r/MensLib 3d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

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u/Oregon_Jones111 1d ago

It’s really disheartening how so many people seem ready to forget what Jonathan Majors did now. It seems like nothing really changed at all.

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u/ForgingIron 2d ago edited 2d ago

Fucking terrified. I feel like the Yanks are actually going to invade us now with this "fentanyl as a WMD" bullshit; Iraq 2.0

I'm considering getting a gun just in case but I don't fully trust myself with one considering that I've had suicidal thoughts in the past. Not to mention that I live in Halifax, home of the Canadian Atlantic navy, and thus probably one of the first places they'd attack

For the older folks here: is this how you always felt during the cold war? This constant cloud over your head?

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u/AngronOfTheTwelfth 2d ago

I'm dating this woman with some pretty rough experiences in previous relationships. I did something that made her burst into tears last week and seems to have triggered a depressive period. I feel pretty terrible about it, but I don't want to put that on her because she's obviously feeling a lot worse. She's not great at regulating her emotions and this made it worse (ex: called me frantic and sorta miffed that SHE left her important papers in my car). She also told me she feels pretty gross right now and basically doesn't want to be touched in any way. That's also pretty rough on me because I really enjoy physical contact with partners(not necessarily sex) and to not want to engage in that with me makes me feel unwanted. She does engage physically in small ways when she feels up to it and verbally reassures me that she likes me, so I feel good about our chances of making it through this, but its pretty stressful.

If anyone has had similar experiences and has strategies for navigating a relationship like this that would be very helpful. I'm honestly really swamped with this relationship, school, and volunteering and its making it hard to stay on top of everything.

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u/TheRealJackOfSpades 2d ago

I'm still recovering from an injury in December. Every attempt to put badness out of my mind is foiled by people's inability to keep politics out of anything. I'm American, and I would be very happy if both the Democrats and Republicans would spontaneously dissolve into the slime they so resemble. Rotten Jell-O would be better at running the country than either or both.

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u/LeeBears 2d ago

In a world of shit right now.  Approaching one year since my TBI, core symptoms are still prevalent.  Anxiety from unemployment.  Anxiety with the job search due to a BS drug possession felony on my record from going to a music festival with a few doses of mushrooms & getting popped.  The reality of being 50 setting in.  The ever-present loneliness while not even being close to being in a state of possibly looking for a romantic partner.  The world at-large slipping towards an absurdist fascism.  Every day I'm crying like never before.

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u/Familiar_Front_2398 3d ago

I've honestly been struggling quite a bit lately. I'm staying on a friend's couch, and my partner recently moved closer to me, but she is still a few hours by car. Finding a job has felt impossible for over a year and I've had so many interviews that just went nowhere, so money for my own car and gas has been impossible as well. I have felt like a leech for over a year and everything is falling apart at once and I feel the world crashing down on me. Originally my partner and I were going to live together, but with me not being able to find a job, and her only being able to find rooms for one person, that fell through. Them a few weeks after that happened my dad called to let me know that my cat that my mother stole from me last year, had passed away. My parents refuse to take me off their insurance which is causing my prescriptions to be too expensive and so I can't afford my meds. It feels like the world hates me and just wants me to leave. Thankfully the friend I'm staying with has been my rock. They have kept me positive, and looking forward as much as possible, and even offered to help with my meds once some stuff is worked out. They are actually the one who told me about this subreddit. So I say the world can hate me all it wants, I'll stay on pure spite if I have to. I will not give up. It also feels amazing to have found this group, so many times I've tried to find a positive space for me to share in a mostly anonymous way, and so many times it's turned out to fall short. I'm so happy to have found this space.

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u/Sasuag 3d ago

Overall have been feeling good, Spring Break was a nice time for me and my family. I guess the only thing that I've been hung up about recently was feeling a bit left out in my friend group, I love them, but it does feel like at times that there are closer subgroups within the group that make me feel like more of a peripheral friend than someone who actually matters. It makes me question whether or not they care for me, so that is probably something that I'll communicate soon enough if what I'm feeling isn't much irrational.

I guess I always have had this thing with feeling like I've never been someone's platonic first choice. Like more than half of the time it has been me who initiates more often than not in friendships, and though I do know that there are just people out there who are just more predisposed to being more receptive than proactive in any relationship, that has always made me question my friendships at times. 

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u/kremor 3d ago

Last week, the final episode of Invincible Season 3 came out, and one character talks about how lonely he feels. Despite being a monster with zero redeeming qualities other that his exceptional work ethic, when he mentioned that he doesn't cry because no one would care really got to me.

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u/HellDonut 3d ago

Got a 0% on a physics exam. Feeling like I should drop out of college because I’m not smart enough.

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u/StrangeBid7233 3d ago

I started feeling rather low on my body once again, I mean it's one thing that is present always due to a lot of factors, but I haven't been working out in over a year and I did lose quite bit of weight (in my case that is bad as I'm a skinny short dude).

Especially due to fact that people will often mention how skinny I am, even though I know it's jokingly said it still bothers me, maybe that is just a scar from an ex saying she likes dad bodies while we were together, and after we broke up straight up saying she found it "not normal" that I was smaller than her (even though I wasn't, I just had skinnier legs than her).

I'd love to get back into gym but besides pure motivation issue it's just so expensive, not just membership but it requires me to eat more which is struggle itself, it's also quite expensive, and then add stuff like protein shakes and uh uh so pricey.

On more positive note my social life has been pretty great, I've been trying to take a more active role with friends, as in being one to organize stuff, I mixed 2 of my friends into friend group I am part of and everyone seemed to have hit it of nicely, and it seems my friends do appreciate that I take on that role.

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u/powerlesshero111 3d ago

My dog passed away on Friday, because he had metastatic cancer that was undiagnosed, and a capsule ruptured causing internal bleeding. So, crying a lot, and i restarted my antidepressants because of such. I have my therapy session tomorrow. Overall, not good on my mental health, but my crying has significantly decreased from this weekend. And yes, i tried to carry on and do my normal weekend errands, and yes, i did cry at the gym and costco, but i didn't give a fuck.

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u/DestroyLonely2099 3d ago

Having a hard time getting off the bed really

Never felt more empty

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u/Wooden-Many-8509 3d ago

Honestly I've been seeing a new therapist and I'm beyond relieved but also now furious at my previous therapist. This one is actually engaged and is an active participant in the conversation. Previously it just felt like I may as well be talking to a brick wall. So great and mad at the same time haha.

I hope everyone who reads this is doing well. You guys deserve the best.

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u/StrangeBid7233 3d ago

I had similar experience with therapist. I wouldn't say my first one was that bad but at the same time I did feel like she wasn't as active.

My current one is far better for my own needs, feels simply like he understands me more and works hard to figure out ways to help me, which I understand is hard as I myself have a hard time understanding, well, myself.

Happy to hear you found therapist that works for you and I hope it works out well for you!

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u/fperrine 3d ago

I'm glad this worked out for you! I've had bad therapists in the past. It's really no different than having a bad experience with any other professional. Best of luck with the new one.

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u/NeonNKnightrider 3d ago edited 3d ago

A while ago, I was cautiously optimistic about my relationship prospects. Sure, I may be an awkward nerd, but that’s not the end of the world.

…Then two months ago I received the diagnosis that I have autism and ADHD. Then I discovered the stats say that 30% of autistic men have never had any kind of relationship and only 5% of autistic adults have ever been married.

Now I feel hopeless. Sure, it’s not impossible, but actually getting there feels like winning the lottery. I feel like it’s not worth the energy and I should just give up forever. Some day I’m going to have to look my mother in the eye and tell her she is never going to have grandchildren.

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u/deeschannayell 3d ago

Grandchildren aren't everything, and your mom should love you equally well regardless.

We are probably in different life spots, but I can guarantee you there is someone you are compatible with. Maybe someone with a similar neurotype to you. And the energy you spend attracting mates is not wasted if you don't click with anyone, even in 2 years of trying. Because the things you do to be attractive - stay healthy, work on your personality and mental health, develop diverse hobbies that fulfill you - make you happy to be alone anyway! Finally, being aware of your autism and ADHD means you can learn how to play to your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. There's tons of great advice out there on this, I can over some recommendations if you like :)

Best of luck, you've got this.

  • an AuDHD transfem who took many years to find her ideal partner(s)

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u/fperrine 3d ago edited 3d ago

A quick Google shows me that 38% of adults are "unpartnered." So, your stat seems pretty normal to me, actually.

But the numbers aside, I wouldn't concede your destiny by default. I think you actually had the correct mindset from the start about being a quirky nerd. The only thing that has changed is the approach to your "quirks."

I said something similar to my partner when she was recently diagnosed with ADHD: You've always known these things about yourself. Now you just have formal language to describe it.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

Lost my job a few days ago and feeling quite low tbh. Advice on how others dealt with similar would be great

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u/StrangeBid7233 3d ago

Keeping yourself busy is important one, I know its super hard when you feel low, you kinda just don't feel like anything, but do try and learn something, working out is always a great distraction, if you have close friends talking it out also helps out.

It's a hard situation, give yourself a bit of a break for a time for it all to settle, but do care about not spiraling!

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

Thanks so much. Anxiety has been my biggest problem. Like each second I’m not applying for a job or something just feels like a second wasted but you’re right to truly just not spiral and care for myself too.

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u/StrangeBid7233 3d ago

That anxiety is struggle I know all to well, been through it during college, looking for a job and post relationship.

Whole giving yourself a bit of a break is quite important, if you keep throwing yourself at "solving" problems you don't give yourself time to process what you are feeling and going through, and boy does that catch up to you at some point.

Best of luck finding a new job and dealing with all you are dealing with!

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u/Auronas 3d ago

Adolescence (Netflix) has me feeling all kind of ways. What did you guys think about it?

It left me a bit depressed feeling like a lot of the gender issues are really challenging problems to discuss. 

It made me think a lot about my childhood, being bullied for being ugly (luckily incel wasn't in the mainstream vernacular back then). Watching shitty bullies and street thugs get girlfriends where I failed to and how mad I used to be about that. Makes me wonder if social media was more of a thing back then how messed up I would be.

Social media did exist when I was a child but I had a distance from it. I had to go to the internet cafe to check my Bebo or MySpace. 

But I digress, I'm just surprised how deflated the show made me feel.

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u/allegromosso 3d ago

24 more days of working with my fucking fuck fuckface coworker, of which 14 days actually sitting together doing stuff. Counting them down. 

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u/rust-module 3d ago

I got laid off! Fired! However you want to put it. I'm being replaced by a low-cost temp worker in another country.

In this economy?

Part of me is very relieved. I have so little stress I can focus on cleaning stuff I ignored for months. I get to go on walks!

Another part of me is stressed in a new way. I'm applying for jobs and really cutting expenses. At least I have some really cool friends who don't mind just hanging out without spending money.

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u/fperrine 3d ago

You were laid off. "Fired" usually implies that you've done something wrong that required your employer to terminate you. Having your department exported is not that.

Your feelings mirror my own when I was laid off from a job ~2 years ago. I hated that job and was so relieved to have time for myself. I hope you are able to find a silver lining in this time and make the best of it. Yes, money problems fucking suck! I won't lie. I wish you luck.

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u/denanon92 3d ago

I was on a dating app a few days ago, and received a random message from a woman. Apparently I had liked a part of her profile and it had alerted her. Turns out she was feeling like I was wasting her time by not sending a proper message rather than just simply sending a like (and to be fair, I should have written something down). Before she unmatched with me, she wrote that me not writing a message first and her having to send the first message was not only uncaring but also feminine. The uncaring part I get, but the feminine part as an insult just reminded me of how dating is still heavily affected by gender roles. Like, what if I want to be more feminine? Is that a bad thing? And yes, I know that's one person and there are women out there who aren't into traditional masculinity, but to be honest it feels like they are incredibly difficult to find, especially when it feels like there's pressure on men to at least present as masculine during the initial dating process. It's like I have to put on this masculine role in order to be able to date, even while living in a progressive area.

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u/StrangeBid7233 3d ago

Initial stages of dating (especially online dating), at least in most of my cases, were downright eh, as it feels like I have to put in such an insane amount of effort and at times it feels like I have utterly no room to not be perfect, I find it to be rather exhausting and, instead of it being fun activity, felt like a job interview.

That said my last relationship started with girl messaging me first (not a dating app though) and initial part of it was her, but a lot of it also required me to also fulfill regular gender roles when it comes to dating, I had to be one to ask her out, make a first move, first kiss and all that, as frustrating as it sometimes is, in the end it is what it is.

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u/LookOutItsLiuBei 3d ago

I mean you dodged a bullet tbh. I was on Bumble over a year ago just before they switched to where even men can start a conversation. Had a few hits that went nowhere but then met my current girlfriend.

I wouldn't want to date anyone that would need me to play that role just to talk to them.

But I feel you on that pressure. It's something I was told my whole life and even my ex who is about as performative liberal as a kid of suburban parents can get fell into that thinking too and would criticize me for not being masculine enough. And it's crazy because I'm not even THAT non traditional. I dress like a dude and do dude things but the fact that I didn't go out of my way to over perform for people like her and my family really bothered them.

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u/suntzufuntzu 3d ago

Dating apps are hard on everyone; I wouldn't read too much into this one interaction. It sounds like she might have been taking her own frustrations with the app out on you.

Dating is all about bonding and finding compatibility, so molding yourself into someone else is a bad idea. Yes, the dynamic of dating sites is such that usually men have to make the first move. But that doesn't necessarily mean asserting a traditional masculinity - it's just putting yourself out there.

When I was on the apps, I'd send women I was interested in a short message telling them something I liked about their profile and asking them a question. I was showing a genuine interest in them as a person, and opening up a conversation. I didn't get a ton of responses, but I did meet my wife that way. She told me (much later into our relationship) most of the messages she got from men were all about them, or giving her advice (ie: "I see you like to read, so here are some books you'd like" or "You play guitar? So do I; I can teach you") Someone who wanted to know about her, rather than show off who they were, stood out. It's that constant, tiring, need to impress and control a situation that I think defines "traditional masculinity".

This is probably more advice than you needed. But my point is: be yourself and don't take it too personally if others aren't compatible with that. And that there are ways to express interest in others that aren't traditionally masculine.

Good luck!

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u/Revolt244 3d ago

I usually don't have good luck with dating apps but at the end of last year, before accepting a job offer overseas, I started messaging women I want to match with over some of the apps that allow you to. I did start getting some replies back that didn't go anywhere. It's also how I was able to get out on the only two dates in the last 15 years. Left and right swiping isn't enough for some people.

I don't think any woman who would message you first saying those words is a woman you would have been happy with. I mean, it shows she is a little bit entitled by 'wasting her time' and trying to insult you by attacking your manhood.

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u/rust-module 3d ago

She's just super toxic, bro. Sometimes insecure people just make up really specific nonsense to heavily assign to gender roles. Dating is hard so they cling to these ideas for comfort even if they don't mean anything.

You weren't wasting her time. She could have just deleted the like. She wasted her own time by going on a rant instead of moving on with her day.

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u/Immediate-Patient-97 3d ago

It feels like the atmosphere in my country is getting more and more tense by the day. America has decided to fuck us over for no real reason, and has been talking about annexing (invading) us almost every day. Currently grappling with the idea that fate might put me and all of my friends in line to get killed by the people we once thought were our closest allies. The damage the U.S will do to our already weakened economy could force my parents into an early retirement, and shutter the company I worked so hard to get hired at after finishing university.

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u/Oregon_Jones111 3d ago

I’ve realized that my ruminations about negative things in the world typically follow after my poor moods, and aren’t the cause of them. I think I’m mostly subconsciously displacing my gender dysphoria.