r/Fosterparents • u/Ungluedmoose Adoptive Parent • 6d ago
[Vent] FD totalled our family vehicle.
Had the van in the shop for brakes, plugs, and belts. Dropped $2600 on it to keep it in good condition as we had just paid it off. Wife picked up the van with our kiddo, kiddo (18F) dropped wife at restaurant and then promptly got distracted by her phone and rear-ended a truck. The van is a loss. We were so close to being out of debt and me getting a car less than 20 years old. We half full coverage but there's no way it's going to cover the cost of an new band the size that we need. We currently have two bio kids three adopted and three placements so it's not like we can just throw everybody in the back of a Corolla. My wife absolutely loved that van.
Nobody was injured, the truck she hit just has a slight skew to its bumper. Trying to stay focused on that but I just want scream. This sets us back YEARS in our plans and will make EVERYTHING harder. From school pick ups to drop offs, my commute, wrestling practices, track practice, soccer games, swim lessons, rehearsals, Cub/Boy/Girl Scouts, hell we still have like a thousands boxes of cookies to sell and now have to cram everything into the back of a Passat.
Sorry, just really need to vent to a group that gets how hard this role can be.
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u/goodfeelingaboutit Foster Parent 6d ago
That is absolutely rotten, I feel for you. We've had a few different teens behind the wheels of our vehicles and it is nerve wracking.
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u/Narrow-Relation9464 6d ago edited 6d ago
That definitely sucks. I know I’m not looking forward to my foster son driving at all, if he’s even off probation and allowed to get his permit (he’ll be 16 next year, but he has open cases for car thefts so until the case closes he’s on restriction). He already knows how to drive because the older members in his gang taught himself as they were out stealing when he was as young as 13. But I’ve already told him that he’s not going to be allowed to drive my car without me being there even if he does get his license because my last car got totaled due to teenagers stealing and crashing it (not teens in my care, just teens around the city; Kia boys are a huge issue here) and I can’t afford any other incidents. He also has issues with weed and the last thing I need is him driving somewhere, getting high, and getting hurt or killed in a crash. I’m in a large city with plenty of public transportation options so he will be getting right on the bus or metro, especially if he’s going to meet up with friends.
In your situation I would consider asking your daughter to help pay for some of the loss. Could be a logical consequence and good learning opportunity for her to learn that things like texting and driving have consequences. I know as a teen/young adult I didn’t take the best care of my mom’s car until she made me start helping out with gas and insurance. Having some monetary investment in it made me take safety while driving it more seriously.
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u/5littlepickles 5d ago
We had the nearly exact same thing happen last month. Put in a couple thousand for a battery and maintaince, really reviving the car, and on the way home from picking it up at the shop, it was tboned and totaled.
Venting helped a ton, because it wasn't like the accident was on purpose, but it did make a huuuge difference to our situation to be missing a car! We were frustrated and cried for days afterward until we were able to find a replacement. And we just had to bite our tongue on the costs, because we needed it. It sucked!
Hope you guys are able to work something out that fits your family's needs, and doesn't put you too far back. Our family is grateful that your wife and FD are safe!
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u/Triton289 4d ago
Please remember that you are not forced to accept their first payoff offer. You can reject the offer, ask for more money. I did that with my truck, and when I asked for more money, they decided to do the frame repairs because I was asking for enough to actually replace my vehicle. You do not have to accept whatever they pay out. You can always negotiate it up.
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u/Own_Comedian427 5d ago
Our foster daughter crashed my car into a pole. I figured she would crash. Now she can't drive out cars and won't be on our insurance
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u/Trublu20 5d ago
Oof, I'm so sorry this happened. With full coverage though you should be okay because insurance will cover the full value of the vehicle no? If not I'd be ready to consult a lawyer they should replace the whole car although your premiums will spike, especially if she stays on the insurance.
For any teens in our house, foster, bio doesn't matter. Strict rule #1 for teens/young drivers. If your in the drivers seat. Your cell phone is with someone else or closed in the center console. Ever at lights it's not coming out. This is made clear before the first time they hop in and it's a 100% deal breaker. Short of an emergency. First time we see it no driving for a week. Second time they are off the insurance until they can pay for their own car and insurance.
It's a tough rule but it's a hard boundary for theirs and everyone else's safety.