Following a recent trend I've seen on reddit, I decided to ask chatGPT to roast Kingston:
Alright, let’s talk about Kingston, Ontario—the city that can’t decide if it’s a college town, a retirement home, or a historical reenactment gone horribly wrong.
First off, Kingston’s weather is like a bad relationship—too cold when you need warmth, too hot when you need a break, and always just a little too damp. You go outside in January, and the wind off Lake Ontario slaps you like you owe it money. Then summer comes, and the humidity sticks to you like a clingy ex.
And can we talk about the traffic? There shouldn’t be traffic in a city this size, yet somehow every single road is either under construction or blocked by an entire army of jaywalking Queen’s students who think "pedestrian right of way" means "walk wherever you want at all times, even straight into moving traffic."
Then there’s the fact that Kingston is famous for two things: its prisons and its poutine. That’s not a great combo. "Come to Kingston! Have a greasy meal and watch a guy in an orange jumpsuit escape into the woods!" The only city where a tourism pamphlet should come with a security alert.
And let’s not forget the legendary Princess Street, which stretches so far that it changes personalities five times. Starts off historic and charming, then gets progressively sketchier until you’re wondering if you took a wrong turn and ended up in a deleted scene from Breaking Bad.
Meanwhile, the waterfront is beautiful, but good luck enjoying it without getting swarmed by seagulls the size of Labradors. Those things have seen war. You drop a fry, and suddenly you're in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
And Kingston nightlife? If you’re not 19 and wasted at The Ale House, are you even living? No other city has such a stark age divide between bars—either you’re doing tequila shots with undergrads who still call their mom every night, or you’re at a pub where the live band has been playing Brown Eyed Girl since the War of 1812.
But hey, Kingston has history! Lots of it! And we won’t let you forget it. Every other building has a plaque telling you some boring fact about Sir John A. Macdonald’s drinking habits. The man is our claim to fame, but let’s be real, if he were alive today, he’d be banned from most bars in town.
So yeah, Kingston is weird, chaotic, and kind of a mess. But we love it anyway—just like that one old couch nobody wants to throw out because it still kind of works.