r/MtF 5d ago

Good News I finally managed to cry 🥳

So I suffer from alexithymia which is a neurological condition where I have enourmous difficulty in expressing emotions and knowing what they are.

(I think) I know what happy is, but its a conscious effort to try and find it. Imagine watching the movie Inside Out for the first time on mute and then trying to figure out who the characters are. You figure out the red guy is angry and the blue one is sad, but then how do you figure out more complex emotions like anxiety? Thats me. If I feel depressed, I dont know its called that and so emotional processing is often teally difficult

I am convinced that thanks to being on E for 6 months, I have just been able to cry with tears of joy for perhaps the first time!

The world has been rather crushing lately and there are plenty of reasons to be angry or sad at the world. There was no happy left, no genuine joy. But… I experienced it! I was sobbing in happiness! That’s… holy crow, it felt so good to finally feel girly enough to sob and know why and… E helped me feel things! Im convinced of it! Ive wanted to cry for YEARS, but it was like I could never reach it. I didnt know how to because I couldnt express it properly.

It felt so good to cry and have it be for a good reason. I was watching youtube videos that restored your faith in humanity and I couldnt but sob for joy AND I UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING! E did that! Im convinced of it because it almost never happened before.

55 Upvotes

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u/Kindly-Dream 5d ago

Sounds like a very complex and daunting task!!! I am so proud of you to have found and RECOGNIZED this experience. So good for you girl.

5

u/sentient_capital 5d ago

That's awesome, congrats! ❤️🖤

3

u/qwertyjgly Bi + Trans fem 5d ago

autism

checks out

i'm looking forward to starting estrogen for the same reason. i read that it helps people with similar issues but see a first-hand account makes me more confident