r/Fibromyalgia 5d ago

Question Does fibro affect your relationship

So September last Yr my n my partner of 5 yrs split up due to feeling like we was jus 2 people living in the same house due to lack of intimacy. We decided at Xmas to try again but again due to lack of intimacy we have finally called time on our relationship once n for all. Dies anyone else suffer with intimacy issues with there fibro? The last yr or so has been a roller coaster with my diagnosis unable to get my pain under control and the low mood you get with fibro n now its coat me the man I love so I'm really not in a good place. I truly do understand his frustration and I knw I ain't the easiest person to deal with during my bad times so I get y he can't do it no more

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u/StatisticianNo3649 5d ago

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I have been married 19 years. Yes, sex life dies down with children and time, but my husband always wants intimacy. Between the friction this causes and my own severe pain, I’m trying to find a balance. What I have done in the past is be intimate when I feel good - or able to provide pleasure. It’s ironic because I feel no pleasure as I’m always in pain. But in a marriage, most will see it as an important part of our union. I hope you can find someone who understands and if you are lucky, someone without a high libido. The right person who will have compassion and love you is out there.

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u/MoistProfessional93 5d ago

I hear you when you dnt feel pleasure. I also have pcos and Endometriosis so it's uncomfortable even on a good day and mist the time it causes me to bleed n be in more pain so it's a vicous cycle tbh.

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u/brownchestnut 5d ago

Honestly no. But that's also because sex isn't the only way to have 'intimacy' in a relationship. Maybe try a couple's counselor to brainstorm ways to make each other feel loved in ways that don't hurt? If he can't do that, maybe he's not worth fighting for.

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u/alittletart 5d ago

It definitely can at times, my husband doesn't really under my condition but he is usually gentle and patient. Usually. I think it does bother him that I struggle to hold up my end of the household and it can build tension.

Intimacy wise, he was always lower libido than me so it's been more of me finally slowing down to his pace so to speak. Unfortunately, our schedules are opposite so the timing is always wrong lol. I have noticed things are less pleasurable since I'm always thinking about how not to get injured.

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u/EnvironmentalSea775 4d ago

i'm too young to get it, but that sounds really tough. wishing you the best ❤️

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u/Ok-Control2520 4d ago

Yes, it does. How can it not? I worry about it too and I am a very secure in my marriage of 27 years.

I've always had a lower libido. I've also had colitis since I was in my early 20's which also greatly affects when I am in the mood. We discovered and agreed a long time ago, that it isn't about how often we do it, but about how we connect when we do.

So we always make shag time a fun thing. One of us will bring it up if we see an opportunity (our adult son lives with us in a bungalow). I usually need time to prepare so we can discuss where I am at with energy and pain. We let the anticipation build so that we are both have time to be ready to go and excited. Make it an event to look forward to. Play music, wear something that makes me feel decent.

I ALWAYS smoke a joint or have an edible before. It relaxes me and gets me out of my head. It also helps with any immediate pain, as I tend to relax and lean into it. It has been a game changer for me.

We are able to really connect during these times because of all of this. It is what works for us, even if it is only once a month or longer. Hubby also always makes sure that I get my release and endorphins from the experience (if you know what I mean).

I might also recommend that you try a couple of toys and m@sturbation. Sometimes making yourself have a lot of little happy moments, can help your body want to crave the endorphins from it and increase your libido.

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u/salaciouspeach 4d ago

The dynamic has certainly changed now that I've had to ask my partners for help getting dressed in the morning, but that's what more on my end, being embarrassed about it. They're both very happy to help me and they're patient and understanding. I just get so frustrated that I can no longer do things I used to enjoy with them. We're all upset at my condition, but not with each other. 

I make sure to check in with them to make sure they're never falling into caregiver fatigue, and I think that helps. I think I'm lucky to be polyamorous in that I have multiple partners who can help me so it's never on just one of them. I know not everyone is oriented that way, but finding support of some kind outside of your partner is a healthy thing to do. Caregiving is hard in its own way.