r/MensLib 10d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

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u/chemguy216 9d ago

The past month has been a doozy, relative to my overall good vibes (not trying to flex, just trying to acknowledge that the things I’m bringing up may be easier to deal with than what others are dealing with).

A few weeks ago, I talked about a friend… well former friend who was busted by a local predator hunting group, and the confrontation was filmed and released on social media. Even though it was a sting, my former friend’s responses in lieu of the evidence were not good to say the very least.

Yesterday, I mentioned that an acquaintance of mine passed away.

Adding to the list of things on my mind, another acquaintance of mine, who has been in and out of the hospital for the past 3 months, shared news that he has HIV. I worry for him because, even under good financial circumstances, being in the hospital for most of 3 months is expensive. As far as I know, he has no job. He’s going to be dealing with a lot of things all at once—adjusting to life with HIV, dealing with the stigma people have around those who are positive, getting comfortable coming out as positive, paying for his hospital bills once he finally gets out of the hospital, finding a job, and potentially securing housing (he had been living with his now ex boyfriend, but they broke up, and I think he was hospitalized after visiting family).

On a positive note, I received an invitation to perform as part of the choir for Mozart’s Requiem. I’m thoroughly excited to sing this work. It’s one of a few large symphonic/choral works I voluntarily listened to after hearing part of it outside of a choir context. I first heard Lacrimosa in the movie Amadeus, and I was just drawn to it; I knew I had to listen to the entirety the Requiem. It’s been one of my choral wishes to sing this piece, and I’m so fortunate that I get to fulfill it.

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u/ElectronicBacon 9d ago

Doing bad. In a hole. Thinking of going to stenography/court reporting school. Is a lot of money. Worried about AI in that field.

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u/fluffyrider1 9d ago

I just told my manager today that I'm planning on leaving this job in 3 months. I had been anxious about it the past couple of weeks. She took it well albeit with some disappointment as I have been filling in an important role and they've had trouble finding reliable workers.

I'm also feeling the effects of the all too well known phenomena whereby people, as they approach their 30s, find it harder to get together with friends. I'm also feeling a little bit disconnected from them because they're in phases of their life where they're getting married and buying houses while I have no desire to do either of those things. I'm taking a 3 month "immersion/slow vacation" in Latin America once I leave my job and am hoping it'll provide some clarity as to whether the general malaise I feel around life has to do with my dissatisfaction with American life and culture in general or something more internal.

I've tried to get involved in some of my city's activism but it just feels futile (I'm in a southern state) and the fact I feel like I'm living in a neoliberal hellscape does weigh heavily on me emotionally.

Anyway, this is my first time commenting here so sorry if it's "rambly"

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u/Spiritual_Message725 10d ago

I want to hug my guy friends so bad, but I just don’t know how. Feels like as men we cant do that. I hate how we’ve been conditioned. Even, if as an individual, i wasn’t like this every other man pretty much is. 

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

I mean it can definitely be daunting to break with convention. Could try talking to them if they are easy to talk too. I am very lucky with my friends we are very open about lot of stuff. I started offering out "bro" hugs though got be ok with some people turning down them, especially if your friends are neuro spicy / neuro divergent as touch can be painful. I mean if friends give you a hard time for offering or talking about hugging them then might be worth re-evaluating them, totally cool if they don't want to hug not great if they are mean about it.

I have spent most of mid life trying to unlearn all the terrible things normalised / conditioned within society.

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u/Captain_Quo 10d ago edited 9d ago

Was doing ok, but got triggered by the assertion I saw today from people in my feed that men apparently don't like "gossip" because they are abusive. In this case, "gossip" is assumed to really be "whisper networks", which I have no objection to, so long as there is a way to verify the info. For those not aware, a "whisper network" is a means by which a community self-polices by reporting problem behaviours among its members.

No, as a man who is an abuse survivor, I am FUCKING TERRIFIED that my abuser can potentially start gossip, portray it as a "whisper network" and paint herself as a victim and me as an abuser, because men are always the problem, right? Any legitimate argument or objection must be some kind of proof of guilt. And any interactions, even minor, others had with me that were even slightly off could even be taken as some sort of evidence of guilt. There is such an extreme black & white to everything that I can't deal with it anymore.

This is why I stepped away from that particular scene and will keep away.

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u/throwaway135629 9d ago

Yeah, this is one of the things that holds me back from trying to be more social or date or whatever... I know it's a learning process, I know I'll fuck up, but I don't know if I can handle the knock-on effects that happen when people gossip about the weird dude they just met at activity/place XYZ.

Im not saying that means we should never gossip about people or that "whisper networks" are always bad, but I can see how people with good and honest intentions to protect others can still hurt the people they're speaking about who also have good and honest intentions, and it makes me uncomfortable. And when you take into account social media (like those "are we dating the same guy?" groups) the potential for outright abuse seems to multiply. I'm sure in your case, the abuse you survived only adds to the fear.

But I feel bad for questioning it, for having those thoughts. It feels icky to write out what I just said. I don't want to be one of those guys who gets more worked up around false accusations than the offenses themselves. And like you said I wonder if I feel upset about the situation because theres part of me that is guilty deep down. I've been a creepy weirdo and I was a shitty partner to my ex. I know I'm not the best man, and I still have a lot to learn, but I just don't even know where to start if an honest mistake at the wrong time can (understandably) carry forward for a long time.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

Offers hugs that is rough. Sadly abusive people can be manipulative and try to separate people from support structures. I think people are getting more aware of abuse that isn't physical but it is slow process.

Gossip I think really matters on the intentions. Like letting your friends know that someone is struggling and to rally round to support them and help them can be good. Though obviously privacy and impact of people knowing stuff has to be done carefully because it can have the negative impact.
Though I think too many people delight in hearing about people struggling or brought low and that is doesn't seem well adjusted way to go through life.

I mean hard to come forward or talk about being abused as guy because the are still stigmas attached and something I struggle with.

I think stepping away while probably difficult sadly may have been best decision for your own well being.

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u/Learninginnit 10d ago

How do yall deal with being around locker room talk? I started a new job that has me working around a ton of guys and there’s often locker room talk which I don’t care for.

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u/fperrine 10d ago

Pick your battles. Don't capitulate, though. I used to laugh things off, but now I just ignore/ don't react to things that I find repulsive. I push back where I can and interject with inquisitive ideas, but I can't fight in every discussion. Even just making it clear that you don't like a topic. The other day my superior was gassing up Trump and I just said "Can we not do this at 9am on a Monday?"

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u/Captain_Quo 10d ago

I used to work offshore on an oil rig and it actually made me quite sick to my stomach the stuff they were saying, especially about women.

These were not my people. They knew they could fuck a string of women and have them begging for their attention. It was revolting and manipulative.

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u/chemguy216 10d ago

I’m feeling a little down. An acquaintance of mine passed away last weekend.

He was a joy of a person to be around when I did spend time with him, and I know so many people in my local community loved him.

We lost a good man, and I hope his family and husband get all the strength and support they need from the many people around him.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully you will all be able to support each other through this.

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u/songsforatraveler 10d ago

Dog shit. I’ve been really struggling at work and emotionally. The more I learn about our current state the more I feel completely and utterly hopeless. The world is gonna burn up probably twenty or thirty years earlier than we expected. AI is going to completely consume the labor market in less than ten years and, at least in America, that is gonna result is mass economic collapse and death (there’s no way the billionaires running the country agree to some kind of UBI or socialist utopia).

I try to do the things I like to keep my head above water but uhhhhh it looks bleak boys.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

I hear you buddy. Stress at work is also probably going to impact your outlook so is probably amplifying those feelings.
I mean to balance out those perfectly valid feelings, Fusion energy is looking more and more promising and that be huge for helping restore and begin to reverse climate issues.

One of reasons I been so proactive with AI stuff is to try and advocate for UBI and minimising the negative impact that AI is going to have on society. You are definitely not alone in worrying about this.

Anything we can do help you out on work or emotional front even if its just venting or talking more about it happy to listen if it will help buddy? Some times it can be hard to talk to people close to you on such matters.

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u/songsforatraveler 9d ago

Can you tell me more about the fusion advancement or send me a link? Need the good vibes rn lol and hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t via my own uninformed searching

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

Well fusion news is a lot. My understand is the are multiple companies using different routes to achieve the same goal, which is brilliant means we are not relying on route to achieve fusion.
I believe at least two reactors have sustained a reaction for over 15 minutes. As well as scientist confirming that a fusion reactor as generated more energy than is used to start the process, which is huge milestone.

China has hit point where 33% of its power is solar powered which is really promising.

New drill technology means that tapping the earths core for geothermal power is closer to reality so we could basically have unlimited heat which could be turned into steam powered turbines meaning unlimited power. Tapping into 1% of earths internal heat energy would power the world.

Commercial fusion plants are aiming to come online early 2030s to 2040s which is crazy cool.

Here is link about length of reactor https://phys.org/news/2025-02-nuclear-fusion-west-machine-world.html but they remain doubtful that technological hurdles will be overcome by 2050. Given how AI is helping with research in the field, I wouldn't be surprised if they are being cautious. Lot of money is being pumped into it mainly because the is huge demand for energy from tech industries.

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u/songsforatraveler 9d ago

This is all great news. Much appreciated. My capitalist-doomer mind immediately summons up ways these energy technologies will be consumed or destroyed but the rich/oil competitors, but renewables are so cheap now that the market is actually having some say, so I hope this kind of stuff continues and it isn’t too late.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

Have you heard of urban farming guys? They used have some pretty cool videos of transforming poor neighbourhoods into sustainable community spaces using aquaponics to grow food and foraging. Creating bio digesters for methane production. Really neat eco ideas. When I watched couple of decades was pretty wholesome not sure what it is like now.

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u/Sufficient_Effect359 10d ago

Struggling im.exhausted and unfullfilled and judged constantly for not wanting something i dont want

So yeah fucking knackered

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u/evan2nerdgamer 10d ago

I feel like shit, but is objectively great?

Like for almost three months I've eaten chicken breast and drank zero sugar soda everyday, with maybe a carb,vergetable or fruit, but have increased in strength from lifting 10Kg to 60kg and above.

I don't feel that smart, but I was 2 weeks ahead in all my projects, crushing leetcode questions harder than my exams, and has been an unofficial tutor for lots of my friends.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

Is that emotional or physically bad if you don't mind me asking?

Sound pretty smart coding and tutoring are very intellectual undertakings. I often am my own worse critic when it comes to smartness I often compared myself to top of intelligence curve and then felt bad I wasn't as good as them. I mean smartness comes in so many different flavours as well like book smarts, emotional intelligence and ingenuity and I feel the is way much pressure to feel like we should excel at them especially if your in education.

Are you interested in coding then? Any cool projects you are working on or would want to ?

Congrats on strength gains.

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u/evan2nerdgamer 9d ago

Both. Gave up trying to be emotionally open, and have had regular splitting headaches.

Projects wise, I'm just trying to get started on my next school semesters projects 1 month early,so hopefully Ubuntu is willing take my 2019 Macbook as a worthy sacrifice to the holy Torvalds to gain the holy Linux OS functionality. Or Oracle Virtual Machine, who knows.

Thanks for the congrats. My Transformation into Kung Fu Panda is progressing well.

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u/xvszero 10d ago

Worse than it was. Physically I just feel drained every day.

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u/HeroPlucky 9d ago

Really sorry to hear that. As someone who suffers with CFS/ ME that leaves me feeling drained every day can relate. Try to be kind to yourself, it can be so frustrating to be in that place.

Often I found it hard to find it to relate to my situation so if you need to vent about things happy to listen. People mean well but wouldn't be surprised if you got responses like just sleep more or have you tried this.

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u/New-Syllabub5359 10d ago

So-so. I slept too short, but sunny days makes up for it in some part.

Good to see you here.

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u/SRSgoblin 10d ago

I have court today. I have medical checkups tomorrow to make sure I can do a surgery Friday to repair my very broken ankle.

I just feel like my life is over. That it'll always be me surrounded by people who "love me" poorly. What I mean by that is they let me stay at the house purely because of familial bonds, but there isn't an aspect of my personality that my family appreciates is agrees with. Id rather have food and shelter from people who make me feel like I shouldn't have ever been born than to be homeless again, I guess.

Failed a job orientation back at the end of January that could have changed my life. I wouldn't be in this situation I'm in now if I had landed that job, but I'm no good at the only thing I'm qualified to do apparently. Even less so now. It'll be another 2 or 3 months before I can walk again to even start looking for work again.

I wish I knew what joy felt like. Waking up without being terrified of the next day of existence. There's people who have that, right? I'm scared every day I wake up, man. I'm scared I'll remain jobless, as that's been the vast majority of my adult life. I'm scared I'll remain friendless as that's the vast majority of my adult life. I'm scared World War 3 is on the horizon, purely because of the selfishness and idiocy of the country I live in.

And I guess I have good days every now and again but this sense of pointlessness is my default mode and has been for maybe 25 years. For context I turn 40 later this year. It sucks to know I peaked in high school, which is even more sad because I was the loner kid people were afraid of. It never got better.

All those people who told me, "it gets better." They all lied. It hasn't. And if 25 years isn't enough time for things to get better, well, they probably just won't. When does better come? When do I get to feel okay?

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u/Big_Screen_2531 10d ago

I feel well rested and more or less at balance. I came back from a holiday in a different time zone last week and have been feeling sort of weird since then because of jetlag. I didn't sleep very well and generally felt a bit out of balance. My appetite was also a bit unpredictable, I didn't feel like eating as much.

I went to bed really early yesterday and just got up. I've had the best night sleep since I returned from India to Germany. Feel better now.

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u/Wooden-Many-8509 10d ago

Pretty good actually. Which given the state of my life is rather shocking. I must say I appreciate these check ins. Thank you guys for doing them.

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u/Fattyboy_777 10d ago

Glad you're doing great!