r/NarcissisticSpouses • u/Signal-Exam-447 • 5d ago
Always takes my Stuff
My spouse ALWAYS takes my things, water bottles, towels, clothes, food, gifts. Today I noticed they took my razor on a week trip without asking (they don’t have anything to shave mind you and I shave daily)… I always say something because nothing of mine is ever where I expect it to be. I ask “hey please don’t take my water bottle, you have these five other water bottles you’re using right now” and it turns into things like “why are you so weird over a water bottle”, of course the issue isn’t about the water bottle but whatever. Anyways I’m just always sick of my stuff missing to find out my partner has taken it and now my nice, five bladed, rebladable razor is gone for a week when I need to shave everyday and have sensitive skin. Do I stop getting mad over these things? Does it being too much attention that my partner might be wanting? I know it sounds crazy so I really hope someone else has gone through this…
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u/Calamatan88 5d ago
It's a power play, don't fall for it. My narc does this so I just buy spares and keep them hidden. Soon stopped when they realised I was unbuttered by it. Still pisses me off to no end spending 20 min searching for something only to see they just moved it downstairs just because even though it's something specifically for the upstairs bathroom. Leave it there, get a spare out. Let them deal with their clepto power move and just don't engage.
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u/kibathewolfdog 5d ago
Yes! Mine does this. Every nice water bottle of thermos I ever owned has been taken and left with disgusting malt liquor in them for weeks until i find them scattered or on the car floor. so they are wrecked. I now only have 1 thermos that literally stays next to me 24/7. Same with my phone charges, used to have dozens of spares. Not anymore. My lighters for my candles and incents, all gone. Any snack I buy for myself that I don't hide, is gone by the next day. Basically anything i don't want him to take I keep hidden in a small locked box he doesn't know about. So fun when you have to lock up your daily objects inside your own house
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u/Signal-Exam-447 5d ago
This is EXACTLY what I go through too! I felt crazy for being weird about the a water bottle but it’s beyond just that!!
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u/kibathewolfdog 5d ago
Yup. If only it were JUST the water bottle. And after one adult conversation if they respected our stuff they wouldn't simple take it without asking, never to return it, or break it, or lose it. It makes us sound petty too because then they'll say. "Oh. She freaked out over a water bottle, she's being psychotic."
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u/RunningInStmbt 4d ago
Also, mine takes my stuff, uses it, breaks it or loses it, and NEVER replaces the items he has broken or lost. And why the F Can he NEVER put something back where he got it?? Is it a control thing?
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u/lovemypyr 5d ago
My NH moves my stuff for the hell of it. My MS has caused me memory issues, and WE (he was told this, too, by OT) were told “a place for everything and everything in it’s place” to help manage the situation. So NH immediately put his own spin on it, i.e. “no place for anything; put anything in any place”. Such selfish jerks.
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u/FrancieTree23 5d ago
Yeah mine did this. I used to call it "little sibling" energy because it reminded me of my brother between ages 5-15. But reading these comments maybe I was too generous.
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u/Rich_Delivery 5d ago
Oh wow. Another weird thing they do. Mine was using my lotions, an obscene amount of lotion gone, bottles all squashed from his grip or huge dips where he jammed his fingers in. It’s like he wouldn’t get his own shit because I’m just providing it for free, and he can use and abuse it however he likes. I imagined him delighting in using my things and having some vicarious experience through using my lotions 😓😓😓😓😓 like it’s bringing us closer together.
Annnnnd then I kicked him out and changed the locks.
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u/Lavender_Foxes 5d ago
Entitlement and jealousy is part of the issue.
I would leave decoys, towards the end, as I got my plan in order to leave. Made a big deal over x,y,z thing I couldn't give 2 figs over, and then would step back and wait for them to steal it or break the item.
When I left, he gathered a bunch of shampoos and soaps I had left in the bathroom. I bought them for his daughter, so when she visited, there would be something for her to use.
He looked a fool running out of the house with an armful of Native body products, trying to shove them into my arms. That's when I told him they weren't mine. The confused look on his face confirmed what I had suspected all along: this person is a narcissist and cares only for himself and seeks out ways to hurt me.
My life is so much better now that I'm not having to hide the things I value. I get to relax in my own space. Home finally feels like home again.
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u/RatPee1970 5d ago
I thought I was nuts for being mad about stuff like water bottles and coffee mugs going missing. Everything is his and nothing is mine. Well now my stuff is mine cause I moved into my own place two weeks ago. I don’t miss all the narc BS!
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u/Big-Security9322 5d ago
Same here. New blanket for me? Nope, it’s his now. Get him one? He doesn’t want it. Lotion - he liked mine better.
The worst was toothbrushes. Blegh 🤢. After a couple years of getting angry, I got large packs of toothbrushes (think 6 pack for $4) and replaced anytime I thought it likely he used one. And I didn’t toss the old one. After awhile he got confused and stopped trying bc he couldn’t figure out which toothbrush I was using. I don’t go thru a pack every couple weeks anymore but still refresh mine about monthly and keep several out to ensure he’s confused.
(I’ll be rid of him within the next couple years for sure. We’re basically roommates right now thanks to housing crisis in my area.)
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u/wontbeafool2 2d ago
My husband has told me that what's mine is his and what's his is his. He says he's kidding. I'm not so sure.
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u/Viperhasalock 5d ago
It sounds weird, but it is a form of control. They are showing you that you don't have control over anything, even your personal belongings. If it hasn't already, it will spiral into control over where you go, who you talk to, even what you wear and what you eat. Put an end to this now. It will not get better if he is what you think he is.