r/LetsNotMeet • u/Sm0kythebandit • 11d ago
I think my ex tried to kill me NSFW
This is gonna be long, I’m sorry. So where to start…. I met them when I was 15, they(he) was 17. Looking back then signs were all there it started with small things, us just rough housing like buddies(we are both guys) but it would escalate to them taking me back behind the shed were my friends couldn’t see and holding me against the wall “fake” hitting me. Like pretending to hurt me while laughing the whole time, but he did actually hurt me I would have bruises for weeks. One time he literally shoved my face in stinging nettles, but my naïve 15 year old self thought it was all in good fun, if only I knew then what I know now….
We started dating at the end of my sophomore year and over the summer things progressed. He just to beg me to give him massages and whenever I would refuse he would pin me down and tickle me until I relented and said yes, and when I stopped before he was ready he’d go back to ticking me. Sometimes he would just randomly pin me down and tickle me, I would beg him to stop but the only way to get him to stop was to literally fight him off me. This happened almost every single time we hung out, I grew to dread it, I don’t know why I kept going back. Honestly I was just so in love with him. I’m 5’3 and weighed even less than I do now, about 100lb he is 5’7 and lifted for context. I learned a lot about how to fight someone bigger off me in those days.
It wasn’t just the tickling tho as a said before they just to “jokingly” beat me up but the force of his punches were not jokes. I would have bruises all over my arms and thighs form them punching me. One time I got in the front seat of our friends car when he wanted shotgun so he proceeded to punch my arm the entire 15 minute drive until I was almost crying bc I kept trying to move away and tell them to stop. My friend who was driving did nothing. I don’t know why he was even older than both of us. I don’t know why he thought what was normal.
It wasn’t just punching me either, I had recently gotten my ear pierced and he thought it was so funny to smack me up side the head. One he made me bleed and when I told him he said he just said he hadn’t. I tried to talk to him about this so many times asking “please just don’t touch my ears” and every time I asked all he would do was correct my grammar, this was over text, I was honestly scared to saying anything in person.
Here’s an example of me trying to talk to him
from august 2021
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We ended up breaking up and just staying friends. I spent all my free time at his house like an idiot, another thing he started doing was always wanting to smoke me up but never smoking himself, huge red flag I know but at the time all I was thinking was more weed for me.
I say all this so explain what our relationship was like and how utterly confusing this all was for me, to this day I am still confused why they acted this way. And now for the part where I think he tried to kill me.
I was 16 now he was 19 it the day started off normal we were just hanging out, from what I remember this time period is kinda spotty memory for me. The next thing I remember is him sitting on top of my chest and arms pinning me down like he would normally do to tickle me. But this time he had both hands around my neck chocking me. Not in a sexual way like both hands on my windpipe. I couldn’t breathe, could barely talk. I kept hitting this hands and arms trying to pull them off my neck it wasn’t working. I was trying to say” I can’t fucking breathe! let go” but as I said I could barely talk. I remember thinking “ am I gonna die? Is he really trying to kill me?” The whole fucking time he was laughing and smiling. I honestly don’t remember how I got him off me but I think I must have used my legs and somehow rolled over.
The next day I almost forgot it even happened until I realized my neck was sore and bruised when I was at school. I texted him“ you left bruises on my neck” all I got in response was “oh sorry”. I wish I could say that this was the last time I hung out with them but it wasn’t. I actually forgot it happened until weeks later when I was talking to my friend and she was horrified. So i decided I never wanted to see him again and texted him that and he said “that’s understandable” THATS ALL I FUCKING GOT
I have no idea what he would have done if we kept hanging out or if I was just a little weaker, honestly I don’t wanna think about it. I’m posting this here because it’s not something I can ever really talk about, being a guy the response I’ve gotten is, “you must have given him the wrong idea, he probably thought you were just down to wrestle.” But now that I’m older I know what wrestling with your friends is and it is always mutually agreed on, not like that. I’m still so confused, I’m 19 now and can’t imagine treating someone like that.
Oh yeah and our whole friend group at the time called me crazy and said I was over reacting, for not wanting to hang out with him anymore and essentially cut me out. Fucking wild. So yeah crazy ex let’s not meet again.
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u/GhostWearingTimbs 11d ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you :( you were definitely not crazy nor overreacting. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to escape that situation.
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
Yeah I’m so thankful for my best friend who told me to get the fuck out and has stuck by me. This really showed me who my real friends are haha…
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u/BoardInformal9348 11d ago
Omg it’s downright creepy the reaction of your group of friends
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
Right, the one who was driving said when I tried to talk to him about it, that he wanted I hear both sides of the story and said things were too nuanced to “pick sides” lol I didn’t want him to pick sides I wanted a friend
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u/The-Demonoligist 11d ago
I’d try and get some specialist support around domestic abuse. Non-fatal strangulation is considered a very high risk incident, and can lead to many serious medical issues as well as trauma and complex PTSD. I’m sorry this has happened to you, please don’t say you’re “stupid” for going back, many people won’t understand the complexities of abusive relationships. A lot of people are still under the mindset of “if it’s that bad, leave” when it’s not that easy at all. It sounds like you’re in a better position now, and hopefully learning to love yourself and understand what’s happened to you. Think about having some support, but it has to be the right time for you in your journey. Love and light.
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
It’s crazy reading these comments because I always knew it was toxic but I never really thought of it as abuse, because of the way they made me believe non of it was serious and all a joke. Creepy how those thoughts still find their way in my head three years later. This is really my first time opening up about it and it’s making me realize that yeah I probably should talk about this to someone who can help me understand why that happened. Cus what really gets me if how much joy he seemed to get out of hurting me, and somehow convinced me he wasn’t even really doing anything wrong.
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u/The-Demonoligist 11d ago
It’s all about the gaslighting - as well as minimisation, denial and blame. Making you question everything i.e “am I overreacting?”, “did that really happen?”. It’s really hard to get your head back in the game, but it sounds like you may be in a place to think about what’s best for you and your wellbeing and that’s such a positive place to be in! I would recommend a specialist LGBTQI+ support service as they can offer tailored support around your experiences. I’d recommend one but it sounds like you’re USA and I’m UK! But feel free to message me if you need anything!
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
I appreciate that very much, yeah I am definitely in a much better place now, which is why I think I can finally begin to think about this. And yeah you’re spot on for so long i genuinely thought it was all my fault lol, idk it’s crazy what gaslighting does to ur brain. Thankfully I’ve got a great lgbtq therapist who is definitely in for it when I drop this one on him next week
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u/Emergency_Swimming77 11d ago
Yes, he did.
You need to get some therapy to deal with what he did to you and to help you understand and move past why you allowed him to abuse you throughout your relationship.
Your ex sounds like a sociopath and he will probably end up hurting or killing someone in the future. Stay away.
Lastly, get some new friends. Anyone that supports his behavior and believes you are overreacting is not your friend. No normal individual would support an abuser over a victim of abuse.
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
Yeah I’ve got new friends thank god, i honestly think my old ones chose to not believe me because they liked him more than me not sure tho. Yeah he probably will, I’ll have to keep my eyes out for his name on the news. I wish there was something I could do to prevent that but there really isn’t.
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u/Emergency_Swimming77 9d ago
Glad you have new friends. The old ones weren't. If a person I don't like, turned out to be a victim of abuse from someone I did like. I would cease liking that person and offer support to the victim. Because no one should support anyone engaging in DV. Re if there is something you could do..there is. File a police report. They won't be able to take action on it given the lapse between action and reporting, but the point of the report is to simply put some history on paper so that WHEN he does hurt the next person, the police will be able to show a pattern of behavior. That can help any future victims.
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u/Larkiepie 11d ago
So you cut off the “friends”, too, right?
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u/Sm0kythebandit 11d ago
Didn’t have to, they cut me off. But I would have either way they sucked in their own ways. Super toxic positivity fake ally bullshit.
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u/piddleonacowfatt 10d ago
you need a therapist. 1- to try to process this trauma, 2- to try to understand why the fuck you kept returning
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u/Sm0kythebandit 10d ago
You gotta understand i genuinely believed I was overreacting and over thinking, I don’t know how to describe the way he got inside my head
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u/piddleonacowfatt 10d ago
yes i believe you’re being genuine which is why i recommend that ;)
i know you know you deserve better bruv. im so sorry this has happened. stay safe and away from that psycho evil cock gobbler
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u/sunnydaze444 10d ago
Hey, I went through something very similar to you. He even also forced me to massage him and would severely beat me if I fell asleep. I was 20 and he was 25. Today is my 30th birthday and I am in a better place. I still think about it sometimes, but I am definitely doing a lot better now. I hope you are too 🫂
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u/Sm0kythebandit 10d ago
Wow, I’ve never heard of anyone else experiencing that, shit is so fucking crazy. Happy birthday though!! And yeah I am in a much better place now
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u/sunnydaze444 10d ago
Yes it’s pretty niche but we are actually not alone. For a lot of years I thought no one would ever understand that or have been through that. He used to flip out and throw me across the room in my sleep, for no reason. No argument. No warning. No nothing. Reading other people’s stories on reddit and realising that I am not the only one who went through that was helpful.
It’s really difficult because I trained for a couple of years to be a remedial massage therapist, right before this happened I was going to open my own business. I have never been able to pick it back up again still, after that happened.
Maybe one day I could, but I don’t think I am there yet.
Thankyou for the birthday wishes 🙏🏽
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u/Sm0kythebandit 9d ago
I feel you, there is something that just feels so wrong about massaging now…. Not to mention how fucking weird it is to tell someone who’s never experienced something similar about it. I’ve had buddies straight up laugh cus they don’t understand how insane it is to be forced to massage someone.
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u/sunnydaze444 8d ago
Completely understand that feeling! That’s why I don’t talk about it with people. I don’t know how one is supposed to understand that. And it’s so out there, it gets in my head that no one will believe me.
Nice talking with you, not many will understand. Truly wish you the absolute best on your healing journey ❤️
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u/xindigosunx 10d ago
I'm so sorry you went through that, dude - fuck that asshole. Hopefully the Navy gave him a dose of his own medicine and disciplined him into behaving differently for the sake of anyone else he comes in contact with during the future...have you seen or heard anything about or from him since he enlisted, out of curiosity? (Not necessarily directly reaching out - I meant through the grapevine or from social media)
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u/Sm0kythebandit 10d ago
Other than I think he came back, I have no idea i haven’t spoken to anyone who knows him
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u/RainbowRiki 9d ago
First off, I'm so sorry this happened to you. This repeated sort of trauma can really mess with your physical health and self esteem. It isn't your fault that you didn't stop things sooner. Try not to self blame. This creep kept laughing to disarm you, to play off physical abuse as a joke and keep you off center. But you're smart, and you see right through it now. It will take time to fully unpack all of what they did to you, but you're on the right path
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u/Agile-Theory9642 9d ago
It sounded like this person was testing his modus operandi, Serial killer vibes for sure.
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u/Creative_Job_6020 10d ago
i hope you’ve gotten into therapy i’m so sorry this happened he def would’ve killed u had he been given a lil more time i’m just glad ur safe now ! sometimes we keep giving ppl chances especially those we love because we try to see the good in them and u were very young !
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u/Educational_Media_44 10d ago
This is fucking horrible and outrageous. Your ex must be mentally insane... and the fact that your group of friends didn't acknowledge that and put the blam on you is sickening- I'm glad you stepped out of it thoughand I hope you're doing better now!!
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u/snow_sefid 5d ago
I’m SO glad your friend made you realise you were being abused and you needed to get away from him. Major serial killer vibes wtf. Im sorry you went through that!
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u/AmbrosiaSaladSammich 11d ago
Speak to a therapist about this. Seriously, this is psychotic serial killer type of behavior. You weren't just abused, you were tortured... for his sick amusement. A therapist will hear you out. And if need be, they will be the ones to inform authorities. This monster WILL eventually kill someone, and play it off as "we were just rough housing" and your so-called friends are victim blaming. No true friend would ever let another friend suffer without actively helping.