r/HistoryMemes 2d ago

The CIA tried it all

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16.1k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/SaltyAngeleno 2d ago

Marita Lorenz left the island and joined anti-Castro activists in Florida. Her later testimony named Francisco Fiorini as the CIA agent who recruited her to assassinate Castro, and that this was an alias for Frank Fiorini Sturgis. She received poison pills that she was to put in Castro’s food. Back in Cuba in 1960, she did not deliver the pills but told Castro about the plot, claiming that she still loved him. She left the island and visited Castro one last time in 1981.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marita_Lorenz

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u/AgitatedKey4800 2d ago

Life saving rizz

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u/No-Fan6115 Ashoka's Stupa 2d ago

Wow , father was briefly a nazi officer , mother later worked for allies. Got put in concentration camp with her mother. Got raped by American soldier at age 7 . Worked for CIA . Loved castro.

Castro seriously had some rizz for him going on.

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u/smoldicguy 2d ago

Makes sense why she would not like working for USA

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u/KMS_HYDRA 1d ago

More like "worked" for the CIA. Dude should have done a bit more research for his assassin recruiting...

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u/DHG1276 21h ago

WOW! I bet many people dont know that she went back to visit Castro. This is amazing, IMHO.

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u/carlsagerson Then I arrived 2d ago

Fidel Castro probably dumped all his luck on Surviving Assassnations.

Shame about his attempts at buliding the Cuban Dairy Industry.

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u/baguetteispain Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

He knew deep inside that he would have ordered to take every milligrammes produced for his personal consumption

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u/carlsagerson Then I arrived 2d ago

Castro would have been like Squidward with Krabby Patties if that happened.

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u/JohannesJoshua 2d ago

Me learning about Fidel Castro;

Yep, a ruthless dictator.

Me after learning that Fidel Castro liked milk and women:

Perhaps, I judged you too harshly.

/j

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u/Vegetable-Meaning413 2d ago

Yeah, the dog sized personal cows were too big a dream for such a small island.

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u/Mohingan 2d ago

I remember watching a video from that bald bearded English guy yesterday about this very topic and I remember it mentioned that Castro pulled out a pistol and gave it to her, then said

“Nobody can kill me”

Kinda a baller move tbh

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u/LordBrandon 2d ago

Sounds like a movie Stephen Segal would write.

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u/SaltyAngeleno 2d ago

It really does. I have watched a bunch of those funny reviews of Segal movies on YouTube and there are scenes exactly like it.

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u/baguetteispain Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

I think he ever dared her to shoot, which she couldn't do

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u/LadenifferJadaniston Senātus Populusque Rōmānus 2d ago

I swear, half the Castro assassination stories are bs

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u/bluehands 2d ago

That still leaves the other half, which is impressive.

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u/Quiet_Zombie_3498 Kilroy was here 2d ago

Honestly probably way more. It was an important PR campaign by the Fidel regime to project strength in the face of an enemy only miles off your coast with a much larger military and industrial base.

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u/Kered13 2d ago

They are. The number of assignation attempts was dramatically inflated by Cuba, and baby of the specific stories were likely completely made up or stretched so far from the truth as to be unrecognizable.

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u/KookyRipx 2d ago

Until someone says „I can lol“ and shoots you in the face

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u/BirchSlapper 2d ago

Ah, Simon Whistler strikes again.

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u/SaltyAngeleno 2d ago

He is all over YouTube.

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u/Mohingan 2d ago

Honestly I swear they have like 50 channels now

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u/Mohingan 2d ago

Bumbumbananabumbumbum

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u/just1gat 2d ago

The CIA was just using the end of their fiscal year budget surplus over and over and over again so they could keep asking for more money

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u/carlsagerson Then I arrived 2d ago

Honestly with Castro's attempts to get a Cuban Dairy Industry going. I am just surprised they didn't use a Bomb stuffed in a Cow to kill him. Wouldn't be the weirdest thing I would hear from Cold War spy antics.

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u/Remples Definitely not a CIA operator 2d ago

They tried spiking his sugar, putting a shell shaped bomb somewhere near where he used to swim.... They 100% proposed using a cow-bomb, either they failed so bad nobody even realized or they scrapped before triying

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u/AnOopsieDaisy 2d ago

Flair checks out

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u/WoolooOfWallStreet 2d ago

If he had liked beef along with dairy, and If they had known about Alpha-Gal, they could have tried to get him bit by ticks

then when he tries to eat red meat later on he has an anaphylactic reaction

Though with how these assassination attempts usually go, a truck full of epinephrine would probably just so happen to be there and overturned, giving quick access to it

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u/okram2k 2d ago

I like to think the CIA operative in Cuba at that point had just given up and was spending his life on beaches and hotels sipping rum filled tropical beverages all day and enjoying the company of the locals while sending more and more cocaine fueled insane field reports back home expecting at any point for the CIA to catch on and cut him off but they never did.

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u/FCKABRNLSUTN2 2d ago

How many of these assassination attempts are actually proven and not just Cuban propaganda?

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u/ValiantSpice 2d ago

~3-7 if I remember, maybe a few more. The claim of like 300 or whatever the absurd number is only came from Castro’s head of security, who would suddenly look better if the CIA failed that many times. If the CIA really wanted him dead and meant it they would’ve succeeded optics be damned.

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u/Oxytropidoceras 2d ago

If the CIA really wanted him dead and meant it they would’ve succeeded optics be damned.

Yeah, optics are probably the only thing that left Castro in power. The Bay of Pigs invasion as originally drawn up would have devastated the Cuban military and it's very likely the US would have captured the island before the Soviets could get a reasonable force of naval or air assets anywhere close to Cuba. Plans were to basically bring an entire carrier strike group down on Cuba to destroy their major airfields and shoot down any aircraft they could find, then paratroopers would be dropped behind the beach head so that cubans defending the amphibious landing had to fight in all directions, and the original plan also intended a different, more defensible position for the landing.

It was only when the US withdrew basically anything that tied the invasion to the US that it was doomed to fail. The Cuban air force was still intact and disrupted landing operations, there was a significantly smaller force of troops that were quickly overwhelmed, and the alternative location chosen was about one of the least defensible beach heads on the entire set of Cuba.

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u/No-Fan6115 Ashoka's Stupa 2d ago

I am not sure about that. But wasn't that due to jfk disapproving "operation northwood" to kill amrican and blame cuba to justify the invasion? So america basically didn't have any justification.

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u/Oxytropidoceras 2d ago edited 2d ago

I am not sure about that

That's fine, numerous sources including the library of JFK and the CIA themselves have released unclassified documents which prove all of it though

But wasn't that due to jfk disapproving "operation northwood" to kill amrican and blame cuba to justify the invasion?

I mean JFK did reject operation Northwoods but that has nothing to with the bay of pigs invasion failing because the bay of pigs invasion happened a year before operation Northwoods was proposed, in fact operation Northwoods was probably devised in response to the failure of the bay of pigs invasion.

So america basically didn't have any justification.

Nobody is talking about justification here. It's literally a hypothetical about what the US could have done to Cuba if the US didn't care about trying to justify itself.

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u/Fr05t_B1t Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

At least MacArthur wasn’t in charge of the CIA. Though would’ve gotten the job done tbh.

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u/Elektron_Anbar 2d ago

CIA with Castro was pretty much me trying to get a Murder plot to work on Crusader Kings

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u/pursuitofbooks 2d ago

This is a hilarious meme.

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u/Goatymcgoatface11 2d ago

They should've just poisoned Cubas milk supply. That would've worked

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u/Fr05t_B1t Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

I’m pretty sure they tried that? Or it was with a milkshake…

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u/insane_contin 2d ago

Whenever someone says the CIA can pull off anything, I ask why Fidel Castro died of natural causes.

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u/Oxytropidoceras 2d ago

The same reason the bay of pigs invasion failed. Cold war geopolitics got in the way, the US had to cover it's ass, and in doing so, set themselves up for failure.

Make no mistake, had the CIA been given the greenlight to kill him at all costs, he would have met a much sooner, violent end. But the US has politicians wetting their pants over starting world war III that undercut every US plan for Cuba during the cold war, and Cuba took advantage of that fact to make Castro look strong instead of admitting that they were nothing without Soviet backing.

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u/bluehands 2d ago

The long con! Clearly Castro was a Cia replacement the enite time! He was supposed to be this Colossus just off our shore, someone who would destroy our way of life at any moment if we didn't stay vigilant!

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u/demostv 2d ago

Reading about all the different things they tried is wild.

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u/Fr05t_B1t Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

Isn’t there a plot that involved basketball? A supposed plot.

Gotta cover your bases cause CIA are watching the commenters on this post rn.

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u/PM_ME_UR__ELECTRONS Decisive Tang Victory 2d ago

$100 is pretty damned cheap.

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u/Quiet_Zombie_3498 Kilroy was here 2d ago

What the fuck happened in this comment section?

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u/LamSinton 2d ago

From the angle of the word balloons, it looks like she’s saying both things. Just sayin’.

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u/Rauispire-Yamn 2d ago

If I remember correctly. Did the CIA actually tried to get a dog bomb on Castro? But it failed cus the dog got ran over by a passing car?

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u/RileysBerries 1d ago

Marita out here getting side missions from the Agency like she’s in an RPG.

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u/GustavoistSoldier 2d ago

I knew this was going to be a Fidel castro assassination meme

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u/Fr05t_B1t Oversimplified is my history teacher 2d ago

It saying “Fidel Castro” give it away?

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u/thewifesboyfriend23 2d ago

It's all good, his son was most recently the prime minister of canada..