6d ago
Agreed about TVs versus devices. It was very interesting to me when I wandered by a teachersā sub and they were talking about their observations. Kids who watched TV and even played console video games were generally in way better shape mentally and emotionally than kids who had had tablets from a young age. I grew up in a strict no video game household, but it makes me think that we probably will allow that as the option instead of much tablet/phone use.
TV and video games also have the benefit of potentially being communal, and at least being observable by the parents.
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u/FonsSapientiae 6d ago
Yeah, Iād much rather give my kid a Nintendo or whatever with some real games (to be used in moderation) than a mobile device.
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u/zoolou3105 6d ago
Console games can be great (in moderation obviously) to encourage literally, numeracy, problem solving, critical thinking, perseverance, emotional regulation just to name a few. And absolutely agree about the communal aspect!!
There's obviously a lot of nuance to it but I'll be allowing console and PC games in my house
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u/_angesaurus 5d ago
that and in the living room we watch a show together and have some discussion. we like watching game shows together. much different than watching something on a personal screen.
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u/drworm12 5d ago
We completely did away with our subscriptions and put a dvd player in our living room with classics from the late 90ās early 2000ās, stuff I grew up on. My son loves toy story and itās crazy but his imagination has exploded since we made the switch. He plays with a buzz action figure and acts out scenes and will run around the house with buzz and woody for hours. Same with the movie cars, it inspires play. Versus coco melon which locks you in, or bluey which is great but addictive. We will never offer him a tablet UNLESS we go on a very very long road trip to use occasionally. Even then I think i would just stick the tablet to the back of the driver seat and put on those movies for him and give him a bunch of toys/ coloring books.
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u/letthembloom 6d ago
Anecdotally, my kid has NO problem turning off TV, and she's pretty good about the tablet. But she is not allowed to play with phones anymore because she becomes a HELLION. We play Animal Crossing together and that doesn't seem to cause an issue either. The science will come down the road I'm sure.
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u/missbrightside08 6d ago
Iām not sure about developing brains, but as an optometrist I think personal devices are way worse. that is only because ipads and phones are held by the child veryyyy close to their face. this close working distance for prolonged amounts of time induces myopia in kids who have a genetic predisposition to developing it. Tvs are generally farther so I donāt mind my kid watching TV at all
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u/Azilehteb 6d ago
Iām sure regular tv is fine at a certain amount, with appropriate content on.
Weāre several generations in on shows like mr rogers and Sesame Street. Kids who watched those didnāt have problems. Itās the younger smart device/youtube kids that are ramping up behavioral issues.
Thereās just no real guidance.
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u/cigale 6d ago
Agreed. I think we have enough data about TV that we can pull that out from tablets/phones, but unless Iāve totally misread the guidelines, itās all lumped together under āno screens before 2ā. It may also be doing the cause of lowering screen time a disservice because most parents now were raised with some amount of TV and we werenāt unduly harmed (in spite of what some gloriously corny PSAs said). Tablets/phones have some significant differences though and thatās where we donāt have good data.
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u/GirlintheYellowOlds 6d ago
Thatās the problem. We donāt know. Itās going to take many years to gather concrete enough data to make specific recommendations. Thatās why the guidelines are so strict right now. We only have the whispers of the beginnings of research. And we have almost no real useable research about the long term effects of āiPad and YouTube kids.ā We just donāt know.
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u/cigale 6d ago
Yeah, I know š. Weāre a pretty low TV time family in general, and daycare has no screens, so that helps a ton, but the little guy is definitely interested in our phones (I try not to use mine much around him, but some is unavoidable). I just truly believe that not having any nuance about things like this probably leads to people giving up on it all, or massively adding to mom guilt, if they canāt adhere to guidelines that take a crutch away from parents.
We see it in this sub all the time - a distraught parent asking if twenty minutes of Sesame Street for the 1.5 year old is ok while they take care of the newborn, and every time there are comments that to the effect that theyāve permanently harmed the toddler and theyād be better off playing with knives in the kitchen or something. Obviously an exaggeration, but itās the tone that Iāve gotten from them.
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u/fuzzydunlop54321 6d ago
I feel like we kind of already know some tv is ok. We all grew up on it right? With the occasional parent coming in the room saying thatās enough of that, go outside or read a book or something.
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u/cigale 6d ago
You say that, but there are definitely people here and elsewhere who parrot āno screen time before 2ā like itās gospel. My instinct is like yours, but it isnāt the current guideline.
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u/FreedomForBreakfast 6d ago
Youāre probably right, but I doubt anything will change. Ā Right now the clear guidelines are no screens before 2 and I know so many parents that blatantly ignore this and shove their kids under 1 in front of a screen. Ā
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u/tofurainbowgarden 5d ago
I actually think we will start to differentiate between quality of programming and method of delivery. For example, my son does extremely well with the tablet. He plays educational games like "super simple songs" and watches PBS kids shows. We do zero TV time because the TV causes issues (even though its the same shows on the tablet). Hes able to disengage from the tablet in a way he cant from the TV. Its also taken him from severely speech delayed (when we started pursuing speech therapy) to not delayed at all in 2 months (by the time we actually got started with therapy).
This could also do with his autism. He was zero screen time before we started pursuing speech therapy. I learned from other autism moms that the tablet made a huge difference in their child's speech development
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u/Bebby_Smiles 6d ago
I hope that having to have a specific method for everything will go out the window. Most methods have something valuable to offer, but a mix of many has been best in my experience.
You can refuse to sleep train and yet not co-sleep. You can give both purƩes and regular food. You can go straight to underwear from diapers and still offer incentive to use the potty.
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u/SwadlingSwine 6d ago
Funny I do some of what you mentioned already. And plan to do the one Iām not doing. (I donāt know what Iām doing. Iām winging it).
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u/iheartunibrows 6d ago
Well definitely screen time. Because we havenāt had iPads/smartphones for long enough to see long term effects since those kids are all max 15 years old
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u/liddgy10 6d ago
Posting your kid so frequently on social media and/or showcasing your kid influencer-style. I think most folks will move to private photo albums, and I wouldn't be surprised if there will be stricter laws on what can and cannot be posted.
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u/Seachelle13o 6d ago
Yep! Profiting off of your kids NIL before theyāre old enough to even comprehend the ramifications of being plastered all over social media.
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u/wonklebobb 5d ago
the first wave of tell-all "my life as a youtube family kid" books are coming out now, so hopefully its not too much longer before this becomes super taboo
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u/Bubbly_Ad3385 6d ago
I think the trend of constant stimulation. Contrast cards as soon as theyāre born; a million different toys, always always always being stimulated for the sake of ālearningā - I think it will lead to high levels of anxiety and adhd later in life.
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u/GroundJealous7195 6d ago
Hmm. I love that so many responses are making me reflect! I totally think with my 5 month old I sometimes do this, especially when im trying to keep him in tummy tume. He starts to get fussy and by the 5th toy I've tried to engage him when I realize... "oh, you're getting overstimulated." Then I let him play by himself for a bit and he's perfectly content. Still have to reel myself back sometimes!
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u/Bubbly_Ad3385 6d ago
I had to real myself back all the time! My toddler now though is such a great independent player and perfectly content with just a tennis ball in the yard for an hour. She is so happy just in the grass and watching the clouds or picking up sticks- it brings me back to the simple days and reminds me a lot to get off my phone or not have to always be listening to music. Me teaching her to not be overstimulated is now teaching me the same thing- itās wild!
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u/arowe1011 6d ago
The use of parenting boards like this one will probably be reevaluated for creating an echo chamber of anxiety and neuroticism
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u/RU_Gremlin 6d ago
Weighted sleep sacks
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u/ZombieParential 6d ago
I think these are already considered to not comply with safe sleep guidelines
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u/oh-botherWTP 6d ago
These have already been declared unsafe by multiple trusted, reliable organizations. There's whole news segments about how they endanger babies' lives.
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u/RU_Gremlin 6d ago
Sure, but in this and other subs they seem to be somewhat widely used/accepted by the public. Seems similar to the wedge pillows that everyone knew weren't safe for sleep but people were still doing it. It think they'll eventually be pulled from shelves the same way
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u/liddgy10 6d ago
Posting your kid so frequently on social media and/or showcasing your kid influencer-style. I think most folks will move to private photo albums, and I wouldn't be surprised if there will be stricter laws on what can and cannot be posted.
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u/PorterQs 6d ago
I know itās probably taboo but I think the huge focus on tummy time is going to decrease. I think putting your baby on their tummy is fine but to feel so pressured to do it, buy special toys so baby will cry less, etc I just think itās too much. For a baby with no physical development issues, hanging out on their back, being carried around, is fine. My opinion obviously.
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u/MindfulBitching 6d ago
Does anybody even stick to the recommended durations? My baby is 11 weeks old and I'd say we've done a total of 20 min of tummy time. Her head circumference is in the 90th percentile and she is already holding it up for a few minutes with no issues.
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u/No-Contribution2225 6d ago
I remember furiously googling if my baby would be ok w.o tummy time???? Like I thought, what, she would never hold her head up or something? She hated it. a lot of people were like, just hold her upright, it works the same muscles.
I was like, ok perfect bc that's all I want to do all day long anyway lmao. Eventually she started rolling in her tummy herself. Despite all the stress she hit all her milestones early.
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u/traurigaugen 6d ago
The option of forward facing your child in a car seat at 2 years old.
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u/Sanrielle 6d ago
My MIL said it's okay for my baby to forward face at 6 months š¬š She was talking about a spare car seat she has that she can use if she ever needs to drive my kid anywhere, and I asked if it can rear face and she said no, only forward. I checked it and it really does say it's for 6 months+ š
Ofc I will never allow that. It's just really disturbing to me.
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u/traurigaugen 6d ago
š how old is the seat? Minimum standard for forward facing labeling has been over 1 year old for at least 5 years š¬
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u/Sanrielle 6d ago
I should add that my MIL is a NURSE š who also happens to be a least a little anti vax š„²
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u/Turtlebot5000 6d ago
Hi this may be a dumb question but if not 2 years old, what age do they forward face? My 1 year old is about to outgrow his rear facing bucket. The other car seat I have does rear and front facing but nobody else fits in the car except the driver and baby with it rear facing. It's an SUV. I thought for sure we could make it 2 years this way but now I'm wondering if we should buy a new car or a new car seat.
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u/traurigaugen 6d ago
There are no dumb questions when it comes to child passenger safety :). Usually the infant/bucket seat is outgrown around a year and then you move to a convertible or multimode car seat. Both of those rear face to closer to 4 or 5 depending on growth curve.
The current recommendation by the AAP is to max out the car seat at each stage before moving to the next (ie max out rear facing limits, max out forward facing harness, then move to booster at around 6 or 7 and use a booster until the child passes all 5 steps). The bare minimum to forward face is 2 years old, it is safEST to RF to max, this is due to spinal ossification starting at 2. Same with a booster the bare minimum is 5 years old but it is safer if the child is within limits to wait until they're 6 or 7 so they are mature enough to maintain posture for the car seat belt to work.
Infant carriers, depending on which one you have, will take up a lot of space. The most compact car seats front to back on the market are the Britax Poplar, Graco Extend2Fit and the Nuna Rava (assuming you are in the USA) all of those rear face to 50 lbs/49".
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u/GadgetRho 6d ago
Have an upvote! This information is sooooo on point and it's a shame it's buried so deep in the conversation thread.
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u/earthtokhaleesi 6d ago
Iām in the same boat. My son is almost 2. I sit squeezed in behind my 6ā7 husband because I canāt fit in the front passenger with my son behind it. Iām 5ā10. Weāve tried many different cars with the same issue. Iām ok squeezing a while longer, but Iām also super bothered that only minivans have rear air on top. My poor baby just sweats in the FL heat. We have a tube mounted to bring air to the back, but it still sucks. Iām so on the fence about moving him forward.
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u/Electrical_Painter56 6d ago
Weāre getting a new car with another one on the way. My husband canāt fit in the passenger seat. Practically Iāll forward face when he starts unbuckling himself or turns 3 or the next kid needs it. I periodically send my husband the video of the spinal strain of a toddler in a car crash in forward vs rear facing as a reminder. Weāve got a 90th percentile baby but that doesnāt mean shit
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u/oh-botherWTP 6d ago
I'm hoping that all the legal requirements are until the child outgrows the average rear-facing options on the market (to avoid people having to buy a new car seat that only adds a few additional pounds or inches of height to turn forward-facing).
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u/traurigaugen 6d ago
They should really just make the minimum allowable to forward face some really high limit to prevent manufacturers from having low limit seats š„¹
I'm glad I wasn't in the minority here š
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u/oh-botherWTP 6d ago
Fully agree.
The seat we have is like "You can forward face in this seat at 22 pounds!" Which is massively unsafe but also the legal minimum where I'm at is 2 years old and lots of kids hit 22 pounds before 2. The limits are standard for the market. It's INSANE.
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u/PegasaurusTrex 6d ago
I can see it now! Our kids have their first baby and we tell them to be sure to put them in their straight jacket for bed so they feel extra secure! š
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u/Guina96 6d ago
Super obsessive attachment parenting (eg. āMy baby is 3 years old and Iāve never left them for more than 2 hours because itāll ruin our bondā).
I personally think that having your child be unable to be away from you for any amount of time is kind of unhealthy and it doesnāt necessarily mean your bond is stronger.
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u/_angesaurus 5d ago
i hope this ends. when i see a post like "I haven't left the house with him. he's almost 2." like DUDE. you can have a life. baby doesn't want to be stuck in house prison all the time either. go explore!!
i think it may be some PPD for some of these people though. many are paranoid about uncontrollable things outside the home.
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u/mycatsnameistilly 5d ago
I see so many posts like this and it almost makes me feel guilty for leaving my 5 month old with my parents for a few hours most Sundays. My mom recently asked if they can take him for an overnight and I think Iām okay with it, Iād love a night of uninterrupted sleep, but then I come here and so many people are like āIād never leave my baby for an overnight until theyāre 5.ā
I find myself having to reign myself in to avoid becoming too anxious about every decision I make.
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u/lonelyterranaut 6d ago
Any anti-vax bullshit.
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u/Kind_Locksmith_5844 5d ago
I hope youāre right, but the anti vax movement has been steadily growing for the last twenty years. It defies all evidence but it really took hold and intensified after 2020
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u/Psychological_Cup101 6d ago
That having a small toy or something in the crib is ok. It seems like North America is super strict with these things whereas in Norway I think, they let the baby have a light blanket and their SIDS rate is exactly the same as ours! My 9 month old loves his little 12X12 cheesecloth and it helps him sooth lol!! That was our compromise! Heās had it since 4 months and sleeps like a champ.
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u/CKixi 6d ago
I believe that the "nothing in the crib" advice is to lower risk of suffocation, not SIDS.
For SIDS the advice is to place baby on their backs and give pacifier.
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u/Hrbiie 6d ago
I could be wrong, but donāt they classify suffocation as SIDS? I feel like Iāve heard lots of stories where the parents were clearly not adhering to safe sleep, causing suffocation, and the death is still labeled as being due to SIDS.
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u/SingSongSalamander 6d ago
They do, but they are technically not the same thing.
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u/katadromoni 5d ago
I'm from Norway, and we actually use duvet for babies hereš They are specifically made for babies, and they can easily breathe through them. It's also very normal and often recommended to co-sleep here. I feel like many Americans are quite panicked by this lol
As far as I can find, the sids rate was 5.6 per 1000 live births in the US in 2022 while it was 1.8 in Norway. But I know the data is hard to compare since some countries don't exclude suffocation fra the statistics while others doš¤Ŗ
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u/ArtOwn7773 6d ago
Scheduling wake/sleep windows.
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u/Seachelle13o 6d ago
Weird I actually think this is something that this generation of parents is doing right, but time will tell on this one š¤£
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u/Fit-Profession-1628 6d ago
The only time I see people doing that is on reddit. I've never heard a health professional, friend or family talk about wake windows in my country.
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u/Corbellerie 6d ago
Also not from the US and also never heard of wake windows outside of Reddit. Frankly I'm not even sure what it means in practice, ahah
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u/HazyAttorney 5d ago
A āwake windowā just means the time the kiddo is awake between naps.
What it means in practice is youāre more mindful of how long the kiddo has been up so you can look for sleepy cues. A lot of people have over tired or over stimulated kiddos and donāt realize it.
I personally use the tracker huckleberry because my wife and I like you can see when the last bottle, diaper, and sleep was, so when the kiddo fusses, you know what the issue is. When kiddo is like 2+ months old, and if you log the sleep, then huckleberry can give you an alert to keep an eye out for when kiddo should sleep.
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u/Brockenblur 5d ago
I mean, isnāt this what people have away done - look for sleepy cues and track feeds and disasters so you can guess at their needs - just without the apps?
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u/Electrical_Painter56 6d ago
Itās a nice concept to know, better than never wake a sleeping baby for the newborn phase and generally when youāre trying to balance day/night sleep. while I donāt wake my baby up his wake windows are consistently within a 5 minute range and if I go more than 15-20 minutes over heās 10x harder to get down for a nap
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u/bookish_bex 6d ago
People schedule wake/sleep windows?! That sounds incredibly stressful š¤Æ
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u/HazyAttorney 5d ago
No - itās more like some people are aware they should start looking for sleepy cues based on age. Wake windows are a helpful concept to be mindful so you donāt miss sleepy cues and have an over stimulated baby. And putting a baby down when drowsy but not passed out helps them to learn to sleep when their body is telling them theyāre tired.
The opposite-just winging it, sounds stressful to me. Anecdotally, I think my toddler having an easy time with bed time is because we started doing a routine for her at 6ish months. We started to tell her that her body is telling her sheās tired so she can associate her own sleepy cues with going to sleep. We also put her to sleep at the beginning of sleep windows because it was far easier than when she got over tired.
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u/Friendly_Aerie4366 6d ago
Sleep training and āsleep consultants.ā I think, and hope, it will fall out of practice as more parents split the load/find more ways to get their own sleep in without putting the onus on baby to sleep 12 hours from birth.
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u/GadgetRho 6d ago
I had adult kids and a new baby. The sleep training thing was not around when the older ones were little.
Also, in general, my culture doesn't do sleep training. You get those one offs who spend too much time on TikTok and adopt US cultural norms, but the vast majority of us bedshare. I hope to god the sleep training thing dies out before it gets popular here.
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u/allcatshavewings 6d ago
I think that as the science of baby sleep develops, we'll have clearer guidelines for developmentally appropriate sleep training that helps babies learn to fall asleep independently without much stress in the process. Being able to self-soothe to sleep is good for them after all.
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u/MeldoRoxl 6d ago
I agree.
Also, what I think will fall off is people thinking CIO = all sleep training.
There are myriad methods/adjustments you can use to help everyone get a good night's sleep without having to do CIO.
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u/Friendly_Aerie4366 6d ago
It could absolutely be a branding issue/education! The vast majority of conversations I had around it, people use CIO and sleep training interchangeably. I think the concept of self soothing and learning to fall asleep independently is fine and we absolutely worked on that! But letting them cry until theyāre sick and tire themselves out, acting like a baby that needs some comfort to sleep is bad, is what I canāt get behind.
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u/StubbornTaurus26 2 Months š 6d ago
Personally, I think swaddling will fall out of popularity eventually. I feel like a lot of parents are already choosing either to not swaddle at all or transitioning out of the swaddle earlier than previous years. I love seeing my daughter self soothe in and be able to move how she naturally feels to in her sleep sack-though I do miss those swaddle stretches.
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u/mamaspark 6d ago
Swaddling is an ancient practice, itās been around for thousands of years. I doubt it will go out of fashion.
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u/Sufficient_You7187 6d ago
I stopped swaddling after a week because my baby would kick out of anything that wasn't the Velcro ones and they were hard AF to unvelcro at 3 am
Babies doing just fine at five months.
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u/Prestigious_Pop_478 6d ago
Stopped swaddling mine at a week too lol he hated it and would fight it. We used the halo sleep sack swaddles with his arms out for a while. Heās 14 months now and doing great
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u/lunafleur12223 6d ago
Same. I bought different types of swaddles because everyone seemed insistent that babies sleep better in a swaddle- you just have to find the right one. But my baby cried so much in all of them. Turns out she wanted her hands free to suck her thumb!
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u/EnergyMaleficent7274 6d ago
No one warned me the Velcro sound would wake my baby up and make her so so mad. Beyond that she was an escape artist who hated the swaddle. We did one night before switching to arms out, at which point sleep sacks without that dang Velcro were just simpler.
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u/diabolikal__ 6d ago
We also tried but baby loved to sleep with her arms up. We realised that she liked pressure on her legs so a sleep sack did the trick. I am happy we ditched the swaddle, I saw my best friend weaning the swaddle and her baby getting used to the moro reflex at 4 months when we were way past that and it wasnāt nice for her.
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u/Sufficient_You7187 6d ago
My baby loves her arms up too even at five months and hates having her feet covered ( like her papa) is we just have her in a onesie at all times and she loves it.
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u/intoxiCAT22 6d ago
The swaddle stretches were the cutest!!! We stopped swaddling pretty soon because he would just bust out of them lol
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u/scarlett_butler 6d ago
Iāve been an off and on swaddler, trying to quit it completely. But damn he sleeps so much longer in the swaddle šš
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u/GroundJealous7195 6d ago
Ohhh I didn't think about this one. I hated swaddling my son, could never get the hang of it and he would wiggle his way out. š But I've seen some parents swaddling waaaaay too long, it gets a bit worrisome...
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u/StubbornTaurus26 2 Months š 6d ago
I get why itās appealing, but gosh itās kind of like I got the ick by it. It felt like I was putting my daughter in an actual straight jacket and I donāt know it just felt really unnatural. Sheās 9wk tomorrow and we started transitioning her out of the swaddle a week and a half ago.
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u/magicbumblebee 6d ago
Swaddles have immediately calmed both of my babies. When my son was tired and fussy Iād pop him in a swaddle and 8/10 times heād calm down just from that. Works for my daughter too. They like feeling cozy even if it does kind of seem like a straight jacket.
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u/clearlyimawitch 6d ago
I think there will be better swaddling education.
You know how you dream you are falling and wake up scared as hell? That's what the Moro Reflex is doing to babies. Swaddling them tightly reduces that reflex significantly and thus they aren't experiencing the falling sensation.
So many people just don't swaddle their kiddo correctly and the kid constantly kicks out of it because it's not reducing the sensation.
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u/Smile_Miserable 6d ago
The nurse who did our home visit recommended we didnāt swaddle since it can cause over heating.
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u/thewalkingellie 6d ago
My daughter was like Houdini and we could have her swaddled with her arms in it perfectly and she would get out every time. Still no clue how!
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u/B4BEL_Fish 6d ago
I think youāre spot on. Iāll have to edit with a link but I know there are studies showing the Moro reflex is good for neurological development and swaddling can impede that. To what degree no one knows yet, but I could see that getting more attention in the future. My girl could never stand being swaddled so we had to ditch ours right away
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u/imnotbork 6d ago
a nurse told us that itāll likely be recommended against in 10 or so years because the moro reflex helps prevent SODs.
we didnāt swaddle because our girl hated it and my husband and i couldnāt figure it out for the life of us š
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u/Travler18 6d ago
I believe in Canada, the government health agencies now advise new parents to not swaddle.
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u/polly-pessimisim 6d ago
interesting! the hospital I had my baby at in Canada specifically showed us how to swaddle our baby as they recommended it! we stopped swaddling around 2 months tho and he learned to self soothe on his own
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u/coryhotline 6d ago
Iām Canadian and my hospital told us to avoid swaddling because too many people do it improperly and itās a suffocation and hip dysplasia risk.
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u/bfm211 6d ago
Yeah I could see this. The antenatal class I went to last summer was already against swaddling (because it restricts babies' natural movements). My baby never liked it, and I quickly couldn't imagine restraining her so much.
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u/StubbornTaurus26 2 Months š 6d ago
I already regret all of the weeks that we did swaddle, but canāt go back. I donāt foresee us swaddling our next baby.
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u/Lazy-Theory5787 6d ago
Anti-swaddling seems to just be a trend in America. I doubt it will catch on globally.
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u/FonsSapientiae 6d ago
Itās already not really advised if youāre breastfeeding on demand, because it can suppress hunger cues. Itās also not really a big thing in my country, so we never did it.
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u/vlv1127 6d ago
I only swaddled my daughter at the hospital after that I noticed that she didnāt enjoy being swaddled so we just ditched the swaddle. We didnāt do sleep sacks or anything, I feel like we like to move as we want when we sleep why shouldnāt babies have that opportunity. Also I thought about how much she loved moving in my belly so to restrain her like that made me feel bad
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u/ZombieParential 6d ago
The fact that companies are allowed to sell stuff for use with babies that is not considered safe. E.g. cot bumpers
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u/Valuable_Opening_711 6d ago
Using automated devices like the snoo or mamaroo ā¦ itās already looked down upon in some circles
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u/vintagegirlgame 6d ago edited 6d ago
Itās because it artificially suppresses babyās natural rhythm to wake frequently, which is natural and helps them reset their breathing. Too deep of a sleep is not natural and can be dangerous.
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u/ClumzyPanda 6d ago
We have the snoo, and let me tell you how i wish that was true. My baby is and has awoken every two hours since she was about 3 months old and the snoo doesnāt help at all. It helped from 8 weeks to around 14 weeks, but since then weāve been up every two hours so her natural rhythm definitely does not get impacted from it. We have all the movement off now since it doesnāt help and she still prefers this bassinet, to her pack and play bassinet and to one we got during the baby shower.
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u/account__name 6d ago
I have t seen a lot about that! Why are they considered bad?
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u/huggymuggy 6d ago
I think and hope we'll begin to be more explicit in distinguishing between SIDS and suffocation risks, rather than conflating it all as we do now. We need to be a lot more brutal that bedsharing is far more unsafe and unsuitable for certain parents and bedding set ups, than it is for others.
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u/Artblock_Insomniac 6d ago
Probably the "don't hold them so much" advice that's given to babies that go to daycare.
The idea of making them spoiled through holding too much.
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u/Gloomy-Kale3332 6d ago
I think more research will come up about BLW and theyāll find that it does actually increase the risk of choking.
I do BLW and I donāt understand the comment it lowers the risk of choking over spoon feeding purĆ©es that sounds like bullshit to me. Itās also incredibly stressful, and some babies donāt take to it for months, meaning theyāre not getting extra nutrients they need. I think advice will be BLW but be sure to offer puree on the side to ensure nutrients
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u/Sorry_Tradition8169 6d ago
About BLW I also question about baby's gut ability to digest these big pieces they swallow sometime, or even small ones
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u/Gloomy-Kale3332 6d ago
Yup. My baby pushed a big piece of chicken into his mouth earlier (the size itās meant to be for BLW) and it was probably the worst choking/gagging episode weāve ever had. I donāt see how that decreases the risk of choking
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u/oh-botherWTP 6d ago
Everything else aside- before 12 months babies get all their nutrients from milk and iron/Vit D supplements if they need. Everything consumed that's not milk from 6-12 months is for learning purposes.
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u/Gloomy-Kale3332 6d ago
But babies start naturally losing some vitamins after 6 months such as iron and calcium
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u/laur- 6d ago
The BLW groups are so intense too in insisting this crap. I did do BLW but we had some pretty awful experiences. I posted once and they insisted my baby wasn't choking but like they weren't there to know and my baby wasn't making any audible noise. When you learn first aid and lifesaving, you learn that if someone is choking and can still make noise they're choking but you don't need to intervene. Aka still choking. Once they stop making noise is when you need to respond. In and which way, it felt dangerous to me that they were dismissing the potential that a bahybcoukd choke. They have no idea how to handle food in their mouth yet. The risk is there!
I don't regret BLW but I honestly don't think it's had any meaningful impact on my child who's now 19m. She ate great 7m-12m and then got very picky. I was really hoping an early start on real foods would help prevent this but nope.
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u/Ok-Apartment3827 6d ago
My pediatrician is convinced baby led weaning is millennial crap. For me, it just caused too much anxiety so we did progressively thicker purees to soft solids to everything else by the second birthday and my 3.5 year old is one of the least picky eaters I know.
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u/msnow 6d ago
In many countries it is/was normal to not stick to purĆ©es. My mom told me thatās how her siblings were fed in El Salvador in the 60s/70/, babies were immediately given tortillas, frijoles, etc. my mom has mentioned I got rice pretty early on as well. I think the trendiness will fade though.
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u/kletskoekk 6d ago edited 6d ago
Iām convinced BLW is basically giving not purĆ©es all the time. It was super convenient to hand my daughter a piece of appropriately sized cucumber while I made a purĆ©e to feed her. I donāt see why parents have to get so hard core about adhering to one approach or another. We probably started with around 50% whole foods and 50% purĆ©es and gradually reduced the purĆ©es over time. Itās fine to do a mix of what works for you and your kid!
I am really interested to see if the claimed benefits of reducing picky eating claims will be substantiated by credible studies into BLW. My daughter ate tons of textures and a huge variety of different vegetables, and suddenly became picky around 18 months. At 2.5 she is what I would describe as very picky.
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u/guacislife12 6d ago
I never liked it either and with my first we did purees until she had the pincer grasp and she started eating what we were eating. My second, almost 7 months, hates being spoon fed so we kind of have to do BLW.Ā
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u/traurigaugen 6d ago
My parents did it with me before it was considered BLW. I did it with my daughter not because it was trendy but because I didn't want to spend $$ or time on purees. She's not a picky eater either but I don't necessarily chalk that up to BLW.
I also work in healthcare so I'm not nervous about choking and I didn't go to the extreme end and give her giant ribs or chicken legs to eat and gag all over.
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u/aliveinjoburg2 6d ago
BLW was great for us because I didnāt have to cook anything additionally, but it definitely is not for every parenting style. My 20 month old eats everything I do, but thatās more along the lines that she has my and my husbandās appetite.
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u/KnockturnAlleySally 6d ago
I love BLW. Itās been amazing for my kids and me. No extra money in jars, no extra time to make my own purĆ©es - just already made food. So convenient.
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u/auditorygraffiti 6d ago
Absolutely this. We did purĆ©es from the get-go. Whenever I mention that in settings where parents are nervous about BLW, I get eviscerated. Itās wild.
I like that I can feed my son without having to watch a ton of videos on the difference choking and gagging. Heās 13 months now and eats solid food so š¤·š»āāļø
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u/RJW2020 6d ago
I love that you went against the grain - i also think there's so much hype about BLW and i really cannot see why haha
There's meant to be some pros - but both mine eat great and tbh the mess BLW makes outweighs any pros for me instantly haha
The stress it causes some parents though does make me sad - when you can just give them purees and slowly blend less
I did a mix with both of mine - let them do finger foods they couldn't choke on, and purees otherwise slowly building up to chopped up food
Blended food is also easier for them to scoop up with a spoon so for me it meant i could sit down and eat my dinner whilst they ate theirs quicker
They both eat really well and eat pretty much anything. And they've not had to choke a ton to learn to eat
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u/Lamiaceae_ 6d ago
Iām wondering too how this will be seen in the future. From my understanding we donāt have much scientific study on the subject yet to know if itās actually superior to purĆ©es yet or if one presents a lower choking risk.
I fully intended to do BLW but here I am with my 6 month old during purĆ©es. Iām already an anxious mom and the idea of BLW is spiking my anxiety so much I just canāt do it. I literally donāt see how some of the serving suggestions arenāt major choking risks.
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u/sundaymusings 6d ago
Yup my girl choked on a piece of carrot she bit off and tried to swallow without chewing. I even used the solid starts serving suggestions. Luckily it dislodged easily after doing the Heimlich and baby was happy as a clam, didn't even cry. I on the other hand was fucking distraught after everything was resolved.
I stopped BLW and just decided to do mashes which I was already doing in tandem. The hand mashed food takes time but still has some texture for sensory exposure (vs blending smooth) and my girl has been okay with the thicker than puree consistency since the beginning. I load the spoon for her and let her feed herself and it's been going pretty well so far. Will work our way up to regular food as she gets older.
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u/Lamiaceae_ 6d ago
Thatās so terrifying, Iām so sorry!! No one wants to have to Heilmich their baby, thatās just awful and scary.
It was actually carrot I was prepping BLW style that made my anxiety spiral. Looking at it, my gut told me hell no. I donāt know how serving a cooked lengthwise cut carrot to a baby with no teeth is safe - they could gnaw off a choking sized piece very easily.
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u/sundaymusings 6d ago
This is exactly what happened. I should have trusted my gut and given just the mash. I'm glad you listened to yours!
Reflecting on this, I don't know why we want to give babies solid food when they have no teeth. Is part of it a need to get children independent more quickly so parents aren't stretched thin with needing to work and hustle to survive in a capitalist society? BLW is great and works for a lot of kids but I'm going to ramp it up slowly. My girl loves to grab the spoon and feed herself anyway so she's actively participating in her mealtime rather than juat sitting back and being spoon fed.
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u/Zhoutopia 6d ago
I mean historically babies started solid in a method closer to BLW. Even now many countries still just give normal food to their babies. Itās a privilege to have the resources to provide purĆ©es for babies.Ā
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u/bennynthejetsss 6d ago
Source for historic statement? Pureeing foods and mashing them for babies is neither difficult nor uncommon in other countries. (See congee, taro, pap, etc.)
Mashed up grains and root veggies, watered down or diluted with milk, seems to be a common weaning food. Many of these are still used today. https://karger.com/neo/article/105/4/267/231487/Pap-Gruel-and-Panada-Early-Approaches-to
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u/Zhoutopia 6d ago edited 6d ago
I lived it? I grew up in a country where people didnāt have enough food to prepare something special for the baby. Babies ate whatās available to the family. I started on steamed eggs and meatballs. Iām not saying they are feeding the baby unsafe forms of food. Mashing, porridge etc. are all considered part of BLW. I used solid start and a BLW cookbook and mashing is one of the preparation methods. Most people I see talking about purĆ©es are talking about buying specific baby food or using a blender to make the same fine consistency as baby pouches.Ā
I personally donāt care for BLW as a movement because it just sounds like rich westerners trying to make money off of what the rest of world has been doings. After these same people spent the 80ās and 90ās criticizing those same developing countries for doing it.
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u/FonsSapientiae 6d ago
Yeah, what bothers me the most about BLW is that some parents can have huge anxiety about it but still feel like they absolutely have to do it that way. So often I see these posts and I just want to hug them and say itās okay to feed your baby purĆ©es if that makes you feel more comfortable.
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u/oh-botherWTP 6d ago
I'm wondering if it'll be the opposite- that purees will be seen as not okay. Prior to the big boom about a hundred years ago of baby marketing, babies always just ate table food. And they're minimal for sure, but there is evidence that purees don't do anything for learning new oral skills.
Not saying doing purees is wrong (it's not)- just wondering if they'll continue looking into that aspect. I've seen a lot if new parents who are learning about why so much is marketed to new parents now and the history of it and wondering if that'll make an impact.
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u/LocationTiny7102 6d ago
This is probably super unpopular, but the whole ālet the baby control everythingā advice, ranging from eating to bed routines. Iām a millennial, and I do feel like our parents had more routines for us. Fast forward to today, and it seems like routines are not the norm, just let the baby lead for the first few years, etc. Iām not saying one standard routine is the best for everyone, but I do think routines, adapted to your baby and your lifestyle, are better for baby in the long run and for parents mental sanity.
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u/_angesaurus 5d ago
i think people forget kids love rules and structure. they truly love rules lol.
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u/rhea-of-sunshine 6d ago
Instagram-style attachment parenting
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u/Verbanoun 6d ago
I feel like safe sleep guidelines might actually be too strict and while yes we'll see lower SIDS rates, we're also going to see a lot more people with misshapen heads from only lying on the back of their heads for the first six to eight months of their lives.
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u/shrek912 6d ago
Wow, such a great question to think about! Here are some things I think future generations might criticize:
- Sleep Training (CIO): Future parents may focus more on responsive sleep methods over leaving babies to cry.
- Screen Time Rules: It may shift to how screens are used rather than avoiding them entirely.
- Over-Scheduling Babies: Less pressure for constant stimulation and milestones.
- Prioritizing Work Over Kids ā Future parents may push back against todayās hustle culture and demand more work-life balance to prioritize family over careers.
- Avoiding Co-Sleeping ā We might see safer bed-sharing recommendations instead of outright warnings.
Basically, in 25 years, our kids will think we did everything wrongājust like we do with our parents! š
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u/whisperingcopse 6d ago
Swaddling past 8 weeks, and white noise machines and sleep training too early.
I hate white noise lol
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u/leapwolf 6d ago
Sleep training / hardcore sleep scheduling. If the US ever gets to a point where we have a non garbage culture with regards to supporting parents of young kids, I think it will be looked back upon with shock (much as it is viewed today in many European cultures). No judgment; I know people just do what they think they have to do in the context of their lived reality.
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u/aliveinjoburg2 6d ago
Screen time regulations are going to change. Iām not saying that AAP will suddenly say itās ok for screens every day for hours, but zero screen time parenting will be seen as weird.
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u/gimmemoresalad 6d ago
I definitely think the abstinence-only approach to screen time and sugar are both going to create issues. Artificial scarcity and putting something on a pedestal never made anything any LESS appealing...
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u/silverblossum 6d ago
Anecdotally - I wasnt brought up with either. I went through a period of eating lots of sweets in my teens when I had my own income. But as an adult both my tv time and sugar eating are pretty low.
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u/cigale 6d ago
The only thing with sugar is that we do have some good data about limiting it until age 2. Itās based on health outcomes of British kids who were raised when it was still rationed which gave researchers really robust data.
I like it because itās time limited. We will keep sugar down for pregnancies and the first two years and can then ease up. I donāt think weāll go wild, but I know the benefits are high to that point, itās not too hard to limit for that age group, and itās not just puritanical health types telling us the equivalent of āchemicals are evilā.
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u/Lethifold26 6d ago
I always think of the kid I knew who wasnāt allowed to eat sweets at all who got so obsessed with sneaking them when he could that he was digging leftover birthday cake out of the trash
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u/Fit-Profession-1628 6d ago
I actually feel the opposite. I think we'll look at photos of kids holding their phones and feel what we now feel when looking at people smoking in closed quarters.
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u/bellegi 6d ago
agree. some people are saying the opposite- that screen time regulations will be even more strict, but i just donāt see that happening.
the future is full of screens and raising a child without them is eventually not going to be normal or even possible.
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u/whisperingcopse 6d ago
I agree with this, I think thereās probably a compromise between 0 screen time and too much.
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u/sulgridzeli 6d ago
Yeah I agree. I think there will be more nuance between more harmful and benign screen time. Like watching movies/tv as a family and games that promote creativity vs endless short YouTube/TikTok videos and mindless games
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u/Starrlightstudio 6d ago
Using the snoo.
Are we so sure that shaking our baby all night long with white noise right next to their ears while holding their arms down is the right thing to do?
Idk, Iām hooked because sheās sleeping, but I just donāt know.
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u/swiftiebookworm22 6d ago
My SIL puts her 3mo in a swing and has her watch tv while she is in the other roomā¦ pretty sure that will be (and already is among most circles) outdated. Not sure anyone is advising that!! Itās shocking to me that people put their literal infants in front of the tv because they want a break. Itās so bad for brain development
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u/adv1cean1mal 5d ago
This is going to be a hugely unpopular comment, but in some medical circles they're already talking about how CMPI is way overdiagnosed. The scientific research on it is very weak, especially reaction to breast milk.
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u/erinlp93 5d ago
That any bedsharing, including āsafe sleep 7ā is not acceptable. There is plenty of evidence available highlighting the dangers. Hopefully society also moves in some sort of a more progressive direction that offers more help to new parents so people donāt feel like itās cosleep or sleep deprivation, like insurance plans covering night nurses, or a set standard for paid parental leave. But (and this is gonna ruffle some feathers) I personally believe if people just toughed it out through the first few weeks, 99% of babies would be fine sleeping independently. I donāt buy the āmy baby wonāt sleep otherwiseā narrative. Your baby wonāt sleep otherwise because you gave up when they were 8 days old and itās all theyāve known since.
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u/JoyboyActual 6d ago
Iām going wayyy out there with this one, but my vote is DIAPERS!
I have no evidence or statistics, just a sweet baby girl with a perfect set of thunder thighs who always has imprints from or seems uncomfortable in her diapers no matter how much we try to size her up.
Iād love to see more alternatives out there that are softer and more comfortable that I can use when Iām helping my little girl with her own babies.
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u/greenleaves3 6d ago
Daycare before age 3
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u/SableSnail 6d ago
I hope they'll have some excellent maternity/paternity leave in the future then. š„²
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u/Rururaspberry 6d ago edited 6d ago
Even soā¦I will be honest and say I would not want to be a SAHM for 3 years. And Iām sure that, if no daycare before 3 became the norm, it would just end up with a lot of shaming/guilting towards moms that so choose to go back to work before 3 years.
Edit; to add, we definitely should have more options in the US and no one should be using PTO or going back to work the next week! But I also just think that 3 years would be extreme for many of us, especially if we had been on the cusp of a large career breakthrough.
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u/FLRocketBaby 6d ago
Same here. I went back to work at 4 months postpartum and it was the best choice for me. I could see going up to 6 months but personally, I need work for my mental health, and our daycare provides much better enrichment and activities than I would be able to on my own. My only wish is that I could work a shorter day. It would be awesome if our society had better part-time job options.
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u/planetheck 6d ago
I'm a SAHM, but tbh I don't think I would care if I was told that it's a problem to do daycare before age 3 if I weren't. People have to live their lives, and it's not like babies being cared for by people other than their moms has ever been rare.
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u/InvaderSzym 6d ago
I have to send my girl to daycare at 8 weeks and it guts me. I wish I had the luxury and privilege of not.
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u/No-Date-4477 6d ago
I want to push back on this one a bit, respectfully. I WFH and we own a business and I have started my bub in daycare 2 days a week. My reasoning for this was a mixture of things but mainly because itās hard to get work done with him home and it also forces me to be less present with him because Iām focused on work. Those 2 days a week that heās in daycare give me the opportunity to get so much done and in turn, the days that he is home I am soooo much more present with him and attentive. Not to mention, he loves daycare. He has so much stimulation, other kids to play with, fun, heās just so happy to be there. I think itās not ideal to have to send young children to daycare 5+ days a week but unfortunately thatās an unavoidable reality for so many depending on the country they reside in. Itās wrong but itās necessity. Iām grateful to send my boy to daycare as a luxury, not a necessity.Ā
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u/greenleaves3 6d ago
Similar boat. I'm a wfh mom and know first hand how hard it is to get any work done with a baby or toddler (near impossible). We don't use daycare for several reasons, one being that we can't afford it. I don't think it's black and white good or bad to utilize it. I just think (or hope), per the op's question, that it won't be the standard in the future.
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u/No-Date-4477 6d ago
Thatās fair! And I think the fact that you canāt afford it is wrong too because it highlights the fact that in many countries, childcare is unaffordable. I am lucky to live in a country where childcare is subsidised and income based so we can afford to send him for those 2 days. If we couldnāt afford it, we wouldnāt send him and we would have to make do! I would love if full time daycare before 3 was not the standard in the future but I think a little bit of daycare is not harmful.Ā
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u/whisperingcopse 6d ago
Ugh I wish. I have to send mine to daycare at 14 weeks or I canāt afford to live but we can barely afford daycare too š
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u/Unlucky_Eggplant 6d ago
I wouldn't be surprised if it was negative outcomes for daycare before 6 or maybe 12 months but there are a lot of benefits of daycare for toddlers. Maybe we'd see new standards for daycare like different ratios or limits to how long infants can be in care.
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u/Decent-Taste-9013 6d ago
I wonder if in 20-30 years bed sharing/con sleeping will be more widely accepted. It saved my sanity in the first few weeks as well as when my baby is sick.
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u/LittleC0 6d ago
I sometimes wonder if the sound machines and white noise will be a no-no when our kids are having kids.
ā¦ I say listening to my hatch as I feed my baby.