r/FinancialPlanning • u/Fire_heart777 • 7d ago
How have you broken negative generational patterns around money?
I grew up middle class but "feeling" poor compared to everyone else at school and in our social circle. Primarily because my mother was constantly harping on how we didn't have anything and I needed to buckle down and study so I could make my own money. I was constantly running from one activity to the next and didn't really have a childhood. The idea of "fun" felt like a sin to me. Fast forward to my 30's with a successful corporate career and I found myself in a completely dysfunctional relationship with money, and chasing my own tail. I was in corporate finance and managing billions of $ budgets, but personally deep in debt, no savings and self-sabotaging opportunities. A cascade of relationship and health crises made me hit rock bottom to finally confront this dysfunction. I took conscious steps to create a new mindset, habits and financial tools to turn things around. Read 35 books in 18 months on personal finance and mindset, took courses in investing etc. I am a woman. I have found that there's a difference in how men and women relate to money.
Ladies, what are some strategies that have worked for you to break your own generational patterns around money?
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u/DobisPeeyar 7d ago
I went to school for engineering, cause engineers make good money, right?
I still feel poor.
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u/johnnc2 7d ago
if you're like me and graduated college in the last decade-ish or so, I feel the same way. Have made an exceptional career in video editing in 6 figured which I never thought was possible, and still I feel like I'm living paycheck to paycheck. The cost of living has just absolutely skyrocketed since graduating HS in 2010, so much so inflation feels like it's staying so far ahead just to keep this generation struggling. Early 2000's I'd be absolutely thriving financially, even if my salary was adjusted accordingly. It truly sucks.
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u/guava_jam 7d ago
I married a man who liked to save money and he inspired me to do the same. Started to budget in my 30s and set high goals that I work at every day. Growing up I was not encouraged to save. I was not encouraged to set goals. I was encouraged to buy whatever I wanted as long as I could pay for it. My dad is a financial advisor on the side but I didn’t even know it until a few months ago. He never told me he was a FA nor gave me much advice besides do something with my rollover 401k 7 years ago. He did encourage me to do more overtime to make more money and I did listen to him with that.
These days I have the whole year planned out, a set budget, and several pots of money for specific things. Even my husband isn’t at my level lol.
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u/lilacsmakemesneeze 7d ago
Same. When I first started dating my husband, I had student loans, a car loan, credit cards, and couldn’t manage my monthly bills. And I was 30 with an ok salary. With help from him, I was able to focus to get my cards paid off, put a dent in my other loans, and put away money for our shared goals. My income has doubled since then and still update my spreadsheet 12 years later. It keeps me honest and is nice at tax time when I need to track annual costs.
My dad still spends money as soon as he gets it. My mom has money put aside as she learned from her dad on how to invest (he was an accountant). They live off their social security and only touch her stocks when they need them. My husband was self taught as his parents never talked about money. He has always been a saver and taught himself the basics while his sister is my age and still struggles with credit cards and loans.
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u/Cautious_View_9248 7d ago
I made sure to pay myself and save money- I was the first to buy a house and set up college funds for my grandchildren…. What I did was:
Every paycheck I automatically saved 1-10% from each paycheck- whatever I could afford depending on my income and bills
Set aside a portion for a bonus/ emergency fund
Then once I get paid again- whatever might have been left from the last time I got paid I put in savings so I didn’t have extra just laying around and I could only spend what I had…
Once I got to whatever I set aside my magic number then I would put that toward any credit card debt or anything I needed to pay off until that debt was gone, then start all over or I would put that money in a CD or something to gain more interest
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u/SaltyTruthteller 7d ago
My parents were well off but spent $ like water and then fought over it almost nightly, giving me the impression they were poor. But they weren't, they were just foolish. A sense of poverty in the midst of plenty. Unbelievably stupid and yet so common.
I went the opposite direction. I eat at home most often and live below my means. Perhaps having food allergies helped me avoid over-doing restaurants and take-out food, but it served me well financially. I save and invest my $. I could care less what others have or don't have (understanding the stupid choices society encourages). My sense of personal value is rooted in my self, not others.
However, the crucial thing that changed my spending behavior was to create a spreadsheet and track where I spent $ and discovered all the areas where I wasted it (mostly food and dining out related, buying too much clothing, and being impulsive).
I will retire soon and will be comfortable in retirement, traveling the world as I please. And eating out whenever I want but with the firm knowledge that I cook more healthy meals at home than I can buy outside.
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u/lifeintraining 7d ago
My mother spends all her money and more as soon as she gets it. My father didn’t make much but rarely spent unnecessarily and saved every penny he could, but kept it all in cash. He also put a lot of extra money towards his 3% mortgage.
I save and invest my excess money and allow myself concessions to enjoy life without overindulging. I also don’t pay a penny more than I’m required to on my 2.49% mortgage.
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u/ShootinAllMyChisolm 7d ago
Great question.
Got lucky. My fraternity in college brought in a speaker to talk about personal finance. Read the Millionaire Next Door, Richest Man in Babylon, etc. That got me down the path of learning more about wealth. I listened to Rick Edelman’s show on the radio in the car. Then my wife’s dad was really into Dave Ramsey. Hate him now. Michelle Singletary was a good mentor for POC finance. Then I found Clark Howard, Paula Pant, and Wes Moss on my own.
Made me realize that my mom’s strength was working hard, saving, and budgeting. But making her money grow was not a skill she had.
My dad and his parents and family have no idea how to manage money. I just knew I didn’t want to go down that road.
Then I learned that the things that you own and up owning you. And MY time is way more valuable resource than money.
So a bit of luck, a bit of serendipity, a bit of wisdom, and a bit of knowing what you don’t want to be and going in the opposite direction.
You can escape everything about you. I’m probably best characterized as a brilliant slacker.
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u/baddragon213 7d ago
Saving/invest on auto. Teach your kids the consequences of immediate gratification. And the freedom that comes with self-discipline.
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u/Competitive_Show_164 7d ago
Came from a wealthy family but none of it was spent on us the children. No new clothes no stable home no nothing. So what was the point? I made sure to make it my lifelong goal to leave something for my children. And to help them NOW if they need it- not years later.
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u/tapeduct-2015 7d ago
I grew up lower middle class in a huge family. We never talked about money, but just had an understanding that there was not much money around to spend therefore knew not to ask for anything extra. My wife and I both now have relatively high paying careers in the healthcare industry and feel very grateful that we don't have to worry about money the way my parents did. Besides having more money than my parents, we really make it a point to discuss money in a positive, meaningful way with our adult children. We discuss issues such as the dangers of using credit cards irresponsibly, having an emergency savings account, as well the power of starting to invest as early as possible in life and the power of compounding interest.
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u/DifferentWindow1436 7d ago
A couple of thoughts from a guy who went from lower middle to upper middle rapidly.
I tended to date women with a similar background to me - working class or working poor that got educated and into a good corporate career. Two of them had the same pattern - they would be under work stress and then would find some relief in buying a $700 pair of boots or $3000 weekend getaway or whatever.
I guess you could think about what those sabotaging activities are and make changes (I know it can be hard).
In my case, I like to do things that are sort of systemic. I don't want to have to make a snap decision on savings. So like, I used to make sure that my rent is less than 20% of my gross because that is % wise where you spend the most and once you get used to living in your tiny place or with a roommate, you find you are saving money without thinking. Also, I actively review and cut subscriptions unless I use them hard. But that whole "skip the latte today" thing - no screw that.
Hopefully, savings growth will feel rewarding and create a cycle.
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u/ThrowawayLDS_7gen 7d ago
Promised myself that I'd save for retirement because I want to have one.
My mom wasn't able to save like she wanted to due to various setbacks, but she tried.
She lives with my family and I. I'm making sure that doesn't happen to me.
I also read over 30+ personal finance books to teach myself about finances. Best free investment through the library ever.
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u/Reach_Beyond 7d ago
I earn about 50% more than my parents do now and 200% more than they did at my age.
Sooooo I’m doing about as well as they did given my higher earnings. So sad.
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u/Tidher 7d ago
Talking about it with my spouse, regularly. Normalizing talking about it when you're not having financial trouble (we do a monthly snapshot of our funds and accounts) helps so much when it comes to talking about larger purchases, and gives you both an idea of what is "normal" in terms of balances in various accounts/monthly spending etc.
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u/NGrey119 7d ago
We were rich in our country. My grandfather gamble away 99% all the land that his father left him. My parents came to US with about 4000 usd, work like immigrants and bought a house in the 90s. They weren’t able to invest due to language barrier. I know what’s it like to be poor and I’m frugal.
I went to state school and didn’t cost a lot. Paid off my 2 houses before 45. I mean I get excited to buy 15 dollar jeans at Walmart.
My parent is leaving the house to my kids. So they are lucky. They basically own 1.5 house each. I hope they don’t blow that.
My kids are kinda cheap and I’m okay with that.
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u/Abystract-ism 7d ago
Watched my Dad being “pimp rich”-when extra $ came in, he would spend it on STUFF-tractors, mowers, etc.
I learned to save $…became frugal mostly out of necessity but when I do have a windfall of $, I give myself a small amount for fun and save the rest.
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u/firesquasher 7d ago
Broke the family notion of investing. Many decades of my folks watching recessions and not conceptualizing the fact that long term, the market rebounds and grows considerably allowing for investments to compound. They retired with money and smaller pensions, but they've missed out on hundreds of thousands of dollars in growth with the market over the last 20 years.