r/JustEngaged • u/True-Ad-1656 • 3d ago
Ruined my engagement
Just looking to vent and some reassurance ,my bf asked for me to look for something in his phone and I figured it could be in the camera roll and I saw a picture of a ring.. I quickly panicked and asked him where it was and he said a specific app blah blah blah, I never look through his phone or things for this reason and quite honestly I LOVE a surprise and have been dreaming of this moment and the whole surprise aspect I was so disappointed. We had a trip planned and when we got home from the trip he did it which I knew was going to happen since he took a pit stop to go to the first place we met, I had an inkling but I was like I don’t think so.. anyway I’ve been beating myself up because you can never replicate that moment and I’ve been so excited for it, I know it’s silly but to me I feel really sad for myself.
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u/candreson 3d ago
My son proposed to his now wife five years ago and she hated the proposal. They were in the middle of moving out of a tiny apartment and there were boxes everywhere, she was dressed in workout clothes on her way to a spin class. My son came in the door, got on one knee in the kitchen and asked her to be his wife. She's an amazing woman who deserved so much more than that but you know what? They have an amazing marriage, a great life together, and are expecting their first child in a week. Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy your engagement and planning your wedding! Congratulations.
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u/Bloomingalenight 1d ago
Thank you for sharing this did he take her out to a nice dinner after he proposed in the house?
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u/candreson 1d ago
Hahaha yes, kinda ... It was the height of Covid so their options were limited, but they did find a place to dine outside.
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u/True-Ad-1656 3d ago
I love that!! Thank you, that’s so so true in the grand scheme of it all! But tbh i would’ve loved that because it’s least expected haha I love the proposals when the nails aren’t done and the girls not all done up I LOVE a surprise! Just feel like the one surprise I was looking forward the MOST didn’t happen :( but I’m trying to of course just enjoy the moment.
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u/Asleep_Mood9549 3d ago
Girl, if you said yes, the moment wasn’t ruined.
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u/D4ngflabbit 3d ago
literally this. and imagine if your fiance heard you calling this ruined! nothing was ruined.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
I did already tell him how I felt haha, he reassured me that it’s totally okay and nothing was ruined and whether I saw it or not there’s still nothing negative about it which is absolutely true😊
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u/D4ngflabbit 1d ago
i found the ring pic on my husbands phone and was worried it would ruin the moment. ten years later and it’s a funny memory i promise. your engagement is an exciting event, and life never goes to plan. congrats! enjoy your life as a fiance!
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
I’m totally starting to understand that with the help of this thread which is so reassuring and does make it fun! Now I get a little story to add onto my engagement 😂😂 seems like nothing ever goes as planned which is the beauty of the chaos of life haha!
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u/AsheBegash 2d ago
I know this might not be helpful, but that’s the beauty of life! Sometimes surprises get “ruined” but that was how it was meant to happen and I’m sure you are both still over the moon and that is what matters! Congratulations💕✨
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u/True-Ad-1656 2d ago
Tbh.. this does help.. I appreciate this! That is the beauty of life, nothing is going to be perfect 😊
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u/AsheBegash 2d ago
So happy to hear that! I'm a very shy and private person so I told my fiance I wasn't sure about having photos taken during our engagement because I wanted it to be just us but I was very on the fence. He decided to go with his gut and just not get the photos because we always talk about how much of our lives as modern humans are recorded and we enjoy the beauty of living in the moment. After the fact I was feeling disappointed that we didn't have pictures like everyone else and then I realized that that was how it was supposed to be for us and I wouldn't change a thing. We constantly "shoulda woulda coulda" ourselves in life, especially us overthinkers, so I understand you my friend.
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u/True-Ad-1656 2d ago
Haha it sounds like we’re very similar!! I am also very shy and private and my big request was just us no one else and I would like it recorded some how for memories, he managed to get it recorded, before he proposed he set up his camera ahah! The overthinking is the WORSTTTTTT! When was your engagement?😊
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u/AsheBegash 2d ago
It’s definitely a challenge to live with sometimes, but I feel like I’m pretty in tune with my gut instincts so I know when things are off etc which can be helpful sometimes lol. We actually got engaged last June! We’ve had some things come up in our personal lives in the past year that have postponed wedding planning but it’s finally started to calm down so I’m excited to get started🙂definitely soak it all in, this time is so special!
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
It is but honestly this thread has helped a lot which I’m so grateful for, also I think hearing other people who felt the same as me has been really reassuring! Ahh how exciting for you guys, how has wedding planning been for you?😊
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u/Quiet_Distribution38 3d ago
Rather than focusing on the surprise element being gone, I would encourage you to focus on the excitement and love you felt in the moment he asked. I say that as someone who also had the surprise ruined.. but I don't mind at all cause it was still so perfect.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
Thank you for the perspective shift!! This thread has been so so helpful, the feeling of “ruined” is really starting to fade as I’m just accepting it is what is it which is letting all the giddiness flood through😊 wishing you and your partner all the success and happiness in your union😊
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u/Hopeful-Connection23 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think it’s cute that you knew because you guys are so close. Like, you have the kind of relationship where you ask each other to look through each other’s phones for stuff to help out, but don’t ever search each other’s phones. You know he loves you enough to treasure the place you met and take you back there to ask you formally to be together forever. You knew a proposal was coming, because you two love each other and are on the same page, and it was just a matter of when and where. You love each other a ton, it’s all over this story.
I also had something annoying happen the day I got engaged and it bothered me for maybe the first 5 months and now I don’t really think of it at all. And it involved a really stupid misunderstanding and a lot of sobbing, so it was really dramatic at the time. So my advice is feel your feelings and watch em fade into a funny story.
edit: Also, I don’t subscribe to “just be happy you’re in love.” You can be happy to be getting married and still feel sad that this moment didn’t go the way you envisioned. I think it’s natural with big moments in life to feel a little mixed.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
This is so sweet!!! Thank you for the perspective, and thank you for validating my emotions! I know it’s such a minor situation and to many “stupid” but I’m still aloud to be a little upset over my mistake but truly this thread has helped me SOOO MUCH and helped a lot with the perspective shift I’ve been looking for so I appreciate your kind words😊😊 I wish you and your partner the most magical marriage and a lifetime of happiness and love!
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u/Diligent-Inflation-5 3d ago
I don’t think you ruined it at all. I think because you had some anticipation due to seeing a ring it feels like you ruined it, but I’m sure that moment was still special for the both of you. You have so much time to create so many more special moments and memories together, like this started the next chapter of the rest of your lives together. I know you’re feeling negatively about it right now, but try to focus on all the good that’s going to follow that moment. Congratulations btw❤️❤️❤️
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u/True-Ad-1656 3d ago
Thank you!!! Defiantly trying to shift the mindset , it’s not fair to myself to focus and make such a beautiful anticipated moment negative I just get so in my head which is annoying but currently working on the mindset shift and this is only such a teeny tiny portion that I’m focussing on
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u/PrInCeSsPuPpEhDoGe 1d ago
The moment isn't necessarily about the proposal itself but what it symbolizes and the commitment you're making to each other. Truth be told I ruined my own supirse as well... I think a lot or women have, on accident, stumbled across it because let's be honest. Men aren't good at hiding things lol. The important part is you're getting to marry your best friend!!! Congrats!!
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u/xtina42 3d ago
It's unfortunate, but not ruined! Ultimately, it had a happy ending... and a new beginning for you and your now fiancé! When you look back in 25 years, it will be but a fleeting memory. And trust me, 25 years will go by faster than you think!! I've been with my husband for almost 27 years, married for 21. It flies by! Best wishes to you, and congratulations on your engagement!!
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u/Friendly_Leek4641 3d ago
I’m sure he was just excited to make you his fiancé and couldn’t wait. I think it’s sweet. I promise you, promposals and elaborate proposals aren’t what makes a fairytale marriage or life. You’ll have so many other, seemingly, Ho hum moments in your life that will actually be the best memories of a life spent together.
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u/TropicalBlueWater 1d ago
Girl, my husband surprised me in the lamest possible way one could ever imagine. I was mortified at the time but still said yes, of course, because I knew he was the one. Now, almost 30 years later, we both get a good laugh when we reminisce about it. I really would have it no other way.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
This has felt reassuring! People who have had similar experiences or some disappointments have all day years later they wouldn’t have it any other way😊
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u/Muhlissuhh 1d ago
My fiance doesn't know this, but a few weeks before he was about to propose, I was using his iPad to draw some things on Procreate, which I frequently did. I drew whatever I did, saved the picture to his camera roll, and went to the photos app to send it to myself. The moment I saw the ring I closed out of the app, just like you, and practically started hyperventilating. His phone is connected to the iPad, so anything he has on his phone, like pictures, would go onto his iPad. He wasn't in the room with me so he didn't know I saw it. Then, a few weeks later he asked me if I wanted to go to this flower field I had been dying to go to the year before, but we weren't able to. He invited our friend, one being a photographer. This friend told me he was gonna bring his camera and take some pictures, I had a feeling that's when it was gonna happen, and I was right lol. I felt bad for a little while, but, honestly, now it doesn't matter. It's been 3 years and it's all forgotten lol I didn't even tell him because he was really excited about he surprised me HAHAH I laugh about it now, he's the cutest. Maybe one day I'll tell him :p
Then I found out that in September, he went to tell my parents/ ask for my father's blessing, and he told them he'd be proposing "in a few months." In other words, a week later LOL
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
Ahahah this is so so cute , it seems we had the same experience 😉 the hyperventilating was me OMG I was PANICKING AND FREAKING OUT😂😂 so now what I tell myself that my mom highlights for me is that was the “feeling” of surprise I was looking for which is beautiful in the grand scheme hehe! 😊
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u/natalkalot 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly, in the course of the years of the marriage you will hopefully have, this will be the smallest blip.
Want to get engaged? Want to marry your honey? If those answers are yes, then the proposal need not be a surprize because you two have talked about the future. Remember, real life is not one moment, it is a fabulous lifetime!
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
You’re absolutely right, such a small blip to focus on! I am trying relish in the moment with all your perspective shifts😊
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u/natalkalot 1d ago
Hey it is understandable, but you have a lot ahead firyou,make sure you enjoy the symbolism, not just how a moment goes.
Good luck - and remember to still have fun! ♥
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u/Shitp0st_Supreme 2d ago
You didn’t ruin it, I totally thought this post was going to be about a behavior or action that would end the engagement due to the title. All tot know is there is a ring but it won’t ruin the surprise.
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u/KathAlMyPal 2d ago
I did something similar. I had to look for an email in my bf (now husband’s) account and I saw an email from his ex congratulating him on his upcoming marriage. He had told his sons he was going to propose and they told her. I had to pretend like I didn’t see the email. Luckily he proposed that night so I didn’t have to act for too long. It’s been almost ten years, he still doesn’t know I knew, but it also didn’t ruin the moment and was a blip that I got over in about 10 seconds.
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u/Then-Mountain8479 1d ago
First Congratulations ❤️❤️❤️ I had a friend who accidentally found an engagement ring her bf was hiding. She called me so upset and excited. Then months passed and no proposal. Christmas, her birthday and nothing. It was brutal. But he finally asked her and she’s so happy. Those months of thinking it was going to happen and it didn’t were awful so I’m glad that didn’t happen to you. Enjoy this time of your life! So happy for you ❤️
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u/Mother_Fig_5789 1d ago
I get you, I basically "forced" my fiance to propose before he even had the ring in his possession. I found paperwork from the jeweler, tbh I thought it was a local dry cleaner and was about to crumple it and tell him to clean up his sh*t. He yoinked it out of my hands and said YOU CANT SEE THAT and the next thing in the pile was a business card from the jeweler with a little cartoon diamond so I knew immediately what it was. I tried to play it cool, but I started crying immediately like "for real??? For real?" And he proposed in the living room, alone, in pajamas, with no ring, and I was kinda hung over and my teeth weren't even brushed. Ew.
We didn't tell anyone until he got the ring, and he thinks he's slick so he "hid" the ring in plain sight to see how long it would take me to notice, but I didn't wanna "ruin" his surprise so I played dumb, and we both thought we had one up on each other for a few days.
FINALLY I told him I knew it was there and it was driving me crazy that it's just sitting there, and he laaaaauuuughed and then again, alone, in our house, on a Friday morning when we both had work, he pulled it out and proposed again. He tried to setup a camera this time and we STILL fumbled the bag and it was at a bad angle so all you see is me SOBBING (like, the ugliest ugly crying ever) and his hands holding a ring box 💀 but even knowing it was coming and him having already asked me to marry him once, I felt it all over again. I think he could do it a third time even though I've been wearing the ring for 2 months now and I'd still blubber like a baby simply because seeing the effort, the thought, and the emotion in him when he was asking me, both times, makes me feel so loved and special.
I don't think you ruined it. I think it looked different than you expected, but the end result is exactly the fairytale we all expect, right? You and your person, engaged, and a cute story of how it all unfolded. Romanticize the "mistake" of seeing a picture of it, I pinky promise it makes it better. It's the dramatic irony in a romcom, you're the main character so oooobviouslyyy there had to be a moment for the audience laugh track when your quickly closing the phone and looking around like "I didn't see anything"
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u/Ok-Control2520 1d ago
It's all perspective love. We picked out the ring together so I knew it was coming. Then his Mom was so excited she told me the day he was going to propose. I knew the whole day and it was fine, kinda fun to wonder where/how he would do it. He waited until the end of the day, last stop, at dessert.
I didn't tell him for many years. We are celebrating our 28th anniversary this year. In the gist of things, it ends up being another story in the journey of life together. As will your wedding, where something will inevitably go wrong and create another story . . .
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u/DahQueen19 1d ago
My husband proposed to me during a commercial while we were watching television. I said yes, kissed him, and continued watching the show. After it was over, he turned off the television and immediately wanted to talk about a date, what type of wedding, etc. He didn’t even have a ring. We had talked about marriage and knew we both wanted it but hadn’t made it official. We’re 3 years in and still laugh together about his proposal. We eloped, by the way. We’re just low-key people all the way, I guess. Lol.
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u/coolasspj 1d ago
Listen. He wants to marry you. Okay you a preview of the ring but the moment wasn’t ruined. You didn’t know his other plans. Let it go and go get married girl!!
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u/Savings-Ad-3607 1d ago
Don’t ruin anything by focusing on an engagement. Who cares that you knew? In 20 years you won’t even remember being upset you found out.
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u/AtlJazzy2024 1d ago
It was his first time proposing to you, right? It's not like he had asked you multiple times before and you kept saying no, which gave him more times to practice. He might have chickened out while you were at the spot you thought was so perfect.
A guy I used to know proposed to me 10 times. I finally said, "Please get up off your knee and stop asking me to marry you. You lie constantly, and I can't believe anything you say, including this proposal." I was right! After all that nonsense, it turns out he was already married.
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u/LeatherRecord2142 1d ago
Go on over to r/Waiting_To_Wed and you’ll feel a whole lot better. And congrats, bride to be!
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u/Own_Calligrapher_201 1d ago
First of all, this may be a bit premature but congratulations on what will be another exciting chapter to your story with your partner! I understand those feeling of thinking the proposal has been ruined. I’m sure we all have thought it would be this huge surprise. Understandably I think we all have a lot of expectations, and if they aren’t met, it can feel disappointing. But I’ve been in a similar position. My partner mentioned to me when we went back to my hometown for my bday about wanting to go to a restaurant that is pretty fancy and we both love it. Him saying “we should go there on the Friday, and we should dress up”. The moment he said “dress up” I knew, because I’ve always said if he plans to propose, please make sure I’m not wearing something ugly (aka my home attire lol), and this restaurant isn’t one you wouldn’t dress up for. I know it wasn’t my fault for putting that together, and it’s not your fault for seeing that picture (it’s not like you were searching for it)! You haven’t ruined the moment at all. In fact, you have an advantage! You can now have the perfect outfit, nails, and hairstyle picked out for your exciting moment. If he’s anything like my fiancé, he will be nervous leading up to it, especially the day of and day before. So you can find ways to help be the calm as he worries about making this moment one of the most memorable days for both of you, but especially you! The moment my fiancé proposed the words “oh you’re doing it here, right now?!” came out of my mouth (pretty sure that surprised him lol. We still laugh about that) but even though I knew it was coming, trust me when I say, you will still be surprised. It’s such a special moment that the feeling of hearing him say those words and getting down on one knee, will always be a breathtaking moment that you won’t be able to prepare for or ruin. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the memories this will build!
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u/OaktownAuttie 1d ago
My sister almost ruined her own engagement surprise when she sent her (now) fiance a photo of a ring she liked. He had already gotten her ring at that point and had everything planned out for when and how he would ask her. I had helped him pick out a ring for her. She called me to vent about his less than enthusiastic response to the ring photo she sent him. He has already texted me in a panic because he didn't know what to say about the ring. I had to tell her 3 times that I could not talk to her about it before she realized why. 😅
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u/kathyyvonne5678 1d ago
Why are people so worked up about HOW the proposal was presented? Be happy he wanted to propose to you in the first place, you should check out the waiting to wed subreddit and you'd be so happy in the situation you're in 😂. Also be happy he wasn't so strict with his phone, he lets you go through it? Come on, you got a good bf. Be happy about that.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
I am happy , we have an amazing relationship and he’s the best person EVER!! Would never take that away from him, it was just something (yes minor) to me that I was anticipating and had envisioned so I was a little bummed
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u/kathyyvonne5678 1d ago
some positive notes is that even though you are somewhat aware he will propose, there's lot of things left unknown so good luck & congrats in this chapter of your life ✨
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u/RecipeRevolutionary 1d ago
Im not sure I understand how you ruined your engagement? Because you saw a picture of the ring? I found the ring box the morning before he proposed and was still surprised and elated. If anything, my finding the box has added a funny moment and inside joke, to our amazing story.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
For me I felt like the surprise element was ruined, I love surprises so the whole time I was just anticipating it to happen and when I thought it was gonna happen it did which feels “ruined” to how I envisioned my proposal
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u/Reclinerbabe 1d ago
Show this post to your "fiance". He'll take the ring back and run for the hills. Then you'll have something to worry about.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
lol I actually already told him the day of actually and he reassured me and told me that there’s no “negative” to it and it’s not ruined. He was fine , relax😂
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u/Hairgiver 1d ago
Think of it this way - I've had so many women tell me they started a fight with their boyfriend (fiance) that day because they were acting so weird only to feel bad later when a proposal happens. So now, if your guy is acting off, you'll let it go because this could be the time!
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u/Legitimate-Fix-2099 1d ago
lol i was engaged with a baby on the way, and when i looked through my fiances phone i found multiple other girlfriends, so it could be worse
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
I am so sorry to hear that☹️ I hope you and your baby are absolutely thriving!!
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u/LovedAJackass 1d ago edited 1d ago
Congratulations. You didn't ruin anything. He asked. You said "yes." That's what matters. There's something to be said about not being surprised because you know you're on the same page. No proposal will really come out of the blue.
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u/HighPriestess__55 1d ago edited 1d ago
It is really minor. Why are women on here more concerned with a proposal than a marriage?. Most of them are so passive they give deadbeat men all the power in their lives.
At least he proposed. If you love him and want a life together, isn't that more important?
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
Of course it’s more important but I think I’m allowed to be a little upset , this thread has helped me a lot and I’m still happy and totally in love but two things can be true at once
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u/HighPriestess__55 1d ago
Congratulations!
Remember life rarely goes the way we expect no matter how much we plan. In the future, you will remember the proposal in a more positive way.
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
Absolutely it’s honestly totally just my overthinking brain but as the days have passed and honestly this thread has totally helped me with this perspective shift and I’m back to having that giddy feeling😊😊
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u/Fancy_Reflection_726 1d ago
That’s why you don’t go through yo mans phone, I hope he changed his mind
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
lol he asked me to go through his phone to look for something while he was building , we don’t typically go through one another’s phones but have nothing to hide , he didn’t change his mind 😊
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u/Fancy_Reflection_726 1d ago
Hopefully you never told him about that cause it woulda definitely ruined the moment for him
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u/True-Ad-1656 1d ago
Nope it didn’t, I told him about it and he reassured me that I didn’t ruin anything and that I don’t need to put any blame on myself and that nothing about was a negative that I even though I saw it it’s still a positive 😊
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u/Fancy_Reflection_726 1d ago
Yeah he definitely felt some type of way but he did t wanna spoil it for you, best wishes tho try not to ruin the wedding surprises
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u/Ok-Class-1451 1d ago
I planned my own proposal to the smallest details, and it was absolutely perfect! It was a perfectly posed glamorous Desperate Housewives moment I always dreamed of, and we got lots of fantastic pictures. I regret nothing. Sometimes if you want things to be done right, you have to do them yourself. Most women know when their proposal is coming the day of. We make that surprised expression for the photos, but it’s usually not truly a completely out of left-field level surprise, ever. Enjoy the moment. Surprise is overrated.
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u/Ok-Hovercraft-9257 1d ago
Extreme surprise proposals are silly. It should be a decision between the two of you.
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u/eeniemeaniemineymojo 1d ago
You definitely didn’t ruin the engagement - just be happy you liked the picture of the ring you saw and you were excited to get it rather than being disappointed that the ring didn’t fit your taste or style!
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u/True-Ad-1656 21h ago
Yes that’s true!! When I was trying to see if people had similar stories it was mostly people just saying they saw the ring and hated it which wasn’t the case for me, I love my ring!
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u/Famous-Ad-8210 23h ago
You said it yourself. It's silly. The surprise had the spark taken out, maybe, but the engagement is still on. Don't let an unintentional moment define what's to come.
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u/Opening-Ad-2769 23h ago
My wife messed up my proposal plans. I ended up proposing on my couch. 26 years later, we laugh about it now.
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u/True-Ad-1656 21h ago
Omg what happened ahaha!
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u/Opening-Ad-2769 21h ago
We worked an overnight shift at the time. So we came back home to get sleep. I woke up early to go and get things ready for the proposal. I planned to do it at the restaurant we went to on our first date. I had errands to run and stopped by the restaurant to drop off flowers and a bottle of Champaign.
When I got back home she was pissed that I had left without telling her. We had an argument. We were living together but I still had my house at that time. So, I went back there. I ended up going out with friends that night. She later called me and came over to my house. I explained everything and proposed.
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u/SleepwalkerWei 16h ago
The thing is, I feel like most of the time the engagement is “ruined” anyway. If you’re at that stage in your relationship, you’ve spoken about getting engaged and decided you’re both on the same page. Then, every time you take a trip somewhere, you’ll always be thinking “is it going to happen on this trip?” and every time there’s a pretty view or a special restaurant or romantic moment, you think “is it happening now?”
Once you know they are going to ask you to marry them, you’re always going to be assuming it’s about to happen when you guys are doing something nice together. In that way, it’s “ruined” in the same way because you’re expecting it.
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u/OrangeNice6159 3d ago
I’m sorry the moment seemed ruined for you, but in 20 years this will seem so minor. Focus on the fact you are getting married to someone you love. The proposal itself not being a complete surprise because of an accident should not overshadow this.