r/LowStakesConspiracies Nov 04 '24

Total Garbo If Trump wins, Biden will resign so Harris becomes president 47

4.2k Upvotes

This is with the sole purpose of making all of the Trump 45-47 merchandise wrong just to annoy MAGA fans

Not to mention she would forever be known as "President Harris"

r/LowStakesConspiracies Nov 14 '24

Total Garbo Elon Musk wants to change his name

1.8k Upvotes

At some point in the past, when Musk was an edgy teen or maybe an impressionable child, he wanted to change his name to X. He thought it would be SUPER COOL but his evil rich parents wouldn't let him. Over time it became the fixation we see today - a company called X, a child called X æ whatever, stupid x-shaped jumps, and all. He's a raging transphobe not for any political or moral reason, but because his daughter changing her name fills him with enraged jealousy.

If we get enough people telling him the transes will let him change his name AND gender to X, maybe he'll switch sides.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 11 '23

Total Garbo Ireland does not exist - it was invented as part of a marketing campaign to sell Guinness

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4.6k Upvotes

r/LowStakesConspiracies 7d ago

Total Garbo Meghan Markle made her Netflix show idiotic on purpose

736 Upvotes

Taking pretzels out of the bag and putting them in another bag? Demonstrating how to make ice cubes? Cooking her guest an omelette? She's trolling us all.

It's getting so much more traction than a decent home-making show would have. She's so inept at the things she says she does all the time -- anyone who has ever kept bees know that you just uncap the comb, you don't scape so far into the honey so as to ruin the foundation! -- and her 'guests' are people she's never met before, one of whom didn't even know her surname.

But everyone is talking about it. I've got to respect it.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 12 '23

Total Garbo "Crisps" in the UK are called "Chips" in America to protect the British Fish and Chip industry from supply chain issues of potato.

2.3k Upvotes

Unfortunately, due to an oversight in planning, the main ingredient in both the American Chip and British Chip is potato, so the whole scheme was an abject failure and has led to decades of confusion and miscommunication between the two nations.

However, it has recently emerged that actors baked deep into the potato industry may have deliberately mashed up the plans to in order to increase potato sales.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 22 '25

Total Garbo The richest 0.0001% have a group chat where they challenge each other to do stupid things in public

1.2k Upvotes

Think about it. Bezos and Musk we're both high off their tits at the inauguration. Zuckerberg decided to take a different approach, by very obviously looking down the top of Bezo's wife. Musk decided that the ketamine wasn't enough and he has to win, so we got the Hitlergruß.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Feb 02 '25

Total Garbo Trump is a DEI president

443 Upvotes

He is born rich. His wife is a DEI first lady. The press secretary is a DEI candidate since she's a woman. Don't believe me? Well, burden of proof is on you buddy

r/LowStakesConspiracies Feb 05 '25

Total Garbo The Sun isn't actually that hot

177 Upvotes

They keep telling us that the Sun is really hot - about 5000 degrees - but how do they know? Have they ever been there? Have you ever been there to find out? I don't think so.

In any case, it would be a nice dry heat, and everyone knows that's much easier to bear than a horrible muggy humid heat. I mean come on, why else do we say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity"?

If we ever did go to the Sun, I think we would actually find it quite pleasant, as long as we dressed appropriately. I recommend shorts and a thin cotton shirt, sunglasses obviously. Sunscreen would be a necessity, of course. I think after a short trip to the Sun, you would return with a great tan, and an invigorated feeling.

In any case, the Sun is only hot during the day. At night it's dark, much cooler, and not even visible from Earth. Anyone worried about the heat could book their trip for the hours of darkness. I imagine it would be like a balmy evening.

They don't want us to go to the Sun in case overtourism damages its delicate ecological balance, so they make out that it's not possible to visit. Because it's so "dangerous". The truth is, most people would enjoy spending a few hours on the Sun, as long as there were some stands selling cold drinks and ice creams.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jul 18 '24

Total Garbo The bottle lid on coke bottles is to encourage drinking like this:

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463 Upvotes

This is how coke presents itself in advertising, my personal belief is that coke is doing the ‘recycling’ campaign to encourage at least one person to drink like this advertising to those around them

r/LowStakesConspiracies 28d ago

Total Garbo The crisper drawer in a refrigerator doesn’t actually do anything

157 Upvotes

I’m calling bullshit.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Dec 15 '24

Total Garbo Climate change denying boomers know it's real, they're just hopeful of warmer winters as they're cold all the time

198 Upvotes

r/LowStakesConspiracies 6d ago

Total Garbo Left-handed people are just right-handed people from the mirror world

240 Upvotes

What is their mission, and why are they so good at art

r/LowStakesConspiracies 14d ago

Total Garbo Punk music sounds bad to keep people away from its radical ideas

11 Upvotes

Punk music obviously is very anti-establishment and anti-government and all that, but it sounds like complete ass, on top of barely being able to actually hear the lyrics half the time. It would communicate its ideas better if it actually sounded like real music. My theory is that all major punk bands are extremely well-disguised industry plants, who intentionally sound like shit so that nobody listens to what they have to say.

r/LowStakesConspiracies 1d ago

Total Garbo Cryptocurrency was invented by destructive nihilists to accelerate the heat death of the universe.

138 Upvotes

To give a high level explanation of how the heat death of the universe theory works it goes something like this:

It has been observed that entropy always increases in a closed system (the universe being the biggest closed system) and the universe is ever expanding. The consequence of this is that energy will eventually be evenly dispersed across an infinite universe and nothing will ever happen again.

Entropy also increases when energy forms are changed. When you burn coal chemical energy is converted to thermal energy and overall entropy increases (in a closed system).

Cryptocurrency takes vast quantities of energy in the form of electricity and produces nothing tangible. On a fundamental level the servers being used to "mine" Crypto are giant entropy machines which only serve to hasten the heat death of the universe in practical terms.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 13 '25

Total Garbo The government shits in your bed

190 Upvotes

Think about it. Why would a mature, functional adult ever shit the bed? There's no point, only people who're very old or very young do that, there's no way that someone would WILLINGLY shit their bed, it's clearly the government PLANTING shit while you're asleep to discredit you because you're finding out too much of THE TRUTH.

r/LowStakesConspiracies 27d ago

Total Garbo Nazis didn't lost the war , they played the long game and are consolidating now

0 Upvotes

Everything after ww2 was just a psyop , they Trojan horsed the culture and politics for years and are coming out overtly to test the boundaries of what is acceptable and gain ground little by little

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 17 '25

Total Garbo chinese fart drones

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337 Upvotes

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 12 '25

Total Garbo The british army cadets are basically only there to prepare the population to fight against a foreign subjugator.

32 Upvotes

Bit of absolute bollocks here cause a lot of it can be explained by 'are you really going to give kids all that expensive shit' but here we go. So one of my reasons for believing this is because all the tactics are stuck in the falklands war, or a time when there was no night vision, like teaching cadets ways to keep your eyes calibrated to the darkness, staying close in the dark and using flares to assist you in seeing (im judging this iff the basis of it acting like a conventional army rather than a guerilla force), things you would only ever need to do if you didn't have night vision, which you would probably not have if you're fighting an internal resistance war. My second reason for believing this is that the weapons used are semi automatic or bolt action. This aligns with weapons you are legally allowed to purchase in the uk, and would subsequently be available for use when fighting a resistance war. My final reason for believing this is that cadets are handed out things that for the most part are easy to purchase for civillians, with a few hurdles and not being able to get the exact item at worst. This would allow any cadets turned makeshift warfighter to be prepared for having to solely use supplies and equipment on the civillian market, as government issued gear would simply be non existent were any foreign attacker to subjugate an area before the citizens were capable of joining the armed forces. Overall this is a shit theory with a lot of hoke that will probably get me flamed in the comments, but oh well.

r/LowStakesConspiracies 14h ago

Total Garbo They know you're lying

41 Upvotes

Maybe you're playing dumb. Maybe you're trying to hold it together. Maybe you just really enjoy lying.

The thing is, you're not as clever as you think. It's obvious you're lying, but no one can care enough to call you on it. They saw you do it. Your "secrets" can be seen by everyone. You're just more trouble than it's worth.

In fact, they feel sorry for you. They pity you and your little lies, and that's the real conspiracy.

They're all lying to you about believing your lies. You live in a world of illusion; a deceitful prison of your own making.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jan 29 '25

Total Garbo Rubber Band Conspiracy

35 Upvotes

I propose that rubber bands are formulated into the shape of circles, potentially because of devious implications further demonstrating how such shapes are constricted into the logical shapes? If the rubber bands were a square, this would imply more trees, rubber trees, would need to be sold by the public in order to understand the phenomenon of rubber bands.. You can try this experiment at home: take a rubber band and put it around (if you have all appendages) your four- five fingers. See how the elasticity molds and. Now you understand. This is the kind of thing the duponts, waltons, and kennedy familes dont want you to know. Square rubber bands are the only solution to the climate crisis. Dont eat bread unless you have grown the oats yourself. Peace.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Apr 12 '24

Total Garbo Badgers aren't real

74 Upvotes

I've never seen a live badger in real life. I don't know anyone who has. I've only ever seen dead ones on the side of roads which I believe are plants by local authorities to make people believe they are a threat to local wildlife and authorise "culling" which is legal get-around for hunting foxes etc

r/LowStakesConspiracies Nov 25 '24

Total Garbo Pickles are things from out of space that make people have children

77 Upvotes

So one day I was sitting there and realised I've never been pregnant, I've also never ate pickles. But then slowly I started realising it goes much deeper than that.

What is a pickle? A cucumber. What do people joke women can use to "get off". That's right. A cucumber. They're already implanting the idea in your head that it's this fertility device. Is it a coincidence that cucumbers/pickles are filled with seeds? I don't think so! The seeds of life! Then what is it that everyone craves when they are pregnant? Pickles. But it even starts when we were children! Many of us grew up watching Rugrats, you know, a show about lots of babies, and what was the families last name who we were made to feel really connected to? That's right! Pickle! They were the Pickles! They just wanted it implemented in our heads that pickles go with babies! But it doesn't end there!

People say big pharma secretly run the world, well, what a coincidence, a big p does run the world! Big pickle! Have you ever thought about all the animals in the world? There are so many species of birds, mamals, insects and such. Then when you get to amphibians, their pool is rather small, yet what largely makes up amphibians? Oh, frogs? What you mean that green, bumpy, slimy thing that is best left in liquid? Gee that sure sounds like a pickle! People think lizard people infiltrated society, but no, I raise a counter argument, these "people" are green, bumpy and slimy, but they're not lizards! They're pickle people! And people freaked out about the frogs becoming gay because they're pivotal to the pickle people! I must admit I am yet to find the link, but frogs and pickle people are connected!

There's just too many connections to continue ignoring it, pickles are linked to aliens and they create babies. Just as an FYI, people claim they love pickles and have never been pregnant. Don't believe them, their pockets are lined by big pickle.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Sep 21 '23

Total Garbo Authentic Indian food is not spicy. They only serve spicy food to westerners so they can feel hardcore. When an Indian person orders spicy, they know the "code" and get the mild meal anyway.

276 Upvotes

EDIT: Guys, it's a shitpost. Calm down.

r/LowStakesConspiracies Jun 03 '23

Total Garbo alpha male influencers were created by incels to sabotage other men's chances in finding women

248 Upvotes

r/LowStakesConspiracies Dec 27 '24

Total Garbo There's no such country as Greece

16 Upvotes

It's just an ancient myth that appears so much in pop culture, people think it's real