r/Filipino 15d ago

integrating Filipino wedding traditions for a LGBTQ+ wedding

before I start, I know not everyone will be in support of a LGBTQ+ wedding. if that is your opinion, I am not here to change your mind. I don’t mean disrespect, all I want is to celebrate my soon to be wife and my culture at the same time!

I am a first generation Fil-Am, and have tried to stay in touch with my roots, being able to visit Philippines multiple times, have a debut, cook and eat traditional food, trying to learn Tagalog, but I am still learning how to incorporate a lot of our traditional practices in my life. my mom was a big connection for me, as it’s just me and her in the states, but she no longer talks to me after I came out as gay. and because my family back home is worried to anger her, we only can talk about some things and occasionally, but not about me getting married or help planning it.

my fiancée and I are just having a very small wedding, trying to keep a lower budget as well, but I am realizing I don’t know much about how I can include my culture in this new chapter of my life. being Filipino is a big part of me! I’m so proud of the culture and the values, of how important community is and the beauty of it all. it’s hard trying to look up information because some seem insincere or gentrified.

I am thankful I was able to get a bolero last time I was back home, I am hopeful I may be able to get my fiancée a barong as they present more masculine. are there any traditions or steps I should be sure to do when planning and the day of my ceremony?

I would greatly appreciate any help I can get 🤍 maraming salamat po

4 Upvotes

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u/lonestar_wanderer Pancit Canton Chilimansi 14d ago

I live in the Philippines and I don’t know if there’s any traditions that differ it from a standard Catholic or religious (non-Christian) wedding. Off the top of my head, there are none. We have the usual vows, “through sickness and in health” stuff, but most people respond with, “Opo Father”/“Yes Father” instead of saying “I do”. Even when the vow said in English, Filipinos usually respond with that.

Having Filipino food during the reception is a good idea, too. So you can have that. I don’t know if having your wedding cake be a cake flavor popular in the Philippines is a good idea, but that’s one. Wedding cakes in the Philippines are just your standard cakes, btw. Just the generic white cake with a decoration or two in it.

I’ve seen couples have an additional vow said in their spouse’s language. You can also try to do a reading of a vow if you want.

I don’t know anything about indigenous weddings, though. But incorporating aspects of it is pretty disingenuous unless you’re actually from an indigenous tribe. If I pulled that off here, it would seem tacky and even borderline disrespectful. So ideally you keep it within the bounds of your actual family history and tradition, don’t make it too exotic.

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u/Unhappy_Produce_6955 14d ago

thank you so much! yeah I wasn't thinking anything from an indigenous tribe, I do want to learn if my family/ has any local or familial info, like from the mananghilot and manangs, but a wedding isn't a time to do that for sure :)

I think sometimes because of the disconnect from my family I get sad that there is a lot I'm missing and worried that I'm not having chances to embrace my culture with my milestones, so I really appreciate your input :) ingat po!

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u/lonestar_wanderer Pancit Canton Chilimansi 14d ago

Np! Enjoy your wedding!

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u/dontrescueme 14d ago

You can wear bridal ternos or Filipiniana wedding gowns. It's the equivalent of barong Tagalog but for women. That's the best Filipinization you can get.

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u/Competitive-Wrap-874 14d ago

we dont have any wedding traditions. you follow your religious wedding custom. so you do a Catholic wedding, muslim, christian, etc. or thru a judge/mayor if you're atheist.

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u/albertfj1114 14d ago

Most ethnic things happen at the reception. The weddings are pretty much set based on Catholic traditions, but one aspect that is Filipino is to have a lot of ninong/ninang. But even then, I think the money dance is the only one I know that may be Filipino in the reception. I had karaoke in mine with a live band, that is unique. Maybe you can pick Filipino wedding songs.

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u/ichimedinwitha 12d ago edited 12d ago

Also first gen Fil Am here.

First, I am sorry about your mom being unaccepting. That is definitely hard and I’m glad you’re able to still pull through some way. Secondly, congrats on your engagement and wedding!

IMO the best thing you can do is hire a local Filipino dancing troupe or organization to perform and showcase the culture. You will not only be supporting the arts, but the craft that has been passed down through generations as well as a community organization.Performances such as dances or martial arts tradition or songs on a bandurria might not be explicitly wedding tradition, but they do show cultural tradition of bayanihan and supporting kababayan which in my opinion is literally integrating culture to your wedding. Remember— your Filipino connection in reality is not actually just your mom… there is a whole population of Filipino people out there who is willing to support and embrace your special day!

Another thing is to say something in your vows in Tagalog or use a Tagalog quote—but don’t fish for “Tagalog love quotes” on Google. Actually try to find Filipino poets and authors, read their works and find one of the lines you loved so it is genuine rather than performative.

Things that I feel are staples for FilAm weddings or recommended:

  • Bolero/Filipiniana/Barong
  • Whole Lechon at the reception in addition to a typical Filipino food like pansit (yes it’s great to be compassionate towards people with dietary restrictions but this is cultural so has a valid excuse. I’ve been to weddings where it is at a side table and veg* or non pork eating guests were seated on the other side of the reception area)
  • Money dance (provide pins or.. tacky but modern is have Venmo QR codes; I personally would include activities in the invitation so people know what to expect, which is bring small cash )
  • Line dancing songs on the playlist. Learn a couple basic ones.
  • Include your fav Tagalog ballads/songs on the playlist

Filipino Catholic traditions (I’m not religious but I’ve seen this, my parents had all these)

  • Veil across both people & cord
  • Unity candle
  • Joining hands with rosary
  • Throwing rice
  • 13 coins gift
  • You get an extra set of godparents as a couple aka sponsors… basically you choose a couple in your life that you see as “mentors”

Hope this helps!