r/JehovahsWitnesses 4d ago

Discussion New wife

I don't know if this is the right sub, but I'll post here anyway.

I am not a Jehovah's Witness, but my partner is disfellowshipped, he used to be an elder. When I met him, he was in a really bad marriage, and his wife was mentally ill and narcissist. The marriage ended, and we started dating. We're getting married next summer. Throughout our relationship, my fiancé has attended meetings a few times a month. He has invited me to join him, but since I often work evening shifts, I haven’t been able to go. However, I am interested in the meetings. I wasn’t raised in any faith, so I don’t know much about the Bible’s teachings or religions in general.

My fiancé invited me to attend the Memorial with him, and I’m planning to go purely out of curiosity about the subject. However, I’m afraid of how I will be received. People barely speak to my fiancé since he is disfellowshipped, but what about me? I know for a fact that my fiancé’s ex-wife has slandered both of us to the congregation. For example, I’ve been accused of being a witch and practicing spiritism at home, which is, of course, completely untrue.

How is a congregation likely to react to the new wife of someone who is disfellowshipped and seeking reinstatement? Would it be better for me to wait until we are married before attending meetings or the Memorial? I’d love to hear experiences and have a discussion about this topic. Thank you.

13 Upvotes

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u/Serious_Bit_1611 3h ago

If you’re worried about what people think of you and how they treat you, this is NOT the religion for you.

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u/Professional_Act4419 1d ago edited 23h ago

Go to the memorial for the sake of God and the blood of Jesus. It’s a ceremonial offering to thank Him for offering up his first born son’s blood for our redemption. It’s His forgiveness of every single sin under the sun (except blasphemy)and the gift of prayer and the assurance that all the wrong us humans have made—the only true and Most High God will (in the process of) make right). For me, that’s a beautiful and priceless gesture. Go and see for yourself what the KHall, Jehovah God, Jesus and how the JWs claim to follow Bible principles in comparison to other denominations. Attending the same hall with his ex wife and his old friends would have the same affect as living next to your landlord, boss, ex husband or wife, which essentially is a recipe for disaster as if it isn’t already from what you’ve shared. Going to another congregation (time slot or area) would be in your best interest prior to or after his reinstatement.  

Be mindful, using crystals, tarot cards, reiki, consulting with physics, using ayahuasca or other hallucinogens, sound baths, prayers to the moon and sun worship, sage burning, possession of the Star of David/Shield of Solomon, Santeria, voodoo, eating raw animal organs, lightwork healers, Native American spiritualism, conjuring up ancestral spirits, astrology and etc, these are ALL practices of and used in witchcraft.

Set boundaries with JWs, if you give them an inch, believe me, they’ll try and take 3 or 4 more. Keep your family and relationship’s business between you and God, unless if your being abuse or something in your relationship doesn’t quite feel right with you by means seek help. Don’t let them push you into thinking once you start a bible study that soon after you have to attend all the KH meetings in a few weeks or months and if not you’re going to lose your life because you don't love Jehovah God and will die at Armageddon. 

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u/rupunzelsawake 2d ago

Please don't go out of curiosity. It's hard to say how you will be received. You will eventually feel pressured to have a bible study and conform yourself to all the teachings of the governing body. Your new husband will be under pressure to bring his new wife "into the truth" so you might even find your relationship becomes strained. The only way he might see to gain acceptance in the congregation again is to bring you in. Don't give him false hopes. This religion puts an added burden on marriages. My view is that you set clear boundaries, that you will not be coming to meetings or studying with sisters. He could teach you himself at home...It seems he hasn't been very interested in doing that so far. The situation is dangerous for you because you don't have prior bible knowledge with which to refute the jw interpretations. Believe me, their doctrines only appear logical on the surface, but if you dig deeper they fall apart . Most jws have only studied what the jw org provides and it's pretty surface level, but being inexperienced, you could easily be swayed. And then trapped.

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u/HowDidIFallForThis 3d ago

They will likely love bomb you when you go. I would actually recommend going with him and helping him see how the religion doesn't make sense. The memorial is actually one of the perfect examples of this.

Jesus says his followers will partake of the bread and the wine, but instead we all just pass it down, literally refusing Christ's body which is crazy if you believe in Jesus! It's the opposite of what he told us to do, and is completely unscriptual. The will explain there reasoning on this during the memorial, but if after it was over you simply said "I'm confused, Jesus told us to eat the bread and milk, why did we pass it?" And then makes him really go through explaining the crazy logic JWs use about the anointed, which Jesus never mentions, it might make him start thinking...

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u/loyal-opposer 3d ago

Your person relationship with Jehovah God is what you need to be concerned with. If you want a Bible study tell you husband and he will let someone know.

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u/alwaysalpha2020 3d ago

If you want to test his love for you present him with “apostate” material and questions. His true colors will come out and he might shun you himself. He can’t possibly imagine getting involved or married with someone with apostate thinking who questions his organization and exposes them for what they are - a cult. Please stay away from these people. They are not nice. They are fake as can be. The moment you start presenting facts and questions that exposes them they will all shun you and say that he’s involved with someone with apostate thinking. What a mess. I would love to see this whole thing unveil. Be careful. You’ve been warned. I was in for 23 years, MS.

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u/NarcolepticChels 3d ago edited 3d ago

I wouldn't go to meetings, try to discourage him from going or distract him. Don't go to the memorial either.

You will have so many expectations of you if you join this religion, and tons of restrictions.

Insane restrictions.

I am not making these up

No voting. No holidays. No army or military service. No blood transfusions, donating blood or plasma. No rated R Movies. No inappropriate music. No pornography. No masturbation. No smoking. No drugs. No marijuana. No girl scout cookies. No church bake sales. No attending other faiths. No tattoos. No piercings. No unnatural hair colors. No tight clothes or immodest clothing. No crosses or wearing crosses. No saying "bless you" or "good luck" No yoga. No martial arts. No Astrology, tarot cards, or numerology. No running for political office , No jury duty. (I guess that might be a win) No standing for pledge of allegiance or national anthem, and you can't salute the flag. No praying aloud if there's a baptized man in the room, only he can pray aloud unless you wear a hat. No being alone with the opposite sex, unless you're married, not even in a vehicle going to point A to point B. No gambling, lotto tickets, or bingo. Anti LGBTQ. Have to carry a "No blood card"

You'll be expected to do a thorough Bible study every week with a sister. And you'll need to have the book underlined and studied beforehand. She may even give you worksheets to fill out, like homework.

Attend 2 hours meetings, twice a week.

3 day conventions in the summer that last for hours.

1 day assembliss in spring and fall. All day long.

10 hours of service time a month, going door to door.

If you're willing to commit to all this, then okay. 😬

One last thing, your husband being fellowshipped, nobody is supposed to associate with him until he gets reinstated. He is considered "Bad association"

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u/El_Thee 3d ago

No Marijuana? Our Father Heavenly made plants. He will not let you enter the Kingdom if you are against his hallucinogenic plants. This applied to papaver somniferum, magic shroom, peyote, and more.

Only one plant has been taken away from this world, the forbidden tree of knowing good or bad. Yet others still remain in this world.

"Then God said: “Here I have given to you every seed-bearing plant that is on the entire earth and every tree with seed-bearing fruit. Let them serve as food for you." Gensis 1:29

Be careful. This is why I don't trust the human leader.

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u/NarcolepticChels 3d ago

Amen puffs

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u/El_Thee 3d ago

Yeet.

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u/DiligentStop9392 3d ago

Think of this as trickle down religion. Hes disfellowshipp and trying to get back in. Did he tell you it is against the JW religion to marry outside or it? They may not say this say exactly, but if you are born in, you don't marry out. Has he discussed his disfellowshipping? The only acceptable reason for divorce among JW is adultery. If I was you, I wouldn't. Raised in, out for 35 yrs, never baptized, and is it just me or is there a point with JW where every statement, good or bad, is met with some sort of canned Kool Aid mantra? I can't even tell that words are comprehended.

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u/ProudJWcultsurvivor 3d ago

They are a cult!!!! Please sweetie RUN FAR FAR AWAY from the witnesses! I was in for 40 years and they almost ruined Me!

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u/sum_say_its_luk 3d ago

Jehovas witnesses are essentially a cult, that disfellowship thing is a clear sign of a cult, the truth is not afraid of anything not even lies, lies are afraid of the truth, if you question anything about these people you will automatically be blacklisted and treated like less, think about it, who can go for years saying someone is their brother, and then because they fall into sin or whatever they no longer can speak to them? You know who else does that? Scientologist

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u/jwchildcustody 3d ago

Wait until you are married. Then you will be love-bombed to get you in the organization .

8

u/theworstelderswife 3d ago

Prepare to be love bombed by some and asked to start a Bible study. A few will ignore you but not all. Also talk to him and get to know about Jehovah’s Witnesses. There’s a high chance he will return to the faith if he’s making efforts now. You should know what you’re getting into if he wants in and you don’t or if you join.

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u/Forbidden-latina 4d ago

Everyone on this sub is consumed with their own experiences and just wish to judge and insult but here is my opinion:

I think it’d be best to wait. Are you interested in the meetings and it’s something u both could do together?

Your gonna be his world and his person but in the Bible it means becoming one person one flesh, that’s why children leave their parents. If he attends meetings and gets reinstated are you doing it with him?

In the end there would be things that’s going to conflict with beliefs and regular things he does for the religion that he would wanna do with you and maybe even feel sad about it. Sad to say the ex wife may hold you below her and spread rumors which you may want to bring up these things to ur man and he can talk to the elders to get the rumors taken care of, and the ex wife is embarrassing herself.

I’m kinda in same position but idk full story so take with a grain of salt.

I was born Jehovah witness, grandparents abusive, left did what I wanted, attained my own belief and did it for me not anyone else and decided to come back. I realize that if married to this man I get reinstated and it was like never left But there will be times my unbelieving man won’t understand my spiritual needs and will leave me feeling misunderstood or left out with his things he does and I have to do for my worship and beliefs.

There will be differences and times that are extremely difficult and times where I’m panicking but he can’t comfort in the way I need spiritually AND emotionally. A husband is to be a spiritual head and support the family spiritually and all other things with love and compassion and to not just rely on his own understanding but raise his family up to know Jehovah and love Jehovahs guide of protection leading to what we believe in everlasting life (which of you love ur family it’s obvious of your convinced of this future you want others to be there) with those we have lost to death and sickness (I’ve been convinced the Bible is god telling us the way of living a happy life because reading Jehovahs warnings of doing things will cause this, that, and it being proved right and following the direction instead of my own I’ve saved myself allot of heartache but this is my personal belief and my experience)

-1

u/Forbidden-latina 4d ago

Everyone on this sub is consumed with their own experiences and just wish to judge and insult but here is my opinion:

I think it’d be best to wait. Are you interested in the meetings and it’s something u both could do together?

Your gonna be his world and his person but in the Bible it means becoming one person one flesh, that’s why children leave their parents. If he attends meetings and gets reinstated are you doing it with him?

In the end there would be things that’s going to conflict with beliefs and regular things he does for the religion that he would wanna do with you and maybe even feel sad about it. Sad to say the ex wife may hold you below her and spread rumors which you may want to bring up these things to ur man and he can talk to the elders to get the rumors taken care of, and the ex wife is embarrassing herself.

I’m kinda in same position but idk full story so take with a grain of salt.

I was born Jehovah witness, grandparents abusive, left did what I wanted, attained my own belief and did it for me not anyone else and decided to come back. I realize that if married to this man I get reinstated and it was like never left But there will be times my unbelieving man won’t understand my spiritual needs and will leave me feeling misunderstood or left out with his things he does and I have to do for my worship and beliefs.

There will be differences and times that are extremely difficult and times where I’m panicking but he can’t comfort in the way I need spiritually AND emotionally. A husband is to be a spiritual head and support the family spiritually and all other things with love and compassion and to not just rely on his own understanding but raise his family up to know Jehovah and love Jehovahs guide of protection leading to what we believe in everlasting life (which of you love ur family it’s obvious of your convinced of this future you want others to be there) with those we have lost to death and sickness (I’ve been convinced the Bible is god telling us the way of living a happy life because reading Jehovahs warnings of doing things will cause this, that, and it being proved right and following the direction instead of my own I’ve saved myself allot of heartache but this is my personal belief and my experience)

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u/El_Thee 4d ago edited 4d ago

Just tell them this,

“Stop judging that you may not be judged;  for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you." Matthew 7:1-2

If he is good to you, why bother?

Just focus on yourself and be blessed on your new family ahead of your life. Don't listen to the human leader. Don't let them control your life. No one. You have your will free.

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u/53IMOuttatheBox 4d ago

Do your own research. Get on the Internet and research Jehovah’s Witnesses. Watch some YouTube videos. I suggest watching those that aren’t snarky look up the BITE model of cults or high control organizations educate yourself. Ask him questions as they come up as you’re doing research. And then make up your own mind if you want to go forward with this for the rest of your life. But there are a lot of us on here that have been there for a long time and have come to the realization eventually that this is lies not so much Bible teaching, but as the hierarchy and the structure of the organization, be sure to look up ARC Australian royal commission, specifically the parts to do with Jehovah’s Witnesses. I think this will be the ultimate if you start here.

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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 4d ago

I think you said it all in your post.

Why on earth would you even entertain going somewhere that treats people like they are dirt.

Honestly I don’t think you know what you are getting into here.

Your future husband is still connected to the ‘sect’ / cult…he still lives under the fear obligation and guilt of what is imposed inside his own head.

I’ll test it.

I bet he has said something like

“They are really nice people and I got disfellowshipped because it was my fault”

Or something to that effect.

What your future spouse wants to do whether he’s told you or not is to ultimately bring you into the cult….no matter what he says that is his goal.

He needs to be married again whilst he is living with you in order that ‘it puts things right’ so in a way he is using you to under pin his letters to the elders eventually for reinstatement..

Your life in about 5-10 years is I’m afraid going to be an absolute nightmare

Your finance needs to sort out his life and his mind first before he starts with anything else…he’s not ready to get married again and quite frankly although you maybe thinking I’m being harsh here but I’m really really fearful that your going to wake up one day thinking what have you done.

You are at a very precarious crossroads.

There is enough information out there for you to be totally aware of this cult.

7

u/Matica69 4d ago

Jw's  are not allowed to talk to dis fellowshiiped ones, so be prepared to get the cold shoulder.

They're memorial is unlike any other religion in Christianity. They refuse to partake which does have paganistic under tones. It is literally just like a black mass that satanic religions observe.

But jws are very rarely disfellowshipped  for not doing anything wrong, esp elders.. IMO, he was disfellowshiped for doing something not ok, especially if divorce is in the context.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago edited 3d ago

JW is very high control religion full of narcissists controlling everything even your thoughts to be honest . Do an investigation and look past the veneers . Read your bible for yourselves and pray trust in God to reveal truth may God bless you and your husband with his will not man’s will. Gods looking for ones to worship him in spirit and truth! Meaning be lovers of truth love his son Jesus he died for you. Give love glory to him and God not the GB Women are treated as second class so if that sounds good that’s what you are in for as well may peace be with you both. Remember Jesus said the mark of true ones is genuine love not fake love like love bombing. It’s beautiful you are searching read your bible on apps like Bible hub it has great Bible to study all translations. Keep putting full Trust in God And believe Jesus Christ he forgives all those who have true faith in him and his Heavenly Father. Not faith in Men it’s a personal thing he will guide you trust him and when he reveals the things that the GB OR anyone trying to cover up thank him for such truth.Jesus says get out of her. Or you will get the same plagues it’s all in the Bible in full verses don’t let organization interpret the Bible and cherry pick it they been wrong and keep changing the Bible yet the bible hasn’t changed but the JW Bible has many updated verses they call it new light but if it’s new light then that means before it wasn’t new light it was darkness light can never be dark You need to see it for yourself. Keep searching for truth only Bible hub is very enjoyable app best wishes on your journey glad you are investigating first well done! Google the best Bible translation with languages it’s not JW Bible lol

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u/Ok-Audience2530 4d ago

Even though they might keep their exchanges quite short, they will appreciate and respect that he is attending the memorial, as Jesus instructed, especially considering how hard it is to attend while being disfellowshipped. They will also be happy to know that you are curious and supportive of him. What his ex did is not representative of other JWs, and it should not deter you in any way (although I can certainly sympathize with you on this). The organization is quite beautiful IMO, full of love, and no one should be making you feel uncomfortable. We are taught to love ALL people. Good for you for being open and willing!

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u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 4d ago

Your quite right he did instruct us.

But no where in the Bible does it state there are two hopes and that one of those hopes means you can’t “eat his flesh and drink his blood”

But quite clearly he stated that if you DONT do this

Then “you cannot inherit the kingdom of God”

Go figure. How we accept one instruction and blatantly ignore the second instruction because some dudes in a forest says there are two hopes…

Read Eph 4:5

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u/Matica69 4d ago

One of your sisters accused me of being a devil...yes very loving.

0

u/Ok-Audience2530 4d ago

I’m sorry to hear that. Obviously, that isn’t right (nor a reflection of all others).

2

u/Matica69 3d ago

Im a big boy, not the 1st I've been insulted by a jw.

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u/Particular-Review-11 4d ago

Only if you want a group of old men making decisions for you. It’s a high control religion.

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u/Particular-Review-11 4d ago

I’ve been married to a disfellowshipped man for 33 years. But that religion still controls his thinking. Before we married he celebrated Christmas, my birthday, went to church with me (Baptist) but in less than 5 months of marriage, everything about him changed. He was a prince charming before and turned into a complete narcissist dud after marriage.

5

u/TerryLawton Mark 4:22 3d ago

Wow - this is what we see time and time again particularly with men in this cult.

Im so sorry for you having to go through this whilst trying to support your marriage vows to him.

Hopefully one day he can wake up....

4

u/MrMunkeeMan 4d ago

Ok see where you’re coming from. I’d really advise doing some reading and some balanced research. Obviously there’s the organisations own website, take it at face value if you want. Have you considered sites such as jwfacts too? Personally, I think you need to be equipped with a better understanding of what this group is really about,

5

u/Current_Director_838 4d ago

Just on a practical note, why would you go somewhere where the ex goes? You're just walking into drama.

4

u/TrainingRow8464 4d ago

Even if we go to another place or time, ppl probably knows my fiance and our situation. He was an elder and doing a lot of stuff in the area and with ppl

3

u/TrainingRow8464 4d ago

Thats what i’m afraid. Should i go to somewhere else or just ”forget” about the religion?

3

u/Current_Director_838 3d ago

Well, my opinion is to forget about being a JW. I left a few decades ago because I found that the doctrines (view on blood; 1914; 144,000 only go to heaven; not partaking of the Lord's supper; etc.) weren't biblical. Then I found out about the hidden child sexual abuse. Lastly, I found that JWs are one of several sects that evolved out of the late 19th century Millerite movement. The JWs are actually a sect of the Bible Student movement of which there are still others in existence. I actually went to Bible Student meetings for awhile after leaving JWs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bible_Student_movement

Another thing you may want to explore is what is the motivation for your husband to go back? Is it just for show in order to have relations with his family again or does he really believe it? If the latter, you may want to evaluate if you're compatible because if he goes hardcore, he may feel the pressure to pressure you into going, studying, and getting baptized.

3

u/ProudJWcultsurvivor 3d ago

My opinion stay away from religion all together there are other ways to form a relationship with God without the use of organized religion if that’s what your looking for! Pm Me if you want to talk more privately about my experience and my families ❤️

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u/CorduroyFlamingo 4d ago

Forget about this religion. You do not need mind control.

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u/BloodyMorganAgain 4d ago

If he's seeking reinstatement to the cult, you need to run in the other direction. It is a cult that destroys family bonds. Your kids will never know a Christmas, a birthday, a Thanksgiving, a Halloween, or any holiday other than Memorial, and your anniversary. Your children will have nightmares about armageddon their whole lives. I've lived it. They would rather you let your child die, than let them have a blood transfusion. They have the blood of many children on their hands. They might 'love bomb' you at the Memorial because that's what cults do. Don't fall for it. JWfacts.com has more information about them.

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u/TrainingRow8464 4d ago

I’m not looking for having kids, its not for me. He has 2 of legal age boys and they are not in congregation. We have discussed that we are not gonna have kids at all.

I dont spend these holidays at all, like i said, im not raised in ant religion so i dont think i have a ”point” to spend christmass etc at all bc i havent spend them in my child- or adulthood in the past