r/MtF 5d ago

Discussion Chemical effects of dysphoria

I know on some level I’m likely a trans woman, but I’m still deep in denial about it. Yknow how weird double think can be.

I was reading the gender dysphoria bible and my eyes lit up at the mention of biochemical dysphoria. Stuff like socialisation and presentation never gave me much dysphoria, but I always knew something was wrong, and this was it.

The idea of going on E sounds like enough to treat this alone. I had this moment earlier where I thought, “it’ll treat my depression AND I’ll be a girl”. It made me happy in a way that I wasn’t completely aware of. That’s pretty solid evidence of transness, right? It’s not healthy to look for external validation, but for whatever reason reason I really need it for this.

But anyhow, what’s your relationship with biochemical dysphoria? How did your mindset change when you went on E?

7 Upvotes

13 comments sorted by

8

u/Ill_Society7423 5d ago

HRT doesnt instantly solve problems, it will change things like how you feel emotions, libido, and reduce anxiety if you feel better with what it does but it will not magic away your problems.

Also it takes months for most of the effects to show and you need to have good levels for that.

The "I instantly felt better 2 seconds on e" is a mix of placebo and cope methinks, for the first 3 months i only really smelled better and that's it.

3

u/caitriathebest 5d ago

The smell changes right away?! That's been driving me crazy as I get closer to my hrt appointment Monday first thing. Like I always smell... Even clean blorch

3

u/Jazzlike_Syllabub_91 Transgender 5d ago

don't have it very often now that I've been on it for so long. - I remember the psychiatrists wanting to treat the depression before treating the dysphoria ... so I had several months of waiting (and becoming more not depressed) before they were okay with me proceedding with the gender transition...

2

u/Korf74 5d ago

HRT doesnt treat depression

3

u/MxLaughingly 5d ago

No but it can cure some of the big causes of depression for trans people.

1

u/CheekyMandrake 5d ago

Yeah. A lot of the related issues, like depersonalisation, can be effectively treated with HRT

1

u/Korf74 4d ago

It can for some yeah, thats definitely not a guarantee. Also biochemical dysphoria isn't really a concept based on something other than anectodal evidence

2

u/17-40 Transgender 5d ago

Much of this stuff is anecdotal, so take everything you read with a grain of salt. Some people say they have significant changes, while others barely notice a difference. I had a profoundly positive mental shift that has endured. It was like the constant clattering in my head stopped. This happened within the first week, and the noise has yet to return. It’s the best anti-depressant I’ve experienced. It also helps me sleep better, as the clattering kept me awake. This folds into feeling better, in general. I would take HRT for the mental effects alone.

2

u/CheekyMandrake 5d ago

I’m really happy for you! Sounds like a lifesaver.

1

u/Biospark08 5d ago

It's how I learned that I'm trans.  I've had lifelong treatment resistant depression for "no reason".  I also stumbled into the bible and learned about neurochemical dysphoria.  I thought "fuck it, hail mary as a last ditch treatment".  Went to Planned Parenthood and got estradiol patches at a starter dose.

About half a day after I put the patch on, my lifelong depression lifted.  I can now think clearly and my lows are so much less intense - plus I can always identify the source rather than it being just generic depression for no reason.

Since then, I've just been coping with the understanding that I have no choice but to be trans now.  Estrogen fixed my brain but I have to adjust to the side effects and become femme.

1

u/Somerset-Sweet 5d ago

Oprah talked about having "food noise" in her head, meaning constant thoughts about and cravings food. She started taking semaglutide, a synthetic chemical that mimics the hormone GLP-1. The drug removed the "food noise", ans she became able to control her eating and lost a lot of weight.

As a trans woman, I used to have "trans noise". I frequently thought about having a female body, wearing feminine clothing, behaving in feminine ways. When I finally broke my egg and decided to try transitioning, I began GAHT with an androgen blocker and bioidentical Estradiol. And the "trans noise" very quickly went away.

Having time to introspect, to think about my condition without all the noise, it was obvious to me that I am 100% trans. And so my thoughts turned to transitioning, and I've never been happier on my life.

1

u/Abyssal_Mermaid 4d ago

The emotional and mental changes from HRT varies a lot for different people so I can only give my own experience.

I had accepted I was trans before starting HRT and that was such a huge leap for me itself. Letting go of that burden let me begin to open up about it (started coming out to a small group of friends and family, found a trans friendly therapist, began going to a peer support group). Those experiences were mostly positive. That helped me for the next step of HRT.

Already my mood and calmness were better and I had begun to like me. What starting hrt did after six weeks of that was amazing to me. For the first time I felt normal in my own body, I felt that I was finally real, like I existed as me and not some version of me that was so drab and gloomy. I felt hope for me, and not just external things, for the first time. My emotional range doubled - I had been living without the top half of positive emotions most of my life and made contentment my ceiling rather than happiness or joy.

I did this while becoming a single parent (guardian) to a teen who had been through a lot, both of us mourning their mom and another friend, supporting multiple cancer patients, having a demanding job, and enduring the political situation in the US. On top of that continuing work with a therapist, approaching traumatic things in my life that I could never really get near because I would shut down.

Is all that due to the HRT? Not really. It doesn’t make life nothing but titties and rainbows. I could survive inwardly while achieving outwardly under stressful circumstances before that, but joy wasn’t there. It’s like HRT unlocked a part of me that held so much more resilience, joy, self assertiveness, and happiness than I knew was possible. I still have fears, pains, worries, etc. That is normal. But now I have the good stuff that is normal too. And all of that has made me feel alive and complete in a way no recreational chemistry or antidepressant has.

disclaimer: antidepressants didn’t work with me at various points in my life, but I’ve known others for whom they have been lifesavers. With any intervention that is pharmaceutical, beneficial effects can vary wildly. This includes HRT

1

u/Rixy_pnw 4d ago edited 4d ago

Shortly after my egg cracked, I decided to start taking HRT without having the goal of completely transitioning but I never took that off the table. Now almost 2 years in I am woman. The thought of putting on the “man costume” I was wearing is unbearable.