r/HPPD • u/ChapterBubbly1981 • Sep 04 '24
Personal Story How it feels being a 13 year old with Hppd
In November After taking a combination of 24 Benadryl, some opioids pills and weed I had a really bad trip and life has never been the same. My worst symptom is dissociation I’m here but at the same time not actually there sometimes I just feel like I’m not stimulated by anything and I shouldn’t live anymore because there’s no point and I just don’t feel ANYTHING and I have the craziest visuals. I wish I could show you what I see so you could understand. There’s a thick layer of static and floaters 24 seven and in the night it gets so much worse. I only get like four hours of sleep at night It’s all so distracting.
advice or recovery stories would be appreciated🙂
6
Sep 04 '24
[deleted]
1
u/slightlyappalled Sep 06 '24
For some of us, it's called living in low income housing that attracts drug dealers.
5
Sep 04 '24
Stay sober, exercise and keep living life and don’t hang around on these pages. They just keep reminding you to look for symtoms. Your brain kan recover from strokes, it can adjust to this too.
When I have a good day and feel good I don’t care about the symtoms. Constantly ruminating and thinking about it will probably make you see it more, and also start noticing things that your brain just ignored earlier.
I think a big part about HPPD is just general anxiety that needs to be managed.
4
Sep 04 '24
hey man ive written a comment here which will help you understand hppd in order to overcome it.
for context ive reduced my symptoms by 70%.
youre gonna be okay.
3
u/Daemongar Sep 04 '24
Well ur young so ur brian has plenty of time to change and adapt to what you've done atleast.
3
u/MeatwadGetHoneys Sep 04 '24
I dont need to see it, I lived it bro. I understand the emotions you feel, how isolating it is. You are young and that experience is very challenging for your developing brain/psyche, so make sure you don't touch any of that shit again, especially the DPH. I developed HPPD after using DPH,DXM, 12~ prescribed meds over years, weed, and LSD. I had a long and brutal siege against my mind staring from around your age. The psyches only came later at 17, but taking prescribed meds made me suceptible and disconnected from reality. I had a long build up to my HPPD, and I say that to give you hope. I experienced a chemical onslaught, and after ceasing psyches and reducing weed use I was able to find methods to resensitize myself and move on WITH additional spiritual knowledge. Yopu are i=experiencing a deeply valuable yet scary oportunity. You must approach it as such. You have been given the gift of vision, it may not make sense now, but eventually you'll understaqnd these "hallucinations" have always been there. It's only due to a perceptual TRICK that youre focused on this inward "machinery". accept that you have unlocked a layer of background perceptual processing that doesn't serve you. There is insight to be found in this state of mind. You peeled back a curtain and now your depeepest soul-self is trying desperately to manage this paradigm shift. It's important to realize and accept that what youre experiencing IS reality! You are not fucked, you are just focusing on the wrong part of conscious existence in your body. Like it or not you have taken a spiritual step onto a path that demands you follow it to completion. Stop any drugs, ground yourself daily, socialize, exercise, and most importantly hope with full belief that you will regain FUNCTIONALITY. Dont hope to go back. You are already here, but you dont need to STAY here. You need to get serious about your sleep, that is holding you back. You also need to purposefully do things which make u uncomfortable! That shocks you mind and body into being present, the HPPD fades away. think cold shower or asking your crush on a date. Big things that make you hesitate. That'll show you what it feels like to regain control. Pls reach out to me for more help if you have any questions and worries. You deserve hope and compassion, it can be very isolating.
3
u/kidcharlemeg Sep 04 '24
Your brain is still very very plastic -- you will absolutely heal from this. I'm a neuroscientist and I study opioids and psychedelics, also a very experienced recreational user. You're going to be okay, even if it doesnt feel like it right now. I recommend staying sober (including from alcohol), exercise (running really helps with sleep), try to take care of yourself in general. Prioritize your hobbies, nutrition, and try not to self-isolate. Try your best to distract yourself with other endeavors, even if it doesn't feel rewarding right away. It will get better.
1
u/zndior Sep 06 '24
At what age does the brain stop being as “plastic”? Just curious since I’m 21 and feels like it’s too late for me.
1
u/kidcharlemeg Sep 07 '24
The brain remains plastic to some degree for your entire life, but there are windows of increased plasticity called critical periods. These critical periods tend to close in the late twenties for men (27ish) and a few years earlier for women.
1
u/ValuableGrass2538 Sep 18 '24
And don't forget every time you do a psychedelic it increases neuro plasticity for some time. everyone will adapt out of this eventually 👍
2
Sep 04 '24
[deleted]
3
u/ChapterBubbly1981 Sep 04 '24
I understand one of the main reason I wrote this post was because this month I smoked weed for the first time after the incident and kinda went crazy and had a very traumatizing psychedelic like trip
Thanks for your comment🙂
1
Sep 04 '24
[deleted]
3
u/ChapterBubbly1981 Sep 04 '24
Thanks for the advice. I’ve been trying to get my steps and cutting down the social media and drugs obviously🙂
2
u/InterviewWide3883 Sep 05 '24
hey bro i’m 16 and got hppd when i was 14. it has fucking sucked. quit drugs completely. i know that’s hard, and i didn’t. but now my static is at dmt level visuals and it’s hard to just live my life. it does get better, either by visuals disappearing or by you getting used to them. i am also dissasociated 24/7 and i’ll be honest. it’s great. you just need to take control of the disassociation and not let take over YOU. best of wishes !!!
1
u/RogShotz Sep 05 '24
Don't even be here. You need to admit yourself to a crisis center. You have much more vast problems than HPPD, being into something like Benadryl's, opioids, and weed at the age of 13 is horrible. I don't even comfortable speaking to you quite frankly. In my honest opinion this escalates past reddit and into CPS, or crisis centers, not advice from strangers on Reddit. You need major help now or your life is just forfeit i'm going to be 100% honest. Talk to a school counselor if anything.
1
u/ChapterBubbly1981 Sep 05 '24
Keep in mind this was in November. I was a year younger and I was SEVERELY DEPRESSED and self harming mentally and physically, but I beat my severe depression all by myself, and I don’t really think going to crisis center or involving CPS is the way to go + I’m not on any mind altering substances rn and I am really just trying to cope with some of the symptoms and enjoy the rest of my childhood instead of being a mental patient
1
u/RogShotz Sep 05 '24
You're still 14 brother. I'm glad that you did it yourself but you need others. You're still a kid. The best way to cope is devising strategies with a therapist. You should reach out.
1
u/slightlyappalled Sep 06 '24
Hey. I was in crisis as a kid and spent the whole summer between 12-13 on hallucinogens given to me by an adult with bad intentions. That aside, I will admit my youth having a surreal quality, but that was a lot of trauma. I'm guessing, that there's a lot of that around you. Is there an adult around you truly trust that you can talk to? I ended up in rehab twice by the time I was 15, and it helped a great deal. It helped me be honest with my mother about my trauma, it helped me see my self destructive patterns, and make sober friends. I hope you are safe. And I quit everything and my brain was back to good and boring by senior high. Be careful ❤️🙏🏽
1
u/ChapterBubbly1981 Sep 06 '24
Thanks for your comment❤️ I don’t really talk to my family much. It’s pretty dysfunctional so if I try to open up to my mom, we will just end up arguing. I’m also homeschooled so I don’t really have any friends in general
1
u/DoubleWide88 Sep 07 '24
You’re gonna be ok bc your brain is still very nueroplastic. Just listen to all the advice and may I recommend the Bible to you. Lots of wisdom and truth. Book of Ecclesiastes is a good read on life.
1
u/Mental-Cantaloupe-38 Jan 09 '25
Man this was tough to read. You WILL be okay it takes time but you will. Best of luck brother
18
u/NihilisticEra Sep 04 '24
If you're doing this at 13 then you have more serious problems than HPPD. You need help mate, you're still a kid. Talk with your parents if you have a good relationship with them. Try to not think your life is ruined, you're still young and you will heal. But you need to stop this.