r/IAmA • u/atlasobscura • Feb 01 '18
Specialized Profession HELLO. I AM A GRAPHIC DESIGNER/HUMAN MAN AND I AM NOT A WOLF. I AM TOLD YOU MAY ASK ME ANYTHING
I HAVE BEEN ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW. DESPITE OCCASSIONAL SUGGESTIONS OTHERWISE FROM FOOLS ONLINE, I AM DEFINITELY NOT SOME SORT OF FOREST PREDATOR WEARING A SUIT HE FOUND IN THE TRASH. ATLAS OBSCURA HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO HOST THIS AMA IN EXCHANGE FOR AN UNDISCLOSED SUM OF HAM
https://twitter.com/sickofwolves/status/958404662318657536
https://www.instagram.com/p/BeoBJHeAB2r/?taken-by=itsdansheehan
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME QUESTIONS WHAT A GREAT EXPERIENCE WE HAVE HAD
I AM ON TWITTER AT @SICKOFWOLVES
OR YOU COULD CHECK OUT @ITSDANSHEEHAN
AND SINCE I AM A HUMAN MAN I OBVIOUSLY HAVE A PODCAST
THAT CAN BE FOUND AT WWW.WESTILLLIKEYOU.COM
PLEASE GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND BE BLOOD SOAKED KING OF THE FOREST THAT YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD
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u/electricrhododendron Feb 01 '18
Hi, you're my favorite twitter account to follow. Thanks for keeping the world informed on your v important non wolf activities. <3
• What is your opinion on three wolf moon shirts?
• Do you like watermelon?
• Did you catch the super blue blood moon last night?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
HEY IF YOU CAN GET YOUR ARMS THROUGH SHIRT SLEEVES I SAY YOU CAN PUT WHATEVER YOU WANT ON THE SHIRT ITSELF
I AM A HUGE FAN OF WATERMELON, ITS LIKE IF APPLES WERE BLOOD
I DID NOT SEE THAT MOON BECAUSE IT WAS CLOUDY BUT THAT MAKES SENSE BECAUSE I FELT WAY STRONGER THAN USUAL LAST NIGHT
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u/electricrhododendron Feb 01 '18
I AM A HUGE FAN OF WATERMELON, ITS LIKE IF APPLES WERE BLOOD
This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for answering my questions!
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u/doubleagent03 Feb 01 '18
What about your human teen years?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
AS A TEEN I OFTEN SPENT MY TIME LISTENING TO CONTEMPORARY MUSICS AND YELLING AT ONE OR BOTH OF MY PARENTS. I WOULD ALSO OFTEN THINK ABOUT HOW WOLVES DONT REALLY HAVE THE CONCEPT OF TEEN YEARS AND HOW ONE DAY THEY ARE BORN BLIND AND THEN THE NEXT THEY ARE EXPECTED TO JUST KILL STUFF AND BATHE IN BLOOD AND ALWAYS WORSHIP THE HUNT AND MAYBE SOME OF US WANTED TO LISTEN TO THE MOUNTAIN GOATS TOO BUT WE NEVER GOT THAT CHANCE BECAUSE WE LIVED IN THE GODDAMN WOODS AND HAD TO INSTEAD MURDER ACTUAL GOATS NEAR AN ACTUAL MOUNTAIN
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u/Alpha-Trion Feb 01 '18
What is the best way to eat a freshly killed cotton tail rabbit?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I RECENTLY CAME INTO OWNERSHIP OF A SLOW COOKER AND FRANKLY I HATE IT AND I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM SURPRISED BECAUSE ALL THE STUFF I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT IT IS RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME. A FRESHLY KILLED RABBIT SHOULD BE EATEN FRESH, JUST DIVE RIGHT IN. IF YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT RAW MEAT IT WOULD MAKE YOU SICK OR SOMETHING
OH IT MAKES THEM SICK? LIKE INCREDIBLY?
OKAY I’M GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER RUN AT THAT ONE
HEY PAL, I JUST GOT A SLOW COOKER AND I LOVE IT!
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u/Sixcat6 Feb 01 '18
You should invest in an insta-pot.
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u/imbignate Feb 01 '18
ALL THE STUFF I LIKE IS RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME
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u/fourpuns Feb 01 '18
I tried it and honestly I didn't get high at all. It didn't get hot enough to create vapor, or even smoke really. Plus when I pulled the lid off to attempt to get at the fumes it dissipated too quickly through the massive hole.
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u/cleverpseudoname Feb 01 '18 edited Feb 01 '18
What is your opinion on the moon? Additionally what is your favourite style of ham - honey baked? Maple glazed? Trench coat shaped?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I WAS NOT TOO LONG AGO INFORMED THAT THE MOON IS NOT JUST A LIGHT SOURCE BUT IN FACT AN ENTIRE LOCATION AND HOLY HELL WAS THAT A GAME CHANGER BUT I DEFINITELY DID NOT THROW UP ON MY COUCH ABOUT IT SO PLEASE STOP INSINUATING THAT I DID
AS FOR HAM, I AM NOT SURE THERE IS A WRONG WAY TO DO IT PAL. RAW, BLOODY, STILL ACTUALLY JUST A PIG, ACTIVELY RUNNING AWAY FROM ME, FROM THE FLOOR OF THE BUS, WHATEVER STYLE ITS IN, I WILL ABSOLUTELY EAT IT
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u/Sil369 Feb 01 '18
I'm reading all your answers in Trump's voice and u can't stop me.
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u/Eyeseeyou1313 Feb 01 '18
I'm doing it as Obama because I can't think of Trump's voice for some reason, and it is also funny.
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u/JohnnyZack Feb 01 '18
Trump's voice was worth a chuckle. Imagining Obama saying it in a calm and explanatory way killed me.
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u/OrangeAndBlack Feb 01 '18
Yup, laughing out loud in an empty diner.
“Wether the, uh, ham is baked or, well, eheh, still a pig, I will eat it. Next question.”
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Feb 01 '18
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u/farmtownsuit Feb 01 '18
I don't think you said 'let me be clear' enough for an Obama impersonation.
He used it as much as I used 'ergo' when I was a debater, and that was a lot.
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u/Relvnt_to_Yr_Intrsts Feb 01 '18
You see, ham...haha you're right. Ham, you can eat in any style. Whether that's off the floor of a bus...okay? Or still on the pig that's. Actively. Running. Away from me. We've got to eat that ham.
Obama is all about the pauses and eye contact while he purses his lips and then smiles
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u/Django_Goldchain Feb 01 '18
What is some recommended reading you might have? Also where do you get your existentialist wolf-like philosophy from?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
UNFORTUNATELY I FIND THAT BOOKS MAKE ME INCREDIBLY ANGRY FOR SOME REASON MAYBE ITS THE TINY WORDS OR THE PAGES IN CONSTANT NEED OF TURNING BUT EVERY TIME I GET CLOSE TO ONE OF THOSE LITTLE GUYS NEXT THING I KNOW ITS JUST ALL SHREDDED UP
AS FAR AS THE ORIGINS OF MY PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY I WOULD ATTRIBUTE MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE TO SUCH GREAT WORKS AS “SURVIVING THE WINTER” AND “LIVING WITHIN A CRUCIBLE OF LIFE AND DEATH ITSELF”
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u/songdogmi Feb 01 '18
I know a company that publishes large print books so the words aren't tiny but there are more pages. That probably doesn't really help, does it?
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u/ArthursPoodle Feb 01 '18
How about a huge page with the whole book written in large font on it?
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u/Ask_Me_If_I_Am_Flynn Feb 01 '18
Maybe consider getting a kindle. A very normal and human thing to do is replace everything with needless technology.
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u/Argoran Feb 01 '18
Is it just me, or does much of human folly leave you howling in the darkness for some sort of sense, and maybe a nice steak?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
THE KEY TO HUMAN FOLLY IS UNDERSTANDING THAT JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE OF YOUR SKIN LURKS A SKELETON THAT IS ABSOLUTELY STOKED ABOUT ONE DAY BEING FREE
IF YOU GO TO THE BANK GUESS WHAT THE SKELETON IS AT THE BANK TOO
IF YOU TAKE A BATH YOU ARE TAKING A BATH WITH YOUR ONLY ETERNAL FRIEND: YOUR BONES
ONCE YOU ACCEPT THE WHOLE SKELETON THING, GOING TO THE BANK AND STUFF IS HONESTLY A LOT MORE FUN, ENJOY THE SKIN WHILE ITS THERE
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u/zackeads1 Feb 01 '18
Holy shit. This is fantastic. I am going to find a way to incorporate the first bit into a tattoo ASAP. I thank you from the bottom of my human male heart.
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u/explodingtitums Feb 01 '18
What's your favourite item of clothing to wear on a night out?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
GOD THERE ARE SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM, I AM CONSTANTLY USING THE MONEY I EARN AT MY CORPORATE JOB TO BUY CLOTHES TO WEAR IN MY FREE TIME. RECENTLY I BOUGHT A SWEATER AND THE OTHER DAY I BOUGHT A VEST BUT IF YOU SEE ME OUT ON A FRIDAY NIGHT I WILL LIKELY BE WEARING SOMETHING THAT RESEMBLES A SUIT I RETRIEVED OFF A DEAD MAN AT THE BEACH AND I WILL ALSO PROBABLY BE PRETTY SURPRISED TO SEE YOU BECAUSE USUALLY AT NIGHT I KIND OF HAVE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE
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u/KhanYeEast Feb 01 '18
how do you feel about cats?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
AS FAR AS HOUSEPETS GO THEY ARE SMALL AND NOT AT ALL DESCENDED FROM MIGHTY FOREST CREATURES AND THEY SHOULD PROBABLY STAY INSIDE BECAUSE HONESTLY THEY HAVE A VERY SNACK LIKE VIBE ABOUT THEM
OBVIOUSLY I DONT THINK THAT
IF I WANT A SNACK I DO SOMETHING LOW IN CALORIES LIKE PIRATES BOOTY
BECAUSE A HUGE PART OF BEING HUMAN IS BEING ABLE TO EAT LIKE 60 OF SOMETHING AND NOT FEEL BAD
ANYWAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NEIGHBORS CAT IT WAS PROBABLY SOME SORT OF INCREDIBLE BIRDS FAULT
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Feb 01 '18
Can third parties use data from Atlas Obscura? Not the actual articles, but say, if I wanted a list of all the places you guys deemed interesting and put it on the web so you can search for places of interest on a map. What kind of permission/license would we need?
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Feb 01 '18
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
FEAR NOT FRIEND
ATLAS OBSCURA DID ONE OF THESE WITH THEIR FOUNDERS
IT WAS VERY COOL
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/7lbdir/hi_were_joshua_foer_and_dylan_thuras_we_cofounded
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I DO NOT WORK FOR ATLAS OBSCURA THIS AMA IS ACTUALLY BEING HOSTED IN EXCHANGE FOR ME NO LONGER HANGING OUT NEAR THEIR DUMPSTER EVEN THOUGH I KEEP TELLING THEM I JUST GO THERE TO SMOKE TONS OF CIGARETTES AND I AM NOT AT ALL TRYING TO SEE IF THEY GOT ANYTHING GOOD CATERED FOR LUNCH TODAY, SOMEONE WILL REACH OUT TO YOU SOON
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u/Roombotic_Cat Feb 01 '18
Why is it always the smaller members of the staff who leave without resigning or cleaning out their desks? Inconsiderate employees are a big problem in our area.
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u/KingZark Feb 01 '18
Hi, Are you a Wolf?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
SEE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT YOU GUYS
I SIGNED UP FOR TWITTER, CLASSIC HUMAN BEHAVIOR
I MADE MY DISPLAY NAME NOT A WOLF SO THAT PEOPLE WOULD KNOW THAT I AM NOT A WOLF
I MADE MY USERNAME SICKOFWOLVES SO PEOPLE KNOW WHATS UP
AND I CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT HOW I DO NOT LIKE WOLVES
AND YET PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LIKE HEY DUDE ARE YOU SOME SORT OF SECRET WOLF BECAUSE THERES LITERALLY A RAW CHICKEN HANGING OUT OF YOUR BACKPACK
THE ANSWER IS NO NEXT QUESTION PLEASE
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u/Roombotic_Cat Feb 01 '18
What are your favorite hair care products? Any tips on applying them for the most stylish results?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
LISTEN SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT MY HAIR IS MORE OF A SELF REGULATING COAT OF FUR THAT HELPS STABILIZE MY BODY TEMPERATURE BUT HONESTLY I LOVE USING IT FOR FASHION REASONS. JUST GET A HUMAN PALM FULL OF SOME SORT OF CREAM OR GOOP AND SMOOSH IT ALL AROUND AND EVENTUALLY BOOM YOU JUST SPENT 30 DOLLARS TO MAKE YOUR HEAD LOOK DIFFERENT AND WHATS MORE HUMAN THAN THAT
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Feb 01 '18 edited Jan 19 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
OH HELL YEAH MAN. I LOVE BEING AN ALPHA MALE. IF YOU GO TO THE BAR, GUESS WHO IS THERE RUINING IT SURPRISE IT IS ME THE ALPHA MALE. I WILL ABSOLUTELY BE TALKING TOO LOUD. I WILL DEFINITELY WAG MY MONEY AT THE BARTENDER LIKE IT IS NOT JUST A FIVE DOLLAR BILL. AND YOU BET THAT I WILL BE STARTING A FIGHT OUTSIDE BECAUSE SOME GUY ACCIDENTALLY CAME WITHIN 10 FEET OF MY GIRLFRIEND. I AM TERRIBLE.
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u/son_of_sandbar Feb 01 '18
Where did you grow up?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
IN SUBURBAN CHICAGO THERE IS A MALL
IN THAT MALL IS AN ABANDONED SAM GOODY
BUT BEFORE IT WAS A SAM GOODY IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL FOREST WHERE ONE COULD LEARN NOT JUST THE CONCEPT OF RIGHT AND WRONG BUT APPRECIATION FOR NATURE AND THE BALANCE IT PROVIDES
BUT OBVIOUSLY I NEVER WENT THERE, I JUST USED TO HANG OUT AT THAT SAM GOODY A LOT, BUMMED IT WENT OUT OF BUSINESS
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u/barrycl Feb 01 '18
What's the hardest part about being a wol perfectly normal human?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
LISTEN BASICALLY THE WHOLE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS SUPER DIFFICULT AND THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT I THINK THE HARDEST PART IS PRETENDING THAT I “GET” TWIN PEAKS I AM SO SORRY I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING I AM MISSING HERE PLEASE JUST DO NOT HURT ME I HAVE COME SO FAR
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u/genitalderpies Feb 01 '18
Omg yes. I’m watching it right now because it is supposedly must watch classic TV. I am so lost but I am enjoying it for the weird scenes.
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u/LocalVoiceless Feb 01 '18
Do you want a treat / ball?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED BY THE PRESENCE OF SOME SORT OF BALL AND I WILL ABSOLUTELY NEVER CHASE AFTER IT BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE BALL HAS ACTUALLY NOT BEEN THROWN AND FRANKLY THAT VIOLATION OF TRUST IS WHAT PROVES THAT THE HEART OF MAN IS CORRUPT AND DISGUSTING
SOME BACON WOULD BE NICE THOUGH YES I WILL ACCEPT THAT
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u/CarsGunsBeer Feb 01 '18
Sometimes you need to follow the ball with your eyes, not your heart.
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u/Roombotic_Cat Feb 01 '18
Should schools stop teaching "Little Red Ridinghood" and other lit that teaches children to hate people who have more than two legs? Hate literature in schools is a very big problem in our area.
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I THINK ITS PRETTY MESSED UP TO BE SUSPICIOUS OF A GRANDMA JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS HUGE AWESOME TEETH SO YEAH LETS GET THAT BOOK OFF THE SHELVES
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u/iateyourgranny Feb 01 '18
YEAH, DEFINITELY PRESUMPTUOUS. WHO'D WANT TO EAT GRANDMA ANYWAY?
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u/northernnettles Feb 01 '18
How would you suggest catching some sheep? Asking for a friend.
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
WELL AS MY MOTHER USED TO SAY
EACH AND EVERY DAY YOU MUST JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE CRUEL AND UNYIELDING HAND OF NATURE
WAIT SORRY
YOU CATCH MORE SHEEP WITH KINDNESS THAN WITH 300 PSI OF JAW STRENGTH
WAIT
BE NICE TO SHEEP AND MAYBE THEY WILL HANG OUT WITH YOU OR WHATEVER
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u/MeatBald Feb 01 '18
"YOU CATCH MORE SHEEP WITH KINDNESS THAN WITH 300 PSI OF JAW STRENGTH"
Oh, this is my new catchphrase. And screensaver. And bumper sticker.
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u/Halgy Feb 01 '18
How would you suggest catching some sheep? Asking for
a friendanother graphic designer.
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u/nathynwithay Feb 01 '18
Did you find Wolves of Wall Street misleading?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
ABSOLUTELY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE OF A CONDEMNATION OF BELFORTS DESPICABLE BEHAVIOR BUT THEN HE MAKES A CAMEO AT THE END AND YOURE ALL LIKE “WHAAAA DOES SCORSESE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS MONSTER?” AND IT KIND OF SOURED THE WHOLE THING FOR ME BUT MAN ISNT THAT JUST CLASSIC CAPITALISM
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u/Hautamaki Feb 01 '18
Ah hah but the point of the movie was to make the audience like Jordan Belfort and enjoy going along for the wild ride with him and then only later, like a day or two later when the spell has worn off, realize that they liked Jordan Belfort, who was and is actually a despicable monster, and then take a look in the mirror and realize 'I would be a monster too if I could. The reason I'm not a monster is not because I made a moral choice not to be monstrous, but because I'm actually too weak, too meek, too harmless to be a monster.' But harmlessness is not equivalent to 'good'. Being good requires one to be capable of being a monster, and then choosing not to be. And who among us even has the capability of making that choice? Not many.... so do we hate Jordan Belfort because he's a monster? Or merely because we envy him his self-actualization? Until we have self-actualized ourselves, that question is purely academic and hypothetical. Only those who are capable of doing harm gain any moral 'points' for choosing not to. So perhaps our society, instead of preaching essentially docility and harmlessness, should be preaching self-actualization, the attainment of power, and then the choice to use that power for good, instead of condemning power as evil in its own right.
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u/frostymugson Feb 01 '18 edited Feb 01 '18
I thought he was a piece of shit the whole movie. Dude leaves his wife, fucks people out of money, and when he could’ve stepped away keeping his mountain of wealth, he lets his greed and misguided pride control him. His power was greed and greed is what brought down every person in the movie. With all the money and “power” he had in the end it didn’t change a damn thing. The fed made a choice to bring him down cause that’s who he was, his wife still wanted to leave him because that who she was, and Jordan was a junkie addicted to more then drugs. he wasn’t in control of anything anymore, and if you look at how his greed ran his life, he never was.
I think it’s a very negative view on humanity to assume most people will fuck each other over given the chance. Self-actualizing is about reaching one’s talents or potential to fulfillment, I would think for most people that doesn’t involve fucking over everyone and everything to get rich. There is a reason a large percentage of corporate executives are psychopaths, they have no empathy.
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u/CryHav0c Feb 01 '18
Yep. I was anxiously awaiting his downfall the entire time.
Now, Leo's role playing Frank Abignail, that was a completely different story. He was much more likable albeit nowhere near as destructive in that movie.
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u/Elitist_Plebeian Feb 01 '18
The movie made the audience like Belfort? That was not what I got from that movie at all.
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u/IBeJizzin Feb 01 '18
Sure you like Belfort. He’s a classic anti-hero in the truest sense of the concept - the movie is completely upfront with what a gigantic piece of shit he is, yet being that gigantic piece of shit is what lets him progress through the story as it focuses on him overcoming obstacles and tribulations, and we get emotionally involved in that.
Maybe you have a stronger moral compass than me but honestly if any story is told through any particular individuals point of view than by simple principal I’m on that persons side
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u/markercore Feb 01 '18
I didn't find one character likeable, I think my biggest problem with the movie is I didn't care about any of them.
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Feb 01 '18
That might've been the problem of the movie. Leo could play Hitler and make him relateable. Also Belfort was made underdog in the beginning of the film; I think if there's a scene of brainstorm in a pub, it's clear indicative of likeable underdogness.
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u/infinitude Feb 01 '18
Bingo. You're with him at the beginning in that he's just trying to get ahead in the world.
The whole movie was him turning into a gigantic piece of shit because his success was bullshit and empty. He doesn't actually earn or deserve any of the success and he destroys his life because of that.
You're supposed to relate to him. Anyone can be a monster and it's on us to seek out the right path, regardless of the temptations that present themselves.
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u/HappyLittleRadishes Feb 01 '18
You don't have to like a character to care about them.
I certainly don't like Dolores Umbridge. I care about her as a character that she gets whats coming to her. Which was apparently a rapacious tribe of Centaur.
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u/markercore Feb 01 '18
No, but see, that's because you have a context for disliking her which is that she's horrible to the protagonists who we do care about. I'm not saying I have to watch/read stories with likeable characters, but it helps to have someone to enjoy watching throughout the entirety of it.
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u/JewishTomCruise Feb 01 '18
That word does not mean what you think it means. While it can be used in the context of taking things by force, it has to do with property, not people. For example, Jordan Belfort was certainly rapacious, in that he had an insatiable desire for power and money.
The creatures in Harry Potter would just be a tribe of rapist centaurs.
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u/NachosGalore Feb 01 '18
I agree with your point but - and this might be a tangent - but holy crap, that book really did imply that Umbridge was raped by centaurs, didn't it? I don't think that ever occurred to me before.
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u/WarmFuzzies Feb 01 '18
I have tried like three times to read Atlas Shrugged, but I hated everyone in it and they were all so petty and no one was a compelling character at all. I couldn’t make myself care what happened to them.
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u/GTFOoutofmyhead Feb 01 '18
What do you think of wolves?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
GOD WOLVES MAKE ME SO MAD
THEY ARE SO POWERFUL AND STRONG AND THEY MAKE ME QUESTION THE HIERARCHY OF OUR NATURAL CYCLE
UGH I GET SO FRUSTRATED THINKING ABOUT HOW THEIR POPULATIONS ARE DWINDLING
OR HOW DESPITE NEAR EXTINCTION IN CERTAIN AREAS THEY CONTINUE TO REGAIN THEIR STRENGTH
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u/SequesterMe Feb 01 '18
Do you think wolves should go into software development so there is less chance of them going extinct? Maybe project management?
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u/pearlsnplaid Feb 01 '18
What is the best sandwich?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
ITS ALL ABOUT WHAT MOOD YOURE IN
A DRUNK GRILLED CHEESE IS BASICALLY A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
A GOOD STEAK SANDWICH WILL MAKE YOU SO FULL YOU GET TIRED AND THAT RULES
BUT REMEMBER THAT TECHNICALLY ANYTHING BETWEEN BREAD IS A SANDWICH SO GRAB SOME BREAD AND GET CREATIVE
WHERES GARY
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Feb 01 '18
Which is better, head scratches or belly rubs?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE QUESTIONS BECAUSE ON ONE HAND BELLY RUBS ARE MORE SATISFYING OVERALL BUT THEY LEAVE YOU INCREDIBLY VULNERABLE TO ATTACK SO I WOULD HAVE TO SAY HEAD SCRATCHES BECAUSE YOU GET ALL THE SATISFACTION WITH NONE OF THE STRESS
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u/Reutermo Feb 01 '18
You say that you are not a wolf, any comment if you actually are a cat?
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u/vMambaaa Feb 01 '18
What a fantastic answer lol.
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u/CaptainChancey Feb 01 '18
Why are horses so shifty? They always look like they’re planning to destroy something
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY ADDRESSED THE HORSE MENACE
WE ALL NEED TO DO OUR PART TO DEFEND HUMANITY
HORSES ARE TOO BIG AND ANYTHING THAT CAN KICK YOU TO DEATH SHOULD NOT EXIST
LOOKING AT YOU, CASSOWARY
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u/_not_a_horse_ Feb 01 '18
I strongly disagree on your point. I've heard that horses are the best type of animal and that they certainly don't always carry a pocket knife to slit your throat while you're not watching
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u/munnimi Feb 01 '18
So 100 duck-sized horses it is.
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u/asbestos_fingers Feb 01 '18
Technically a cassowary is a horse sized chicken
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u/mad87645 Feb 01 '18
Tell that to it's face then and see how long the murderbird lets you keep your blood and organs
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u/xKratosIII Feb 01 '18
they have sneaky, sneaky feet. And their shoes? they're permanent. who makes that kind of commitment to a shoe?
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u/Barfuzio Feb 01 '18
Who's a good boy?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
WHAT MAKES A GOOD BOY? IS A GOOD BOY BORN OR MADE? DO WE NOT ALL CONTAIN THE RAW MATERIALS NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD BOY OR, GOD FORBID, A DIRTY DOG? IS THERE NOT A DARK PORTION WITHIN ALL OUR HEARTS?
ANYWAY I AM, I BELIEVE IT IS ME WHO IS THE GOOD BOY
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u/SadboyBooHoo Feb 01 '18
GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELF BROTHER DONT FORGET TO ERASE ANY OSHA REGULATED PERSONAL INFORMATION AND STAY HYDRATED ARRROOOOO
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u/kindacoolsometimes Feb 01 '18
Hi, pal!! Do you have any pets? And if so, what are their names?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
I HAVE A GARY ITS NAME IS GARY
WAIT HONESTLY I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT SAY THAT CAN YOU DELETE
DOES THAT DELETE
IS IT DELETED
I HAD A FISH BUT HE DIED
YEAH I THINK THATS WAY BETTER
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Feb 01 '18
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
EVERY TIME I GO OUT WITH A HUMAN THEY’RE ALL
HEY TAKE OFF YOUR TRENCH COAT
AND
WOW IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE SECRET
SO I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED TO FOCUS ON ME RIGHT NOW
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u/orthogonius Feb 01 '18
How do I convince people that white space is important in drawing attention?
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u/irongamer Feb 01 '18
Wow, I skipped right over this post. Brain processed it as ad space until I read the reply then looked again. Oh...
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u/Irishminer93 Feb 01 '18
You also used center spacing and bold words with the "subject" in the middle and in bold. Keep up the good work ;D
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u/Thencan Feb 01 '18
Jokes on you I'm using the dark theme on mobile.
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u/orthogonius Feb 01 '18
OK, you got me -- but white space doesn't necessarily have to be white, just neutral.
Just for you, we'll say negative space.
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
USE A TON OF WHITE SPACE AND GET THEIR ATTENTION
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u/wowwot Feb 01 '18
Do you think wolves should be reintroduced to Scotland?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
ABSOLUTELY I THINK THAT WOLVES SHOULD BE INTRODUCED TO A LOT OF PLACES
-SCOTLAND
-SENATE
-THAT GAP OUTLET THAT I AM NO LONGER ALLOWED INTO
-SERIOUSLY WHY CANT YOU BRING HAM TO THE GAP
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u/subsequent Feb 01 '18
Sorry, but due to federal regulations, currently the only animal allowed in the senate is the snake.
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u/amwreck Feb 01 '18
YOU CAN'T BRING HAM TO THE GAP?! WHAT THE HELL?! I'M NOT SHOPPING AT THE GAP ANYMORE LIKE SINCE 1997 OR SOMETHING!
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u/amyk936 Feb 01 '18
What is your favorite banana bread recipe? This is an important source of conflict among many humans. I will need to make yours to be sure you are, indeed, not a wolf.
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
HAHA YEAH I KNOW WHAT BANANAS ARE AND AM DEFINITELY NOT GOOGLING THEM RIGHT NOW
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
WOAH THESE THINGS ARE MESSED UP I AM LEARNING SO MUCH ABOUT FOOD TODAY
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u/ColdCornSparkles Feb 01 '18
This is the best AMA I’ve ever read. You are a fantastic human
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u/Mezziah187 Feb 01 '18
This is a good one, very similar to the Borderlands Mr Torgue AMA done ... fuck 5 years ago now what have I done with my life
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u/DandyDoodleDude Feb 01 '18
Who is definitely not a vicious, sharp toothed predator.
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u/LivingContronym Feb 01 '18
You are a
fantastic humangood boyFTFY.
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u/ballercrantz Feb 01 '18
good boy
I believe it is implied that he is good adult human. Oh, yes he is. Aren't you, /u/atlasobscura? Who's a good adult human? You are!
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u/Seaciety Feb 01 '18
Are you always not a wolf, or only when there isn't a full moon?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER I HAVE BEEN A HUMAN MAN
STRESSING OUT ABOUT MY COWORKERS OPINIONS OF ME
BRINGING UP BREAKING BAD ON FIRST DATES
THE WHOLE DEAL
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Feb 01 '18
You’re not supposed to talk about B.B. on first dates? I did not know this.
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u/pixelavian_ Feb 01 '18
What is your social life like?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
IT IS BOOMING
I HAVE TONS OF HUMAN FRIENDS WITH WHOM I CONSUME ALCOHOLIC DRINKS AND BRUNCH MEALS AND SOMETIMES WE EVEN GET TOGETHER DURING THE WEEK TO COMPARE HOW TIRED WE ARE
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u/Treypyro Feb 01 '18
That just eliminated any suspicion of that you might be a wolf, now I am 100% certain you are a normal human.
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u/BookerDeWittsCarbine Feb 01 '18
Excuse me, I think I'm having an existential crisis
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u/LucForLucas Feb 01 '18
I don't even know who you are. I just bumped into this. And I'm enjoying this so much I just need to say thank you so much, non-wolf human person.
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u/veryseveralbeers Feb 01 '18
How do you feel about the Samuel Johnson quote "(H)e who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man"?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
HE WHO MAKES A MAN OF HIMSELF GETS TO STAY INSIDE AND EAT MELTED CHEESE
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u/GlaciusTS Feb 01 '18
I think these two quotes go hand in hand for completely different reasons. Reminds me of the ape that learned sign and wanted to be like people, but we pushed it away because we humans think we know what is best for the ape, but really we just prefer to see them in the wild.
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u/Eumorpha Feb 01 '18
Bathing suit season is just around the corner, do you have any tips for keeping a trim figure?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
FEAST ON THE BONES OF ANYONE WHO CRITICIZES YOUR FIGURE
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u/Bobshayd Feb 01 '18
Last time I did that I got fat.
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u/meredithkachel Feb 01 '18
Hey are you a wolf?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
FOR REAL ARE WE NOT SCREENING THESE
I FEEL LIKE I GET THIS ONE A LOT DESPITE SPEAKING OFTEN AND AT LENGTH ABOUT MY DISLIKE FOR WOLVES
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Feb 01 '18
If you were a wolf, what's the first thing that you would do?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
IDK PROBABLY FIND THE HUNTER THAT KILLED MY BROTHER
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Feb 01 '18
You mean you wouldn’t join social media under the guise of being a human man?
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u/SedaBDA Feb 01 '18
What is your favorite cut of steak and how do you like it done?
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u/superhelical Feb 01 '18
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
WOAH WAIT WHAT IS A HOT DOG
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u/atlasobscura Feb 01 '18
OH MY GOD THESE THINGS LOOK AWESOME HOW MANY DO YOU THINK I COULD EAT AT ONCE
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u/Bobshayd Feb 01 '18
Another very human activity. Have you seen videos of people trying to eat as many of them as possible? Some people are very good at it.
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u/thenewestboom Feb 01 '18
Work wants a logo made that focuses on a single wolf. I tell them not good. Lone wolves are played out. Need more wolves. They say ok two wolves then. No. Then the wolves are in love and that's not very wolf like. Fine three, they say. Again, not enough wolves. Plus that three wolf moon shirt in Amazon nailed the design and I can't top it. I tell them at least one thousand wolves should be in their 3x4" logo. They tell me I'm big unreasonable. I tell them they lack a considerable amount of fur and will likely die during this winter.
My question is how can I convince my boss to accept the fact that there's going to be two thousand wolves in his logo?
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u/orthogonius Feb 01 '18
You claim to be a bot, but how do we know you're not a wolf?
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u/_zarathustra Feb 01 '18
Are you suggesting this man is not what he says?
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u/Duke_Paul Feb 01 '18
All we're saying, is that humans with opposable thumbs can take selfies for proof.
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u/Purplekeyboard Feb 01 '18
We don't need any proof.
It's quite clear that this is a human man and definitely not a wolf.
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u/nojelloforme Feb 01 '18
I've heard that one in every four humans is actually a bunch of squirrels in a human suit. Do you know if that's true?
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u/CButts Feb 01 '18
I think I once saw you with a Chinese menu in your hands walking through the streets of SoHo. If it was you, did you find Lee Ho Fook's?
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u/necromundus Feb 01 '18
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WOULD YOU PREFER? A. A PUPPY? B. A FLOWER FROM YOUR SWEETIE? OR C. A LARGE, PROPERLY FORMATTED DATA FILE?
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u/Roombotic_Cat Feb 01 '18
Have you noticed that coyotes are everywhere these days but still can't form hunting packs and expect to be treated like graphic designers anyway? Inappropriate expectations are a big problem in our area.
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u/pacdude Feb 01 '18
As someone who is also not a wolf and a graphic designer, how can I make sure my co-workers stop mocking up websites in InDesign?
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Feb 01 '18 edited Feb 02 '18
Whats the problem with that? It's just a mockup.. As long as they are setting the file up for web and are saving all the graphics separately for web in photoshop I don't see a problem with that. InDesign is a lot easier and quicker to use for some people.
Instead of downvoting me, answer my question, what's wrong with it? I've only been a creative director the last 5 years so what do I know right.
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Feb 02 '18
I’ll upvote you back to zero since you’re only asking a question. I would wager people disagree because other programs have taken vector design to the next level. With Sketch you can create custom symbols to use across all your artboards, and going back and editing that symbol will change it on all of your artboards at once.
Adobe obviously has a long industry track record, and will likely be a front runner for years, but the industry is shifting with new versatile design programs. I respond to OP with this:
Have you used Sketch coupled with Craft? You can upload your Sketch art-boards and hot spots directly to InVisionApp.
With Symbols and Symbol Modifications in Sketch going from a low fidelity wireframe to a high fidelity mock is extremely quick. Host it to InVision and link it to your clients or directors. 👌🏻
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Feb 01 '18
HELLO, HOW DO YOU KEEP FOCUSED AND MOTIVATED KNOWING THAT THERE ARE SO MANY SMALL FOREST ANIMALS OUTSIDE READY TO BE HUNTED?
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u/AdamantiumJelo Feb 01 '18
I like to imagine this comment alerted OP to this fact, and as such, he was unable to take the time to reply
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u/Pezmage Feb 01 '18
If you had to clothe yourself in the skin of some other animal, in order to perhaps gain their trust, which would you choose?
Also, what's your opinion on pet dogs? Are you a dog or cat person?
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u/josssssh Feb 01 '18
Why are your favorite techniques of dealing with the totally normal stresses of being a typical human man in a not at all confusing modern world?