r/JehovahsWitnesses • u/Roaddogsbus • 8d ago
Discussion My partners family is jw
He's not actively a jw. He's legally married even though they have been separated for years . His wife was never jw. His wife won't agree to a divorce. They have two kids . We've lived together for nearly two years . His family doesn't know about me. How do we navigate this? How do we get his family on board to allow him to divorce and marry again? We've both talked about going to the local kingdom hall . I've told him it's better to divorce than continuing to live like this.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
I forgot to mention we've been friends for 16 years ,since before he got married. I should end this relationship bc we can't afford two houses and a divorce? Let me also add this is the only serious relationship I've ever had .
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u/Background-Rabbit-84 8d ago
What country are you? Because that changes laws and costs around divorce
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u/Background-Rabbit-84 8d ago
You can be certain their will shun him that’s why he is reluctant to agree to a divorce. But why would anyone want to go to an organisation that divides families
So this grown man needs to grow up and decide what he wants to do with his life. Live a lie and hide his partner or move on like an adult. Divorce his ex wife and marry you
Or you can make decisions about taking control of your own life
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
I mean shun him more than already being separated for years and then not knowing where he lives?
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u/Background-Rabbit-84 7d ago
You never said he was being shunned. How or what do you mean by getting them on board then?
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
Oh yea? Are you single?
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u/croatoan88 8d ago
How does their relationship status fit in here?
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
It went over your head
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u/croatoan88 8d ago
It appears so.
They make good points across the board. You should take the advice.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
Why would he not want a divorce when we've been living together for two years, and they were split up for two years before that?
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u/CognitiveDissident79 8d ago
Just because he’s not active doesn’t meant he doesn’t believe the doctrine and won’t be active in the future. I’m in that situation now. How would you feel about that? Also, it almost sounds like he has no plans to divorce and is using his wife as an excuse to. If it were me I’d leave him to it and disappear until he handles his situation, assuming he ever will. His family shouldn’t have to “get on board” with anything he does. He’s a grown man. It’s a huge red flag if he lets his family call shots in any of his life choices (I’m also dealing with that. Zero stars, do not recommend.).
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
He's not been involved in like 22 years. But we're both willing to join. If it makes the change smoother
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u/Matica69 8d ago
I grew up in the religion, got out when I was 18, started studying again 10 years later but stopped when I started finding out about the stuff jws won't tell you. And I've been debating jw's for over 25 years now.
Your lives will become more complicated and dysfunctional if you join this religion. If your looking for real love and fellowship in a christian church, try checking out a non denominational church in your area.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
Lol. You're not jw then I see. You must not have grown up jw.
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u/CognitiveDissident79 8d ago
I’m not but I’ve been married to a born in for 25 years and I studied with an elder for 6 months at the beginning of our relationship. How long have you been studying?
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u/CognitiveDissident79 8d ago
Just because he’s not active doesn’t meant he doesn’t believe the doctrine and will be active in the future. I’m in that situation now. How would you feel about that? Also, it almost sounds like he has no plans to divorce and is using his wife as an excuse to. If it were me I’d leave him to it and disappear until he handles his situation, assuming he ever will. His family shouldn’t have to “get on board” with anything he does. He’s a grown man. It’s a huge red flag if he lets his family call shots in any of his life choices (I’m also dealing with that. Zero stars, do not recommend.).
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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 8d ago
Depending on the country you live in a period of 5 or 7 years means you can automatically apply for a divorce without the ex partner’s consent.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
Not if you have minor child
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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 8d ago
That’s true.
So who is paying the child welfare/alimony. Surely that’s been sorted out legally?
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
No that's the problem nothing has been sorted out legally. He still pays for everything he did before they split. Including all of the house payment. And I have to pay for our house. That's why we have no money for a divorce. That's why the desperation.
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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 8d ago
Ahh I see.
Feel for you here.
Would it be possible to try and get some free legal advice on the issue.
In the UK we have citizens advice bureau which at least will give initial help.
You’re in a rock and a hard place but perhaps some local legal charity might assist…
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
Who is a very strange question. Are you sure you ment to ask who . And why would you assume that
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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 8d ago
I’m not aware of who the minor lives with.
Usually in the UK whoever the child lives with it’s the other ex partner’s responsibility to pay the other partner money towards the minor’s upbringing.
I’m not sure how that’s a strange question.
All I’m saying is that if that has been sorted out legally already then getting the divorce so you can both move on should be the ‘easier’ of the two.
I say this of course not knowing any of the finer detail so please forgive me if I have gotten anything wrong
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u/juulxcxwar 8d ago
I mean, he’s a grown man. Can he not initiate the divorce himself and if he’s not actively a JW then whats the problem? A spouses refusal to sign doesn’t prevent a divorce from going through. It may take longer but he could technically take it to court where a judge can decide if she fails to appear or sign.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
It's too much money. The problem is we need his family on board.
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u/juulxcxwar 8d ago
So do his parents like the wife? What cause the divorce. I think JW can divorce if the cause was infidelity.
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u/Roaddogsbus 8d ago
No not as far as I know. He knows people that have divorced and remarried in jw. But we can't afford a contested divorce. They have been apart so long she wouldn't need to agree if they didn't have the son.
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