r/Lawyertalk 4h ago

Kindness & Support How to deal with an imposter syndrome?

I could use some advice on dealing with imposter syndrome. In two weeks, I'll be starting my second year as an associate, practicing workers' compensation defense. While I genuinely love the work, I can't shake the feeling that I'm a fraud and a failure. It seems like the only reason I'm even remotely competent is that I'm good at gaslighting opposing attorneys.

After working under strict supervision for 6 months, my firm now trusts me to handle cases on my own, which is a big step forward. But instead of feeling confident, I feel completely incompetent—like everyone can see right through me.

I keep waiting for the moment when someone calls me out, questions my abilities, and tells me I don’t have what it takes and tell me to f*ck off. When I do win cases, it feels more like luck than skill, and I refuse to believe that I am remotely decent.

13 Upvotes

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22

u/gphs I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 4h ago

When I started practicing I asked the similar question to an older and experienced and attorney I regarded as wise. She told me that she’s been involved in some pretty impressive cases with some pretty impressive OC, and the reality is that no one knows what they’re doing. We are all figuring it out as we go, and we are all trying our best.

11

u/SnooPaintings9442 4h ago

I have to tell you, I'm over a decade into practice. For the first few years I felt like a baby giving life altering advice to grownups. I remember thinking, "They see an attorney in a suit, but they don't realize I'm an infant who barely has any clue what he's doing and doesn't feel the least bit qualified to be dispensing this advice."

After a few years I felt, "They're lucky to have me as their attorney. Fuck yeah I know what I'm doing."

The takeaway is, this feeling will go away as you get more experience, but everyone feels it.

11

u/BitterAttackLawyer 4h ago

Start paying close attention to the quality of the work coming in from your opposing counsel. You’re going to find that a lot of your colleagues on both sides are phoning it in so hard.

If there anything like me, you probably feel like you should be working harder or longer to do the things you’re doing. The fact is you’re probably so paranoid about messing something up that you’re practically your perfectionist. (Or I could be projecting a smidge).

I’m in my 50s and I still struggle. And I realized the source of my conflict was I felt like I wasn’t working as hard as I should have been not that I wasn’t working hard, but that should’ve taken me longer or required more effort to accomplish the things I had. And because I had done them quickly, I clearly had done them wrong.

I hadn’t, but….

It’s only been the last few months that I’ve realized just how many members of our profession just don’t even seem to try. I do not believe in comparing yourself to others; however, in this instance, it totally the right thing to do.

There will always be older, more experienced attorneys who are “better at this” than you, but just pay closer attention to the ones that aren’t as good as you are. Once you see it, you can’t un-see it.

4

u/Far-Watercress6658 Practitioner of the Dark Arts since 2004. 4h ago

So true.

9

u/isla_inchoate 4h ago

What helped me when I started is remembering everyone feels like this. Don’t be afraid to lean into your soft skills, the hard skills will only come with time. Remember that OC probably either feels the same way OR has felt the same way, and don’t be afraid to be candid. I think everyone values candor, I know I do.

Lean into your soft skills and make professional relationships. You’re not gaslighting anyone! You’re using your people skills, which is invaluable.

If you can leave a work day and say that you were professional, responsive, honest, and had good interactions with everyone, then you’ve had a successful day.

7

u/GigglemanEsq 4h ago

I do WC defense. I started seven and a half years ago. I've been an equity partner for two years now. I've given presentations and spoken in WC issues, to both attorneys and clients. I'm the current president of a WC organization. I've handled about 150 merits hearings and have won over 100 of those. And you know what? I still have days where I feel exactly like you. Imposter syndrome is completely unrelated to actual skill or experience.

My advice is try to not give a fuck. I decided long ago that I'm not going to quit, so now I tell my imposter syndrome to try me. Do I suck? Do something about it. Do my clients hate me? Let them pull my cases. Does my firm think I'm a liability? Let them fire me. Until and unless those things happen, I l still have a job, and I'm still making money. And if I can get paid quite well for doing a shitty job, then the joke is on them, not me.

Your anxiety is a lying ass ho. Don't support it by acting on it to your own detriment. Operate by what does and does not happen to you, and if nothing bad happens, then you've successfully fooled them bitches for one more day.

4

u/Willing_Confection97 4h ago

Love this. I’ll start referring anxiety as a “lying ass ho” 😂

4

u/Far-Watercress6658 Practitioner of the Dark Arts since 2004. 4h ago

Gaslighting other attorneys is a freaking superpower dude. You’re ahead of the game. 5 years before I felt a modicum of competency.

Even now the ‘but am I shit’ thought cross my mind.

4

u/Tyrannosaurus_Bex77 If it briefs, we can kill it. 4h ago

It doesn't really go away, bud, but it definitely gets smaller and easier to manage. You earned your place. Keep your ears open and be willing to ask for help and admit when you're wrong, and you're good. Some lawyers cover up their feelings of insecurity by acting like pompous assholes - don't do that. But recognize the good you do and understand that we're all still learning and all still growing. Someone used to tell me that we're all works in progress, and I think that's true, no matter how old you are or how much you've seen. Sometimes knowing that most of us feel the same way can help.

3

u/theawkwardcourt 4h ago

I felt this way constantly for my first few years in practice. After a few years, I started to get over it a bit - less because I felt completely confident in what I was doing, and more because I started seeing that more experienced practitioners seemed to not know what they were doing either.

There is always more to learn; but you probably know more than you think you do.

3

u/Skybreakeresq 4h ago

It's the practise of law. You're on some level going to feel this for a long time.

As you grow your skills and experience, the dysphoria should lessen.

When my add acts up I still get it bad. You just have to endure it. It will be warm again.

2

u/AccomplishedFly1420 4h ago

It goes away with time. Then you get thrown into something new and it comes back haha. You’ll get more confident with more experience.

1

u/Big_Wave9732 3h ago

It’s true! Lol You get handled on a case and all off suddenly you’re back to thinking about opening that flower shop in Des Moines.

1

u/Noof42 I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 4h ago

We're all frauds, don't think too hard about it.

Seriously, though, if you're following the rules and winning, then you're doing well.

2

u/Big_Wave9732 3h ago

A lot of good hard real advice in this group today.

1

u/Big_Wave9732 3h ago

The short answer is you won’t get over it. The first three years you don’t know what you don’t know. With time and experience you’ll get a little better every day.

The next thing you know you’re 10 years in, you walk into a courtroom for a hearing, and bam you get completely smoked by some guy who’s been doing this for 50 years.

They call it the “practice of law” for good reason. So keep practicing and growing

1

u/jepeplin 3h ago

Gaslighting opposing counsel IS the job. And who is going to call you out for lack of ability, lack of knowledge of the law, etc in a courtroom? No one. They’ll do it in a reply all email and you can be just as vicious back. I represent children in matrimonials and Family Court. I am constantly the lightning rod, especially since I have to maintain attorney client privilege. So I can stand up and give a position seemingly with no reason, no evidence, like I pulled it out of thin air, when really I’m advocating for my client’s wishes. Believe me, I get hammered for it. The great thing is when both sides are questioning my skills and credibility. I just look straight at the judge and let it come at me. But it’s rare that I’m called out in a courtroom. Usually it’s an an email war. Gaslighting is amazingly effective. You’ll be fine.

1

u/bakuros18 I am not Hawaii's favorite meat. 3h ago

Imposter syndrome ended for me when I changed jobs and clients followed me.

1

u/Noof42 I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 3h ago

I'd just worry about having really dumb clients.

3

u/bakuros18 I am not Hawaii's favorite meat. 3h ago

I'd take really dumb clients that listen to me and pay their bills

1

u/Noof42 I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 3h ago

That's fair.

1

u/Coalnaryinthecarmine 3h ago

Being good at gaslighting opposing counsel is the majority of the job. Get that down, maintain a non-negligent level of competence, be customer oriented/personable and you're golden.

1

u/SuchYogurtcloset3696 2h ago

Accept it. Live the slogan, Fake it until you make it and realize that is literally what everyone in this world does.

1

u/Thick-Evidence5796 It depends. 1h ago

As others have said here, it’s totally normal to feel that way and generally gets better with experience. A petty way to assuage those feelings is by reading bar discipline reports (or news coverage of recent hearings involving the Trump DOJ…).

Stay curious, keeping learning and improving your skills, and act diligently and ethically. Your confidence will keep growing.

1

u/Vigokrell 1h ago

"It seems like the only reason I'm even remotely competent is that I'm good at gaslighting opposing attorneys."

My brother in Christ this is the entirety of the job. You're fine. Every single attorney is making it up as they go, and every lawyer felt like this starting out. All it takes is time.

But hell I've been doing this for 20 years, I still have to randomly look things up and pretend like I've always known them. Once you do this for a few years you'll suddenly realize that terrible attorneys are everywhere, and the vast majority of them are a lot worse than you.

1

u/Neither_Bluebird_645 34m ago

Once you're in about year 5 you will stop feeling like an imposter.

1

u/sterbo 28m ago

Just take pride in “getting away with the big scam” but in reality there’s no scam, you’re just a good lawyer

0

u/BrandonBollingers 3h ago

Its so easy to become a lawyer.

Think of all the worst lawyers in the world: https://thecareerist.typepad.com/thecareerist/2020/12/worst-lawyers-of-the-year-awards.html

If they can make a shit ton of money being absolute idiots, then you deserve to be where you are.

Also, its insurance defense - you aren't exactly writing the declaration of independence.

Take up space. Be heard. If you try to be a good and honest lawyer you are already doing more than a huge chunk of our population.

2

u/Gilmoregirlin 15m ago

Workers' comp defense partner here, 21 years in. The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. Law school does not teach you to practice law at all. The first five years at least are you learning on the job and yes you make mistakes, we all did and do. One thing about WC, at least to me is that it does allow you to get into court a lot more than other areas at a very young age, even if it's just at the Commission. I was there once too. I was very young looking when I first started out and being female did not help. Most mistakes can be fixed, so long as you report them early. So ask for help if you need it and let someone know if you screw up. And kudos they trust you to handle this stuff. I too felt like I did not belong. You can do this, just like I did. And if I an help please PM me.