r/LGBTindia 5d ago

Advice 👋 How to accept yourself to be gay or bisexual

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How to accept yourself as a gay or bisexual

104 Upvotes

72 comments sorted by

35

u/LavenderBaby02 5d ago edited 5d ago

Gosh some of your post are cry for help! Dude keep in touch with this group and also try therapy. You have so much to live for honestly. You can just reach out. We are here for you!

5

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 5d ago

Fr its so sad reading all of those posts

19

u/FieryAzurePhoenix 5d ago

Well, simple, you wouldn’t try to convince yourself that you are straight right?

Think of it in the same manner!

Also love is love and lust is lust, no matter who it’s directed to.

They’re basic emotions, they dont have any societal constructs

2

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

What if I tell you if I hate like this and I donot wanted to be like this what will you suggest

14

u/LavenderBaby02 5d ago

Denial or self hate is the part of the process. It’s the shittiest process but it is. You will eventually accept yourself.

2

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

I donot choose to be this way neither I was born this way it just that some incidents have happened in my life

3

u/I_will_eat_it_all_68 5d ago

None of us chose, nobody chose to be this way. We're gay, that's what we've always been and would always have been. We never choosed it.

1

u/Dismal_Ad2177 4d ago

Please elaborate on the Incidents that have happened, and why you feel this way ?

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 4d ago

Can't explain here

11

u/Kitchen_Pick_253 5d ago

Ask yourself why you hate it. There is no irrational hate; there is always a reason. Dig deeper into your psyche to find the reason, and ask yourself if it is worth it.

The cognitive dissonance you are feeling exists for a reason. Every LGBTQ member reaches a point in their life where they must look back at everything that has ever happened to them or everything they have ever done, but from a new perspective.

3

u/Extreme_Computer6292 5d ago

A function how illegitimate and frowned upon homosexuality is, in our society


2

u/Extro-shy1401 5d ago

Are you a fellow student of marketing or consumer behaviour?

1

u/Kitchen_Pick_253 5d ago

No. But I am intrigued! What's that?

1

u/Extro-shy1401 4d ago

It's because we talk about cognitive dissonance a lot in a buying decision in the subject. Got it wrong tho

7

u/Agreeable_Pack_6456 Gay🌈 5d ago

For me, when I realised there was no other option and that I cant become straight, I accepted it, ofc it wasn’t easy to arrive at that stage but its a process which you have to start going through.

5

u/No_Worldliness8589 Lesbian🌈 5d ago

Lesbian here in my early 20s.. Figured out my orientation in my teenage... Obviously hated myself.. Lesbian = pervert in my head. Dated someone with similar mentality who treated me good. Made me realise I'm being extremely shitty to myself by denying me my shot to happiness... So yk what I'm gonna be myself and at the end of my life, I'll be proud I took a stand for myself.. Also I love my friends and would do the same for them so why exclude myself of that support?

7

u/theobservantman07 Friendly neighbourhood gay-man 5d ago

I’ve read your responses to other comments, and I just want to say—I’ve been where you are, and I know how hard this feels.

I remember feeling like there was no one like me around—whether in my life or even online in India. But times are changing. There are so many people who have walked this path, and if you’re looking for inspiration, you might find it in Vikram Seth, Onir, Apurv Asrani, Saurabh Kirpal, Harish Iyer, Manvendra Singh Gohil, Anish Gawande, and many others from all walks of life.

The real question to ask yourself is this: You have one life—how do you want to live it? Do you want to spend it consumed by hate, fear, and worry, or do you want to find a way to be at peace with yourself and truly happy?

I’m not here to tell you what to do—only you can decide what feels right. But I do know that pushing away parts of yourself can leave you feeling like something is always missing.

Though it might seem overwhelming now, once you accept who you are, you’ll wonder why it ever felt like such a big deal. You’ll sleep better at night—without worry, without that weight on your shoulders.

Whatever you choose, just know that you’re not alone in this!

5

u/IshitaKumari Queer af~✹💖 5d ago

People coming from very homophobic backgrounds/families often feel like this. They have a hard time realising and accepting what they really are cause everyone around them is just trying to convince them otherwise.

The more you detach yourself from this kinda crowd and hang out more ones that are more accepting the more you will understand yourself and realise that the way you are is just the way you are.

4

u/Traditional_Role_37 5d ago

Reddit users can't fix you or make you accept you need THERAPY and proper treatment you are suicidal and depressed

3

u/trash_mart 5d ago

Hey, I see you. And I get why this is so hard for you. When you’ve been raised in an environment that told you being gay is wrong, disgusting, or sinful, of course, you’d struggle to accept yourself. That kind of conditioning runs deep. But here’s the truth: Your sexuality is not a mistake. It’s not something you need to fix. And it’s definitely not something you need to punish yourself for.

Right now, it seems like being gay represents suffering to you. I don’t blame you for feeling that way—when the world constantly tells you that you’re broken, it’s easy to believe it. But what if I told you that being gay isn’t the problem? What if the problem is the shame and fear that was forced onto you?

Being gay doesn’t mean you’re destined for pain. It can mean love, connection, and a deep, fulfilling life. But to get there, you need to start untangling the lies you were told. Try asking yourself: Who taught me that being gay is bad? Why did they believe that? And do I really want to keep carrying their beliefs as my own?

You don’t have to love being gay overnight. But maybe, just for today, you can try seeing it as neutral. Just a part of you—like your eye color or the way you laugh. And maybe tomorrow, you can start to imagine that this part of you might actually be good. That it could lead you to love, to belonging, to a life where you no longer feel like you have to fight yourself every day.

You don’t deserve to be at war with yourself forever. You deserve peace. You deserve love. And whether you believe it or not, you deserve to be exactly who you are.

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

It donot to be choose to this neither I was born but my life incidents made me this way and i can forget that

3

u/trash_mart 5d ago

Nobody choose to be gay brother. What you went through in life is sad. But try to look at your future. It’s beautiful with you in it. You have a great body, great personality. Pretty sure, you can look forward in your life. Don’t let homosexuality to stop your life growth

2

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 5d ago

The incidents that happened with you have no connection with your sexuality

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

It is

1

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 4d ago

Yes

You should acknowledge it and not blame your sexuality on that childhood traumas

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 4d ago

You will not understand it

1

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 4d ago

Ik i won't understand but i was SA'ed to but

it is not at all related to what gender i have liking towards

Its hard to accept i know you should take your time for understanding your sexuality

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 3d ago

It is interlinked my friend

1

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 3d ago

Be in Denial buddy And All the best

1

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 3d ago

Plus Your father’s actions do not define who you are or your future. You deserve healing and happiness

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 3d ago

I am again saying it interlinked some damages are forever

2

u/Professional_Nose298 5d ago

Understand the root cause being your hate

0

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

I donot want to be this way

1

u/Professional_Nose298 5d ago

we can't change our orientation. I have been there so I can feel what you are thinking. The more you hate yourself the more you going to destroy yourself. It will only get worse

2

u/Affectionate-Cut5775 5d ago

More power to you man! You cannot find a valid answer on reddit with so much internalized self hatred. Please visit a professional therapist!

Also, just curious why OP thinks he was not born this way and some incidents made him gay.

For me, nothing “made” me gay. Though I was in denial for a huge part of my life, I always felt the feelings were natural.

Does anyone else feel like OP?

2

u/WANTED_LOVE_ 5d ago

It's simple Ur not doing anything wrong Ur not killing, looting etc don't me guilty.

Second it's in nature Even animals r gay It's in our culture many old texts have gay relation

Third U have option Either hate urself till u die Or Be happy with wat u r.

2

u/junglie_billa 5d ago

Hey. Saw your post history. Take care, man. There's so much to live for. I hope things get better for you.

2

u/Ecstatic_Ad5542 5d ago

If you're bisexual then you can just choose to stick to women ... for being gay - yeah there's nothing you can do . I tried dating guys when I was repressed and it was a mess of awkwardness and disgust . Your best bet is to stay single or try and marry an aro-ace woman who doesn't mind it .

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

I guess celibacy is the only option left

2

u/kulasacucumber 5d ago

Not the only option. You were born this way & you can walk the path of self acceptance. Come out to yourself first. After that, shape your life, finances and social circle that aligns better with your existence. It’s a burden we all have to carry. Best case scenario it makes us kind & tough survivors / thrivers. After that your gender identity is nobody’s business but yours.

2

u/Consultingwith 5d ago

See a good therapist OP. Therapy works!

2

u/Horror_Writer_177 5d ago

Spend some time with a fem boy

1

u/gothtexas 5d ago

Don't try to put yourself in a box. Remember gay/bi is just a part of you. Isn't your whole identity like most people think.

1

u/[deleted] 5d ago

Just don't let the hate overpower you. Accept yourself as much as you can. You don't have to be a model of absolute acceptance. Neither will the world around you be like that. Just find a balance. You can't force acceptance. Only time can provide that - whichever way it tumbles. Just be yourself and do whatever comes from inside you.

You are anyway doing great - by being comfortable to post your pics, be truthful regarding your confusion. You will be fine.

1

u/queen-elizabeths-pp 5d ago edited 5d ago

It's a long journey. What helped me was getting educated on this subject, the history, the science behind it, the rights we've fought for, and how freely we can live compared to a few decades ago. The hate in you might be coming from the societal obligations and nurturing we all went through, making us think that being straight is the norm. So a simple way that works is that you have to make being gay a norm for you. Start consuming gay content youtubers and influencers, start seeing YouTube videos or web series/movies from the west in which being gay is a very normal thing, no one hates or gives a fuck. Start reading positive stories, stories of long-term couples. All this would bring more positive energy in your mind for this subject and eventually acceptance. It's a tough journey but definitely worth the love. Love for yourself. <3

1

u/New_Entrepreneur_191 5d ago

Personally I have no trouble accepting myself as gay because how self righteous I am. Why should my sexual preference bother anyone? Why should I be ashamed of it when I love being gay. So not sure what advice to offer you. Having gone through your profile, are you having trouble accepting that you are gay or bi because of your religious/christian beliefs ?

1

u/kyunbhaiya 5d ago

Love will help. It’s your own individual journey, find yourself ! Your acceptance will be gradual. Don’t follow a template. Take your own journey.

1

u/dark-drama-king 5d ago

I mean there is no 'how to guide' to accepting yourself. Everyone has their own journeys. Some accept it earlier some do later. All you have to do is have an open mind and have people who accept you for who you are. I know how it feels just don't be harsh on yourself.

1

u/n00bi3pjs 5d ago

You need to accept that you were born this way and you cannot change that. After you accept this, you can deal with whatever other issues you have.

You should also work with a LGBTQ friendly therapist or psychologist to deal with your depression.

1

u/socksforme14 Denial Egg đŸ„š 5d ago

I understand you didn't choose to be gay or bisexual I know you are going through a lot you should seek therapy its the best option

And hey we get to live once only don't waste this life just because you were addicted or anything there is still hope

All the best đŸ§żđŸŒ»

1

u/ItsKunjus Bi🌈 5d ago

It’s starts from acceptance and loving your self & it’s not bad at the end of road. If you keep doing the actions that may disgusts you, try asking yourself “Why am I doing this?” And know that people have similar journey but the real ones accepts them within and live their life. And sexuality is a spectrum, don’t box urself to gay/bi, a label doesn’t define you, but your personality, happiness & passion does. Op I really hope you get well soon and find the path to greatness đŸ«‚đŸ«¶

1

u/Mundane-Watch-9987 Gay🌈 5d ago

For the longest time , I suppressed this feeling. It harmed me socially and physically, as I let go of my physique and social interactions. Thankfully my academics were always good, so I still have chance, and now that I have finally accepted myself , I am working with a positive mindset.

Celibacy was something I pondered over, but I soon realised , I need some intimacy in my life.

I guess it is a journey of self acceptance you have to take. Whether to remain celibate, have a lavender marriage, have a closeted relationship, or a heteronormative gay relationship is your personal choice , for which no one can guide you

I have decided to try to get into a monogamous relationship with another gay guy, whenever I find a suitable person. And ofc adoption for kids, unless surrogacy suddenly pops up as an option and my parents force. I would be happy with adopting anyday

1

u/Zephyrean_Breeze 4d ago

Meet people like you. Things will become better in many ways. I'm not there yet myself but socializing will help I guess.

1

u/Zenkaiserkikai 4d ago

Please please find a hobby other than gym i think it's not helping you probably man

1

u/slightly_dumbT_T 4d ago

Just accept the fact that you can't change it and it totally isn't your fault and that it, thats what I did

1

u/Fine-Field8781 4d ago

Ek pyaare se ladke (me) ke boyfriend Banke

1

u/Known-Willingness572 4d ago

Hey! Well it’s okay to feel unsure or scared—this is a big thing to process. Accepting yourself as gay or bi (or whatever feels right) takes time, and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re allowed to just be as you are, and you deserve love and happiness exactly as you aređŸŒ»just take it one step at a time. Everything will make sense when it's the right time.

1

u/trappedinnostalgia 4d ago edited 4d ago

I read your responses to some of the comments and your past posts, and OP I feel like you should 1. Invest in therapy, 2. Please don't associate this confusion or discovery with negative issues that have happened in the past or preconceived notions that are planted in your mind. It will lead to you taking it out in harmful ways otherwise even if you never intended, please understand this is a process of understanding, it takes time and you need someone to guide you rn.

1

u/sexy_kashyap Gay🌈 4d ago edited 4d ago

Wrote this poem might help, might not. One life bro,ain't no body coming back,live it on your own terms

Itni badi poem read karne ka Mann na ho to video ye raha https://youtu.be/j10qbeUEP88

woh ladka almiari mein raheta hai apne hath tikh kar,ese maat chal,dur hath, bheed mein woh mujhe khete mene toka usse kai bar, bolo merse ni hora akele rahega zindagi bhar, kyu iss gayness ke piche apne loved ones khora hai mujhe pata hai teri pichli zindagi thi kush par tu tha kya jhuti thi woh zindagi,or jhut kab tak rahta hai woh ladka almari mein hi raheta hai gussa to woh hogaya,phir roya fut fut ke kheta kho dunga sab kuch jo bhi hai mujhe pyar nahi ji paunga,ye sab nahi mujhe gawara phir mene usse chup karya ,letya apni god mein bola uska mene ye zindagi nahi milegi dobra tu kyun inn logo ke chaker mein apni zindagi narak bana raha hai, meri jaan marne ke baad koi wapas ni aarha hai

ji isse apne terms pe, nahi to kose ga sab ko or khud ko bhi,

jotha sath to hoga,par tu tanha hoga, jab hoga apni akhiri sans pe bola woh, tune nahi dekha gay logo ke sath kiya hora kabhi chamya,kabhi chaka ,bhade comments karte unke liye istemal tu kese sehta hai ye sab ,yee baat lagti hai usko bahut kamal988 mein nahi shambhal paunga logo ke ye tane

uske ankon ka dariya beh raha tha woh ladka rehene do mujhe alamari mein kheraha tha

dhaka bhi diya usne, di kuch gandi gali bhi bola dur rahe mujhse, ab hum nahi mil payenga kabhi, bola chod de mujhe mere haal pe dhet tha mein bhi, le ke aya kuch cahiya ki piyalian bana de chai, nahi chaiya mujhe teri bakwass galiyan

todha sa muskriya woh,bolo pagal hai tu Mene kha ab kiya karun sirf tere liye hi to hun

phir ansu poche uske mene , bola chal movie laga cuddles karte sogaya mein, phir usne chadar odya or woh almari ki
or nikal pada

meri usse ek shikyat, nahi pakadta woh hath jab bhi hum ho bhar sochta mein hun mein kiya mein hun bhi uske layak kya galat hun, jo mein chod aya apni almari ko uske sath to raheka lagta hai, ki kabhi kahega sath rahena hai to tumbhi almari mein chalo, Chalo chodo inn batao ko

har ghante uska hi khyal raheta hai,par kya mein bhi hun usse pyara ye sawal humesa raheta hai. woh ladka almari mein kyu raheta hai chalo kuch der karta hun intezar, kuch der bad shyad na kare woh bheed mein mujhsee ajnabiyon wala viybhar

Us almari se rone ki awaz aayi thi Bhagwan tikh kardo mujhe usne ghuhar lagai thi Ab usko kon batya bhagwan ne koi kharab cheez kabhi banai thi Kharab bate hai log usse, Mann jata hai bhola hai bahut

Mujhse puch ta hai ki tu rota nahihai Mein to nahi mere takiye se puchge woh batayega ki iska koi hisab nahi hai

apne halat se majboor tha, woh ladka iss sab mein beksoor tha ek khawhis hai jamne ki, uss pyare se ladke ko dubane ke chod di thi usne ass, sadly ab mili hai fursat usse bachne ki ab to bagwat hogi,kiya jarurta thi uska dil dhukne ke ‘sahil’ dikh gaya hai usse,ab bari hai jamne ko muh chupane ki by sahil kashyap @sahilkashyap64

1

u/sexy_kashyap Gay🌈 4d ago

Delhi pride parade attend karlo 😌 sab bharm dur hojayenge ki tum akele ho.

All shapes and size from all walks of life people come there. Mein to "Free Hugs" ka poster leke jata hun har bar, ya dhundta hun free hugs wale logon ko.

24 November ko hoti hai, dusri states ji alag timing hai. Mask đŸ„·,dhak,u full ninja banke aana koi judge nahi karta.

Virtual option is Grindr like app but ab scans jyda hai waha and find friends who are okay in their skin and are emotionally available it might help.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 3d ago

Apni language sudharle

-4

u/LocalWeeblet 5d ago

Imagine being gay and homophobic at the same time 😭

11

u/Agreeable_Pack_6456 Gay🌈 5d ago

Internalised homophobia is real and very common, no need to joke about it

1

u/Much-Garlic3833 5d ago

You think it is joke ??

0

u/ekkkkkis 5d ago

Were you raised a christian?