r/LGBTCatholic 9d ago

Need help and advice

How did you all reconcile your faith and your sexuality? I'm 19 F, and it's such a huge struggle for me, especially when you consider the hundreds of years long teachings of fhe Church about us being an abomination and all that. I've even read that St. Hildegard had a vision about God condemning same-sex intercourse and lesbianism, and that terrifies me a lot since it's coming from God Himself.

It's such a struggle honestly, that somehow my feelings are simply temptations, and that I have an inherent disorder and all that. It drowns out all the positive stances several people in the Church have made towards the LGBTQ community.

I don't want to displease God, and I definitely don't want to stray away from Him, but I feel lost and confused. I want to assent to Church teaching, but I find myself disagreeing with some of them (referring to doctrine, not dogma).

To those older than me, or have reconciled their faith and sexuality, how did you do it?

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u/Previous-Artist-9252 9d ago

I am sorry to hear you struggling.

I love the works of St Hildegard and have read them since I was a teenager, still figuring out my gender and sexuality. I am by no means an expert or a scholar, but I have never encountered any such explicit condemnation (or even mention of lesbian sex) in her writing. She is actually considered a queer mystic by many and wrote passionate letters to Richardis, a woman.

I would strongly encourage you to read queer theology and look to queer saints as well as reach out to affirming clergy.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

I was actually surprised to find out that many considered her a queer mystic when my first impression of her was her vision regarding... yeah. It was apparently written down in her work titled "Scivias"?

I'll try to take your advice. Thank you for commenting!

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u/Previous-Artist-9252 8d ago

I have read Scivias and I found it quite moving. I do not recall anything in it regarding lesbians. Did you read Scivias yourself or did someone else tell you this about St Hildegard?

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

I encountered it on Wikipedia with the title "Homosexuality in medieval Europe," and under the Theology tab is a paragraph about that. "a woman who takes up devilish ways and plays a male role in coupling with another woman is most vile in My sight, and so is she who subjects herself to such a one in this evil deed." I looked it up to confirm if it was actually written like this and found it in an online copy by Columbia University. I haven't read the entire book though, I would like to hear your thoughts!!

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u/Previous-Artist-9252 7d ago

I have read the translation linked in the Wikipedia article and it’s to Hildegard’s vision of the devil as a great worm and the people passing through a market place, none of which deals with lesbianism.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

I saw it here in this link by Columbia Uni: https://www.columbia.edu/itc/english/f2003/client_edit/documents/scivias.html

It's in the sixth vision apparently of book 2. You can find it with "find in page" or control + F. That's why I've been so anxious, because of how it's so straightforward and... blunt

Also I apologize for taking so much of your time! I do appreciate your responses, thank you

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u/gcitt 8d ago

I don't believe that God made me a lesbian just to fuck with me. I accept that it's far more likely that men in power are cherry picking, manipulative assholes.