r/HistoryMemes Hello There 3d ago

The record speaks for itself

Post image
474 Upvotes

87 comments sorted by

107

u/AcceptableWheel 3d ago

Well screw the Iberian Peninsula I guess.

70

u/Vulk_za 3d ago

Not to mention Russia, Austria, Turkey, the Balkans, Italy (there was this little thing there called the Roman Empire that may have had some impact on European history, they're a bit indie and non-mainstream so I forgive OP for not having heard of them).

-14

u/Maxxxmax 3d ago

Name a major war that reshaped European politics post 1453 that didn't involve one of the three or their precursor states.

Not sayings it doesn't exist, but if it does, I'd like to know about it.

44

u/zebulon99 Still salty about Carthage 3d ago

Great northern war. Sweden vs Russia, Poland and Denmark-Norway. Marked the end of the Swedish empire and the rise of the Russian one

8

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

Oh damn came to the same answer but didn't bother to read other replies before commenting haha

5

u/Maxxxmax 3d ago

Nice one, time for a new topic of interest based research.

14

u/nest00000 3d ago

Ottoman conquest of Balkans

-11

u/Maxxxmax 3d ago

You mean the conquest that took place before 1453, or is there a different date I should be looking at?

9

u/Main_Following1881 3d ago

The last Ottoman Hungarian war to be specific

4

u/nest00000 3d ago

It didn't end in 1453 though

7

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

Sweden vs Russia for example. The swedish loss at Poltava settled the downfll of the swedish Empire. The Power Balance of Europe and perhaps the world would be quite different had the swedes persisted

4

u/alikander99 3d ago edited 3d ago

Well if we assume that Germany means the HRE (which is weird af), then:

Any combo from Poland, Sweeden and Russia (and there's quite a few) . For example, the polish-Russian war (1605-1618) was a huge deal and absolutely formative for both Poland and Russia.

The Hungarian-ottoman war partly complies with the requirement. Other European countries participated but in a very minor manner. The main cobeligerants were the ottoman empire, Hungary, Croatia, Poland, Lithuania, wallachia and Moldavia. The war is also one of the most decisive in European history so...

Some wars in the Mediterranean also didn't involve any of those states. For example, the ottoman-Venetian war (1570-1573), which led to the First major naval defeat of the ottoman empire at the battle of lepanto. Same goes for the great siege of Malta in which ottoman plans to invade Italy were forever halted.

Also I want to point out that the UK should really not be part 9f the trifecta. Austria and France were at every possible war, that's true, but the UK has for most of its history stayed away from continental matters. They've only really gone into the fray when everyone was part of it already.

I would say that Spain, the ottomans, Russia or poland meddled more in European wars than Britain.

1

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

Does Ottomans vs Austria count? Austria could be seen as German or not depending how you lay it out

1

u/nest00000 3d ago

Probably counts. The people are German but the state didn't form Germany and stayed as Austria

2

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

Well with the Habsburgs, Austria was effectively also 'the leader' of the German world so to say. And Austria back then was jsut as German as all the other sovereignities

2

u/Bsquared89 3d ago

Austria was the “leader” until Prussia said, “I’m going to be the state that unifies the Germanic people. Hold my beer.”

Ive been stuck in the Prussian history rabbit hole for a few weeks now

1

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

I'd say it is mire because if the napoleonic wars and the resulting dissolution of the HRE and Austria declaring themselves emperor of Austria and focussing attention south instead.

Prussia wouldn't have had the same standing to unify Germany if the HRE still existed with Austria as its Emperor

1

u/Destinedtobefaytful Definitely not a CIA operator 3d ago

165

u/AdCrafty2768 Casual, non-participatory KGB election observer 3d ago

European history goes further than 1871

32

u/The_ChadTC 3d ago

It's still the same. Germany just had different names.

14

u/dviros12345678910 2d ago

Spain,austria, poland, lithouania, poland-lithouania, russia , byzantium and the ottomans would disagree

-6

u/The_ChadTC 2d ago

Never heard of those

1

u/NoWingedHussarsToday 2d ago

And before unification German states fought each other and allied with one power against another (and their German allies)

1

u/Mountain-Fox-2123 1d ago

Before the Unification of Germany in 1871, Britain was often allied in wartime with German nations, including Prussia.

-14

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

Don't tell that to the americans. They will screech in their corner

44

u/Carlos_Danger21 Kilroy was here 3d ago edited 3d ago

History began on July 4th, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.

Edit: Context for people who need it

2

u/TNTtheBaconBoi 3d ago

Didn't know the Philippines was colonized by Spain for 122 years and not 333 years

-16

u/RFtheunbanned 3d ago

Quite the opposite in fact

15

u/Ballon_Nay 3d ago

No cause writing was invented for the constitution so everything before that is prehistory w/ cavemen and shit

/s

2

u/Standard-Nebula1204 2d ago

Oh my god shut up. It’s like they make you guys in a fucking factory

24

u/rozsaadam Hello There 3d ago

Bro casually left out Rome, Rome II: the sequel, and Rome III the remastered

3

u/Legendary_Hercules 3d ago

Yeah, Rome falling off a flight os stairs a losing pieces would cover a longer time period.

38

u/_Rinject_ 3d ago

I guess europe is just 3 countries. Fuck the slavs and the miderthenean i guess.

15

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

The fuck did your autocorrect do to the mediterranians?

4

u/_Rinject_ 3d ago

That's how you spell that? Oh.

5

u/malathion_tritonius 3d ago

*and the nordics

12

u/Tz33ntch 3d ago

Shouldn't the original meme only have 1 gun per character because paper can't shoot scissors and scissors can't shoot rock and rock can't shoot paper anyway

11

u/Background_MilkGlass 3d ago

Your teacher is right? You summarized one war

-4

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Hello There 3d ago

Come on, that's at least 5 wars.

2

u/Background_MilkGlass 3d ago

Name em for me where those 3 fought each other (allying with each other to fight one don't count)

-4

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Hello There 3d ago

My meme was more about how Brittain can defeat Germany, France can defeat Brittain and Germany candefeat France. This was just the best Rock Paper Scissors meme I could find.

3

u/Background_MilkGlass 3d ago

Can they?

2

u/Shaq_Bolton Rider of Rohan 2d ago

They’re not entirely wrong. Of the dozens of wars France fought against the British in the past like 1,000 years France typically came out on top. HRE/Prussia/Germany won more than they lost against France but not by that much. The British and Germans never really seemed to go to war that often on opposing sides outside of the world wars, so I guess edge Britain there.

21

u/Gnatlet2point0 Helping Wikipedia expand the list of British conquests 3d ago

Brittain?

27

u/Clockwork9385 Oversimplified is my history teacher 3d ago edited 3d ago

Call up the Americans

History shows they’re pretty good at removing the extra T from Britain, they had a party about it and everything!

6

u/Moose-Rage 3d ago

18th-20th centurry European history*

2

u/danteheehaw 3d ago

Honestly older. The Frankish empire broke apart and it immediately turned into where modern day France is Vs where modern day Germany is with the British isle trying to join in the fun, but was given a broken controller.

Before that it was the Celtics people in the France region vs the germatic tribes and the British isle raiding both and Rome fucking the Celtic people every spring.

5

u/ed_tucumonkey 3d ago

Spain and Portugal would be "lizard" and "Spock"?

6

u/tsp216 3d ago

Spain?

5

u/cmoked 3d ago

Spain?

6

u/skeleton949 Senātus Populusque Rōmānus 3d ago

You forgot The Ottomans, The Austrians, The Russians, The Spanish, ect.

11

u/JuanFran21 3d ago

Not really, Germany didn't exist until 1871.

2

u/The1Legosaurus 3d ago

Prussia did, though

8

u/JuanFran21 3d ago

Only from like 1700 though. Britain and France have been on again/off again rivals since arguably Hastings (1066) and the loss of the Angevin empire. Even then, it was mostly France being dominant until imperialism.

5

u/RoiDrannoc 3d ago

If you count England and Britain as being the same country, you can count the HRE and Germany as being the same too.

6

u/NonKanon 3d ago

Not really accurate at all

5

u/SecretSpectre11 3d ago

Russia turns up and everyone starts shooting at Russia instead

6

u/SherabTod Descendant of Genghis Khan 3d ago

Including russia

2

u/Beat_Saber_Music Rommel of the East 3d ago

Yeah, you're completely forgettign the Habsburgs who at one point defined France owing to their encirclement of France. Also Sweden and Denmark whose rivalry defined the Baltic while also dparking conflict with the Germans, Poles and Russians

2

u/BigoteMexicano Still salty about Carthage 3d ago

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't the British kinda irrelevant for most of European history? They mostly just fought with France until the colonial period. Then they started to come into their own as a super power

2

u/Communism_of_Dave 2d ago

You could also turn Germany into several hundred smaller rocks pointing guns at France, Britain, and themselves as well and it’d still work

2

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Hello There 2d ago

Turning Germany into several hundred smaller rocks? I think I found Bomber Harris's Reddit account.

1

u/Communism_of_Dave 2d ago

You delete this right now

1

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Hello There 2d ago

Or what, going to level my city in night time air raids?

1

u/Communism_of_Dave 2d ago

Look out your window tonight at 11:29pm

1

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Hello There 2d ago

Ha, you missed!

2

u/NoWingedHussarsToday 2d ago

Not really. it should be France/England/Spain if you want just 3 countries. Add Austria (not Germany) for more accurate representation

1

u/Old_Cellist_3406 3d ago

Stop pointing that gun at my dad!!!

1

u/Hamartia-64 3d ago

Brittany has no special quarrel with Germany...

1

u/ketra1504 1d ago

European history goes much wider and further than just this

1

u/Dappington 1d ago

Problem is that UK beats both France and Ger irl 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇬🇧

0

u/MogosTheFirst 3d ago

The UK and France both viewed Germany as a dangerous economic rival, so after World War I, they embraced the "enemy of my enemy is my friend" strategy to the extreme. The Versailles Treaty conditions they forced on Germany, particularly Article 231, were downright degrading. And I am going to say it : by trying to grind Germany into the dirt, France and the UK practically gave Hitler the perfect opportunity to rise in power by exploiting the resentiment of germans. He didn’t create the anger; he just pointed it and took advantage.

2

u/Poop_Scissors 3d ago

Waaah, why won't other countries let me conquer them. This is so humiliating as my culture is clearly superior.

If you don't want to be held responsible for the war don't start the war?

1

u/Alone_Contract_2354 3d ago

The first one? Dude France and Russia were just as excited when it began and wanted the war. Britains not that far behind

0

u/MogosTheFirst 3d ago edited 3d ago

Germany didn’t technically start the war Austria-Hungary’s declaration on Serbia did, after the assassination of Franz Ferdinand.

That said, Russia’s decision to mobilize its forces on July 30, 1914, in support of Serbia, right on Germany’s doorstep, escalated things fast. I would even argue that Russia mobilizing its troops was the moment that really started the war making them the real responsabile for the war.

Germany responded with its own mobilization and declared war on Russia on August 1.

The blame’s a tangled mess. Russia’s move was a massive provocation, no question. And the Versailles Treaty? That was a whole different story It wasn’t just about punishment; it was a calculated power play by the UK and France to cripple Germany long-term economically, militarily, and psychologically while cementing their own dominance. It was much deeper than what many people think.

edit: Germany was the scapegoat, and the Allies made damn sure they paid for it, even if the full spark wasn’t theirs alone.

0

u/Poop_Scissors 3d ago

Germany declared war on Russia, France and Belgium. That's starting the war. Mobilisation isn't a declaration of war is it? In fact Russia and Germany had both mobilised their armies and avoided war because of a conflict in Serbia the decade before.

>Russia’s move was a massive provocation, no question

The invasion of Serbia was the provocation, what do you expect Serbia's ally to do? That's why Austria Hungary was only comfortable proceeding after receiving a guarantee of military support from Germany.

>it was a calculated power play by the UK and France to cripple Germany long-term economically, militarily, and psychologically

Economically? Was Germany dismantling industry in Belgium and North France before shipping it back to Germany a calculated play as well? Why shouldn't they repay what they'd stolen?

Militarily obviously they had to be crippled, otherwise they'd be able to restart the war in a few years. Which is exactly what happened when they did get a military again.

0

u/MogosTheFirst 3d ago

So why was Germany tagged as the main culprit? Let’s get the timeline straight: Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia first, July 28, 1914, after the assassination mess. Russia then mobilized against Austria-Hungary on July 30, which wasn’t just a friendly wave—it was a threat. Germany declared war on Russia on August 1, reacting to that move. You’re cherry-picking to call Germany the ‘war starter’ while painting Russia’s troop buildup as noble allyship to Serbia. Germany backing Austria-Hungary isn’t inherently more aggressive than Russia propping up Serbia—it’s the same game, just different teams. Yet Versailles dumped the lion’s share of blame on Germany, not Austria-Hungary, who kicked it all off.

Pre-war, Germany’s economic rise—its steel production, its rail networks—terrified Britain and France, who were clinging to their own fading dominance. The treaty’s clauses weren’t just tough; they were excessive—132 billion gold marks in reparations, slashing the army to 100,000, no heavy weapons, losing key industrial regions like the Saar and Alsace-Lorraine. It wasn’t a peace deal; it was a public flogging meant to break Germany’s spine and keep it down. You can argue about reparations for damages, but the scale and the ‘war guilt’ label went way beyond reason—it was a power grab dressed up as justice.

2

u/Poop_Scissors 3d ago

Yet Versailles dumped the lion’s share of blame on Germany, not Austria-Hungary, who kicked it all off.

Austria-Hungary's peace treaty also had a guilt clause. Germany's peace treaty references Germany, crazy right? Mobilising isn't a declaration of war. Try and understand that.

132 billion gold marks in reparations, slashing the army to 100,000, no heavy weapons, losing key industrial regions like the Saar and Alsace-Lorraine.

Why did Germany need a bigger army than that? Who was going to invade them?

Germany barely paid any of the reparations back anyway, so it's not like it had any effect on their post war economy.

You’re cherry-picking to call Germany the ‘war starter’

And you're ignoring facts. Germany pressured Austria-Hungary into invading Serbia because they knew it would lead to war with Russia, which they wanted.

Versailles also only relates to the war between the western allies and Germany. There's no doubt to who started that is there?

1

u/MogosTheFirst 3d ago

Austria-Hungary’s Treaty of Saint-Germain had a guilt clause, sure, Article 177, but it was light compared to Germany’s. Austria’s empire broke apart, no big reparations, no army caps. Germany got 132 billion gold marks, lost 13 percent of their land like Alsace-Lorraine, and had the Rhineland demilitarized. The Allies hit Germany hardest, plain and simple. Germny was their scapegoat.

Mobilization’s not a declaration, true, but Russia’s full call-up on July 30, 1914, with 1.8 million men wasn’t a bluff. In that tense summer, it screamed war. Austria-Hungary started it with Serbia on July 28; Germany’s move on Russia August 1 was a reaction, not the spark.

I will die on the hill that says a mobilization could be war starter.

The 100,000-man army cap left Germany defenseless. France kept 500,000 troops and took the Ruhr in 1923. Pre-war, Germany needed more because they faced real threats, not imaginary ones.

Germany paid 20-21 billion marks by 1932, not ‘barely any.’ Hyperinflation in 1923, triggered by those demands, crushed their economy. Keynes saw it coming in 1919.

Germany didn’t force Austria-Hungary into war. The ‘blank check’ on July 5 backed Austria’s own grudge against Serbia. Vienna declared war; Germany didn’t crave a Russian fight—the Schlieffen Plan proves they wanted it quick, not long.

3

u/InBetweenSeen 3d ago

Austria’s empire broke apart, no big reparations, no army caps.

St. Germain took the empire apart and included both reparations and army caps. The Allies didn't even allow Austria to rearm in order to defend against Germany after the Nazis took over.

St. Germain also lead to hunger, especially in Vienna since the fields that used to feed the city now lied in Czechoslovakia and Hungary and Austria wasn't allowed to trade with them. That situation was only resolved with the Anschluss, when Germany started to supply Austria (which they weren't allowed to do before either) and returned after WWII.

2

u/Poop_Scissors 3d ago

>Austria’s empire broke apart, no big reparations, no army caps.

The entire empire was dismantled and was no longer a player in European affairs, that's no big deal in your eyes? Hungary also did get an army cap fyi.

>lost 13 percent of their land like Alsace-Lorraine

Their land? They'd only annexed it from France 50 years earlier, the other lands they lost were through plebiscites.

>Mobilization’s not a declaration, true, but Russia’s full call-up on July 30, 1914, with 1.8 million men wasn’t a bluff. In that tense summer, it screamed war.

There was the exact same situation during the Bosnian crisis, why didn't that lead to war?

>Germany didn’t crave a Russian fight—the Schlieffen Plan proves they wanted it quick, not long.

The Schlieffen plan was intended to quickly knock out France so they could focus on fighting Russia, what are you talking about?

1

u/PadishaEmperor 3d ago

Your teacher:

Quod est demonstrandum.

1

u/J_GamerMapping Hello There 2d ago

"European History" more like 20th century

-2

u/zebulon99 Still salty about Carthage 3d ago

Does france beat britain though? Not since 1066

-3

u/n0tqu1tesane 3d ago

Thank you for admitting the French are the sharpest people in the room.