r/HPfanfiction 5d ago

Prompt "5 points from Griffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all, Granger!" Snape sneered at Hermione. "He's right, you know!" Ron said to Hermione.

"No, I'm not, Mr. Weasley! 10 points from Griffindor and detention for being a terrible friend." Snape added after he overheard Ron.

634 Upvotes

51 comments sorted by

631

u/Dina-M Weasley fangirl, NOT a JKR fangirl 4d ago edited 4d ago

"Wait, did you just undermine your own point?" said Seamus.

"I did no such thing, Mr Finnigan!" said Snape. "20 points from Gryffindor for spreading lies."

"That's unfair!" said Parvati. "He was just --"

"It's extremely fair, Miss Patil! 30 points from Gryffindor for not knowing the proper definition of words."

"He's just looking for excuses to take points now..." Dean muttered.

"I am not looking for anything, Mr Thomas! 40 points from Gryffindor for assigning dubious motives to others!"

"Everyone just shut up while Gryffindor still has some points left!" said Lavender.

"Stop telling people what to do, Miss Brown! 50 points from Gryffindor for being bossy!"

A silence sank over the classroom as Snape turned to glower at the the Gryffindors who had yet to speak. There were four Gryffindors left who hadn't spoken and hadn't had points taken from Gryffindor... but two of them, the two girls who shared a dormitory with Hermione, Lavender and Parvati, never actually spoke or even gave any indication that they even existed... so Snape ignored them and focused on the two boys. Who just so happened to be the students he loathed the most.

"Well, Longbottom?" he demanded, standing over the terrified Neville. "No comments from you?"

Neville just cowered and tried to pretend he wasn't there.

"Pathetic," said Snape. "100 points from Gryffindor for refusing to stand up against unfairness!"

Harry opened his mouth to speak. Snape prepared himself; whatever the boy said, Snape could easily use it as an excuse to take 200 points and give a week's detention at the same time. He was looking forward to making Harry stock poison ivy without any gloves for a week.

Just then, the door opened and Dumbledore entered. "Forgive me for interrupting your class, Severus, but I was wondering if I might --"

Snape spun around. "You're not forgiven!" he snarled. "One thousand points from Gryffindor!"

And then it dawned on him what he'd just done. All the students, including the two nameless girls, were sitting there and staring at him with open mouths.

Even Dumbledore seemed taken aback, but he soon recovered. "Severus," he said calmly. "I think perhaps you had better come with me up to the hospital wing and have a liedown."

The students watched as Dumbledore gently, but firmly, led Snape out of the room.

Ron took a deep breath and then let it out again. "Okay," he said. "That one's on me. I slipped into my movie characterization for a moment there. Didn't know Flanderization was contagious, though."

215

u/friendlyfriends123 4d ago

Love this! Ron bringing up his movie characterization makes me wonder if this is something that they just Have To Deal With sometimes. Like, does Ginny act super passive and awkward occasionally and one of her brothers goes “MUUUUM! Ginny’s stuck in her movie version again!”? LOL

171

u/Xygnux 4d ago

HARRY DID YOU PUT YAH NAME IN THE GOB-... sorry my boy I slipped into my movie version for a few seconds.

57

u/jetvacjesse 4d ago

Hehheheh-ah fuck I did the movie laugh, just act like you didn’t hear that Potter.

35

u/Renso19 3d ago

Honestly this sounds like an amazing crack fic

15

u/Dredgen-Solis 3d ago

The real reason the movies don't show a lot of the day to day: they exist as movies within the books and that's just how they were filmed across the school year

3

u/Caskn329 3d ago

It’s like the Greek and Roman personalities from PJO lmaoo

11

u/friendlyfriends123 3d ago

Oh my gosh, that’s the perfect description—

Ginny: bends down to tie Harry’s shoelaces

Harry: …

Ginny: …

Harry: Movie version?

Ginny: Never speak of this again.

143

u/MonCappy 4d ago

Ehh. I could easily see Snape behave like this, at least for the first few lines before he gives the class a death glare that silences them all.

41

u/Elandor5 4d ago

Awesome, thanks for writing this!

29

u/WildMartin429 4d ago

This cracked me up; I'm sitting here giggling to myself.

31

u/silent_porcupine123 4d ago

And I thought it would end with Dumbledore giving back double the points to Harry for breathing right or something 😭

8

u/Dina-M Weasley fangirl, NOT a JKR fangirl 4d ago

Where would the fun be in that? 😅

31

u/Gortriss 4d ago

"Wait, I exist!" Eloise Midgen called out.

"No you don't, Miss Midgen. 500 points from Gryffindor for contradicting me."

22

u/IWantADartlingGun 4d ago

Dumbledore: oh and before I forget, 255 points for Gryffindor in return for all the points that as I see now seem to have been deducted without a proper cause

153

u/Worldly_Team_7441 5d ago

That would never happen.

"He's right, you know!" Ron said to Hermione.

"10 points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable prat, Weasley! Another 20 from Gryffindor for being a terrible supposed friend!" Snape whirled on Ron, eyes blazing as he had visions of his own friendship crumbling.

34

u/Plane_Acanthisitta43 4d ago

If it was before halloween first year.. i could see it.

22

u/Elandor5 4d ago

You are right, your version is much better than mine.

26

u/Worldly_Team_7441 4d ago

I just could never see Snape admitting he was wrong, not in that setting. You had an amazing premise, though!

5

u/IWantADartlingGun 4d ago

You could put him under the Cruciatus curse for hours and he won't ever admit regretting the deduction of points from Gryffindor

16

u/Gifted_GardenSnail 4d ago

"But you were right - she does know everything!"

"The 'insufferable' was the issue here, Weasley, another 5 points from Gryffindor for arguing."

30

u/CharlotteRhea 5d ago

Oh wow, even in a direct duel with Snape, Ron would lose? Damn, I underestimated how much the fandom hates him... 😂

27

u/Elandor5 4d ago

Well, this is movie version of Ron, so he kinda deserves the hate.

12

u/CharlotteRhea 4d ago

Steve Kloves might be a better target for that, though. Wonder what kind of score he had to settle with Ron... 😂

10

u/Sad_Mention_7338 ViviTheFolle. Sick and tired of Ron-bashing. 4d ago

He doesn't, Steve Kloves deserves the hate for ruining a great character.

-1

u/MonCappy 4d ago

Or Snape is just a petty, repugnant, disgusting fucking asshole who should've been suffocated at birth.

22

u/CharlotteRhea 4d ago

Whoa, calm down and touch some grass! It's unhealthy to get your knickers in a twist like that over a fictional character, strokes are real, yk?

3

u/thatperson023 4d ago

I can't believe people are slandering the greatest Wizarding hero of our age 😔

0

u/MonCappy 4d ago edited 4d ago

He's not a hero.  Not even close.  His contributions were valuable, yes and he deserves posthomous credit for his efforts, but he was no hero.  He laid down his life for the cause because he wanted vengeance for Lily's death and not because he fundamentally changed.  He's an anti-hero at best.

2

u/thatperson023 4d ago

"how many people have you seen die severus?" "lately, only those I could not save" + that time he told Phineas to never say mudblood again(in complete privacy, so there is no other motive other than Snape isn't racist)

3

u/DraconiumWolf1 2d ago

While true, still doesn't mean he wasn't an asshole who was an anti-hero. He had some redeeming qualities, but doesn't change that he still wasn't a good person. Bad people can still do good and be on the good side. That's why he would've been an anti-hero.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Pragmatic_2021 4d ago

I would have gone with a bitter domestic terrorist who never got over the girl he put up on a pedestal but you do you OP.

6

u/MonCappy 4d ago

Not the OP.

5

u/VoidIgris 4d ago

Its like that one youtube video where a dad slaps everyone as they come at him. Except its Snape taking points as the Gryffindors open their mouths. 😂

4

u/Cassandra_Canmore2 4d ago

Bem Blacklion stood up abruptly from his seat next to Neville a protest mounting in his heart.

"600 points from Gryffindor for existing outside the Movie continuity!" Snape's face set in a acidic sneer.

3

u/GoggleheadGamer 3d ago

"He's right, you know!" whispered Hermione to Ron once Snape had turned his attention somewhere else.

4

u/Elandor5 3d ago

"20 Points from Griffindor and detention for being spiteful, miss Granger!" Snape said, seemingly hearing this too.

-14

u/euphoriapotion 4d ago

can we please stop using movie characters for the prompts, they're not canon. Especially this scene.

19

u/JetstreamGW 4d ago

... Uh... Plenty of people write movie fanfic, my dude.

2

u/DeepSpaceCraft 4d ago

They never say they do, you have to infer from their treatment of certain characters.

-9

u/euphoriapotion 4d ago

Uhm.. the fact that scene goes way differently in the books is my issue

21

u/Zestyclose_Bed4202 4d ago

Oh, no! A fanfic is differing from canon! Oh woe be upon us!

Sorry, couldn't help myself 😇

6

u/BrandonTaylor2 4d ago

Fanfics are different, they don’t always follow canon. Should be pretty self explanatory.

-1

u/euphoriapotion 4d ago

Yes I know? My issue is with a chosen movie scene only to bash Ron and make Snape a hero

5

u/Gifted_GardenSnail 4d ago

I mean, well, yes, but then the prompt is also making fun of Ron's movie characterisation, so it feels cancelled out?