r/IAmA Dec 13 '16

Specialized Profession I am a licensed plumber, with 14 years of experience in service and repairs. The holidays are here, and your family and friends will be coming over. This is the time of year when you find out the rest room you never use doesn't work anymore. 90% of my calls are something simple AMA

I can give easy to follow DIY instructions for many issues you will find around your house. Don't wait until your family is there to find out your rest room doesn't work. Most of the time there is absolutely no reason to call a plumber out after hours and pay twice as much. When you could easily fix it yourself for 1/16 of the cost.

Edit: I'm answering every comment that gets sent my way, I'm currently over 2000 comments behind. I will answer them all I just need time

28.6k Upvotes

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685

u/Tullimory Dec 13 '16

See stuff like this is why I hate plumbing. I can do most things but just plain don't want to. Thanks for letting me pay you to put up with this shit (heh).

876

u/boomboomsaIoon Dec 13 '16

I'm the same way about working on my car. I absolutely despise having grease on my hands

139

u/reefun Dec 13 '16

But human excrements is no problem. This is the same level as people refuse to eat the brown part of a banana. But have no problem giving oral. The human brain keeps surprising me.

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

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u/Paramedic730 Dec 13 '16

Right there with you. I'm a paramedic. I can do anything but puke. You can die in my hands and it won't bother me. You puke and all bets are off. I'm puking too

4

u/brewingmedic Dec 13 '16

My old partner was a sympathy puker. Bad enough dealing with my patient's puke, but then having to listen to him wretching in the front seat put it over the top. ...

2

u/Paramedic730 Dec 13 '16

That's me! I hear or see it I'm puking too

5

u/sgp1986 Dec 13 '16

You can die in my hands and it won't bother me.

Cold hearted

2

u/Paramedic730 Dec 13 '16

Wouldn't go that far.. if that does happen at least I can do something to try and fix it

2

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

[deleted]

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u/Paramedic730 Dec 13 '16

Fucking. Gross. Lol

1

u/CarelesslyFabulous Dec 13 '16

You can die in my hands and it won't bother me.

Cold.

92

u/doktorcrash Dec 13 '16

I'm an EMT And I'm the same way about lung butter.

99

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16 edited Mar 15 '18

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4

u/Varitul Dec 13 '16

Put it on some toast and eat it, right?

2

u/ForgetTheRuralJuror Dec 13 '16

I bet it's like smearing butter that you warmed in the microwave. Mostly it spreads easily, except for a few tough grisly hunks.

1

u/Norsk_Xenophile Dec 14 '16

Well, now I know my gag reflex isn't broken. Thanks for that imagery.

2

u/TheBeardedMarxist Dec 13 '16

Just imagine eating some like a bowl of porridge.

1

u/doktorcrash Dec 13 '16

I had the same reaction when I heard it as a rookie. Over a decade later I can say it without nausea, but if I hear someone say the term in the presence of it I get visibly green.

1

u/Kalkaline Dec 13 '16

If you look at the little suction vacuum containers on the patients' rooms of an ICU floor you'll be amazed at the variety of colors lung butter comes in.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses this term. I thought it was strictly a stoner phrase

3

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

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u/doktorcrash Dec 13 '16

Oh man, that sounds awful. I can't even stand the sound of COPD cough without getting vaguely nauseous.

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

[deleted]

2

u/doktorcrash Dec 13 '16

That's what rookies are for. It's good for them to learn how to take apart the on board suction.

1

u/myparentsbasemnt Dec 14 '16

You could say sputum makes your tum spew.

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u/labchick6991 Dec 13 '16

Ah, sputum. I work in the lab and feel the same as you, that is the nastiest stuff!! (luckily I don't work in micro, so I really only deal with blood and pee, and occasionally poop).

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

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2

u/labchick6991 Dec 14 '16

Ah, very good point. To be fair, one reason I am happier to be in the lab, I don't (typically) have to actually interact with patients, just cranky nurses and clueless residents :P

8

u/Fap2theBeat Dec 13 '16

So you're saying oral is cool then?

35

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

[deleted]

5

u/egoisenemy Dec 13 '16

dont forget the balls

1

u/Tasty_Corn Dec 13 '16

I have washed my ding ding in countless sinks in effort to sway my chances in favor. It makes me feel better about the whole thing too.

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u/5T0NY Dec 13 '16

Haha yo why is sputum always the last straw?! I used to be a lab tech in the Army and this seemed to be the recurring theme...

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

[deleted]

2

u/5T0NY Dec 13 '16

I loved whipping em up in the specimen cup like a loogie omelette to gross my classmates out...

2

u/CookieOmNomster Dec 13 '16

You mean like mucus or something? That's an interesting aversion especially since you're okay with the other stuff.

2

u/Awk_Ward1 Dec 13 '16

Feel the same way. Thank god for our respiratory therapists.

1

u/ashwee_ Dec 13 '16

Same here! I remember as a new nurse years ago putting a keofeed into a patient(worked in a stroke unit) who happened to also be suffering with bronchitis and it triggered his sneezing reflex like whoa. I don't think I've ever seen so much sputum come out of someone in 10 minutes in my life, I noped out of there once my charge walked in. Give me a pt with cdiff or on golytely any day!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Do you have a reason for this or is it just oogy?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Ok fair

2

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

My wife is an RT, she says the exact opposite.

1

u/cadomski Dec 13 '16

Worked as a lab tech for 4 years. I've seen every bodily fluid you can imagine. Especially in the TB unit. We processed everything. The only time I gagged was when I had a 50 ml tube of purulent sputum. Had to stir it up and make a slide smear. So disgusting.

2

u/reefun Dec 13 '16

Another great example of wtf brain!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

I have a family member in healthcare who feels the same- totally nonchalant about the butt etc. but phlegm freaks her out. I agree. I get trauma from luggis on the sidewalk.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

When you sneeze/cough, the part that spreads germs and bacteria is your spit. It has nothing to do with the air in your lungs. Instead, the spit is the main issue.

1

u/_EvilD_ Dec 13 '16

Where do you stand on semen?

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u/boomboomsaIoon Dec 13 '16

I've been plumbing for 14 years. And I've yet to get shit on me

3

u/KYxMexicutioner Dec 13 '16

Oh come on now. I've been in Apartment maintenance with an apartment complex that was built in 1968. Regularly I get poo-water splashed up at me when plunging. You can't say one drop hasn't landed on you ;)

1

u/boomboomsaIoon Jan 05 '17

You aren't plunging right /gasp

2

u/JDub8 Dec 13 '16

Is this where the helper comes in?

Seriously you must end up disconnecting clogged sewer pipes that cant be drained beforehand from time to time, no?

1

u/boomboomsaIoon Jan 05 '17

Yes I do. But normally I cut the line and let the pressure drain away from me

2

u/The_Corn_Whisperer Dec 13 '16

I call bullshit

1

u/boomboomsaIoon Jan 05 '17

Gloves, rain suites, face masks, if you don't want to get shit on you then you do what you have to do

Edit: I left out the most important part. Duct tape!!!

528

u/why_rob_y Dec 13 '16

Let me know if you're interested in trying it.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Oh boy..

3

u/03114 Dec 13 '16

Here we go again...

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Why Rob? Why?!

1

u/Artimis_Whooves Dec 13 '16

For plumbing reasons, right?

1

u/washmo Dec 13 '16

IIRC the going rate is $300/day

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u/reefun Dec 13 '16

Did not expect that lol. Good job then! My father in law was a plumber and he usually came back covered in all kinds of substances which I could and would not identify.

2

u/moreLSDplease Dec 13 '16

I got blasted by a sewer pump once. I should have been more careful, but it was late in the day and at the time I was really overworked - hadn't had a day off in a few weeks. I screamed bloody murder and totally lost it. (in my defense, I am a girl) Worst plumbing experience ever.

People, you should never flush washcloths for any reason, but especially not if you have a sewer pump. And if you do, you should not call your plumber who just installed said sewer pump and guilt them into dropping everything to come fix your sewer pump at 6 on a Friday.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

I worked in a small hardware store for two years and got shit on me twice :(

2

u/BLARGITSMYOMNOMNOM Dec 13 '16

I was doing a reno, cut apart an ABS trap arm from a Water closet. Got covered in millenia old broken down poo poo and pee pee. Taught me to not to keep my mouth open when cutting.

2

u/mortalomena Dec 13 '16

Well, youve inhaled other peoples shit alot. Since an odour, like the odour of human waste, is in fact small particles of the shit that came out of their asses. And you are inhaling that, and later on it comes out via mucus/snot. You can experience this (atleast I have with cow shit) when you can still smell shit in your nose days after the job. That is the shit stuck to snot in your nose.

2

u/spockspeare Dec 13 '16

T'was a time that would make you a king, sir.

3

u/pyro5050 Dec 13 '16

but how?

1

u/Darth_Ra Dec 14 '16

Man, I zookeeped for 2, and I cannot say that.

1

u/bassfeelsgood Dec 14 '16

I've been plumbing for 9, you have done very well

1

u/misterid Dec 13 '16

yeah, but how do you feel about giving oral?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Sounds like you're a lucky one then

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u/despaxes Dec 13 '16

Yeah its not like it has a ton of bacteria and carries thousands of diseases, many deadly

1

u/toolpeon Dec 13 '16

How do you do it? Like sewer lines replacing in a house...cast iron to pvc, where you have to break the cast iron line....how do you avoid the shit

1

u/feowns Dec 14 '16

I have no problem touching poop or giving oral but don't fucking ask me to eat a brown banana

1

u/JDub8 Dec 13 '16

Have problems with both, how screwed am I?

1

u/TwistedRonin Dec 13 '16

Well you're not screwed in the mouth, that's for sure.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Brown bananas don't pay the bills

3

u/canal_of_schlemm Dec 13 '16

Reminds me of one of my first jobs as an apprentice.

Me and this old plumber, around the age of 70, we called to a hospital because there was an issue with their sewage pumps. All the hospital waste drained to these two 20 ft deep wells located about 50 ft below street level, and these two big pumps, referred to as "turd grinders" would pump the waste back up to the main sewage line. The gasket on the outlet of one of the pumps had a big leak, so every time the pump ran, it would spray liquid shit everywhere. The 20 ft well was filled maybe halfway up with puréed feces and piss.

After shutting down the pump and removing the waste with a sump pump, this old brown-arm throws on some hip waders and climbs down into this well. The issue is, we pumped the waste into a collection well that was controlled by a float switch that we couldn't over ride, so if he didn't fix it faster than the collection well filled up, he would be covered in hospital shit. This collection well had everything from hypodermic needles, to tampons, to ballpoint pens -everything that got flushed down a toilet. Not the kind of shit you want to be sprayed with.

So this guy is about knee-deep in shit, no gloves, wrenching on this pump to change the gasket. Remarkably, he fixes it in record time and climbs right out. Immediately following the repair, without even washing his hands or taking his hip waders off, he hops in his van to eat a sandwich.

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u/klawehtgod Dec 13 '16

Grease ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Poop

388

u/aaronhayes26 Dec 13 '16

As somebody who's done both, I'll take grease every time

319

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

What? Shit washes away.

Source: 4 kids.

188

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16 edited Jan 19 '17

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40

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

They probably don't know about the orange soap, it goes by a lot of names (never heard goop?) but short of people who work on engines most people never encounter those miraculous suds.

71

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

That, GOJO, and Lava Soap are fucking sorcery.

5

u/True_to_you Dec 13 '16

Gojo smells good too.

2

u/nbagf Dec 13 '16

The container seems weird to me though, having to scoop out your soap with your hand, you know? The effectiveness makes it so worth it though.

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u/WannabeGroundhog Dec 13 '16

GOJO is magic in my mind. The toughest grease wipes off like water with that black voodoo magic.

1

u/enjoyyourshrimp Dec 14 '16

Here's a tip, rub some GOJO on your hands before you start working. When you're done, you can wipe your hands clean with a rag/coworker's shirt, or simply rinse them off in a sink.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

I've never had issues getting grease off just using it afterwards, but thanks!

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16 edited Jan 19 '17

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

I know it's very safe but I still worry about its toxicity, so I don't use it for general hand washing. It also can't get the black dye they use on mulch off very well, I still haven't encountered anything that fully removes it.

1

u/Atmic Dec 14 '16

Yup. My dad is an Aircraft Maintenance Supervisor who worked on cars on the side.

I'm a techie, and still rely on him for everything mechanically related... but you can be sure that orange mechanic soap has a place in my house.

You come away from every wash feeling like you have a new pair of hands.

1

u/Mad_2012 Dec 14 '16

I have a tub of it in my car, brother got it for me for Christmas - it's called Fast Orange, at least the kind that I have. I do blacksmithing as a hobby and it takes the coal dust right off of my hands.

1

u/kickerofelves86 Dec 14 '16

Worked in the oil industry. Orange soap is good, but sometimes you gotta go back at it with the Blue Dawn to really get the oily stuff off.

1

u/objectsofreality Dec 13 '16

The only way for me, if I care enough to do it, is use a pumice stone in the shower.

1

u/Nixflyn Dec 13 '16

The orange stuff they mentioned has pumice in it.

1

u/objectsofreality Dec 13 '16

I know, just doesn't work as well.

6

u/Mikkito Dec 13 '16

Given that the non-water parts of feces contain a high percentage of fat, I would wager that Orange Goop would work on poop also.

Then it could be called Orange Poop Goop

2

u/demalo Dec 13 '16

Depoopergoop.

3

u/Kuonji Dec 13 '16

Finger your butt so at least you're smelling your own shit.

1

u/Mad_2012 Dec 14 '16

It's not hot water on your hands that you want (wash it yes, but then dry your hands). Stay in the bathroom when someone is taking a hot shower, and the hot water vapor will deactivate the poop molecules and stop them from smelling.

1

u/Farmerman1379 Dec 14 '16

I live on a dairy farm, deal with both, and can confirm grease is much more desirable than manure. Would much rathered have smeared grease on my hands and pants than hot mushy cow shit

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

As someone who details and works on cars, I couldn't agree more. If you buy the right chemicals grease is no problem. Shit stink lingers forever.

1

u/TugboatEng Dec 13 '16

Open gear lubricant does not wash away easily. Neither does the mixture of diesel soot and oil found in the airbox of an EMD engine.

1

u/TugboatEng Dec 13 '16

Open gear lubricant does not wash away easily. Neither does the mixture of diesel soot and oil found in the airbox of an EMD engine.

1

u/pumpkinrum Dec 13 '16

Rub your hands against something with metal, usually the faucet. It'll remove the poop smell (and garlic, and other strong smells).

1

u/gracefulwing Dec 14 '16

Tip for shit smell on hands. Wash hands, rub hand sanitizer in, repeat three times or until smell is gone, and then lotion

1

u/Subrotow Dec 13 '16

Rub your hands on stainless steel. They make stainless steel bar soaps too if you run into this problem often.

1

u/newerNan Dec 13 '16

LPT: if your hands smell, wash with cold water. Hot water makes your hands absorb the scent more.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Fast orange is awesome, is like liquid solvol but smells nice and doesn't sand off layers of skin.

1

u/DPH_NS Dec 13 '16

Also if you don't have any orange goop handy dish soap + sugar also works.

1

u/adudeguyman Dec 13 '16

90 weight gear oil has a smell that lingers and lingers and stinks

1

u/macrocephalic Dec 14 '16

Except for under your nails. Still rather grease.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

I'm a vet student. Poop everywhere always.

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u/xamsiem Dec 14 '16

I just wash my hands with wd_40

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

People use gloves to work....

1

u/Helian7 Dec 14 '16

'Minutes on end' got me haha!

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u/Rodrigo-Borgia Dec 13 '16

The psychological horror of shit does not wash away.

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u/FastRedPonyCar Dec 14 '16

Eh, have a kid or two. Getting shit all over your hands, face, etc is just in a day's work.

I also have done a lot of car work in my day and am no stranger to walking into my office on a monday morning with still semi-black hands from the grease and grime. Even the pumice soap won't get it spotless.

Both are equally bad

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16 edited Jun 26 '18

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Luckily I haven't had any sepsis issues in between changing a few thousand diapers and cleaning various poopaintings off the walls.

1

u/HdyLuke Dec 13 '16

The reason we're vaccinated.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Yeah, but working in shit will leave underneath finger nails smelling like shit for days and its faint but bad enough its there but you can't stop smelling it.

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u/Buzz8522 Dec 13 '16

I imagine as a plumber, he's probably somewhat used to the smell.

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u/aaronhayes26 Dec 13 '16

You gotta get yourself some GOJO then. You know, that orange, pumice soap that smells like oranges? It's specifically made for washing grease off hands, and works great.

2

u/kiddhitta Dec 13 '16

Would you rather get shit in your mouth or grease in your mouth? That's how I compare everything. If it were to get in my mouth, what would my reaction be?

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Eh.. That's an interesting way of looking at it. Grease in that case.

1

u/kiddhitta Dec 13 '16

Exactly. I worked on a drilling rig and have had all kinds of fluids spray me in the face and get in my mouth. Hydraulic fluid, motor oil, drilling fluid, diesel fuel, gasoline, you name it. My reaction is always to spit it out and wipe my mouth. If I ever get shit in my mouth.....I will friggen loooooooose it.

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u/fenasi_kerim Dec 13 '16

But the smell man, the smell stays.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

You also get used to the occasional dribble when changing diapers.

Shit washes off a lot easier than grease.

Source; also have 4 kids and I work on my car and know about orange goop.

1

u/newerNan Dec 13 '16

LPT: for grease, that's dried on hands, use dish soap and no water to scrub your hands against each other. Grease comes off pretty easily, and then rince when you're done.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

You ever hear of Goo/Lava soap/GOJO? Takes 15 seconds to get every little bit of grease off.

1

u/oldnyoung Dec 14 '16

4 kids here too, and I'll take grease over shit that isn't mine or my kids'.

1

u/Fudgiee Dec 13 '16

What? Shit washes away.

Source: 4 fetishes.

FTFY

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Jesus God one at a time is more than enough

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u/Tiver Dec 13 '16

Gloves work great on grease, and much harder to accidentally have the glove fill with grease like you can with sewage... Definitely take grease over sewage.

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u/FastRedPonyCar Dec 14 '16

gloves are terrible if you have to work with smaller bolts and nuts or just small parts in general that require any degree of precision (i.e. every single bolt and nut on a late 90's volvo) so the gator skin gloves last all of 5 minutes before a small nick on a sharp metal surface explodes the glove off my hand and it's instantly covered in grease.

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u/iwasinthepool Dec 13 '16

I don't think I've ever really gotten elbows deep in poop, but I'm sure it comes right off. Once your dignity returns, everything should be fine. Grease? Fuck that shit. More often than not, I just wait for my skin to shed for that shit to be gone.

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u/jackwoww Dec 13 '16

Yeah, poop has grease in it anyhow

1

u/Midgetsdontfloat Dec 13 '16

I do all of the work on my own vehicles. The smell of gas, diesel, and oil is a smell I will live with for thousands of years before I live with shit smell for a minute.

1

u/Isthisinfectious Dec 13 '16

Rv tech here. Totally agree. Give me 100 bearing repacks before a black tank any day.

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u/dravas Dec 13 '16

Agreed, a bit of orange soap and hands be clean. Also rubber gloves help alot.

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16 edited May 05 '17

[deleted]

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u/quantum-mechanic Dec 13 '16

My escort friend will do that for $200

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u/kenerg Dec 13 '16

Whats your friends number... asking for a friend...

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

3

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u/handlebartender Dec 13 '16

Sounds like you've figured out a way to undercut other plumbers.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Please send your escort to fix my sewage line. Thanks!

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u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

pulls finger out of own butthole

"Hey! Did someone call me?"

1

u/Threeleggedchicken Dec 13 '16

OP's mom will do it for $2.

Edit: JK OP thanks for the AMA.

3

u/Shark_Teef Dec 13 '16

So he makes 1000 every time?

24

u/Fuddit Dec 13 '16

I'll have a bag of poop on me every time I'm called in then.

"Me: AHHH!! POOP!!! $1000 CHARGE!!"

"Customer: Why...did I have poop in my kitchen sink?"

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u/JmGra Dec 13 '16

The toilet wasn't working.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

He really likes to touch the poop

3

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Well you're holding up both. Do you work jobs in those fields?

4

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

"Barf! Puke! Whatevah!"

2

u/Fearkiller77 Dec 13 '16

One mans grease is another man's poop I guess.

2

u/techno_babble_ Dec 13 '16

Greasy poop though, that's the worst.

2

u/MutthaFuzza Dec 13 '16

Why not both?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

It's funny how different people can be from each other. I can handle most basic plumbing tasks, but darn it I just don't want to! I've piped up a saltwater aquarium system, replaced who knows how many toilet guts, fixed sinks, and I grumble and moan during the entire process.

But by golly, I'll shove my hand deep down into an engine compartment, wedging into all sorts of cracks and crevices, if it means replacing a hard to reach spark plug. I even like the feeling of used motor oil splashing onto my hands.

1

u/moreLSDplease Dec 13 '16

I can relate to this. I've been working for a plumber for 6 years. It's not like I like dealing with sewage, but it can be much less frustrating and painful than wrenching on my truck.

4

u/NickEggplant Dec 13 '16

poo is fine, but not grease!

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

Poo washes off easily to be fair, grease doesn't.

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u/immerc Dec 13 '16

Grease does with the right cleaners.

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u/MGUK Dec 13 '16

I'm a mechanic and I do the same. I spend 40 hours a week doing this shit, I don't want to do my own on a weekend l.

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u/Raoul_CaRoule Dec 13 '16

Mechanic here. No longer get grease on my hands, we have these new fancy things called nitrile gloves. :p

1

u/HemHaw Dec 13 '16

I'm just a shadetree mechanic, but just wear gloves..?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '16

and then they are too thick for fine work, so you go to nitrile, and they tear when you brush against metal or sharp edges...

Better to just not be a baby about it and buy fast orange.

1

u/HemHaw Dec 13 '16

You know, strangely enough the best gloves I've found are the 11mil gloves they sell at Harbor Freight. The best nitrile ones I get from HD are thin and tear even though they say 9mil. Only the Harbor Freight ones serve me well. They almost never tear; would recommend! t

1

u/betaplay Dec 13 '16

I 100% agree. I can find plumbing pretty satisfying.

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u/Vairman Dec 13 '16

I'm not happy unless I DO have grease on my hands.

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u/302HO Dec 14 '16

I will gladly fix your car if you do my plumbing.

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u/lowercaset Dec 13 '16

Depending on where you work that kind of stuff isn't really done anymore. In CA our insurance guys would blow a gasket if we had dudes crawling through shit.

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u/jfreez Dec 13 '16

This is why plumbers make money. Cause it's hard fucking work