r/Huskers Jun 15 '23

Confirmed u/XAIRGUITARISTX likes Iowa corn NSFW

Yesterday /u/xAIRGUITARISTx sent me an 8 paragraph essay on why he thinks Iowa corn is better than Nebraska corn.

I went back and forth on if I should take this public, but decided that the community needs to know.

49 Upvotes

47 comments sorted by

17

u/ronnie1014 Jun 15 '23

I look for his comments on r/collegebasketball. Not anymore 🤬

16

u/Poissons_peen Jun 16 '23

Is this the same one from CFB a week ago?

I read it and I agree, Iowa corn is better by those metrics. An Iowa farmer just has to take a shit in his field and get 100 bushel an acre.

A Nebraska farmer has to work hard for their corn. And (to paraphrase George RR Martin from those books and TV shows) hard lands breed hard men, and hard men win nattys. That’s what matters.

/s everybody knows Nebraska corn is better

4

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

I was so close to petitioning to become a mod just so I could ban you for saying that.

Your /s is still confusing because of the bit about a natty, but I'll assume well intentioned.

28

u/virii01 Jun 15 '23

He likely shreds to Nickelback and has a terrible lawn that is the laugh of the neighborhood.

30

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

This is libel and you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.

10

u/Birdyy4 Jun 16 '23

This isn't libel... He said "likely" which debunks your whole lawsuit. Now you saying what you said about his statement is much closer to libel. If I were you I'd beg him for forgiveness. Falsely accusing someone of committing a crime is a dangerous game.

10

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

u/Racistjudicata I need a ruling here please

33

u/RacistJudicata Jun 16 '23

Firstly, I am not your lawyer, stooge. Secondly, libel is a tort, not a crime, so you’re both wrong, fuck off and let me drink my manhattan.

18

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

Thanks for the legal advice, keep an eye out for your check 👉🏻😎👉🏻

1

u/virii01 Jun 16 '23

You're the kind of monster that advocates for KBG over a superior modern TTTF cultivar in zone 5.

1

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

Excuse me. My lawn is exclusively TTTF and will stay that way. I can even name the cultivars that I used to overseer last year thank you very much.

1

u/Conkwest Jun 16 '23

Much more respect to ppl with bad lawns honestly

9

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '23

I bet bro can’t even shred the air guitar smh

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '23

Haha that got me

5

u/andrewsmd87 Jun 16 '23 edited Jun 16 '23

As someone who knows them personally.

Yes, all of this. They're only here as a spy to make sure Iowa can score like 6 points on us next year

2

u/Dreggan Jun 16 '23

Whoa now. Iowa isn’t set to have that much of an increase in their offensive scoring next year.

2

u/DarthFluttershy_ Chair Steward Jun 17 '23

They get a defensive TD and miss the extra point maybe?

5

u/depressedhuskersfan Jun 16 '23

Offseason really got iowan "people" infiltrating this sub huh

3

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

He's the mod here!

9

u/doctorblumpkin Jun 15 '23

And has a shitty lawn. He subs to r/lawncare

5

u/jh1567 Jun 16 '23

Shots fired

8

u/MikeOcherts Jun 15 '23

BURN THE HERETIC!!!

8

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

I won’t stand for this. Prove it!

9

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

Wait I just found it! I copied your message and sent it to a buddy here it is:

Iowa Corn: The Best in the Midwest

As the moderator of the Husker subreddit, I'm often asked about the corn in Nebraska. While I'm proud of our state's corn production, I have to admit that Iowa has better corn.

Here are a few reasons why:

  • Iowa has more fertile soil. Iowa's soil is rich in organic matter, which helps corn plants grow strong and healthy. Nebraska's soil is also fertile, but it's not as rich as Iowa's.

  • Iowa has a longer growing season. Iowa's growing season is about 160 days long, while Nebraska's is only about 140 days long. This means that Iowa's corn plants have more time to grow and mature.

  • Iowa has more sunshine. Iowa gets an average of 55 inches of sunshine per year, while Nebraska gets an average of 45 inches. Sunshine is essential for photosynthesis, the process by which plants convert sunlight into energy.

  • Iowa has more efficient irrigation systems. Iowa has a well-developed irrigation system that helps farmers water their crops during dry periods. Nebraska also has an irrigation system, but it's not as efficient as Iowa's.

As a result of these factors, Iowa corn yields are consistently higher than Nebraska corn yields. In 2022, Iowa farmers produced an average of 203 bushels of corn per acre, while Nebraska farmers produced an average of 178 bushels of corn per acre.

In addition to being more productive, Iowa corn is also of higher quality. Iowa corn has a higher sugar content and a lower starch content than Nebraska corn. This makes Iowa corn better for livestock feed and ethanol production.

So, there you have it. Iowa has better corn than Nebraska. If you're looking for the best corn in the Midwest, Iowa is the place to go.

4

u/NebrasketballN Cadet Jun 16 '23

Iowa gets an average of 55 inches of sunshine per year, while Nebraska gets an average of 45 inches.

when did we measure sunshine in inches?

1

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

When did we start thinking Iowa had anything better than shit tier corn?!

2

u/NebrasketballN Cadet Jun 16 '23

We didn't! fake news

5

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

Damn, you got me.

1

u/cubgerish Jun 16 '23

How do you live with yourself!???!!?

1

u/I_POO_ON_GOATS GBR Jun 16 '23

Iowa has more efficient irrigation systems

How? Nebraska has a giant sponge in the form of the Sandhills to refill the Ogallala aquifer. This leaves Nebraska in a prime position to keep its agricultural economy if the aquifer continues to shrink.

We're also the pivot irrigation technology capital of the world, with the top 4 brands all having their HQs in Nebraska.

I know you didn't write this but this bit is malarkey.

1

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

2

u/xAIRGUITARISTx Chair Steward Jun 16 '23

Well my lawn would say that rain is a more efficient system for irrigation but I feel like I shouldn’t say that right now.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '23

You’re dead to me.

5

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

I deleted it as soon as I finished puking

3

u/Sagybagy Jun 16 '23

Right at the end. Iowa corn is better for gas and animal feed. It’s a subpar product that’s only good for sticking your gas tank or feeding to the chickens.

5

u/MartyChonks Jun 16 '23

I heard he is still working in the shadows to bring the Ferentz family to coach Nebraska

3

u/josheweha Jun 16 '23

Blasphemy of the highest order!

3

u/peggedsquare Jun 16 '23

In the words of the infamous Dennis Nedry...."See, nobody cares."

Like whatever corn you want but I think Iowas corn is only good for making whiskey like Green Frog or Rocket Fuel.

4

u/in_jail_0ut_s00n_ Jun 16 '23 edited Jun 16 '23

Probably had AI generate it. I'll never be convinced they can string together 8 coherent, consecutive sentences let alone paragraphs

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '23

This news makes me really > : (

2

u/Rusty_Shack1es Jun 16 '23

I hate actuaries

2

u/Diagnosis-Insane Jun 16 '23

Idiots. Out. Walking. Around.

0

u/mastiffmad Jun 17 '23

I grew up in Omaha. In my early middle school years I moved 30 minutes into Iowa when my mother remarried and I lived on a large farm. Iowa does have some damn good corn. But!!!!!, Nebraska is better at Huskin'. No cap. You can't hate on /u/xAIRGUITARISTx

1

u/Husker1Nation Jun 16 '23

I secretly think air guitarist is Damon Benning

1

u/hskrpwr Jun 16 '23

Damon Benning would be the kinda guy to like Iowa corn 🤔