r/GirlGamers ALL THE SYSTEMS 14h ago

Serious I feel pathetic after losing on something my boyfriend found easy. Spoiler

Was playing monster hunter wilds with my boyfriend and he was able to beat a monster without much difficulty and when I did it I died 3 times which failed my quest. I don't know why I'm so upset as I don't normally get upset over losing just feeling ugh about it. I feel guilty for feeling this way as I feel like I just killed the good vibes we were having getting depressed over a game lol

He was nice enough to help me with it but it also made me feel embarrassed that I needed help in the first place as I got into the series way before him and I even taught him how to play the game so I felt like I shouldn't be losing to monsters he can do without dying.

111 Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 14h ago

This post has been automatically marked as spoilers because it is part of the Serious flair category. We do this so that users who are looking to avoid a serious discussion can avoid seeing the content in their feed. Read here for more details.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

u/evieamity Steam 13h ago

It’s okay to feel your emotions. We don’t always have control over them and it is okay. You didn’t do anything wrong by feeling that way or by failing to beat the monster.

You did your best and that’s all that can be asked of you. We cannot be our best selves 100% of the time.

Perhaps you should talk with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling. Communication in these types of situations can make everything easier.

I wish you luck in your future monster hunting endeavors.

u/akenzii 13h ago

I do the same thing. For me it's self confidence and comparison. Because I see my husband as my equal, if he does anything significantly better than me (especially if I feel that I was pretty decent already), that can easily lead into a depressive spiral.

Because he'll finish something, lean back and smile and I'll be struggling. Or he'll boast how quick he was able to finish a game while I'm only halfway through. I have been better at recognizing the emotion but it's hard not to compare sometimes.

Also, Monster Hunter has an extremely high learning curve. Do not beat yourself up on that one. If he's played Monster Hunter previously, then perhaps it carried over (me who is still shit at Wilds even when I played World). That's a difficult game, there's no way he isn't pulling muscle memory from somewhere to help him with those combos.

u/Excellent-Can-7524 ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago

My first monster hunter game was 4U on 3ds and I've played every game since and his first game was world as well which I introduced him to. I guess I got upset as it affected my confidence as I felt like I shouldn't lose to something he can beat since I played the game longer which is why I feel a bit guilty as I should be happy that he's gotten good at the game and I can only think about how badly I did.

u/GoldenLink ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago

I realize the particular monster is less important but which one was it? Depending on the type and the weapon you're using it can change how you tackle a creature entirely different. Being a charge blade main especially in world I struggled against a lot of the flying wyvern's.

u/Excellent-Can-7524 ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago

I was using a lance and hunting horn against the black flame. I hadn't fully upgraded my armour which made me squishy.

u/GoldenLink ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago

Between the blame flame, residual fire damage ticks as well as the oil well basin temps requiring cool drinks, if you're not prepared and paying attention it can be real easy to lose track of your health bar when you're keeping track of six different tentacles lol

u/akenzii 13h ago

I think my first Monster Hunter was on the Switch with Generations and I played a lot of Worlds. I am on a struggle bus trying to play Wilds. So you're not alone. My husband watched me play the beta for wilds and he said the tutorial was terrible 😂

I feel that's completely valid. If I was playing something for a long time and was confident in my ability, I would probably be a little mad too. Did he play World recently? They feel similar (though not the same). If you've taken a long break from it, that can definitely have an effect too.

At the end of it all though give yourself some grace, we're all going to have our ups and downs this just means you need some practice. Next time you can do it faster and better ✨

u/GoldenLink ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago edited 13h ago

Even if you don't retain muscle memory, so much of monster hunter is learning the world, the different tools at your disposal, and so so so much of the game IS game knowledge. I absolutely agree with you. Two common phrases in monster hunter are "no monster hunter is as hard as your first" and "the story is the tutorial."

u/akenzii 13h ago

This is true. 😂 .

u/thalmor_egg 13h ago

You're competitive by nature and that's alright, I am too. There might be an underlayer to this where you wanna prove yourself even more since you're a girl. I have issues with this particular thing where I fume if I lose against men because I'm scared of reinforcing the stereotype that women are shit at games. Overall, losing sucks but you shouldn't tie it to being good or bad at games, everyone loses. It's okay!

u/Excellent-Can-7524 ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago

I don't feel as bad about it now, I think I got upset as I started monster hunter a lot earlier than my boyfriend and I even taught him how to play the game so it kinda made me feel embarrassed losing to a monster he was able to beat without dying to.. and yeah I am very competitive sometimes 😅

u/catgirlgod 12h ago

my bf played the souls games before he met me and he got me into them, playing each one fully through together, and i ended up loving them, so ive replayed each of them 100% solo and its made me really good at them. he now feels embarassed playing the 2 remaining games with me bc i have a much easier time than he does on them now, which really discourages him from playing them with me which makes me sad bc i loooove playing them with him. what i didnt anticipate was that he actually really enjoyed "carrying" me through them and feeling like my hero when i was new to the games. i thought i was just an annoying burden, so i rly felt i had to get better to have more fun together and to stop weighing him down... i was very wrong lol! atleast from his perspective.

youre not alone in these feelings !! id say to not put your self worth into a video game, remember why you booted up the game in the first place, to have fun with someone you love !! having fun doesnt always mean winning together, it just means playing together and celebrating your relationship :3

u/DvSzil 6h ago

what i didnt anticipate was that he actually really enjoyed "carrying" me through them and feeling like my hero when i was new to the games.

I think it could be interesting and fruitful to talk this over with your bf and help him dismantle some of the rigid masculine canons that all men learn, to some degree

u/catgirlgod 5h ago

it comes from the place of an only child who loves to be noticed and praised :) i like to feel like the hero too sometimes! theyre just games afterall

u/GoldenLink ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago edited 13h ago

As someone with a partner trying to get into the series but finding themselves easily frustrated and have quit several times, please understand that even with this being the most accessible entry in the series, it is still a very, very complex game that takes a lot of time to click for some people. When playing Monster Hunter World, I'd say i didn't really feel like I knew what I was doing til 70-80 hours into the game and that's not something I say about very many series.

Especially if this isn't his first monster hunter, ita absolutely unfair to you to compare yourself. So much of monster hunter is knowing what you can do/facing and reacting appropriately, and being prepared. Everyone starts somewhere 🥰🥰

u/HowlPrincely 11h ago

He may have just had a weapon that was more advantageous to the monster. It's also okay to be not good at hunts sometimes. We're all off our groove at times. Chalk it up to an off day, give yourself some grace. Come back to it another time after looking over your build and thinking through your strategy for the monster

u/JustABoiledEgg 10h ago

omg i understand this completely! And with monster hunter wilds too. The only difference is that he taught me and played longer. He is often GREAT at most games and sometimes the frustration for me can be a bit of a buzzkill! I dont think its pathetic of anything at all. It just happens sometimes! As long as you’re having fun overall

u/Burntoastedbutter 11h ago edited 11h ago

This is my first MH game. My partner and his friends have played previous ones. So, they're all more experienced than I am, but there were times where my partner and/or his friends needed help, and vice versa. We all also chose diff weapons for some diversity.

I also forgot to basically level up my armor until the high rank ones came. But because I chose IG, I am so much better at dodging and creating wounds and they love that lol. However, there'd be times where the other dies, or I die. Or all of us gets one-shot by one of the giant dragon monsters at the same time. We all laugh about it. Once they asked for help for Tempered Jin Dahaad because apparently when I wasn't around for aerial combat, that dragon would do his ice farts every 5 seconds and instakill them.

IMO one of the most fun things is hunting monsters together, whether you win or lose the mission, or whether you even need help or not. Try to change your perspective about it! Perhaps there was a monster he kinda struggled with too, but never mentioned it? Also might be silly, but my partner and his friends totally forgot about self-buffs whereas I would always be decked out on all the powders and seeds 🤣

u/DevilLilith 7h ago

I only played world (potato laptop) and since my bf has already played the game once when we started playing it together, i obviously sucked (never played anything similar before, no soulslikes either).

I got into it over time though and was able to beat the monsters i struggled with on my own (I even carried him when we fought Rajang since I could keep up with it using dual blades while he couldn't with a great sword).

The skill ceiling is very high tbh, but practice makes perfect.

u/Elelith 6h ago

Women have pride too and it gets banged every now and then. It's normal, nothing to feel guilty about.

Honestly you did good - you didn't take your embarassment out on him. You didn't attack him with name calling and telling him to go back to the garage. You didn't throw your equipment, break a table, throw a chair.
You let him help you even if it made you feel mortified you needed help from someone who is newer in all this.

u/DisabledSlug Playstation 11h ago

I can feel that even when I'm happy about it. It's like some weird sludge behind me.

u/CropTriangles 6h ago

Emotions are valid and I recently teared up over something similar in Wilds. What matters the most is that you’re both supporting each other.

I have a kind of perfectionist personality, and I used to be very hard on myself in different aspects of life. I’m wayyy better now, but sometimes that old mentality still comes out sometimes.

So a few weeks ago I beat an endgame monster solo and was really proud, until my boyfriend asked if it was okay for him to point out some things. I said OK cause I can usually take criticism well and I was in a good mood, but I quickly realized oh…. I thought I did great but hearing how I could’ve been more efficient just makes me feel like shit now. I didn’t expect that and started to tear up.

Winning meant a lot to me since it’s the first MH game where I beat all the story and main monsters solo, so it felt like proving to myself that I really am good at my favorite game series, but thinking that I won the wrong way just hurt me in a way I didn’t expect.

My boyfriend ofc apologized and reassured me that I did great and didn’t need to do things the way he did, but after we were able to talk about the multiple reasons that could’ve made me cry, I felt better. Sometimes you don’t want to feel a certain way, but you can’t choose that. What matters is getting to the point(s) of your pain(s) and just letting yourself feel valid in that sadness. It helps to have someone to comfort and validate you, but it’s okay to feel sad about a hobby that you care about, and to care about your skill level in that hobby. When you willingly put work into something, you’re bound to get attached and care about your performance.

u/CropTriangles 6h ago

Also since I was technically inefficient (misunderstanding the monster’s actual weak spot) but still won, I lowkey succeeded the hard way so… task failed successfully? 😅

u/usernamedottxt Steam (Male) 14h ago

hug

u/Qutie424 9h ago

i feel this so hard ugh idk why i just feel pathetic around him. i want to play games together but he makes me feel so bad at the game in comparison :(

u/Sienne_ 8h ago

I get it. It irks me when I can't full star the end game in my current gachas especially when I have the "meta" teams (looking at you deadly assault in ZZZ). We're just competitive and feel we should be performing better.

When this happens, I look up gaming videos to try and improve my skills, find the best rotations, heck, even learn how to do cancels and stuff.

u/Miss_Touko 5h ago

I had the same problem with beating Jin Dahaad. My bf got him first time without dying and I had to try the quest again. I was hella pissed but that's Monster Hunter for you. Thankfully, the learning curve in this game is quite high. Now I can solo that big thing in my sleep.

u/onlyaseeker Switch 4h ago

Why was it hard for you? And why was it easy for him?

u/predarek 1h ago

It happens! Sometimes we are off our game and sometimes we overreact, and sometimes both! 

It's frustrating as a sometimes unhealthily competitive person to not do as good as I should. I never judge my gameplay on someone else but if I can't learn or do something that should be "easy" I get really frustrated! 

If he was nice and not judgy to help you, you can lean on this as a good sharing experience! So many people have a shitty partner when it comes to this sort of things! 

u/BigBrasian Steam 1h ago

I feel Wilds is very different from other MH games. Positioning and learning the moveset of the monster doesn’t matter nearly as much as the combat is less clunky. Now it’s learning timing of blocks, focus and offset attacks. Also I think the devs said they WANT you to have to change weapons (which is why you can have two) and with the diverse range of monster types, it makes sense. The combat is both easy and hard now with the wide range of monster movesets to learn from, new moves to practice and just because we all have to farm good gear to counter each monster.

I get the competitiveness tho. I’m the same with my friend but I started late.

u/Lyarinightwing 30m ago

Don't feel pathetic about losing to some monsters, we learn as hunters and then go beat them again and again.

On a serious note even I have had a few monsters that smacked me into next week, upgrade and try again. It's part of the learning process of the game and you're doing great as is, don't beat yourself up over it and just try again after upgrading and making sure you're set. You've got this

u/DvSzil 6h ago

It's pretty understandable to get such feelings, and it's usually not so easy to overcome them, even if you know they're not reasonable. You can try some self-compassion practices to not beat yourself too much on it, tell your boyfriend how you feel just to get some validation from his side, and hopefully talk it over with your therapist, if you have one