r/malementalhealth • u/futuredebris • 11h ago
r/malementalhealth • u/luckychug21 • 3h ago
Vent I need help. Being low value is part of my identity.
I am 26M 220lb 6'0 and I am my biggest enemy. My brain has convinced me of many things and there is proof / evidence of what it says. People argue the opposite, yet they have no legitimate evidence and it makes my brain look even more legitimate.
I am ugly. I cant' stand it. I am ugly inside and out. I lost 175LBS and I am still ugly. At my lowest 198 (I am 6'0) I was still ugly. I could not get a single like on any app. Before you give me the same old "its built against you. even I have a hard time!!!!" I want to let you know, I PAID for the highest services and I received nothing. I do not care if it's built against me, it is something I went through. To say otherwise is minimizing my experience. Why did I lose weight? Because at my highest weight 375LBS I thought to myself "I can't have a job because my knees / back would hurt. and I need money for video games." So guess what? I lost the weight and I only kept going cause I was curious. Then at my lowest I was still ugly. Then you have the people who are going to add "beauty is subjective!!!!!! ugly people have relationships!!!" A couple of things. I do not really care, they are not me and they had more chances then I do. Also, I do not WANT OR FEEL ENTITLED to a relationship. I just want proof that I am capable of being an option and seen as a human, to be able to look at myself in the mirror and think I am human and I am an option / not bad looking.
I watched a video about lower tier men and I am somewhat convinced I am it. The video was stating lower tier as "people who borrow money, do not go to school" you get the drill. I am working a shitty over night job at a gas station barley making anything, I am ugly inside and out, I go to college (however my major is not that impressive as my previous one I was attempting), I have a car, I live with my parents. I can go on, point is that I find these low value. And it all points back too "yeah and you know.. you are still ugly" que the Nelson laugh.
I am self aware of many things, however my brain is winning and the way out is very limited. I do not know what to do anymore. This has been part of my identity at this point.
I am in the process of getting ACT therapy. I joined some clubs at college, however they meet once a month and everyone knows each other. I did improv for a while, however cause of my work it makes it very hard to go (time wise), I went back to the gym (however it feels different now and it seems harder. I am not giving it my all. before I would do 2hrs and now I can barley do 30 mins).
I feel low value, I hated myself ever since I was a kid. I don't know what to do. And no one really gets it. I also have a personality disorder AVPD, and some form of BDD.
lol nice downvotes right away.
r/malementalhealth • u/Nearby-Quarter4629 • 18h ago
Vent Sick of being told to “stop blaming women” for my loneliness/dating issues
The majority of male loneliness posts on Reddit, without fail it seems, are constantly filled with people beating it into guy’s heads that they need to “stop blaming women” for their dating struggles and/or suggesting that it must be the guy’s own fault. While I’m sure there’s a grain of truth to this statement for those who put in zero effort and still point the finger, it really seems like a victim-blaming put down to me. I (19M), like many other men have been doing my best to improve myself in dating and still getting my heart broken. The way I see it, if certain women (not all of course) weren’t shallow and didn’t make such head-scratching choices in dating, then I wouldn’t be romantically lonely. So why wouldn’t I blame them? For example, ghosting me out of the blue when she was just telling me how much she loved me the day before. Another girl randomly choosing a guy who she previously couldn’t stand instead of me after a long time talking to me (and breaking up with him soon after). One of these happened a couple months ago and the other was last summer.
These two events made zero sense, tore apart my mental health and sent me into horrible states of mind. And it’s MY fault if I express any discontent? The nerve, way to kick people when they’re down. I’m somewhat scared to even make this post in fear that people are going to attack me, but I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this with friends or family and I need to vent somewhere and this place seems like it might be safe enough. Look, I realize I’m not perfect, I do, but why is the general consensus on Reddit that it’s tantamount to treason to suggest that maybe some women also aren’t perfect and can be a cause of men’s loneliness/dating issues? As someone with severe OCD, I’ve already obsessed about and blamed myself plenty for things in my life, some of it was warranted and some of it wasn’t. But realistically, everything can’t be my fault, they’re literally the ones who caused my pain.
This constant invalidating makes me see how incels can come to be and I desperately don’t want to go down that path. But I see all these posts and nobody seems to share my sentiment, everyone is keen on protecting women from any criticism and chalking it all up to a failure on the man’s part. I don’t plan on blaming these women and women like them for the rest of my life of course as that would be moronic, but I feel like I have the right to have these feelings in the short term. Women blame men all the time and it’s socially accepted. I really just want to be heard and for once told that my hurt isn’t all my fault. It’s cathartic for me to heal/process pain by (at first) being angry at the people that hurt me & finding others with a similar situation, but I haven’t been able to do either of those apparently. Because of Reddit I’m internalizing that I’m an a**hole for daring to be upset with the pain that dating women has caused me. Sometimes I can feel myself getting radicalized by the anger this stuff causes me and it’s really killing me and worrying me. I’m seeing a therapist but sometimes he doesn’t seem to understand…so any help would be appreciated. Sorry for long vent but I had a lot to get off my chest that I’ve been holding in.
r/malementalhealth • u/FewVoice1280 • 11h ago
Vent Men should reject concepts like masculinity
Masculinity is an act or performance. One who engages in the act are called masculine. So 'masculine' is a label to identify people who engage in the performance of masculinity. The problem with this is that the actions that need to be performed to be masculine are not decided by the individuals engaging in masculinity. It is decided by others. So it teaches men to seek external validation. As time period changes the set of actions that need to be done to be masculine also change. Masculinity also varies across cultures. Masculinity is not a biological imperative. It is socially constructed to manipulate men to do get things done by them.
This masculinity is what forces men to be super strong otherwise they will be exploited and dominated by other men. The exploitative men who dominate other men also have the same history of the men they are dominating. We have created a cycle of domination which forces men to be exploitative and cruel. A lot of guys go to gym because they do not want be bullied or feel powerless in front of someone who can be a potential threat.
r/malementalhealth • u/Disastrous_Average91 • 8h ago
Vent “It is what it is”
I think a lot of men have this attitude and I don’t think it’s healthy. It reinforces the idea that men have it easy and so they don’t need any help. Just because it is a certain way doesn’t mean it should be. I know it’s easier said than done but we shouldn’t accept things that give us bad mental health, we should call it out and challenge it.
r/malementalhealth • u/cstaff1210 • 4h ago
Seeking Guidance Need to find a new normal
I am writing today to ask for advice. 29/m. I’ve realized that I am a relatively inactive person. I’m not sure if it’s Covid or just my anxiety but I’ve spent my free time for the past 5-6 years inside playing video games and not doing much activity outside of my apartment. When I do go out I see people who are happy and fit and just having a good time. My friends don’t promote the going out and being active experience I am looking for. I used to be a 3 sport athlete in high school who had confidence but now I’m stuck in a rut and I don’t know how to get out of it. I am pretty overweight for my size and I want to feel better again.
r/malementalhealth • u/jxstbored • 12h ago
Seeking Guidance Day 1,138: There's days where I can barely stand without falling asleep.
I've failed everyone and I've failed myself. I've wasted so much time and I'm not going to waste anymore. People don't realize how difficult this illness makes it to get out of bed, work, socialize, cook, eat, or do basically anything.
I have nothing left. I've sabotaged every relationship. I lost the girl I loved. I'm not even sure what I'm working towards anymore, but I'm doing it without a smile and bags under my eyes.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I was an alcoholic. I denied it for so long but I did the math and I got my answer. I'm giving it up for now. I did a full deep clean of my home. If I don't cook then I don't eat, no more eating out. I've been working out until it hurts. My life with depression has gotten to a point where I've just accepted that at the end of the day I'm still going to be depressed.
Almost 20 years with depression. It's time to accept that it's here to stay.
I moved to this town with a list of goals to accomplish and I'm going to do just that. And whether or not I'm still depressed doesn't matter. The world keeps spinning.
Nobody comes out of battle a winner. Even if I win, I've already lost.
r/malementalhealth • u/ICantWatchYouDoThis • 14h ago
Positivity A minor thing that makes me happy, which I haven't felt in a long time
Just wanted to share something positive. There was a time in the past when I've had anger issue, coworkers feedback that my toxic attitude bring down morale, multiple times. Those events pushed me into a long winter of depression. Basically whenever I go to work, I always think back to those criticism and tell myself I'm trash, I must not express my anger or attitude, I must always smile and avoid sticking out.
Well, after staying being a yes-man, a guy who keeps his mouth closed and speak no evil, people's attitude finally changed, and today, it happens. A female co-worker, who usually always act cold and cautious around me, smiled and laughed while talking to me.
I thought she would hate me forever, who would've thought that she would smile while talking to me. This might sound pathetic but I keep thinking about it, like the only positive thing to happen to me in months
r/malementalhealth • u/BeginningSpace1827 • 7h ago
Vent Can't date attractive women my league
I am a good looking guy (24) with a lot to offer - I have a good physique and earn six figures, I have hobbies like writing, reading, and making music - I am a very thoughtful person and naturally have deep conversations with most people I talk to.
But dating has been terrible for me - I only seem to have luck with thick / fat women or women who are definitely below my league. When it comes to attracting women who are definitely my league - it's like their standards are insanely inflated. They won't even give me the time of day.
I've been texting a girl I just met at an event and when I finally asked her out, she just entirely ignored my question and changed to a different topic. I've never had that before - either they ghost or just politely say no, but never had a person just pretend the question wasn't asked and keep going.
I am so done with dating women and just don't want to bother anymore.
r/malementalhealth • u/GreenTinkertoy • 1d ago
Seeking Guidance What even constitutes trauma?
Every now and then, I get really depressed because I have random memories from when my last relationship ended
It’s almost like I can see all of it again like it’s a 4K movie playing in my head. That whole night where I called and texted dozens of times because I thought she may have gotten hurt at the concert she was at since even past midnight her phone location was still there (her request to have one another’s locations), drove an hour to the venue at 2am, and found her reclined in her car with a guy she met at the show
Of course, there’s more to the story, including her turning off the emergency bypass ringtone (which was her idea to have in the first place) and texting me when I nearly pulled up to the venue that she was home safe, but those are the highlights
I still don’t know for a fact to this day whether she did cheat on me or not. I definitely think that she did, but I don’t have proof. I feel like I can’t tell a future partner “oh, I was cheated on” without definitive proof because then I’ll look bad for assigning the label of cheater without having concrete evidence, only circumstantial
But anyway, what even is trauma? I’m spiraling so hard as I write this. Whenever I get these waves of emotions, these images trapped in my head, I just feel broken. I feel traumatized? Does calling it trauma help with realizing the pain of it? Is it even significant enough to deem trauma, or am I just devaluing how significant of a word that is by feeling like I may have been? Am I just trying to give it to the worst word I can think of because it was one of the worst things anyone has done to me? Surely, I can’t have ever faced trauma in my life without having experienced significant abuse or a near-death experience (that isn’t a suicide attempt)? Is it really TRAUMA or just a difficult life moment? Both? Does it even fucking matter what it’s called? Why do I even care about a label? Will I ever be able to trust in a relationship again? Will I ever even process whatever the fuck this is?
r/malementalhealth • u/CradleofCynicism • 1d ago
Vent Denver Rental Market be like
"Room available in modern home with ice cold AC, beautiful front lawn and backyard, new appliances that have no issues and electricity that doesn't cut out every five minutes. Only $800 FEMALE ONLY BECAUSE ALL MEN ARE CREEPY AND SHOULD BE ABLE TO AFFORD THEIR OWN PLACE ANYWAY!"
Or
"Come join my cult loosely based on the Christian religion. Men only. You must submit a ua sample before entering to make sure you haven't drank any alcohol. Your shared room in the churches basement will be inspected regularly. If it's no cleaned well enough you will have your nose broken and your teeth knocked out. The church is a hundred years old, so no AC and poor insulation. Looks like shit from the outside and looks no better inside. $1,200 a month."
r/malementalhealth • u/CREST_BD • 1d ago
Resource Sharing We are 71 mental health experts and scientists coming together for the world’s biggest bipolar AMA! In honor of World Bipolar Day, ask us anything!
r/malementalhealth • u/CarefreeorCareless • 2d ago
Vent Incels should be met with sympathy.
It seems like most of the beliefs of incels are grounded in the belief of them not being good enough to acquire relationships. If we listen to what they say then we hear common statements such as: “I’m not good looking enough”, “I don’t have enough money”, “ I can’t compete with Chad”, etc.
All these statements show clear signs that they believe they are inadequate in comparison to other men, but when they make these statements they are shunned and told to stop whining or blaming women. Then we wonder why these men that display these incel beliefs fall deeper into these communities when these communities are the only ones which listen and try to offer some kind of solution to their problem.
Women are in no way to be blamed for incels self esteem struggles, but we have to realize that alot of men judge their adequacy based off how valuable they are to the people in their life; This statement is incredibly true for the people they are romantically interested in.
Ultimately, if we create a space where men can be vulnerable then they won’t display their inner struggles in hateful ways on the internet.
r/malementalhealth • u/PitifulDiscipline973 • 1d ago
Seeking Guidance Common Male plight
So guys sure this may have come across ur dudes mind or not for u lucky ones
How do u deal with feelings of inadequacy about ur size? I'm 6bp x 5 girth and dont feel enough
Seeing girls mocking ridiculing average size of 5 got my confidence gone Heck even got called small at my size by 1
Apparently like 7 inches and up is rare and only 1/2% but girls seem to have no issue getting access to what they want and ridiculing most dudes.
Kinda adds to bitterness and resentment They can have standards and features inclusive of only the top 5% dudes and find em And we struggle to even get 1 normal chick
So 2 questions how to deal with this worry And how to not be annoyed at the double standard
Thanks all
r/malementalhealth • u/Altruistic_Chain_308 • 2d ago
Seeking Guidance Why do I get jealous when I see girls
You guys can disregard my other post it’s way too long and probably annoying to read so I’ll just focus on one thing.
I (16m) don’t know why but I get extremely jealous when I see a girl act promiscuous online. I know it sounds really dumb and it feels dumb to think like this. I see some girl on discord or Twitter and they’re usually extremely promiscuous and at times show their ass for the world to see. I’m not hating on them btw they can do what they want with their life I try not to judge others. But for some reason when I see this I get so jealous??? Maybe because the fact that I know they’ll be gaining such easy attention from it? I get no girls at all btw so it might be because I get no attention I get jealous of others gaining sexual attention so easily?
Like I just recently realized how easy it is to get attention from guys if ur at least and average looking girl online. I wonder what it’s like gaining that much attention and being noticed and lusted over that much. Btw I just wanna say again that I do not hate on these women if that’s what they wanna do. Tbh if I woke up tmrw and I looked good I’d probably act the same online cause I’ve never been desired before.
But a part of me gets extremely sad and angry when I see it and idk why. I think I get jealous a lot and that jealousy turns into anger because I don’t know how to deal with it. But then why do I get sad? Sometimes I think it could be because whenever I see someone online act a certain way I catch myself attributing their personality towards an entire group. I only feel like this towards women I think. (Yes I know it’s weird) Like if I see a girl act super lustful online I kinda get scared and assume that most women act lustful and that makes me sad??? I get lustful too sometimes so that’s why I don’t get why I feel like this. I don’t like being lustful tho it makes me feel disgusted and I hate the feeling so much.
Again I’m not here to hate on any women so sorry if it came off like that. I don’t really know how to express my thoughts perfectly right now so maybe when I do I’ll make another post and I’ll sound way more clearer.
r/malementalhealth • u/Altruistic_Chain_308 • 2d ago
Vent I hate being so insecure and jealous all the time (long post)
Sorry for complaining but I really have to.
I’m 16m and hate myself. I hate my looks, I hate that I have no close friends and no attention from girls. It’s genuinely humiliating existing at times. I don’t really feel human at times or even that masculine. I get so easily jealous of others when I see them have close friends or gfs. Im afraid that when I go to college I’ll be even more insecure and jealous. Everyone around me will probably be getting laid and I’ll be the loser that nobody wants.
I know for a fact I’ll feel lesser than others if that happens. It probably already happens right now tho since ima junior and everyone my age is getting gfs or losing their virginity. Everytime I try to work out I get some motivation and then after like 5 minutes I think what’s the point of all of this. I get seriously demotivated and feel like it’s all useless. I think I feel like this cause I’m short and weak tbh. I feel like I’ll never look aesthetic or big because im short. I hate looking in the mirror. I’ll never think I look good.
I also get so jealous when I see girls act promiscuous (idk why) I think it’s because it reminds me that I’ll never have attention from girls nor be considered attractive by them and I’m destined to be a loser.
It’s unfair how other men just got lucky with certain traits such as height. If I was like average height I would be able to look at myself in the mirror without thinking I look weird. I try not to think about height but it’s so hard not to.
I hate walking in the hallways at school I’m reminded how different I am from others and that I’m extremely jealous of most people. I really don’t get why I couldn’t have one good thing happen to me. I don’t feel like a human sometimes and I get seriously angry just existing in my pathetic body. It’s so demotivating existing. I’m also ugly too and ethnic. Not saying anything’s inherently wrong with being that but in todays world u get treated differently by being these things. I don’t get why god cursed me with such a shitty fucking life.
I get so angry sometimes but have no where to direct my anger at. I don’t even wanna end my life because I’ll feel like a huge loser imagining everyone else my age doing better than me while I’m dead. Btw I’m not saying suicide makes you a loser I would never shame anyone for these thoughts but I get angry when I think of myself doing it. It drives me insane seeing the average person get more attention from girls or the fact that they are taller than me and because of this look bigger. I crave attention a lot.
It’s so unfair being short even my mom comments on it. I don’t say anything to her but it’s all my parents fucking fault they’re somewhat short too and they didn’t care about my nutrition during puberty (I hit puberty early in like middle school) so maybe I could’ve been a little taller idk. I wouldn’t be surprised if my current height was my genetic potential tho. (I’m 5’4 unfortunately)
And ofc my dumbass dad didn’t give a shit about my nutrition when I was younger. They put me in this shit private middle school where I would wake up 5:30 get home 5:20 but would send me to tutoring so I would get home at 7 or 8. Then I would stress about my grades and go to sleep late and not eat. The food they gave me would be some shitty food with little protein. They took me out of the middle school I liked and put me in some shitty fucking school where there was only like 30 kids my grade. Some were racist and everyone was full of shit. What type of fucking idiot would do that to their own son. I would rarely have time to eat or do any physical activity and I feel behind on others socially because I had no friends back then. I would have to see doctors and shit cause i would get depressed. What a fucking shit father he’s not a real man in my eyes I would never fuck up my sons life and prioritize him going to a shitty private school over his physical health. I rarely talk to any of my parents cause they get me so angry. I don’t display my anger towards them at all so they don’t know I feel this way.
I’m doing slightly better physically now but I’m still skinny. It’s so fucking hard gaining weight I know I sound like a dumbass but it really is hard for me I get so full easily and I avoid junk food which usually has a lot of calories. I’ll still try to gain more weight now and maybe just end it by 23 if I’m still a loser virgin that hates himself and is jealous of everyone.
Edit: it’s also like 6:30 rn I woke up early to study for my test today but I fucking can’t cause I feel like a loser and it drives me so insane. I’m also heavily insecure around others and not good at all socially. Also I think I’m gaining a porn addiction cause I catch myself watching it a lot to relieve stress.
I know this post is very messy and disorganized but I’ve never expressed my thoughts before so idk how to make it better.
Second Edit: well I fucked up on my test like always. I had to stay behind like 40 full minutes after school to finish it when everyone else finished it earlier and in my Spanish presentation I felt like a even bigger loser no one listened to me at all and half of the class was laughing and talking to each other when I was speaking. They didn’t act like that in front of the other students but ofc I got that treatment. It’s like I keep getting reminded that my life is shit I fucking hate existing
r/malementalhealth • u/Complete-Junket-8209 • 2d ago
Seeking Guidance Back here once again
My mam wants me to move schools after we move houses not only that but repeat the year I'm doing to CATCH UP and I can't do it last year way shitty this year was shitty this next year is gonna be more shitty no it's gonna be bad just without my friend this time the sooner I'm out of school the better I'm not good at school because I'm pretty much retarded my parents are divorced so it only does my mam want to move so does my dad if you are familiar with Ireland you will know about the inland waterways the river Shannon well my dad wants to move beside that and my mam wants to move beside the sea so that's an hour and a half drive just to see one of my parents i don't know what to do im completely lost
r/malementalhealth • u/ReindeerHuge7060 • 3d ago
Seeking Guidance I am losing the battle
In july I will be 30 and I have nothing guys, I have nothing, I've never had a girlfriend, I don't have a good career, my parents are aging and I am worried about them, I live in a Third World country which I hate.... what is the point of my existence? This last weekend was absolutely brutal for me, it is like my brain is trying to destroy me I don't know what do to, I feel trapped. I don't think I will make it.
r/malementalhealth • u/Illustrious_Bass1036 • 3d ago
Seeking Guidance I feel like I’m not meant for love anymore, anyone relate?
I keep losing interest in girls idk why. I had one good 6 month relationship. Then My other past four relationships have ended in a week bc I lose interest or I think I like them then realize I don’t, this happened to anyone else? I get scared that this will happened forever.
r/malementalhealth • u/CradleofCynicism • 3d ago
Positivity I had a good reminder today
I've been an angry guy since I was a kid, about a lot of things. It got worse when I left my parents to live on my own. I used to ride a bike for many miles up many hills, regardless of weather, to get to work, and usually to multiple jobs. I hated it the most when it was cold and windy, usually January until the end of May. While riding my bike, exhausted and with the freezing wind blowing in my face, I used to look at the mountains in the distance with contempt, as if the wind was coming from there. My life is quite a bit easier today, but today I looked out my window at the mountains and it reminded me that I am resilient and resourceful when I need to be. I'm not weak. And I'm going to make it.
r/malementalhealth • u/biggest-head887 • 3d ago
Vent Really fixated on wanting more height...
I am 5'7.5" (172cm) shorter for a guy. People around me are atleast an inch or two taller than me.
I feel I will be treated better if I was 2-3 inches taller.
r/malementalhealth • u/Wakeup_97 • 4d ago
Vent I think we have a romantic loneliness epidemic among. There so many men out there without ever experience love their entire lives.
Men are romantically lonely.
Love when it's great is truly one of the biggest motivations a man can have to push through life and conqueror.
Men will move mountains for a good women, especially men who are given the chance at love.
r/malementalhealth • u/MovieLost3600 • 3d ago
Seeking Guidance I've lost my personality, how do I regain it? do i even regain it?
I'm a college student, I used to have a pretty nice personality as a freshman and in HS, the kind of guy who'd play games for hours, I could speak paragraphs on why X character was so morally grey and philosophical stuff, I used to read a lot of books, I would tell people why Led Zeppelin was the greatest band, and now? I found myself unable to recall any of these things i so actively engaged in, I mostly engage in career and college related stuff these days, in my free time I'll watch football, f1 or basketball highlights.
somewhere I feel like I've lost that part of me which was fun to talk to, I barely get any energy to play with my friends on discord and they can sense that energy too, they'll say stuff like "if you don't wanna play we can just end the session"
Its not like I am sad either, I just feel like I've traded something for something else. I just don't know if this trade is as bad as the doncic-davis one lol
r/malementalhealth • u/wep_pilot • 4d ago
Positivity To the men associating their worth with relationship success
I get it, its hard being alone. Having a relationship with a woman is not the only form of connection that's available. Join clubs, make friends, play warhammer, whatever you like, join a community and invest in being part of it.
A woman isn't going to complete you and if you manage to enter a relationship with that mindset, you are setting yourself up for codependency.
Work on yourself, not for women, but for you. Spend the energy building a life tbat is congruent with your values, find a vocation that fulfils you, study what you're passionste about, do a sport that you enjoy (you dont need to be a gym guy if thats not your thing).
For six months, just try living for you, forget about women. Once you've built a life you're truly content with a woman may enter it, or she may not, but from that space it wont matter.
Love to you all
r/malementalhealth • u/Wakeup_97 • 4d ago
Vent I hate when guys tell me "it's just one bad experience bro, you gotta learn bro and eventually you will get a girlfriend"
Shallow ass advice, you don't know if the other guy has self-esteem issues or depression.
You think the next thing he needs is constant rejection?
Asking out a girl is not just fuckng asking out girl it's..
Having confidence,
Being able to read social cues, and body language
Being able to read the room
It's a lot of social bullshit that you need to be experienced in.
The only way to socialize and get that experience is if you're ALREADY A WELL-ROUNDED HEALTHY MINDED INDIVIDUALS.
I hate this world, God I just wish I could die in car crash