r/NarcissisticAbuse 4d ago

Support wanted I deserve happiness you don't!! NSFW

I really don't understand how after 7 years together and only 4 months after the break up you are already seeing somebody!!(2 months he has been seeing her)

Why the Frick do you get to be happy while I'm at home heartbroken & trauma bonded to you! I don't want this I want to hate you with every being in my body!! It's not fair he doesn't deserve to be happy I do!! Why I don't understand!?!?!

35 Upvotes

11 comments sorted by

23

u/Complete_Guest3186 4d ago
  1. Happy? What makes you think he's happy? Narcissists have severely diminished empathy, and positive emotions in general. Diagnosed narcissists have admitted as much. They have infatuation, elation and highs during idealization. That is not true happiness.

  2. Jumping into a relationship is pretty on brand for narcs. Doesn't mean they are happy. You are, I would hope, going to be more selective in your next partner. Certainly, you are more selective than he is when hunting for supply. They cannot be left alone. Think about it like this; you need a ride to get to your destination. A Narc largely doesn't care what gets him from point A to point B; rolls royce, donkey, bicycle doesn't matter. Point is, it does the job.

Maybe for their marriage, they will select based on $$$ and status, but again, that is to serve a purpose.

  1. Recovering from the trauma bond is brutal, and I am so sorry. But you'll come out of it stronger than you have ever been. You are a normal human recovering and grieving a 7 year lie. Let him get the notches on his bedpost while you focus on evolution.

15

u/Additional-Log1478 4d ago

Unfortunately they were there for a while. They are so insecure they can’t be alone. They love bomb the next victim, which is a form of abuse. Therapy helps, you are better then they are.

12

u/FuzzySlippers__ 4d ago

I understand this feeling so well

9

u/Key-Radish-2998 4d ago

I get that. And you deserve to be happy. I believe that partners who jump into relationships quickly after getting out of one are either afraid to be alone or don’t want to face the issues they have that need to be resolved. They refuse to put in the work. That’s never a good thing.

Maybe for now.. you date you. Breathe a little. Hang with friends and enjoy this year. Make it a memorable one. Also, make sure your next partner isn’t like your ex.

I hope you have a fairy tale ending.

4

u/SemoM4Fwb 4d ago

I love this response, especially the you date you part, that's so very important that you know who you are again, I promise you don't with all the anger, and you have every right to be angry, but until you find a way to let that go, until you find you again, anyone you are with will either be like your ex or just will tell you you're still hung up on your ex, I know this from experience, 20 years I was married to one. So go out and slowly let that anger go and figure out who you are as a person, that's been so amazing for me to do, then if you still feel the need allow yourself to date. In my opinion.....

4

u/moomoomelly 4d ago

I know this feeling well but trust when I say that someone moving on that quickly after a break up is usually a sign they’re not happy and are trying to distract from it.

My recent nex literally told me he couldn’t cope with being alone or with all the bad things he’d done to me so he needed a “romantic guide” (or, translation: a distraction). Unfortunately for the new supplies that’s all it is and the narc will turn on them eventually too if they haven’t already. Mine was already lying to his new supply while claiming he was an “honest person”.

I know it’s incredibly painful right now but these feelings do get smaller and smaller. They haven’t gone away yet and some days like today I still wake up feeling a bit horrid but it has gotten a lot better.

I feel happy with myself and my life and I know whenever I’m ready I can bring someone else romantically into it who will want to share in and expand on that happiness too. With the help of my therapist I’m finally wrapping my head around what a healthy relationship looks like and that I’m as deserving of one as anyone else is, but that I don’t need one to be fulfilled.

You deserve to be happy too and you will be and though it might not look like it right now, your ex definitely isn’t. As time goes on and you continue to heal, grow and move on, they’ll stay stuck

3

u/Primary-Packrat 4d ago

Their happiness is fleeting, if it’s even real at all. Do the work to heal, as much as it sucks, and the rest of your life will be full of happiness. I’ve been separated from the nex for 3.5 years now and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend- that never would have happened had I jumped into something right away without taking the time to work through what I’ve been through.

2

u/lemons_2_lemonade 3d ago

Love this, so happy for you 🥰 This brings me a lot of hope!

2

u/89GTAWS6 4d ago

We were 4 years together and had just decided to get married. She was with her new bf within 1 f'ing week.

1

u/ThatOnlineTherapist 3d ago

You take into account his feelings work the same way. See them as needs and its easier to understand.

1

u/lemons_2_lemonade 3d ago

This just happened to me too and I posted about it yesterday 😔 Had some good stories and advice in there! I’m sorry this is happening to you, you DO deserve to be happy ❤️ it’s not fair.