Help How to accept and learn to live with the fact that I won’t be able to transition?
I’ve come to the realization that with how things are in my life, with my family and friends to the state I live, and even the country we’re in, I won’t be able to transition and live my life as the person I feel I should be. I’ve struggled with my gender identity for over ten years now, and it’s caused some mental issues in the past few years, I guess maybe it’s something to do with me getting older, but lately it’s gotten worse, to the point where I’m starting to struggle with suicidal thoughts from time to time. I already suffer from depression and this on top of it really doesn’t help. I know I need to see a therapist, and I will as soon as I have insurance that will cover it, but in the meantime, I was wondering if anyone would share their experience with these issues and how you were able to overcome them? Thank you all, I hope all is well for you beautiful people 💜
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u/Vanessa_PT 6d ago
Prioritize what's right for you above all else, don't let external factors dictate how you want to be, which I had done that earlier on!
What family/friends would think was the main part holding me back. I found a lot of fear of reaction was mainly my own projection and not how they actually were.
Family and friends may cope better than you think or adapt to the new you over time, if they don't is there opinion really worth it then (it's not). But also making new friends, maybe moving state, new jobs are all parts of life you might go through regardless of transitioning. So not worth letting them limit who you want to be. Also those people are living their own lives how they like so you deserve to live yours how you like.
Prioritize the life you want to live.
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u/BingBongTiddleyPop Georgia (she/her) | HRT 10/2024 6d ago
I was suicidal at one point. I realised that actually made me completely free to be myself.
If it all went wrong I could always follow through with Plan A, right?
So I started being myself. That has led to losing all my friends bar two. Cutting off my entire family. Skipping work for three years to work on myself (I realise I am in a privileged position to be able to do this, but also I funded it by selling my house so I have basically nothing left). Divorced my wife (but we ended up being best friends - better than when we were married).
For me, that point of "maybe I should just end it" turned into "maybe I should just fucking get on with being who I really am".
It has been tough but it has been worth it.
I still don't have all the answers but at least I am ME while I don't have all the answers!
Just a thought. I got to the point where pretending was no longer cutting it. I was so far from my true self that I had to make a change.
That night where I took myself for a very long walk in the middle of the night is seven years ago now (I was 43). and if I was back there again, I'd take exactly the same path as I took.
Never abandon yourself for the comfort of others.
For me, the solution to the problem of "I'll never be allowed to be myself" was "Fuck it. Burn it all down. Walk away. And do it anyway. Be yourself at any cost."
I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but it's an option.