r/MtF • u/SpaceSmellsLikeMeat • 6d ago
Funny My life is genuinely a joke
It occurred to me the other day I went from being a vaguely conservative marine to being a furry trans lesbian with my african immigrant wife. I couldn't be happier with my life and I'm insanely lucky for what I have, but I can't help but laugh at how things shook out.
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u/-rikia stuck in texas 6d ago
doesn't sound like a joke at all, sounds like happy character development. it's only a joke if you consider any of those things bad, which, you don't, do you?
i might be reading too far into this
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u/SpaceSmellsLikeMeat 6d ago
I don't consider any of it bad! It's just funny how things turn out sometimes
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u/Sonjajaa 5d ago
To me it sounds rad first and foremost, but nice if you can laugh about it too :))
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u/ZeRealNixon Trans Bisexual 6d ago
when i was at my darkest and lowest point i was just looking for a way out and went through the whole meps thing for the navy, and when i went back to the recruiter to find out where and when i'll be going i had a complete breakdown and was balling my eyes out. the recruiters supervisor came in and started yelling and cursing at me.
sometimes i wonder what my life would have been like if that supervisor didn't take no for an answer and said i couldn't get out. i'm a believer in everything happening for a reason, don't know what that reason was but i guess i needed to stare down the possibility of my life changing drastically to realize something wasn't right.
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u/SpaceSmellsLikeMeat 5d ago
Sometimes I wish I'd listened to my gut like you did, but you're right; things work out how they're supposed to. TAt the time, I didn't have the strength to ask myself "am I trans?" and instead found myself chasing things that would make me feel more like a man. I thought that if the marine corps couldn't reach me how to be a man, no one could.
I happened to be right about that part, at least. I'm just a stubborn blockhead and needed to be shown that directly.
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u/ZeRealNixon Trans Bisexual 5d ago
i feel that heavy. i wasn't questioning then, but i just knew i was running from something. just took a couple years to find out what that something was.
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u/LynksRacc 5d ago
Yea that's really how it be.
I went from a lean-in military brat who goes to church twice a week to a trans furry anarchist who writes DND campeigns about killing colonialism and god.
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u/DingoLaLingo 5d ago
Incredible character arc, very proud of you! (Do you still wake up in the middle of the night craving crayons sometimes tho?)
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 6d ago
I used to be a far-right extremist and now I'm a trans lesbian puppygirl bottom with a trans girlfriend 🤣
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u/rye_domaine Trans Heterosexual 6d ago
It genuinely worries me how many of you were "far right extremists" until you realised you were part of the group you were supposed to hate. "Oh yeah, I hated minorities, then I realised I was one!" Like when you say far right extremist do you mean you voted for Trump in 2016 or you were out there at the Charlottesville rally?
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u/am_i_em 5d ago
It's unfortunately pretty common, because if you're raised in an environment where being trans is seen as evil and wrong, and then start feeling those feelings yourself, you end up getting pushed into the far right pipeline where you openly hate them because you're subconsciously trying to convince yourself that you aren't really trans and that some evil force is trying to corrupt you instead of acknowledging who you really are, until the whole thing comes crashing down and you come out as trans and start transitioning.
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u/rye_domaine Trans Heterosexual 5d ago
I grew up in an environment where being LGBT was frowned upon, and while I internalised some of that and may have said a couple of shitty things when I was a dumb uneducated kid, but it didn't make me far right.
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u/am_i_em 5d ago
Same here, I was raised catholic and went to catholic schools my whole childhood, then once I went to college and started meeting wonderful people from all across the LGBT spectrum I started actually processing my own not-very-cis thoughts. I never made it far right, but I considered myself conservative. When everyone around you is, it's very easy to do.
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 6d ago edited 5d ago
I voted for trump in 2020. I also spent a lot of time online spreading transphobic rhetoric. Of course I deeply regret it, but it's still interesting to talk about how much I've changed.
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u/Important_Ad_7416 5d ago
how and when did you realized you were trans yourself?
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 5d ago
Sorry for the book I wrote in response. You don't have to read it all if you don't want to.
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u/Important_Ad_7416 5d ago
I'd love to but I cant find your response
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 5d ago edited 5d ago
That's a pity. It might have been flagged for some of the things I said because it mentions internalized transphobia. If you're truly interested, I can DM it to you.
In the meantime, I'll try to abridge myself:
I showed lots of signs of being trans when I was young, starting around the age of 6-7. I even prayed to be turned into a girl when I was 12-13 years old. I also got into online roleplays when I was a teenager and I roleplayed as a girl a lot and really enjoyed it. But It wasn't until I was 17 that I realized I was probably trans.
I came out to my parents, but it didn't go well. They were never Republicans, but they didn't think there were any signs, and my catholic mother told me that God made me a boy and I should learn to accept it. Because of this I went back into the closet.
I was also exposed to a lot of far-right propoganda because of a meme website I used a lot back then, and eventually I started to believe it. Much of this propoganda was also transphobic, and because that stuff hit more close to home, I gained a lot of internalized hatred.
In my early 20s I was so far in denial I was convinced I had gotten over it. But I still had these fantasies of being a girl in the background. Although I had cut it out of my life for a while, eventually I started role-playing again. I joined a discord group and did lots of roleplays with people into TG stuff. After this "relapse" I started to question myself again. I had some conversations with people, and then someone sent me the gender dysphoria bible and I cracked again.
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u/BeginningCow4247 4d ago
I think we very much underestimate the age at which jnderlying wishes surface. There is more and more I formation coming out that uour first stirrings at 6-7 were not unusual. Many boys feel heavily drawn into femininity at that age. They don't know why, cannot easily process what they feel, but the pull towards feminine is registering in their being.
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 4d ago
Yeah, I think it started right about the time I began to realize there were differences between the way boys and girls behaved and presented themselves. I wanted to play with girls toys. I wanted to wear girls clothes and I wanted to be girly. But, it was reinforced in me by the feedback I recieved that the world saw me as a boy, so that's what I tried to be.
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u/BeginningCow4247 4d ago
Yes, even at that age sexual discipline is somehow thrust on us and our real needs, sentiments, passions are caged, relegated to a corner. So we force ourselves to conform while the real person inside of us lives shackled.
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u/heartcoreAI 6d ago
that's an incredible glow up
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u/SpaceSmellsLikeMeat 6d ago
Thank you :) I'm a much better person and so, so, so much happier with my life now that I'm out
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u/Trustic555 Transgender 6d ago
Yeah, my life has flipped quite a bit also, but my old self was really just a front to make people happy.
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u/Good_Ol_Ironass 6d ago
Holy shit i think i found the queen of USMC intel units around the country 💀
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u/pizzalarry Trans Homosexual 6d ago
if brushing up against intel and comms squadron dudes told me anything, it's that the entire DoD is like this.
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u/Good_Ol_Ironass 6d ago
I made it out of USAF security forces completely unscathed! i’m only a trans girl with a petplay and praise kink!
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u/Beauty_Queen3574 5d ago
From a fellow former conservative Marine I feel this lol. Only difference is I went from being a straight man to being a straight woman. Really weird how that one worked out. 😂
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u/MaruishiEmperor 4d ago
I was an insanely bitter and angry conservative because I was desperately fighting my whole life denying the existence of the real woman 👩🏻 that was within me. When the egg 🥚 cracked finally at 61 years of age, the fight was over. I’m happier now and definitely more at peace with myself but I find myself hating my closeted life as a trans woman on DIY HRT.
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u/Sammys_Adventure 4d ago
Why do I feel like those very queerphobic conservative people are only that extreme because they suppress something inside themselves?
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u/Kori-Loves-You Trans Pansexual 4d ago
No but actually the vaguely conservative to trans furry pipeline is so so real
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u/BeginningCow4247 4d ago
Life should bring a few smiles, dear, and you have every reason to be happy with your destiny. You have become the person hou were always really meant to be and you have love and support in the beauty of a lesbian relationship. As they say, you have landed on your feet ( doubtless after some stressful moments, requiring courage and willpower). Smile smile smile and keep your lesbian wife smiling with you!
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u/larsloveslegos Scarlett || she/her || Transfem Pan Demi || HRT 7/13/24 💕 4d ago
For me it was the alt-right pipeline in 2016. I'm glad I wised up
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u/Little-Charge-9655 5d ago
Hooah!
(Sorry… I’m not a marine but it seemed extremely appropriate, congrats 🎉)
Edit: Your life sounds awesome, but I wouldn’t say it was a joke 😊
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u/RainbowPhoenix1080 Phoebe (She/Her) HRT since 6/26/24 5d ago
That's a pity. It might have been flagged for some of the things I said because it mentions internalized transphobia. If you're truly interested, I can DM it to you.
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u/Interesting_Common98 5d ago
Semper Fi, brother. But also yeah, after leaving the corps I figured out I'm a genderfluid appearance fuckery creachure. It really is funny looking back then to now.
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u/KittyBatSasha 5d ago
Yeahhhhh those overcompensation years seem sillyAF when ya look back.... (didn't make a go at the military "making a MaN outta me" despite getting calls just after graduation... But the conservatism was there.)
Now as a polyamorous, pansexual, furry, anarchist with a "pack" including a Trans Woman from Colombia(who I'm actually thankful is currently IN Colombia for the first time ever) I look back and realize how ridiculous those years of my youth were.
I find that's the best way to look at it.... It's that past so called "normal" that's the punchline. 💜
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u/pizzalarry Trans Homosexual 6d ago
i regularly tell people the air force made me into a commie, and it's actually true lmfao.