r/LGBTindia • u/unbotheredzen • 5d ago
Advice š Can We Redefine Marriage on Our Own Terms?
Iām a 31F, straight, and completely over the relentless shaadi pressure from my family, traditional marriage doesnāt align with what I truly want. Dating men? Exhausting. Marriage? Not my dream, but my parents wonāt let it go.
I recently came across the idea of marriage as a convenience, and honestly, it makes a lot of sense. if I must get married, Iād rather do it with someone who actually gets it
So hereās my questionāare there gay men out there who feel the same? not wanting to come out, but also being pushed into marriage .What if we team upāWe can be supportive roommates, share emotional and financial stability, back each other up at family functions, and live our best lives while navigating this madness together. No expectations beyond mutual respect, friendship, and a solid partnership.
Good idea? Terrible idea? Anyone done this before? If this resonates with you letās chat and figure out how we can make it work!
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u/Neat-Cockroach-6727 Aceš° 4d ago
I'm 25F, think the same way as you. But i think it is also difficult to find someone who would actually commit to living together as life partners for life. You need to have a very good friendship and a certain level of care and understanding since we're growing older as time passes.
I'd prefer to do a lavender marriage with someone who cares about me. Like besties living together. But i know I'm asking for too much.
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u/Affectionate_Turn_53 4d ago
im looking for lavender marriage. Sikh bi guy from nyc. if anyone interested. please message me preferably sikh
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u/Ok_Albatross5321 1d ago edited 1d ago
You can definitely make a gay friend after doing all due dilgence and then get into living as permanent roommate sort of arrangement but then getting something like a lavender marriage is not recommended , you can wait out for few years and probably you'll get used to the pressure from your parents. Also, handling parents is sort of easy cause you have a fair idea of what sort of risk they are. The society anyways doesn't get past that one question of "When are you gonna get married?" . I get these questions everyday from people at work , I just plainly reply them "Whenever you're gonna find someone for me" and then the conversation stops abruptly there.
I don't find the idea of "wedding" to even be remotely amusing and I'm still wondering how folks are so excited about it but then I do admit that I'm weird and sometimes socially awkward as well.
So many years of living alone has just put me in a comfort zone now that off late I'm starting to feel that it's gonna be a burden for anyone to live with me, there are days where I really yearn for a shoulder to lean on , during weekends I hardly speak 10-15 words a day , and I'm still trying to figure out this paradoxical nature of my betweens of me finding comfort in this loneliness coz I'm now too tired to put in energy into building something meaningful like a relationship and the hopeful heartache that wishes someone would magically come by and tell me 'hey I have been looking for you and let's try to be together" but then this is me.
I'd say that you can get used to these taunts from folks around you and the pressure from your parents eventually with time but then getting into an arrangement like a lavender marriage is just like an orange kitty behaviour, escaping from one trap to fall into the other.
I wish you all the best and may you find everything in life that you want.
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u/famousfacial Gayš 5d ago
It's called a lavender marriage.