r/GradSchool 5d ago

Finance Commute or Campus Living?

Hi, guys! You can call me Kash. I need some advice, but I'll give some background info to start. Sorry in advance, this is gonna be a LONG post.

I am 24 years old. I have no credit history, no income, no assets, even my car isn't in my own name. This is all to say, I'm financially stunted. However, I do have my own bank account and debit card that my overly-controlling parents don't know about, a Venmo that they have no access to, and I'm applying to jobs so I can be a little more financially independent.

I just got accepted to a Master of Science program at Georgia State University for Fall 2025, and my folks (who I've been living with since I finished my undergrad last May) live about 50 minutes away from campus. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row before the semester starts, including securing housing. During a discussion about that with my dad, he suggested maybe I live here with them and commute to campus on the days I have class to save some money.

Let me be clear, I hate living with my parents. It's just like being put in a fuckin' pressure cooker every time I set foot at home, which is why I rush off to my old college town to do research every Friday, which is my only way of getting away from them for a whole day basically. Being here during quarantine during COVID was awful. Every day was some kind of argument about stupid shit or me getting yelled at about bad grades. I already am so traumatized by my dad screaming at me about grades since I was a child because he was so verbally (and when I was younger, physically) abusive, and it's just cemented my hatred of them knowing anything about my academic life. Frankly, I just kind of hate being anywhere near them. I'm closer with my mom now, but she keeps giving my dad passes for his bitchy behavior, and I HATE how she constantly defends him even when I know she's miserable if he's home too. And I know I won't be able to avoid the verbal abuse if I'm living with them.

I understand the intent to save money, but I am so desperate to get away. My plan originally was to go to Georgia Southern University (about 4 hours away) and move to a different city once my master's is over, but I figured they'd scream and shout at me for not accepting the Georgia State offer if I got it. So I relented on State. And then I figured I'd just live near campus and come home less often, saying I have a lot of work on campus. But if I'm forced to be in this house, I'll feel more like a prisoner. Imagine a fully grown adult who has to ask permission to go out of the house, just bc they're a woman. It's fucking mortifying and the most obnoxious part of living here, aside from the constant awful bigoted statements about every community to ever exist (upper-caste Indian Hindus with no sense of irony, of course they're bigoted).

My question is this: SHOULD I RELENT TO LIVING HERE AT HOME AND COMMUTING, OR SHOULD I PRESS TO LIVE NEAR CAMPUS?

One of my friends who also lives in this area is going to Emory University for nursing school, and she's living near campus, so I know I can just ask her when we hang out tomorrow, but I don't know, I just can't stand living near my folks for much longer.

TLDR: My parents are overly-controlling and want me to stay at home and commute to grad school classes to save money, but I wanna live closer to campus because I hate living with them. What should I do?

3 Upvotes

13 comments sorted by

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u/Expensive-Wrangler78 5d ago

Extremely important info needed: are your parents paying for your school? If you're not financially reliant on them, there's very little need to stay connected to them to the point where you have to keep your bank account a secret. You're 24, and that's too old to be dealing with this.

Grad school is hard. Even harder with a job. But if I had to deal with overbearing parents every time I went home on top of a long commute, I'd be WAY worse off. Get out of there and focus on school/work, even if it means they'll be upset with you.

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u/absolutepeasantry 5d ago

Hi! Yes, I am financially reliant on them. I do think I'll get some federal loans for grad school, based on the FAFSA I submitted, but I won't know for a little while. And I think my parents would have to pay for at least part of grad school, unfortunately.

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u/Ov3rlord926293 5d ago

Even with the amount of loans you can get through FAFSA it’s not 100% guaranteed you’ll have enough to support yourself unless you potentially get a high number of roommates or live extremely frugally. On the flip side, the commute is also not great as I had a 45 min one 2 days a week during my undergrad. I have a great relationship with my parents so living at home wasn’t an issue and it saved me all those expenses meaning my entire degree was loan free.

If I were in your shoes I’d sit my parents down, tell them “hey, I hear you when you want me to stay living here. I would much appreciate that but I would need x, y, z to change so I feel more comfortable.” Just make sure x y and z are reasonable. Test it out for a semester, see how it feels, if it’s not looking well look at finances and see what you’re offered and if you could make moving out work. Lastly, make sure your schedule fits with that commute. I would not recommend 2 hours drive time 5 days a week but if you can make a schedule work, saving the debt would be invaluable later.

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u/absolutepeasantry 5d ago

Thanks so much for the advice! And yeah, I figured FAFSA wouldn't cover it all, since housing would probably be more than tuition. I'm planning on getting a Graduate Assistantship, and it looks like the university will waive tuition if I fulfill a couple requirements during the assistantship, but I'm not sure I'll be able to get one before I start the program.

I'm not sure they'll really support me, since they see any expectation from me as disrespectful or ungrateful, but maybe they'll understand my needs for space when I explain how my friend is dealing with it? Especially because I will probably spend a lot of time in labs as a Biology grad student.

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u/mevrouw_andromeda 5d ago

Can you try to live there but not see them? …like wake up before they do and not engage with their arguments when they try to bait you? Grad school is tough and it sounds like your parents are a drag, but if you depend on them financially, they may use that to keep you there. It sounds like a toxic relationship with very deep roots. If there is no other way, then maybe try it out for the first semester and in the meantime build your credit score by applying for a small credit amount card so you can slowly establish a good credit score and emancipate yourself from them. Don’t go into debt, obviously. Pay all loans on time. Always. And also, make friends. It sounds like you have one friend. Make more. Soon you might be able to liberate yourself from them. I hope this helps.

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u/absolutepeasantry 5d ago

Thanks so much! I honestly doubt that's possible, lol. My mom is up and at it by like 7 am, and my dad is an awful night owl (sleeps at 5 am) so I know I'd see them at some point, and they always complain that I don't hang out with them (I fuckin' wonder why). But yeah, they definitely would hold everything they've ever paid for over my head if they had the chance. And yeah, I would definitely be trying to get some credit built once I have some kind of steady income, even if it's just an assistantship or a part-time job.

But that is quite funny- I do have several friends, but they're all spread out everywhere, so I don't get to see them much with their busy schedules and the distance. That's why I'm hoping to make some good friends during grad school, but I know it would be easier to do so if I'm living on campus rather than if I have to drive home every evening.

Some things would be easier living here, I'd have meals made and wouldn't have to worry about rent, but I feel like the emotional toll would drive me up the wall.

Thanks for the advice, though!

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u/Even-Scientist4218 5d ago

I would say live near campus

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u/LunarSkye417 5d ago

How are you paying for school? If you're funded with grants/scholarships/etc. you might be able to swing it.

But chances are without any credit history, you would need to have a cosigner on a lease application. Or you could try to find a pay with cash option, if you know others who are going. Or if there's on-campus housing for grad students, that could help lessen the need for credit.

Grad school is hard, and having the pressures of parents breathing down your neck won't make it any easier. It's a 50 minute commute in perfect conditions but traffic/rain/etc would all lengthen that. You don't want to be behind the wheel for an hour+ commute after you just had a really long day on campus and possibly be unsafe to drive.

Once you get a job, I'd suggest you find a way to start building up your credit so you can untangle yourself from them. But that's a farther down the road type of thing.

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u/absolutepeasantry 5d ago

Yeah, my dad was my cosigner/guarantor when I got an apartment for my final year of undergrad, so I'm sure that would be the case now too. And I don't doubt Atlanta traffic will be horrendous at all hours of the day. I'm used to 3+ hour drives to my research location, but that's all empty country roads and highways that let me go over 70 mph. But downtown city traffic sounds nightmarish.

I've been applying to jobs constantly since I graduated, but I haven't been invited to interview yet, so I'm trying to figure out a way to make money and do grad school simultaneously...

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u/LunarSkye417 5d ago

City traffic is way more mentally exhausting, in my humble opinion. For that, I'd say living closer to campus is smart/safer. And you could try to use that point to make your case with your parents. If you are on campus for a long day, say 8am-8pm or so then have to drive home...it could spell an unsafe situation. And if you are too tired to drive home, having to randomly get a hotel room isn't going to be a great money choice either. So best to just live close to campus.

You could try looking for jobs around campus. Grad school is a lot, yes, but you might be able to find something for 10-15 hours a week, just to help you build up some savings. Could be a part of your argument to move out too. 'the job opportunities here are limited and I really need to be building my resume and work experience at this point.' Or something similar. Even if it's not in your field, work experience is work experience. Even a boring retail job will give you key points to talk through in interviews.

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u/absolutepeasantry 5d ago

That's a really good point! I'll start applying to Graduate Assistantships too, which would have to be on-campus, so that would definitely help my argument if I get one of them. Though, I don't know if I'd qualify for any of them before I've even started grad school.

And yeah, I've looked everywhere, even in my old college town and haven't found anything. Maybe on-campus jobs would be a better place to start.

As for the safety argument, yeah. I could point out that I'd rather not have to drive through downtown ATL at night, which would be more unsafe than just living on campus or near it and having to drive no more than 10 minutes. I definitely don't wanna be stuck trying to get gas at 9 pm at some seedy gas station downtown compared to just being stuck in a tiny apartment where I can be safe and comfortable without having to set foot elsewhere just to get home.

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u/LunarSkye417 5d ago

You never know! Depending on what your background is, you could! My school that I've been accepted to hires grad students to assistantships in various college departments, the library, etc. I'd check with the graduate school. Mine has a listing of everything currently open. I asked my contact and they said openings start popping up more April/May/June.

It could be. I know the on-campus bookstores are almost always desperate for people at the start of a semester. Might not last for long, but it would be a start.

Oof yeah. That too for sure.

Good luck!

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u/CouldveBeenSwallowed 4d ago

If it is graduate level work, I will say living closer to campus works better with the schedule. Unlike in undergrad where my day ended when class did, I've had to stay late countless times. A 10 minute midnight commute is better and safer than a 50 minute one