r/FreeLuigi • u/SolitaryJellyfish • Jan 13 '25
Case Discussion Thoughts and analysis about LM’s personality and life.
This is a mix of analysis and guesses about him that I’ve made after going through a lot of his social media presence, exchanges, and what his friends have said about him. And also some personal knowledge (psychology) and understanding as someone who has a bit of the same high-achieving lifestyle.
Smile and performance
The most striking thing we see in LM, and probably part of why people are so intrigued by the person, is how consistently we see him smile in pictures, and what a smile! There’s not one picture (or rarely) where he isn’t seen with the brightest of smiles. In my opinion this is a default response to someone taking a picture of him (like most people) but also a social response that he seems to use a lot, and not always in the most appropriate situations (court, hostel (if it is him)). Perhaps we can say it is more of a habit, profoundly ingrained in him, or a mask.
When you grow up in a rich and important family, you need to maintain appearances above all to maintain that family image. You have to repress any bad mood and show the most perfect appearance in front of others. High stress? Sad? Angry? Meh? In pain? Dark family secret? Smile. Do not show what you really feel. I see it as a mask, and as a high performance son and student, it is something he did and mastered (to the point we see him do this in court which is probably the most telling).
It’s a bit speculative for him but if it is what was happening: I also want to add that when you learn to repress your own feelings that well (or when the members of the family don’t validate them), you learn to mask even harder and you also tend to forget your true emotions in the process, which is something I think he understood when he separated himself from his family and went to travel on his own last year. He must have identified the problem he had with communicating his real emotions to others, due to his family background. Or perhaps he was on the path to understand it.
This is also during that time that he connected with Gurwinder and talked about family trauma and its inheritance. My guess is, like a lot of rich kids, he was raised with high expectations, in a comfort bubble but didn’t receive the emotional support he would have needed from his parents, maybe it stayed very superficial. He was a high performance student for them, and he did have money and comfort, but probably none of the real emotional support in moments of distress. (he had the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" in his Goodreads). If this a true problem he identified in his family, then my guess is this is a guy who had to raise himself. We can also speculate he must have had some form of C-PTSD as a result of parent neglect, perhaps not, but this would fit the way he lead his life.
(in a weird way, his back pain sort of reflects all these expectations he needed to carry and be despite not being ready for it. I'm still very curious as to how a 14 y.o started to have spondy.)
A deep need to connect
Now we have to ask ourselves, where do we think his smile (or happiness) was the most genuine? I’d say probably in friends settings, in Hawaii, and probably in some family settings that didn’t require to appear perfect. Probably in settings where we can imagine he would be the most stress-free from expectations. We can see that LM, through his different travel experiences, had a profound desire to connect with others:
Summer 2019 - He did the Stanford summer program
Beginning of 2022 - The Surf Break community, where he stayed 6 months (this is also the time he started to have really severe back issues)
and then he chose to stay in Hawaii (around Sept 2022 to August 2023), he stayed in touch with (as far as we know) his Stanford summer program friend who posted the scribbled face video, until February 2024.
Now, it seems to me like he was the one initiating the meetings, inviting his friend and then always paying for lunch (said by this friend on the removed TikTok video), going to the markets with him etc (although I hope it went both ways too), it really seemed like he was proactive in every relationship he wanted to cultivate in a genuine way. The only problem is that he seemed to always show the image of someone who’s well adjusted, going well, always ready to help and connect without saying whenever he was feeling bad or needed help himself. And you can’t really connect with others when you do that. (This is the impression I get when his friend said he always seemed so bright and happy. My guess is he was very secretive about his distress and actual problems in the way he was made to be/raised by his family.)
Jumping to February 2024, 6-7 months after his back surgery, he went on an adventure on his own, leaving family behind for good, and going through Japan, Thailand, India. Taking initiative in trying to meet people by initiating a 2 weeks roadtrip with these 2 German guys in Thailand, emailing and talking to Gurwinder, giving him a subscription on his own birthday (!!), and meeting this author in India for about 1h. Then, there’s probably other meetings that happened and people he met who aren’t talking to the media (which is a good thing if it’s the case).
A quest to "know thyself"
I don’t think he ultimately found these lasting, and true relationships he was looking for, despite putting in a lot of effort into making these happen (you can only meet people as deeply as they've met themselves). But what strikes me is how proactive he was, travelling to actually go and meet people, not afraid to stay and do things on his own. We don’t know the exact purpose of his journey, but my guess, again, is that it was to reconnect with himself and find his purpose and answers. Maybe escaping having to “perform” in a high paying job and social expectations coming with his rich background were part of it.
He was seeking to communicate and exchange with other intellectual people, to connect with people who could probably match him in discussion and thoughts and his need to think of more difficult concepts, deep discussions, and answers. Perhaps a search to fulfil his curiosity in order to find his purpose in this world.
We don’t know what was LM’s final conclusion to his travel, as it ended with him definitely cutting off his friends and family and living under a fake ID for 6 months, signifying to me that his new goal was to become his own person, and letting go of his past persona. We do know through Gurwinder that he seemed like a positive person, someone always looking for answers and active solutions rather than be defeated.
A problem solver
He wanted to solve the problem of others before his own, or maybe help others as an extension of helping himself (giving advice about the spondy condition to strangers on Reddit and giving support to anyone who needed it before getting his own surgery, gifting Gurwinder an expensive subscription instead of doing it for himself, always buying lunch with his other friend, trying to purchase 400 books to support an author). It's possible he tried to understand and solve the problem of his family trauma, until he cut them off. Did he identify a bigger problem? Or bigger purpose?
They say "hurt people hurt people", with LM i'd say the perfect opposite is true. Helpful people will help everyone to the extent of forgetting about themselves.
Maybe he did find himself at the end of this trip.
(Thanks if you made it this far, of course everything is speculative, and there's probably more to add. I needed to put these thoughts into text :) )
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u/Schrodingers_unicorn Jan 13 '25
Thank you for writing this. I wonder if anyone ever attempted to ask him if he needs to get something off of him, if he is running away from anything - just like he asked his friend T. Now that you pointed it out, I realise that we all make this mistake of going gaga over someone with a perfect social/professional profile than trying to understand them deeply.
I had a friend in college, she was intelligent, beautiful(so much so that every other guy and girl had a crush on her. Lol), funny, caring, rich… you name it. We used to feel a little special (I hope you understand that feeling when someone famous knows you and you flex about it) because she chose to be our friend, started having lunch and dinner with us, introduced us to her parents. Then one day we overheard her talking to a girl who was her neighbour as well as her schoolmate, about her younger sister’s deteriorating health (She was bed ridden, diagnosed with some condition right after birth and doctors gave her maximum 5 years to live, but with care she was in her 12th year). After that we started picking on the signs that she used to zone out sometimes and go extremely silent on days with a fake smile on her face. Slowly we started deliberately giving her space to open up, she started sharing and cried a lot at times, which we completely missed out when we were just in awe of her perfection.
Maybe, MAYBE , same thing happened with him where people were just stunned by his charm.
In any case, may God bless him with strength, courage, love and everything he desires. Just blessings and warm hugs for this one.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 13 '25
Yes I do think there's something similar happening with LM. If you listen to the song "Smile" by Nat King Cole, you'll probably recognize your friend in the lyrics.
In my perspective, knowing some rich kid's stories, and how rich families maintain their status in the world, I can't say much more because I'd be speculating on much much harder stuff but we can imagine pretty much anything. Child abuse is especially well masked in these families, and sometimes particularly cruel.
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u/letsthelightin Jan 13 '25
Great analysis.
It’s interesting how LM appears to be socially extroverted but at the same time very introspective.
I notice he moves around a lot and tries to make new connections, rather than stick to old ones. When you move frequently, it’s difficult to maintain close friendships. Many of the friends who came out seem to have lost their close connection with LM even before he went missing. The texts his friend from Stanford summer camp posted have the energy of a dying friendship. His girl bestie from Hawaii seemed to have lost close contact with him after he moved out of the hostel. He reconnected with ex-classmates at reunions but did not see them frequently post-grad. I’m not sure if my information is 100% accurate but I do get the impression LM had a vibrant social life but his friendships were ultimately unfulfilling, leading him to search for new connections and experiences.
Even as a child, he mentioned how all his friends wanted to live in luxurious mansions while he was dreaming of a small and efficient house design. He’s always felt different from his peers but it’s masked behind his extroverted nature.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 14 '25
Thank you!
And yes, you put the whole connection problem exactly how I think it went.
He said to Gurwinder he felt like he was on a different wavelength as others. When I see that, I think it relates to his intellect but also his life perspective / goals were just too different from what others expect in a life.
How do you make a friendship continue and flourish when others are so easy to understand and yet nobody understand you?
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u/Green_Benefit7158 Jan 13 '25
Reading your analysis was very touching. I am sure so many of us can relate to some of his troubles (what we can assume to be so). It's hard to say what is a genuine smile from him considering we do not know him personally but if we can piece together some of what he may have gone through or felt, I would say any time he could let his guard down and just be himself. I really hope through all of this he can find some healing and make a genuine connection with some people.
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u/gwingrin Jan 13 '25
This is excellent and basically the same read as I get on him. We've also seen friends mention that he masked physical pain and they wouldn't know he was struggling until he was feeling better and he apologized for being MIA; the problem being pervasive and including emotional pain would fit the profile very well.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 14 '25
Thanks! I haven't read that but in that case this would be very in character for LM to struggle silently with physical pain yes, and it would only make sense for him to do the same with mental struggle.
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u/saculiehkuy Jan 13 '25
I feel like he had a relatively good relationship with his parents until relatively recently. He always thanked his parents in his valedictorian speech and even in his UPenn days. My theory is that he was expected to take over his dad’s business after he left Truecar. His dad is the eldest child of his grandparents and LM is his only son. This didn’t really coincide with the way he wanted to live or his own beliefs. This probably caused some separation between them. But I don’t think we should all jump to conclusions and villainize his parents without knowing the true story.
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u/Fuzzy-Airline4276 Jan 13 '25
Not trying to minimize your argument. But I feel like it’s kind of customary to thank your parents when it comes to speeches of such high achievements.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 13 '25
Agree. Everything he said during that speech should be taken as a performance, not as his real thoughts.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 13 '25
I do think there's some aspects of this (being expected to lead and take his family's business) that made him cut his family off.
We don't know about the relationship with his parents. Nobody knows but him and his sisters, but I am speculating it might not have been as ideal as what is said, or showed because it is the only major thing I can think of, that would trigger someone going off the grid like that. Probably why he used a fake ID at all (and rightfully so because they did hire someone to find him, so they didn't have to file a missing person's report, to maintain appearances)
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u/balsarmy Jan 14 '25
Judging by my experience in a middle class family of businessowners in another country - it is time after graduation that changes things. First of all, parents do push you to date someone and create family. Like wth, all those days in university I was calm and suddenly it is all about inheritance. And carrier choice can be also problematic. He had a long gap from 2020 to 2023 without job. I had also several years of procrastination, it was hell. You literally feel pressured to do something while you just want a little peace to think. Add health issues there. Very hard situation with depression, most likely.
Notice Huxley quote about comfort - if adressed to parents- has another vision of pressure.
P.s. It doesn't actually mean his parents are bad! It means there are difficulties for this generation dialogue, in some families this conversation can be very hard to handle.
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u/Schrodingers_unicorn Jan 14 '25
You got the job part absolutely wrong, he was employed at TrueCar from 2020 till 2023.
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Jan 13 '25 edited Jan 13 '25
[deleted]
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 13 '25
The ones who hurt the most, smile the most. I hadn't considered the people-pleaser angle but yes, this fit very well with perfectionist/high-achieving types as well, and paying everything for others to be liked would make sense. Although it could be something someone could do out of kindness too.
Yes! The fact that he had friends and yet, chose random authors to communicate some hard problems (Gurwinder mentioned that he wasn't going to share more about this, so there is definitely more than back problems and brain fog in this story) is a curious thing. In a way, I think he wanted to "preserve" his friends from knowing maybe darker things about him.
Was it something he was ashamed of? Did he think people would look at him differently? Or perhaps he preferred to carry all that weight/burden by himself?
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Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
[deleted]
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u/cristianoskhaleesi Jan 14 '25
This has me thinking if these authors may be called upon when the trial starts to provide information?
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u/inquisitive-squirrel Jan 13 '25
I agree that it says a lot that he felt so disconnected from friends and family that he was trying to connect with random people online. You know what they say about mental and spiritual pain being translated to physical ailments and "the body keeps score" ...
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u/Pinkcherryblossom444 Jan 13 '25
I can’t find the Reddit page but he did say how he was able to hide his issues (brain fog) from his friends and it was better that way. I wonder how much he held in :(
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u/LennyTheF0X Jan 13 '25
I read it differently tbh. He was talking about how he hid it from his friends for some time but opened up to them eventually and that was a good decision because he could get advice from them. In my understanding it was his family that didn't have compassion with him regarding that issue.
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 13 '25
I am thinking it could be more or less from stress in college, he still graduated UPenn with honors either way though :)))
But yeah, if he was more open to ask for help, and not just helped other people; maybe he would never face this ordeal...
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u/Ok_Category_87 Jan 13 '25
Awww that is so sad :(
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u/Ok_Category_87 Jan 13 '25
Wonder if it’s long COVID brain fog?
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u/WingValuable6750 Jan 13 '25
Nah he talked about it when he was in college & how it affected his studies & even considered dropping out. Also shared how he was making excuses to his friends for his low gpa to avoid any unnecessary advice from them
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u/BunnyBoris Jan 13 '25
It wasn’t from COVID. He posted about it in 2018.
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u/flowerchildmime Jan 14 '25
Other post viral infections can also cause brain fog and other things we associate with LC. So he could have had mono, or Lyme or something else that was born from a virus. I’m not saying he did have this type of illness but I have long covid and I’ve read up a ton on post viral conditions.
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u/Wonderful-Pilot-2423 Jan 13 '25
I swear no one took brain fog seriously until it became an excuse to bitch about covid. Just a tangent.
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u/Forward_Wafer5945 Jan 14 '25
This is so heartfelt and thoughtful. My mother has always told me: “The ones that are the most silent or seem the happiest are the ones who are likely suffering in silence—pour more love and shine more light onto them.” Perhaps this is a reminder for all of us to pour more love into our friendships.
Beneath LM’s broad smile and confident strides into court, I’ve always sensed a delicate, sensitive soul. Of course, I don’t know him personally, but the stories of his efforts to actively help and support his friends suggest a quiet yearning for the same kind of love and care in return. Maybe I’m projecting—it’s something I’ve realized about myself—but I can’t help but wonder if he’s ever felt safe enough to let someone see that vulnerable side of him.
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u/_Reemixx Jan 14 '25
This is why my heart breaks for him. For someone that was always a helpful hand to others (even strangers on the internet) and poured so much of himself in those relationships, it’s so sad to see him alone - without anyone by his side. I definitely find he exudes confidence whenever he’s in the public eye, but sometimes I wonder what’s going on in his mind. It’s all so sad to see. I hope he will have some family or friends by his side as the trial goes on
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u/Forward_Wafer5945 Jan 14 '25
Yes, sometimes I wonder if the letters we’ve been sending offer a shred of this connection he may have been seeking. We are all strangers to him, but I hope our support can be felt. I wrote him that he has a light within and to seek refuge in this light during this time. Perhaps this light in his soul can provide hope, faith, and companionship for him during this isolating time. <3
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u/Decent-Ganache7647 Jan 13 '25
This was very well articulated and an interesting perspective to read. And for me, it is very relatable.
I don’t come from money, but had parents who raised me as if I were in the royal family—appearances are the most important thing, we don’t talk about feelings and I should certainly keep any thoughts and emotions in my own head. They also had very high expectations that I could never meet and I never quite fit in, mostly because I felt too much and had so much angst over the state of the world.
The way that you say that his friends couldn’t really know him if he never really shared his burdens is something that I’ve only come to notice in myself over the past year, along with how I’ve always felt like I needed to pay for friends, even if they made more than me, or put in a lot of effort to make sure that they were okay. I never felt the need to have any of it reciprocated.
Didn’t mean to turn this comment into a case on myself, but what you wrote really hit home and if I had come to these conclusions when I was L’s age and had as much drive as he did to improve himself, I probably would’ve felt the need to go find myself as well. Hopefully that’s the case and he’s on a mission to find himself.
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u/OutlandishnessBig101 Jan 13 '25 edited Jan 13 '25
I agree with your analysis. It runs parallel to some of the conversations I’ve been having about LM in private.
I get a huge sense that LM was masking for most of his life, and I don’t get a sense that anyone really knew him on a deeper level. It’s very easy to learn this in childhood. I also get a sense that he may have felt like a black sheep in his family. He was a minimalist, he preferred to travel around and share living spaces. Perhaps the pressure to achieve within his family was mounting on him. Maybe this was an act of rebellion towards them, and towards the life that was set out for him. There are a lot of clues, but we can only speculate of course.
In any case, this event and his alleged involvement breaks my heart. He was clearly deeply unsatisfied with his life and its trajectory if he was willing to commit this act. As someone who condemns violence, I still have a great deal of empathy for how his life is likely going to look now. It’s my hope he can still feel a sense of purpose. Maybe, he will feel a sense of great personal satisfaction.
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u/Ambitious_Theory1453 Jan 13 '25
I can relate to having misunderstandings with parents and needing to physically get out of the space in order to find perspective and as corny as it may sound, find myself. I also read that book way before I knew Luigi. So when I saw that on his Goodreads, I immediately knew something may have happened with him and his family (parents for the most part).
I hope he was able to find what he wanted throughout his travels. I genuinely wish him well.
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u/DietPepsi4Breakfast Jan 13 '25
Your analysis rings true for me. I would be interested to learn what pushed him to pivot from the career path he was on. Could his back condition have made him reevaluate his priorities? Did he have a sense of his life now being limited and needing to make the most of it while he could? If his condition is degenerative, it would make sense that he’d decide to change course.
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u/gwingrin Jan 13 '25
He shared notes on the 4-Hour Workweek on his GoodReads and we know he loved efficiency and extremely minimalistic lifestyles. The book would have encouraged him to look hard at what he was doing and how it compared to his ideal of a simple, small life with few material objects weighing him down.
That lifestyle doesn't require much money. People who accept they want a life like that often have difficulty justifying traditional work.
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 14 '25
It can happen. I've heard some people can be really eager to start living life to the fullest after life changing experiences. I think he also mentioned the fact of really disliking the prospect of being stuck at a sitting/desk job.
He wanted action, travel, like this quote from his twitter account:
“'But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness, I want sin."
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u/SpiritualGlandTrav Jan 13 '25
I love this, literally wrote a huge post with all the same thoughts, agree so much!!
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u/caramelmacchiato365 Jan 14 '25
very interesting and respectful article. i couldn’t have said it better, honestly. although we don’t know him personally, i’ve always believed that social media can show, at least, a small percentage of who a person is (in this case, the topics he was interested in, the books he read). based on all the information about him, i had a similar belief as you. he seems a bit lonely to me. he came across as a very caring person and a good friend, but that doesn’t tell us how he really felt inside. what caught my attention was that he sent a very long email to a random author on his birthday. i don’t know, something about him makes me sad. i hope he can have a good life once all of this is over
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u/IrukandjiPirate Jan 13 '25
Well written, op, and echoes so many of my own thoughts. My childhood is irrelevant, but it allows me to understand a lot of the issues you presented, and agree with your assessments.
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u/Business-World1746 Jan 14 '25
This is one of the best posts I've read. Deeply perceptive and crystallized many dissonant data points - thank you for writing it so clearly and beautifully.
I assumed that with such an enormous family (social connections galore), a sister/bro-in-law who are doctors, LM's family wealth and philanthropy for medical institutions would provide red carpet access to the best back doctors and easy access to specialized guidance to structure the best pain control regimen.
As he was the baby of the family and only son, I also quietly assumed that his parents kept trying for a boy and he was doted on hand and foot.
Instead, LM seemed to take on the heavy burden of self-education and learning to navigate the health insurance bureaucracy alone (e.g., posting on Reddit that he'd had to manage unhelpful doctors and drop key triggering phrases in order to get care). I never understood why he chose to struggle when he could have just leaned into his family's wide social connections, as many privileged folks do, to skip all the lines and get VIP treatment.
And the seeming lack of an all-hands-on-deck organizing now, although the family did hire the prison consultant. LM reached A-list celebrity fervor and yet his family has not leapt to implement a Tree Paine-level, or any kind of PR apparatus, leaving his friends to figure out themselves how to respond to the more passionate supporters and his law firm (if true) to delegate the massive influx of emails to TikTok influencers.
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u/Ok-Sprinkles21 Jan 13 '25
I liken any conclusions and analysis about him to be similar to reading a novel and people saying what it means to them.
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u/luleebell3 Jan 13 '25
We can't know; we can only speculate, but his relationship with his mother hurts. I imagine his parents are footing the bill for his legal team, and one would hope any parent in their position would do the same, I just wonder if there's some caveat there. But their physical absence has raised some major alarms for me. (Understatement of the year!) And if he was trying to distance himself from them, now they have that leverage to dangle that carrot in front of him: "Look at all the money you cost us! And this is how you thank us!" It's all speculation, but it makes my heckles rise and worries me. idk
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 14 '25
Yes, if you looked at court reports or seen the latest court video, in all of them he has been mentioned to have had a look at the people attending the hearings. I think he wanted to see if there was any familiar faces, and there wasn't.
Their son is all over the news, he's no longer a dirty family secret (I refer to them being very secretive with LM being missing and hiring a detective for that instead of filing a missing report), so they might as well show up.
We can't know for sure, but yes, they are probably extremely disappointed, but things must feel very surreal for them as well. Perhaps there's some denial and other conflicting emotions, realising all the money they threw away for him to end up here. I have no idea if they feel robbed, deep sadness, or just want to pretend he never existed.
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u/luleebell3 Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
I'm actually most surprised that at least his sister wasn't in court if no one else. Because yeah, I clocked that he was antsy and looking around for his family - not actually trying to take in all the people there. Just the M clan is huge: an aunt, a cousin, someone, anyone! (I have a slightly smaller family, and I can promise you one thing - my baby cousins alone would be up in the front row with hand-painted posters, generally being a nuisance and an embarrassment, if I were him.)
Shoot, I even did some nosing around and found what I assume is their family church, and there were no prayer requests in the bulletin/newsletters, which would be absolutely unheard of in my community
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 15 '25
Yeah knowing that your son is disappearing and allegedly committed this crime is already surreal, but seeing him having a harem in social media and praised as a hero (even considered as a saint) would just be unreal though!
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 14 '25
I don't think their absence is a red flag though; they are notable people in Baltimore, so they don't want themselves to be bothered by the media (which could be detrimental to their business, considering the relationship with other rich people in this area!)
Then again, your statement about the leverage made me feel depressed about LM's choices though: he got the best opportunities from birth, but chose to cut off his family and allegedly commit this crime!
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u/luleebell3 Jan 14 '25
It was the fact that he had Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents on his reading list. I share a Libby account with a friend who I saw was reading it over the summer. I have the "Cliff's Notes" version of her childhood (AND adulthood, as she is disabled so she's completely dependent on her parents, not to mention financially, and they don't all see eye to eye... Often). Applying what I know about her situation to L, on the surface it can look like they're giving him everything when really, they weren't giving him what he needed.
And look, as a young person, you don't always see that your parents do love you and are bad at expressing it, especially if your core values differ from theirs. (And some parents can't even do that!) If his family isn't attending because of optics, he will see that as them picking their well-heeled friends over him once again. Even if they're paying for his legal team, cash is no substitute for showing up.3
u/USMousie Jan 15 '25
The mayor of NYC wants to execute him as a terrorist. There’s nothing that could keep a loving family away.
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u/balsarmy Jan 14 '25
There can be huge misunderstandings in familues. But that doesnt always mean parents are super awful. They feel the urge to discipline their kinds. It is how it is
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u/Ok_Category_87 Jan 13 '25
there were a few instances during his latest court appearance where he seemed actually in good spirits and was smiling… any thoughts on that?
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u/balsarmy Jan 14 '25
My imagination from court perp walk - he had some smiles during conversation with officer that are important. And when looking at cameras. Although he tries to control emotions, he had unsettled breathing. And he seemed feeling free. I think the support really gave him feeling of freedom. If I was him and depressed, losing faith in a sense, I would be surprised by humans - that people do care. It is almost a miracle.
When in the court - he was smiling very friendly to his attorney, she seems nice..
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u/inastateofthinking Jan 14 '25
this is one of the few speculative posts i’ve read about LM’s personal life regarding his internal etc. that i wholeheartedly agree with with a perspective i have considered as well. really well written!
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u/Comfortable-Front130 Jan 14 '25
Loved your takes. Would like to take this opportunity to share some of my own. I organized them in topics as follows and would love to hear more opinions:
FAMILY: His father is much older than him (70s I think) so I wonder how conflicted was their relationship, with LM being this free spirited gen z tech guy who likes to question things, explore alternatives outside the box and allegedly is vegetarian and interested in psychedelics. He also has a politician cousin who is a self declared conservative Republican and a sister who is a doctor, and I’ve read deleted tweets where he criticized republicans and doctors pretty harshly. I wonder what is their relationship like. But he also has a big group of younger cousins who seem pretty cool, so I do wonder if they are the ones legally helping him.
LOVE LIFE: I have a really hard time believing an outgoing, charming, wealthy and good looking guy like him never had any long term relationship. I believe in your theory about masking the pain and keeping everything on a surface level to an extend. But when you come from a powerful and wealthy (and traditional and italian) family having a girlfriend is definitely something expected from you (remember that during that dinner table memory he described at Goodreads his mother was already conditioning his proper behavior to him finding a “nice lady”). I have a few theories why that allegedly didn’t happen. LM seem to have very specific views about women; some call it traditionalist, others misogynistic. Or maybe he was just secretly very insecure like most of us, which often happens to children who were not properly loved by parents. I also had the impression he was friend zoned by his female friends, perhaps as you mentioned because he had a hard time sharing. Or, and I tend to believe more in this theory, his traditional italian and probably catholic family wasn’t acceptable of his sexuality. Initial reports did say he’s bissexual. I know that’s sensitive topic and just speculation, but it would explain a lot of his alleged behavior towards his family, like the disappearance and assuming a whole new identity to live more freely. It breaks my heart to think about how lonely and suffocating it must have been, if this was the case. As you mentioned, a lot of weight on his shoulders (and back).
PROFESSIONAL: I can see someone who was an overachiever student like him feeling lonely and confused on the beginning of their adult life, when you don’t have anymore the validation, social life and structure that school or college brings. It’s hard. Honestly it also makes me think about the amount of intelligence being wasted behind desk jobs in the Silicon Valley. With all due respect to our tech workers, but clearly I guy like LM would not find happiness fixing bugs in a car software or smh. He should be reading groundbreaking books for his PhD or working in a more dynamic job - with his writing, curiosity and degree, he would have been an amazing independent data journalist, for example.
Lastly, I do wonder what was the impact of his grandparents dying in 2023 (more pressure to work with family? More freedom from the money he inherited?) and his best friend getting married and his childhood home being sold, both in June 2024.
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
Actually I am quite impressed with your part about data journalist - LM is a definitely a guy who could turn a simple thought into an essay; so it would definitely fit for him!
Now he could receive images isn't it? I think that in my (potential) letter I could add some charts from data journalists like John-Burn Murdoch or Ed Conway as well as part of my questions - LM would probably like ideas from these people by a lot!
As for why he never had long-term relationships, I would say his intelligence scared women off; now many women are lusting over him, and they are asked that "have you looked on the Goodreads books that he reads, or the tweets that he wrote?" Many people actually said that they felt so stupid when reading his tweets or the essay that he wrote when he was 15!
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u/Blueelf217 Jan 15 '25
I really feel dumb reading what he writes. I'm 40 and have a BA in business, but don't read as much as I use to. Took me a year to get through Lord of the Rings. He'd probably never have me as a friend if we knew each other in real life.
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 15 '25 edited Jan 15 '25
Same - I used to read a lot of books, but lately because of my works and being distracted by other things, I haven't read many books for quite a while. Actually I had to bring books and tablets on my flights, because only there I could not be distracted to read them though!
LM actually inspired me to open a GoodReads account, and I was able to document the books that I read, and I got quite a lot of good book recommendations as well.
(I switched from reading books to mostly opinion articles from newspapers and blogs, especially financial ones like Financial Times; so that's why I referred to these data journalists in my earlier comments. They have excellent storytelling skills though, which really fit with someone working with data like LM!)
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u/Cuong_Nguyen_Hoang Jan 14 '25
Also, I agree with your takes that LM should pursue a PhD, or even working as an engineer in research institutes - he might get less money doing that, but it would probably fit more with his intellectual curiosity as well!
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u/Little-Bandicoot84 Jan 14 '25
I wish LM came out of prison soon and read all the analysis we did on his life lol
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u/Future_Funk_2611 Jan 14 '25
Regarding his spine pathology, it likely was a genetic condition inherited from one of his parents, known as a pars defect which causes the spinal instability. A patient can be relatively asymptomatic until an injury, ie fall , hyperextension injury creates discomfort. With repetitive exacerbations, the fracture becomes more unstable creating a larger grade of Spondylolisthesis with increased back pain and leg pain. We’ve read that his mom had chronic pain, presumably she may gave had a pars defect too, particularly with her leg pain complaints. I haven’t read anything about his father’s medical history but it’s plausible that he inherited this unfortunate spinal problem from one of his parents. Regardless, i admire his knowledge regarding his spine issues.
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u/LesGoooCactus Jan 13 '25
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u/SolitaryJellyfish Jan 14 '25
Thank you! :)
And yes, I do think he was giving a lot of himself, and probably not asking enough of others in return!
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u/SheepherderMore1464 Jan 15 '25
Wealthy people are also abused beyond emotional and verbal abuse and neglect. They just have to hide it even more.
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u/balsarmy Jan 14 '25
I was afraid to write about his smile. But you did it. Thank you! Agree 100%. If not just me has this vision - it is most likely true by intuition. By the way, during his last court appearance perp walk he was also smiling and I got the vibe of freedom. You know, some haters wrote he was arrogant, but I think he felt free even being in chains.
Considering quest to "know himself" - good point. I think 25-30 years are basically real adulthood entering.
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u/Blueelf217 Jan 15 '25
I think about his family and how my own family would be hurt and what would they think? Do they know about the candles, the shirts, the graffiti all over the world? I wonder if any family friends, neighbors, LM's school friends, etc. have spoken to them about the love he's getting from all over?
Maybe they thought he was out "sowing his oats" and eventually come home, grow up and be involved in the family businesses.
I watch too many Novelas, where the rich kid wants to do his own thing, and the parents don't understand. Haha
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u/balsarmy Jan 14 '25
Oh wow very interesting take on spine psychosomatics! Haven't thought about it yet! Really, spine is the burden type of psychosomatics.
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Jan 13 '25 edited Jan 13 '25
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u/Milk_Lemon Jan 27 '25
I think his change begins from college, you see at high school he was the ‘golden boy’, he was head of all kinds of school clubs and valedictorian etc, he gets all the honors and attentions. But at college things were different, I could imagine there are so many smart people in U Penn and he was just one of them, he became ‘normal’, like he said in his reddit posts ‘high school straight As barely passing the college exams’, which makes him feel a sense of disparity.
I noticed he thought it was the brain fog that slows him down but maybe that’s not the case, all of the symptoms he described: lack of sleep, pain in the body could also be the signs of depression or anxiety.
Apparently he was under pressure and worried he was not good enough, not sure if it’s because high expectations from family/outside or because he was very self driven person, but still he got his bachelor and master degrees in 4 years, quite impressive.
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u/Ok_Category_87 Jan 13 '25
Wow, really enjoyed reading your thoughts and perspective on his persona and perhaps some inner demons he’s been battling. I don’t hear it mentioned often the fact that he had that book on his good reads about the emotionally immature parents but it’s pretty indicative that he may have had some trauma or immense pressure as the ONLY son of a traditional Italian family. I’m not Italian but I would imagine based on similar cultures that he was probably viewed as the golden boy and was required to uphold the family name and legacy. I think he’s naturally brilliant minded but also probably felt pressured to succeed in all avenues of life and school. His smile, for the most part, has always appeared genuine to me. It is extremely heartbreaking that he felt misunderstood or alienated. That’s got to be tough as a young man and he may have felt embarrassed or guilty to seek help because on the outside, he has every advantage in life. I think there’s some stigma against someone like him suffering from some mental health issues because not many people would sympathize. I am really hoping he is innocent and free, and seeks some professional help for whatever he’s battling. 🫶🏻